Going from AFC->DJ; Like Puberty All Over Again

[Genghis Juan]

Hey DJ's,

I read the Bible, particularly the post by one of the guys who said that the journey from AFC to DJ is a lonely one, as you leave behind AFC and Coward Jerk friends.

I know and understand that in order to be a DJ, you have to work on your internal persona first.

Well, back in college, I always considered myself a definetly good looking guy as I attracted 8 and 9's without a problem. I never put much thought into it though. Girls were all over the place; whatever. In looks, my bigges asset was my eyes and face as was indicated by the girls I dated and various girls I ran into.

Then after college, got into an LTR, lost my most of my hair pretty quick (genetic). I ended the LTR because she wasn't what I wanted. The swagger I had in college was long gone. For the past year I've been in the dating jungle and getting wooped. So I came to terms with the hairloss and pretty much nearly shaved my head. I am now dressing to kill, and putting together a gym routine to get nice and cut, especially the abs.

But I only discovered this site about 5 or 6 months ago and been practicing in the mean time.

But things internally have been so volatile. Some days I swagger, and somedays I wonder if girls really find me attractive at all. Its wacked, its like I am 14yo all over again. I feel like the AFC part of me and the old chump me is dying, while another part of me is trying to emerge (the old college me trying to be resurrected). Its like, internally I am in a whirlwind. I now avoid my AFC friends, which is all my friends. I tried to turn them to this site, etc. and they think this is nuts.

Over the past year, I dated and lost an unbelievable HB9 of my dreams. I met her through someone, she is the type I would have never approached on my own. I swear to you people, she looked like the prototypical Blonde Bombshell. I blew it though, unfortunately I didn't discover this site until it was too late. Im not going to go into the ugly details of my mistakes, just trust me when I say AFC.

But the thing that is screwing with me, is that alot of people I know, non-DJ's tell me: Oh, she was out of your league, All Hot Girls will treat you like sh*t. Looks aren't everything. It really pisses me off!! I know I can land the girl of my dreams, but there are days when I question this....In college I could land an HB9 Blonde Bombshell....eventhough I lost my hair, I have the same face, and a better body, and I have a good career with more prospects (getting an MBA). I have more money, more class than in college.

I'm sorry for rambling on...but I know I am above average in looks, eventhough I lost my hair, I wear it well. I've always received complements on it. But the HB9 I lost....I didn't give many details but we went out on four dates, she even paid for a dinner. A girl wouldn't waste her time on a guy she has no interest in at all right??

There was even a time, when I was getting down, as I tried to end my LTR, lost my hair, didn't have it shaved, when the best looking girl in the place (HB8) just dumped her BF. He was this built cut good looking guy. I met him a few times. Anyways, I talked to this girl a few times without much thought. Then, when I left the company, she sent me an email "to keep in touch kid!". I never responded, becuase I was messed up in a ****ty LTR, and not DJ. Maybe Im just giving myself enough credit anymore...

I am still working on the internal....but I really hope I will meet another Blonde HB9....I am so mad at myself for losing that...I am trying not to lose my goal...

Have any of you DJ's go through this crap? Reading the Bible was like reading how to throw a curve ball, but actually putting it in practice is tough...sometimes it curves...sometimes its flat.

I rambled but, work is slow

 

[WestCoaster]

Establishing DJism is a long process

I'm a bit older than you and spent most of my life as a hopeless AFC. Sadly, I didn't even know it. Society, media, TV, etc., taught me this. This site saved me.

Sounds like you're doing well. Great post by the way. You have tapped into your inner DJ. You totally know what you're doing, give yourself some credit.

Women come and women go, but you're working on your looks, fitness, career (nice job on the MBA by the way) and so forth. There's not a woman on the planet that is worth sacrificing those qualities and that's the essence of DJism.

Don't let friends tell you who or who is not in your league. Sounds like you're in a good league. I dated an incredible hottie this year off and on and my inner AFC was telling me she's out of my league. Then I thought, no freakin' way. She doesn't treat me as someone in a lower league, she treats me with respect, because I'm a DJ. I almost AFCed on her, but didn't. That would've killed everything.

Becoming a DJ is a long process. I'm still trying to refine my DJism.

