Girls who say they've given up on LTRs for a while

[Antedeus]

All right, droogs, here's the deal...there's a girl I'm pursuing who lives in my dorm, a couple floors beneath me (yeah, I'm a senior living in a dorm; yes, it's sad, but it's L.A. Housing ain't exactly cheap), who I like to talk literature and music every now and then with. I don't usually hang with her, but I see her around every now and then, and we always have nice convos. I met her at the beginning of last semester, and I think she dug me, but she was in an LTR, and I was after the girl who would become the best (and most difficult) gf I've had thus far.

Well, she broke up with her guy in October and I dumped my chick in December. We went out for coffee with friends tonight, and I walked her back to her room. We talked all the way about Virginia Woolf, an author to whom I was just introduced and she loves, and this got us onto the topic of relationships. She said a few things about Woolf's portrayal of female relationships that make me think she's bi, but that doesn't bother me; I've dated bi chicks before. But she said that she's done with guys for a while, because her last relationship made her miserable, and hinted that her ex bugs her a lot.

She goes home every weekend; I think she must've gotten pretty hurt by this guy. But I like her a lot, and if I have hope of breaking her out of this funk and giving me a chance, (in the sense that it won't lead to a lot of pain, not in the sense that I don't feel attractive enough; I know I'm noticeably attractive, don't worry ^_^) I'll give it a try.

So what do you guys think? Do girls who say they're done with guys and LTRs for a while mean what they say? Are they worth going after?

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

I liked a girl ages ago who had this whole "I am not ready for a relatioinship thing". It had been a year since she got out of a bad relationship with her ex. I asked her out and she gave me the same reason. A few weeks later she started dating some guy who was 8 years older to her. She was 19 back then. Moral of the story? Girls never know what they want and act according to their feelings.

I am not saying this chick is looking for a relationship and is lying to you. She might not be looking for a relationship, but when she does find a guy who does impress her, challenge her, or sweep her off her feet, she will give it a try.

Remember, girls always act according to their feelings. So dont let her saying shes not wanting a relationship crap put you off. She might end up being a your fvck buddy, who knows? Go with the flow...

who I like to talk literature and music every now and then with. I don't usually hang with her, but I see her around every now and then, and we always have nice convo

Hows the Kino going?

I would say, start hanging around with her once in a while not always, so you dont look needy or attached. Turn the kino up, . Also, dont be exclusive with this chick. Let her see you have other options on the side.

I honestly recommend you to read these posts:

"Spin more plates"- Rollo
"Getting out of friendship zone"- Mr. Fingz
"patience, what truly makes a DJ" - Pook.

Pretty much read any of their posts and it will help you out.

 

[\O/]

First off I believe all girls are bi-sexual... So there.

Second, don't listen to what she says about not looking for a relationship at the moment. Like Deadly_assasin says, girls act according to their feelings. If they say they aren't looking for a relationship, then meet a guy they REALLY like, it won't matter anymore. She will do whatever her FEELINGS tells her to do.

If she tells YOU she's not interested in a relationship at the moment, it CAN be a red flag. She may not be interested in you, but every single girl out there are open to a relationship, if single, when they think the right guy comes along....

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by Antedeus


So what do you guys think? Do girls who say they're done with guys and LTRs for a while mean what they say?

No of course not, its ******** for "Oh crap hold that thought Virginia Wolf boy, when I say guys I mean you"

 

[Antedeus]

Re: Re: Girls who say they've given up on LTRs for a while

Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
Remember, girls always act according to their feelings. So dont let her saying shes not wanting a relationship crap put you off. She might end up being a your fvck buddy, who knows? Go with the flow...

*nods* Right, I figured. Don't worry, I'm not oneitising over this one; I can just tell I'd have a really good time with her, but if I don't get her, I'll just move on.

Hows the Kino going?

Hah, that's a particularly funny topic with this one, actually...she's anemic and gets really cold easily, so I never see her without a down jacket or something of the like. So I try my best, but if you have any advice on how to kino chicks who cover up a lot, it would not be unwelcome.:woo:

I would say, start hanging around with her once in a while not always, so you dont look needy or attached. Turn the kino up, . Also, dont be exclusive with this chick. Let her see you have other options on the side.

Definitely. Thanks for your post!

