Giving compliments
- Thread starter slaog
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MotownMack
Senior Don Juan
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Depends on the woman.
In general, the odd compliment is fine. I usually stay away from comments about her looks, especially the more better looking the girl. If she's used to getting guys going on about her appearance, she'll wonder why you aren't, which can have the same effect as a neg. Also, it will make appear different than other guys.
Compliment her personality, her intelligence, or something sincere along those lines. Just don't do it often, especially initially.
A compliment only comes off as bad when it puts her on a pedestal or makes her feel like she's better than you (doing it too often is usually the problem here). Beyond that, they can be worked into your game to enhance it.
In general, the odd compliment is fine. I usually stay away from comments about her looks, especially the more better looking the girl. If she's used to getting guys going on about her appearance, she'll wonder why you aren't, which can have the same effect as a neg. Also, it will make appear different than other guys.
Compliment her personality, her intelligence, or something sincere along those lines. Just don't do it often, especially initially.
A compliment only comes off as bad when it puts her on a pedestal or makes her feel like she's better than you (doing it too often is usually the problem here). Beyond that, they can be worked into your game to enhance it.
guru1000
Master Don Juan
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Never compliment out of supplication.
If she had EARNED a compliment by consistently exhibiting good behavior, then by all means compliment her.
Compliments should be used as a reward/punishment mechanism to covertly direct her behavior.
If she had EARNED a compliment by consistently exhibiting good behavior, then by all means compliment her.
Compliments should be used as a reward/punishment mechanism to covertly direct her behavior.
Rollo Tomassi
Master Don Juan
How often have you received a compliment from any woman? That's your answer. Women simply don't waste any mental effort on wondering whether or not to compliment a man because they don't want to tip their hand, and gender socialization teaches them they are to expect them from men.
I think compliments are appropriate under 2 conditions. First, if it's a backhanded compliment or a Neg Hit that keeps you in control of the frame and her qualifying to you. Second, as a treat or a reward/reinforcer for desired behavior that is done covertly. The moment you overtly convey that your compliment is in return for a behavior it's useless.
Now, I'm sure I'll be called a manipulative bastard for this, or I'm over analyzing it, but even when you genuinely give a compliment because you were moved to do so indiscriminately, the compliment always implies a favor. When you compliment you are overtly implying praise, even when you innocently do so. Better to proceed from a position of knowing how to deliver a compliment than to wantonly do so and be perceived as desperate or a suck up.
I think compliments are appropriate under 2 conditions. First, if it's a backhanded compliment or a Neg Hit that keeps you in control of the frame and her qualifying to you. Second, as a treat or a reward/reinforcer for desired behavior that is done covertly. The moment you overtly convey that your compliment is in return for a behavior it's useless.
Now, I'm sure I'll be called a manipulative bastard for this, or I'm over analyzing it, but even when you genuinely give a compliment because you were moved to do so indiscriminately, the compliment always implies a favor. When you compliment you are overtly implying praise, even when you innocently do so. Better to proceed from a position of knowing how to deliver a compliment than to wantonly do so and be perceived as desperate or a suck up.
If you want to talk, talk to your friends. If you want a girl to like you, listen to her, ask questions, and act like you are on the edge of your seat.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
If you balance honest and heartfelt compliments with some brutal honesty when that is appropriate as well, it adds credibility to both. If all you do is give sweet compliments without ever calling her on obvious bvllsh!t, then to me that implies that you must be full of sh!t. If you are going to be honest about her good points and give compliments, be honest about her flaws, too. And I don't mean outright meanness, either. When a girl has a very glaring and obvious flaw - like she could lose 20 pounds or is too tall, don't make fat jokes or call the tall chick an amazon. When a girl has a glaring flaw - always act like you never noticed. That will make her love you.
When I say to call her on her bs when appropriate, I mean about small and trivial things. For example, a girl I knew from school once said to myself and a few people that she'd like to be a judge because she thought she would make a good one. She is halfway hot, and all of the other guys were nodding like bobble heads. I had also given this girl some very nice, very honest compliments in the past when she had done well at school; she was extremely bright. But when she said that about being a judge, I laughed at her in front of the group of people and replied, "Of course you would. Everyone thinks they'd make a good judge," and kept laughing mostly because I thought it was funny. I could tell that struck her, and she liked me a lot after that; she was frequently initiating contact and very friendly. I also remember overhearing her tell a friend about her dates, as she was single. More than once, when asked about her weekend, she would reply, "Well, he was really nice..." and the other girl would knowingly say "oh" in response, and no more would need to be said. She meant that he was boring and unattractive, probably because the guy did not know how to balance compliments with the occasional good-humored brutal honesty.
