Going on holiday alone

[RestUnknown]

I have a lot of holidays coming up. Unfortunately, my friends are not able to plan their vacation at work at the same time as me.

I have a lot of stuff I want to see in this world, but I also have very low self-esteem, low confidence, no social skills,...

These things I want to see, I would feel a lot more comfortable with friends, but since it won't be possible and since I have no girlfriend, I have to do them alone.

I am afraid of what will happen to me. I think I would lock myself up in my hotel room just waiting for the holiday to be over, because I would hate it going to a restaurant alone to have some food. Or sitting on a terrace enjoying a good drink alone.

Thoughts on this?

 

[greatsnake]

LOL no thoughts on it-- it's your decision.

** seems more like a troll post**

 

[Serenity]

I think it would be an awesome thing to do to get out of your comfort zone. Doing something like this is THE way to gain confidence in yourself.

I doubt you'd be sitting in your hotel room if you got that far, what the fvck is there to do in a hotel room? I would be impressed if you could stay in that hotel room for the entire trip, I would be bored as fvck. I'm sure your curiosity would overcome your anxiety.

Don't worry about going to the restaurant alone, no matter how you think it looks it doesn't matter anyways. You don't know anyone there and probably won't see any of them again, meaning anxiety about people is even more irrational than it already was.

@greatsnake Your post does indeed seem like a troll post.

 

[phil2015]

Can I ask where you're going?

 

[The Duke]

push your self past this self-limiting fear. Do you want to be a better person and accomplish even greater things later in life? If so then these are baby steps you need to take now.

Confidence and self esteem only comes by you putting yourself out there, nobody else can make that happen for you.

When I first got divorced it was the first time in my life I found my self eating alone at a restaurant. It took a lot to get me there, but I pushed myself. When I got to the restaurant I must have looked like a sad puppy because my waitress sat down with me and asked me what was wrong. But that was the beginning of getting over that issue.

These days I prefer to eat with somebody else, but if I can't I sit at the bar and make friends with strangers.

Its all about self improvement.

 

[RestUnknown]

Definitely not a troll post, I just have very low self-esteem and think a lot about how others perceive me. That's why I truly think I would be spending my days in a hotel room.

I once went on a trip alone, but it was for an event with other people I have never met. I spent time alone at the pool, but it was okay because the others there were also alone. So I always need something to 'hold' on.

And to answer where I'm going, I've not decided yet. Like I said, there is a lot I want to see, from one side of the globe to the other.

 

[Serenity]

Definitely not a troll post, I just have very low self-esteem and think a lot about how others perceive me. That's why I truly think I would be spending my days in a hotel room.

As I have already covered, you can't really argue this. If you travel you'll go to a place where nobody knows you. It's people that you'll only see while you're there, you can make a complete fool of yourself and you don't ever have to see them again. Do you not recognize the freedom in that?

Another thing is how insane it is to think everyone's looking at you. Most people, especially in crowded places won't even notice you in particular. Even if they do they probably won't think anything at all about you. These days people have to fight for attention, because so few of us gives a sh!t.

You think other people think about you more than they in reality do, most people lean more in your direction worrying about themselves and what others think of them. Reflect on that for a moment.

 

[MrAddiction]

think a lot about how others perceive me

...and that is the point. Start from there. You Must get yourself a do not give a fcuk attitude about what others think. This applies to game but much more for everythings confidence related.
It is all just in your Head. You can and will never know what others in reality are thinking about you. And it does not matter at all. Most people are so selfcentered, they don't Even realize the World around them.
I would advice you to Do a search on this Forum on inner game, self limiting believes and to Road the Book of pook.

 

[Milano]

I have a lot of holidays coming up. Unfortunately, my friends are not able to plan their vacation at work at the same time as me.

I have a lot of stuff I want to see in this world, but I also have very low self-esteem, low confidence, no social skills,...

These things I want to see, I would feel a lot more comfortable with friends, but since it won't be possible and since I have no girlfriend, I have to do them alone.

I am afraid of what will happen to me. I think I would lock myself up in my hotel room just waiting for the holiday to be over, because I would hate it going to a restaurant alone to have some food. Or sitting on a terrace enjoying a good drink alone.

Thoughts on this?

I have a few thoughts on this. With very low self esteem you should go to a place that has decent strip clubs, go to the strip clubs every night, specially if you plan on clubbing later. If you havent been to one before what happens in your brain is something you might not have experienced much in your life, you get attention from sexy girls. Something happens with your confidence.

Now, depending on the strip club I would challenge you to sleep with a couple of them, some might go with you to your hotel if they like you and do that kinda stuff. Basically you rent them for a few hours, you might need to talk to the manager, I did this a few times, was fun.

The point here is to make your brain happier before you go out trying to talk to women. A trip like this can catapult you so much you wont believe it. I did this on a greek party-island, went out alone all week, dancing all night even though I hate it. My only goal was to get it done, it was not very pleasurable, it was very painful. But when you go home after the clubs close and you did your best all alone you can proud yourself on being a fcking man, a crazy mofo, no one would have done that in your position of extreme scarcity. Take back your manhood, it must be painful, then you grow. I hope you do this, only failure is not trying.

 

[NSX-R]

Last year i went into a vacation alone and it was something i never did before. Best thing ever. I went another 5 times in a year and i wouldn't mind doing it again .