Originally posted by \O/

If she tells YOU she's not interested in a relationship at the moment, it CAN be a red flag. She may not be interested in you, but every single girl out there are open to a relationship, if single, when they think the right guy comes along....

I was afraid of that...ah well, I'll be careful. Thanks for your post as well!

Originally posted by ( . )( . )
No of course not, its ******** for "Oh crap hold that thought Virginia Wolf boy, when I say guys I mean you"

Your post, on the other hand, I don't think particularly deserves a reply, considering how unhelpful it is.

For the sake of argument and of clarification, however, I'm not "Virginia Woolf" boy to her, by any means. I asked her what she did her senior thesis on last semester, she said a book by Virginia Woolf called To the Lighthouse. I had read a bit of it, and said so. She said she really related to a lot of the female characters in it. I said, "How so?" And then we got into how society restrains female-to-female relationships, which led to her being tired with guys. Then we got back to the dorm and stood in the hallway for a bit outside of her room, talked a bit more about relationships, I said that I liked having the opportunity to make someone happy, and we both agreed that, no matter how good or bad a relationship is, you always come out of it learning a lot more about yourself. Her cell phone rang, and I let her go, but not before singing along to the tone, which is "All My Loving" by the Beatles, a song that we both love.

So that leaves fodder for future conversations with her.

 

[SamePendo]

Does a marriage stop a woman from cheating?

Do you think a stupid new "grrrl empowerment" ideology from her part will stop her from putting down her panties, and or, pursuing a relationship with you?

If a woman is interested she'll let you know. Interested or not, you DJ all women. Not because she's hot, but because DJing is fun.

 

[Centaurion]

the Tittymeister probably gave the most insightful reply of the thread, and you flame him?

Nice going chump.

 

[Antedeus]

Originally posted by SamePendo
If a woman is interested she'll let you know. Interested or not, you DJ all women. Not because she's hot, but because DJing is fun.

Hear hear! I'm positive she's at least slightly interested in me; I was just asking if any of you think that someone who is really into depressingly tragic female literary characters and related poetry would be too much of a hassle. But I don't think this one is; I went to a senior night with my college last night to a bar in Pasadena, and I saw her there. She looked really nice, and I told her so. We talked a bit, she gave me some good signals. So the pursuit is definitely on.:cheer:

Originally posted by Centaurion
the Tittymeister probably gave the most insightful reply of the thread, and you flame him?

Nice going chump.

Hahaha no.

"The Tittymeister" made a few unfounded assumptions, and what happens when you assume?

You make an "ass" out of "u" and "me."

(not my joke, so don't blame me if you think it's corny )

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

hey bro, its good to hear that things are looking positive. Did she see you getting attention from other girls? Once in a while let her see this. Her interest will rise.

And end of the day, the advice we all offer are just assumptions based on our personal experiences.

"The Tittymeister" pretty much summed it up when you ask out a girl and what she really means when she gives you the "not really into guys or into a relationship at the mo".

But you havent asked this girl out yet. Dont worry about if she likes you are not. It will drive you insane. You will think about it too much and you will get attached. Thats when you will start to lose the plot.

 

[Antedeus]

Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
hey bro, its good to hear that things are looking positive. Did she see you getting attention from other girls? Once in a while let her see this. Her interest will rise.

I don't know if she noticed me, but I DID get a whole bunch of phone numbers last night - not from the hawtest girls, but certainly acceptable, "unf"-able ones. ~_^

But you havent asked this girl out yet. Dont worry about if she likes you are not. It will drive you insane. You will think about it too much and you will get attached.

A-men to that. I know all too well from past experience not to make that mistake. Girls are so incredibly clueless in so many areas of life, but damn, if they can't sense guys who are too attached from a mile away.

 

[ScrewIt]

Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
I liked a girl ages ago who had this whole "I am not ready for a relatioinship thing". It had been a year since she got out of a bad relationship with her ex. I asked her out and she gave me the same reason. A few weeks later she started dating some guy who was 8 years older to her. She was 19 back then. Moral of the story? Girls never know what they want and act according to their feelings.

I am not saying this chick is looking for a relationship and is lying to you. She might not be looking for a relationship, but when she does find a guy who does impress her, challenge her, or sweep her off her feet, she will give it a try.