Sounds like you're doing great, keep up the good work. Listen to thyself, not your inner AFC and certainly not anyone who can bring you down.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Yeah man. I only discovered this stuff a few months ago, and I have good days (swagger) and bad days. I have days when I get female attention, and others when I get almost none. It really plays on the old confidence.

Losing the AFC friends, well, I'm never going to lose my close friends, that'd be insane. But I have noticed guys that were just acquaintances that I saw out on the scene now hate my guts for all my successes.

 

[Trogdawg]

Congrats on your decision to grow out of your shell and become a true man. I skimmed over your post and here is just a few things you are going to have to do. Reread your post and write down exactly what you put yourself down about.

for example:
1)hair
2)confidence
3)"friends" saying a woman was out of your league.

The DJ mindset is this. YOU are the catch, NO ONE is out of your league. YOU OWN THE FREAKING LEAGUE!!!

It's not your hair, it's how you look when you are thinking about your hair. You are better than 99% of the guys out there because of the sole fact that you are trying to change. You are growing and trying to better yourself in every way. No mere woman is out of your league. That swagger is the result of experience and confidence. So go out there and experience life, gain your confidence back, and nothing will stop you.

And tell your "friends" to fvck off. They are jealous that you pulled that piece of ass and they wouldn't even have the balls to talk to a girl as good looking as yours was.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Trogdog - great post, thanks. The problem I was having was AFC guys I'd go out and meet for beers etc. all went weird on me. That really hits your self confidence, because you no longer feel comfortable. I need to learn how to maintain my swagger. I actually had to change up my stomping grounds.

I never would have believed other guys would be like that, but AFC guys are just like women. They'll do whatever they can to erode your confidence. They'll take the piss out of you, spread rumours, treat you like an outright piece of crap, and even resort to threatening you. Believe it, any AFC friends need to be but loose, or it'll hinder your path.

This group of guys basically did me a favour - they ran me out of the group through manipulation and threats. I just said to hell with it and I'm never going back to the clubs/bars they go to. They weren't close friends anyway. It hurts a little, but that's life.

These people were into drugs and so forth. I'm in good shape, look good and dress well. I get good attention from the ladies, and all that was driving them nuts. I was always cordial and got along with everyone. Then one of the other Alphas decided he didn't like me anymore, and sowed the seeds of discord. Hell, he even turned one of my good friends against me. Alas, I don't want to hang around with drug users - that's AFC behaviour in my mind, plus, I've never liked drugs anyway.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Its honestly a natural progression. You must have been unconciously doing a lot of things right back in the day to attract so many HB's. Your right looks are a big deal, no matter what an person on this site says, looks are what draws in the girl. But after that its all your game and ability to keep things exciting and interesting. No matter how good looking a guy is, once he turns AFC on a girl, she'll lose interest so quick you won't know what hit you.


I think you need to just slowly progess rather than trying to hold on to the old you. Coach yourself into thinking positively and confidentlly everyday. Start approaching girls you find attractive and work on the little things. Good EC, strong posture, good voice tone etc. All these will make a big difference in your road back to the top. Its a rough journey but once you learn how to be the guy girls want, you'll never have many problems knowing what to do. You still might fall into acting like an AFC but you'll know how to fix the situation rather than guessing.



Good luck.



PIMP

 

[Genghis Juan]

Like The Matrix

Thanks for the encourage ment guys.

I really do know that now I am on the right path, and I know there will be pitfalls, but as long as I learn from them, I will continue to improve.

In college, I was perhaps doing things unaware. There were alot of girls around, and I was just screwing around and had a carefree attitude. These days, I have to go out on the hunt to find the girls, so that, coupled with the loss of my swagger, made me AFC and in a complete fog as to what the hell was going on.

Finding this site has been like Neo unplugging himself from the Matrix. Now, I see the world as it really is. I no longer accept the most common phrase that guys say as truth anymore, "Women are crazy!". That phrase tells more about the guy and how clueless they really are.

My mantra has always been, I would rather be alone than settle for a girl below my standards. Thank God I am a man and not a woman because I will age more gracefully, will still be able to land HB's in their early 20's when I'm well into my 30's, and don't have a biological clock to fight if I want kids. How many women in their 40's and late 30's do you see with studmuffins in their 20's in an LTR? ......Yeah right!