When I say to call her on her bs when appropriate, I mean about small and trivial things. For example, a girl I knew from school once said to myself and a few people that she'd like to be a judge because she thought she would make a good one. She is halfway hot, and all of the other guys were nodding like bobble heads. I had also given this girl some very nice, very honest compliments in the past when she had done well at school; she was extremely bright. But when she said that about being a judge, I laughed at her in front of the group of people and replied, "Of course you would. Everyone thinks they'd make a good judge," and kept laughing mostly because I thought it was funny. I could tell that struck her, and she liked me a lot after that; she was frequently initiating contact and very friendly. I also remember overhearing her tell a friend about her dates, as she was single. More than once, when asked about her weekend, she would reply, "Well, he was really nice..." and the other girl would knowingly say "oh" in response, and no more would need to be said. She meant that he was boring and unattractive, probably because the guy did not know how to balance compliments with the occasional good-humored brutal honesty.
DavenJuan
Master Don Juan
STR8UP said:
lol nice..
its funny this thread was started today. i went to the bank today, and a girl in line says to me " i want to have your baby!"
now that i think about it. thats not so much a compliment than it is frightening.
I got a similar "complment" tonight. Was pass a group of teenagers (about 3 girls and 5 boys (probably AFCs) ) and a little blondy loudmouth shouted "hey" at me as myself and my cousin approached. I looked at her smiled and said "helloooo" and she shouted out "sexy" to me. She was with her boyfriend and it was like she was the boss.DavenJuan said:lol nice..
its funny this thread was started today. i went to the bank today, and a girl in line says to me " i want to have your baby!"
now that i think about it. thats not so much a compliment than it is frightening.
My AFC cousin was there too and he frooze. It's amazing how a little girl can intimidate a 6ft 2 young man.
Peace and Quiet
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jophil28
Master Don Juan
Frequently as a matter of fact . And if their giving me a compliment carries with it some expectation on their part, then I am fine with that. It is then my choice to play or not. Giving compliments is not some dark art which carries an undeclared burden.Rollo Tomassi said:
A genuine and spontaneous compliment is a warm and rich mutual experience.
Even if the giver is hoping to entice the recipient towards closeness and a possible connection then so be it . I see no real problem with any of this unless the giver has no other tactics or skills and use contrived compliments as his only MO.
I get compliments frequently (on my dancing, style, energy or sense of humour). However, very few are special enough to impress me. Vice versa, I think women have the same problem. They get lots of compliments from guys but most are not that well thought out, despite the good (up to debate of courseRollo Tomassi said:
) intentions.A natural once taught me to be very specific and thoughtful with real compliments. Be detailed to the point that it's the compliment specially crafted for that girl only, that it makes her feel special and appreciate that you can see her uniqueness. That takes good observation and a lot of honesty, but it'd make a compliment worth remembering.
When I do generic compliments, it's always delivered with sarcasm (essentially C+F or neg hit). Very rarely I'd do the specific ones, and it's only when the girl truly deserves that.
Francisco d'Anconia
Master Don Juan
Completely spot on!Jitterbug said:I get compliments frequently (on my dancing, style, energy or sense of humour). However, very few are special enough to impress me. Vice versa, I think women have the same problem. They get lots of compliments from guys but most are not that well thought out, despite the good (up to debate of course
They way that I see it, if it's easily said by anyone else I don't say it. This doesn't mean that I don't give them a complement. If it's easily said by anyone it's not a complement, it's just an observation.
There is nothing wrong with complimenting a woman especially in the initial stages of the pickup.
Compliments that will fly
1. Nice purse. Is that a coach?
2. I love your hair.
3. Complimenting them on there clothes is fine or any accessories is fine.
4. I like your voice.
Don't tell them they are beautiful or should be a model or anything of that nature.
In relationships complimenting girls too much is a mistake. I would use compliments sparingly. I would use compliments frequently while having sex with her. This shows her that your attracted to her, but it doesn't make you look like an asss kisser.
Compliments that will fly
1. Nice purse. Is that a coach?
2. I love your hair.
3. Complimenting them on there clothes is fine or any accessories is fine.
4. I like your voice.
Don't tell them they are beautiful or should be a model or anything of that nature.
In relationships complimenting girls too much is a mistake. I would use compliments sparingly. I would use compliments frequently while having sex with her. This shows her that your attracted to her, but it doesn't make you look like an asss kisser.
I'm with Rollo on this one. Women rarely compliment and often times they withold compliments when they really are interested. I think holding off on complimenting a girl is one of the most powerful tools in the arsenal. I honestly can't remember complimenting any of the girls I closed but I remember complimenting many that I didn't close.
I can see your point there but is it not best to compliment her to let her know she had to impress you.ketostix said:
Supposing you want to show her that you are higher value and treat her like a little girl. Would not complimenting be a way of doing that. For instance saying "I'm impressed" to her etc when she says something good about herself (a talent etc). I'm not saying go overboard but just give off little similar compliments now and then to get the message across that she is impressing you.