Remember, girls always act according to their feelings. So dont let her saying shes not wanting a relationship crap put you off. She might end up being a your fvck buddy, who knows? Go with the flow...



Hows the Kino going?

I would say, start hanging around with her once in a while not always, so you dont look needy or attached. Turn the kino up, . Also, dont be exclusive with this chick. Let her see you have other options on the side.

I honestly recommend you to read these posts:

"Spin more plates"- Rollo
"Getting out of friendship zone"- Mr. Fingz
"patience, what truly makes a DJ" - Pook.

Pretty much read any of their posts and it will help you out.

I think Deadly assasin hit the nail on this one.

it's true girls have no clue what they're talking about and always act on their feelings.
im friends with this girl, or so she labels us. We do all the stuff that couples do. However we're not exclusive, and i understand the situation that we're casually dating.
she claims that she just wants us to be good friends and has no intention of being exclusive with me. However friends dont go out and do what couples do.
she claims she can be *****y and demanding and doesnt want the "complications" that exclusivity brings....i believe its partially true but not entirely.
ok i go out with her or to the movies, and since she claims that we're just friends, i do nothing affectionate/intimate. when i do nothing, she wants affection from me and she gets all touchy feely on me. if i go in for a makeout session, she'll surrender.

i know she's lying to herself, and doing this to keep options open if they arise. So in the end girls act on their feelings.

as for your situation, if a girl says she doesnt want to be in a relationship....all the better, you get the best of both worlds while leaving your options open as well. you just gotta make your move.

 

[ADifferentKindofDJ]

I agree with Mr. ( . )( . ) She's using you as an emotional tampon. Look it up for its meaning. Stop the talk about relationships if it's still going on and see what happens. If she always brings it up, you're her bud to sob to. If she doesn't, give her sometime.(I guess.) I don't believe there's any hope here.

ADKdj

 

[Antedeus]

Originally posted by ADifferentKindofDJ
I agree with Mr. ( . )( . ) She's using you as an emotional tampon.

W=...what?

I would think this is true if I'd spoken to her on the topic more than just this one time, but we only have talked about relationships for this one ten-minute increment.

I think a lot of you have got the wrong idea about this, and that's partially my fault for not articulating it well enough, but I am not exactly following this girl around like a puppy.

Originally posted by ScrewIt

ok i go out with her or to the movies, and since she claims that we're just friends, i do nothing affectionate/intimate. when i do nothing, she wants affection from me and she gets all touchy feely on me. if i go in for a makeout session, she'll surrender.

i know she's lying to herself, and doing this to keep options open if they arise. So in the end girls act on their feelings.

as for your situation, if a girl says she doesnt want to be in a relationship....all the better, you get the best of both worlds while leaving your options open as well. you just gotta make your move.

That's really what I'm thinking, at this point...I thought I might want a relationship with her, although I wasn't sure, but at this point, I think we'd both be much more cool with being sex partners as opposed to exclusive.

 

[Serialized3]

When women say:

"I'm not interested in dating right now"

it means:

"I'm not interested in dating YOU right now, but as soon as something shinier gets in my field of vision, I'll be all over him like flies on ****".

In her mind, she's not lying, she's letting you down easy. I've wasted weeks of my life waiting for a girl who said that she "wouldn't be interested in dating for a long time" to be ready to date me, and then she goes out with this wannabee frat boy a few weeks later...go figure...

 

[Antedeus]

Originally posted by Serialized3
When women say:

"I'm not interested in dating right now"

it means:

"I'm not interested in dating YOU right now, but as soon as something shinier gets in my field of vision, I'll be all over him like flies on ****".

In her mind, she's not lying, she's letting you down easy. I've wasted weeks of my life waiting for a girl who said that she "wouldn't be interested in dating for a long time" to be ready to date me, and then she goes out with this wannabee frat boy a few weeks later...go figure...

I really don't think that's what's going on here, and part of me thinks that you guys aren't really reading my posts, beyond the parts where I say, "She says she isn't interested in LTR's right now." If I'm right, and that's the case, then I really urge you to read my posts in more detail, because on one hand, this situation doesn't seem to follow the model that you guys describe, but on the other hand, I can't imagine that it's a particularly rare situation, either.