First of all , you do whatever you want without asking anybody . I mean if you were with friends , you would had to ask them if you wanted to do something.

Second , you can meet a lot of new people and join many groups easier . It's harder to join other groups of people if you are 3-4 people together and there is a higher possibility to not fit in when not alone .

Third , calmness. You spend a lot of time alone and you can enjoy many small things in life. For example , you are in a beach and you're sitting on the sand. If you were with other people , they would interrupt your focus and won't let you enjoy the sound of the waves , the colours of the sky, the smell of the seawater and the touch of the sand. I'm not going to mention the crazy amounts of relaxation.

Fourth and last , when you put yourself out of your confort zone then you improve in many many areas . Remember , out of your confort zone= where all magic happens .

 

[ubercat]

And if you do want a bit of company meetup.com is worldwide plenty of traveller forums and there's always group tours

Do you think about your personal security however best not to let anyone know where you're staying or that you're carrying money and if you talk about where you were going so I might go here I might go there

 

[Reykhel]

I have a lot of holidays coming up. Unfortunately, my friends are not able to plan their vacation at work at the same time as me.

I have a lot of stuff I want to see in this world, but I also have very low self-esteem, low confidence, no social skills,...

These things I want to see, I would feel a lot more comfortable with friends, but since it won't be possible and since I have no girlfriend, I have to do them alone.

I am afraid of what will happen to me. I think I would lock myself up in my hotel room just waiting for the holiday to be over, because I would hate it going to a restaurant alone to have some food. Or sitting on a terrace enjoying a good drink alone.

Thoughts on this?

This is a wonderful opportunity for you and that's exactly the manner in which you need to frame this situation.

You are future projecting and you're visioning a negative outcome, which is not in itself a bad thing as you're being realistic. However, here's the vital part: how you vision reacting to the negative outcome is key and in this case you're visioning your reaction as you holding yourself up in your hotel room......this will become a self fulfilling prophecy and you'll come back home with a "I told you so" mindset thus reaffirming all of the negative beliefs you have about yourself.....

What you've got to do it:
1. Vision all of the fears that you'll have to confront i.e. being uncomfortable being on your own, being uncomfortable because your projecting your own insecurities onto other people thus believing they are perceiving you in the same manner that you're perceiving yourself......

2. Now vision how you can overcome these "difficulties". Example vision yourself chatting with people easily, smiling. Vision yourself speaking to yourself positively when the "negative inner critic" starts speaking to you saying "these people think you are xyz"......you can say "I think they are more concerned about their own lives" (everybody has their own insecurities and hangups)..

This is fvcking key for your mindset. You need to be very realistic and vision yourself moving beyond these fears, then when the moment arrives that you feel these insecurities you act on your already rehearsed positive reaction (taking right action)

Right Action: Right action is performing whatever action that needs to be performed in order to bring you closer to your goals and push through obstacles and fears DESPITE what your emotions may be screaming at you in that moment.

Your emotions may tell you to stay in your hotel room just like the emotions tell people to stay on the comfortable couch instead of going to the gym or instead of going out and being social........you've got to recognize when it's your emotions talking...(MINDFULNESS/PRESENT MOMENT AWARENESS).....and move beyond your emotions......and perform RIGHT ACTION..........

The more you repeat this process the more you'll begin to overcome your emotions and your fears and push through to self confidence.....

 

[MrAddiction]

This is a wonderful opportunity for you and that's exactly the manner in which you need to frame this situation.

You are future projecting and you're visioning a negative outcome, which is not in itself a bad thing as you're being realistic. However, here's the vital part: how you vision reacting to the negative outcome is key and in this case you're visioning your reaction as you holding yourself up in your hotel room......this will become a self fulfilling prophecy and you'll come back home with a "I told you so" mindset thus reaffirming all of the negative beliefs you have about yourself.....

What you've got to do it:
1. Vision all of the fears that you'll have to confront i.e. being uncomfortable being on your own, being uncomfortable because your projecting your own insecurities onto other people thus believing they are perceiving you in the same manner that you're perceiving yourself......

2. Now vision how you can overcome these "difficulties". Example vision yourself chatting with people easily, smiling. Vision yourself speaking to yourself positively when the "negative inner critic" starts speaking to you saying "these people think you are xyz"......you can say "I think they are more concerned about their own lives" (everybody has their own insecurities and hangups)..

This is fvcking key for your mindset. You need to be very realistic and vision yourself moving beyond these fears, then when the moment arrives that you feel these insecurities you act on your already rehearsed positive reaction (taking right action)

Right Action: Right action is performing whatever action that needs to be performed in order to bring you closer to your goals and push through obstacles and fears DESPITE what your emotions may be screaming at you in that moment.

Your emotions may tell you to stay in your hotel room just like the emotions tell people to stay on the comfortable couch instead of going to the gym or instead of going out and being social........you've got to recognize when it's your emotions talking...(MINDFULNESS/PRESENT MOMENT AWARENESS).....and move beyond your emotions......and perform RIGHT ACTION..........

The more you repeat this process the more you'll begin to overcome your emotions and your fears and push through to self confidence.....

Hey, Great Post. You should post this at it's own thread under the topic of overcoming approaching anxiety. Think that might help a lot of the newbies