I think what's more-likely happening is that my first inclination was correct and she is interested in me. However, she was so disillusioned by her breakup and by the fact that her ex keeps bugging her (and I know the feeling; my ex still wants to sex me, and I am not cool with that) and so inspired by these characters about which she's read that she's questioning her own sexuality and sees her being attracted to guys as a weakness that will lead to more unhappiness.

Anyway, like I said, I'll try to hook up with her. If it doesn't work, that's fine; she'll be off the playing field for me.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

Antedeus, you gotta show sexual interest in her, not by your words but through your body language and actions. See how she reacts to that. i.e. kino n stuff.

In her mind, she's not lying, she's letting you down easy. I've wasted weeks of my life waiting for a girl who said that she "wouldn't be interested in dating for a long time" to be ready to date me, and then she goes out with this wannabee frat boy a few weeks later...go figure...

It all depends in what context she gave Antedus the answer about guys and relationships. If he asked her out on a date and she game him the "not looking for a relationship" crap, then it means for certain, she doesnt want a relationship with that guy.

But Antedus hasnt asked her out yet. I get the feeling, he hasnt even let her know through his actions that hes interested in her yet. Her answer so far seemed general.

 

[Deadly_Assassin]

I agree with Mr. ( . )( . ) She's using you as an emotional tampon

Nope, not yet. Hes only talked to her once about her past relationships and thats enough. He would become her emotional tampon if he kept talking about her past relationships only and trying to solve her problems.

Antedeus, you have to be careful about the fact that you don't become her emotional tampon. She will lose sexual interest in you big time. My best advice to you would be "The less effort or pressure you put into it, the more your chances of success will be".

I have seen this happen with my mates flight tests. We all crap our pants when we are doing our flight test. But as soon as we come to know or think we have failed, suddenly our flying really comes alive. I have noticed it with a lot of my mates. Because the pressure is off us. Now it doesnt matter to us if we succeed or fail because we already think we have failed. So all we do is concentrate on the flying.

Its the same with girls. The less your attached to them, the less you worry about the outcome, the more relaxed, confident and smooth you are. You solely concentrate on the present situation and you just have fun. You dont think about things and just end up going with the flow. Ever noticed why you a lot successful with girls when you hardly give a damn or when your partially drunk?

 

[midnight]

I had a girl hb 8.5 come to me right after a 2 year LTR. We went on 2 dates before she confessed this to me. On a whim, she decided she didn't want to see me anymore. I think I ****ed something up. But let this be a message to you Antedeus. Women are guided by their emotions and are down for anything that grabs their emotional attention. The hard part (and also the part I can't give you much more advice about) is the fact that each woman is a novelty in her own sense. The mere words "I'm not looking for LTRs right now" can mean a lot of different things depending on her tone of voice, the mood she is in at the time of saying it, what kind of day she had. THe more able you are at assessing these factors, in my opinion, will better direct you to be suggestive toward what you want her to do. Unfortunately thats very difficult and I'm convinced even the king of Don Juans can't tell you everything. Man thinks, God laughs but we still sit around thinking anyways THanks for sharing the story btw...

 

[Antedeus]

Originally posted by Deadly_Assassin
It all depends in what context she gave Antedus the answer about guys and relationships. If he asked her out on a date and she game him the "not looking for a relationship" crap, then it means for certain, she doesnt want a relationship with that guy.

But Antedus hasnt asked her out yet. I get the feeling, he hasnt even let her know through his actions that hes interested in her yet. Her answer so far seemed general.

Ex-ACTLY. Thanks for getting it.

Our convo about relationships and guys and girls and whatever came up when I asked her why she liked Virginia Woolf's writing so much (I think it's all right, but I really can't stand writing that's just depressing for the sake of being depressing, you know?), and we got onto the topic of why she's bitter about guys. She didn't sound TOO bitter, though; it actually sounded more like she was saying she was tired of guys simply because that's what's socially expected of her.

But as for being her emotional tampon, no worries. I've only commisserated with her thus far. I know that girls don't like for guys to tell them how to solve their problems, (even though we usually DO have the answers) so I tried to just nod my head, grunt an affirmative, and occassionally say, "Yeah, same with me," when applicable.

midnight: Agreed 100%. If I ask her out and be prepared for her to suddenly be a dumb chick and decide not to see me again, 'cause I know from experience that that's just the way chicks are.