Girls night out !!! plz give me insight

[Ready_2_Rock]

I have been dating a girl for about 3 months now.She has moved me in and been helping me out since the loss of my job.things have been going pretty good till yesterday morning.She got a call form an old friend she used to get wild and go to the bars with and pick up guys together, long story short the friend wants her to go out on the town with her and im not comfortable with it.She seems like shes not willing to budge on it even though I explain im not liking the idea.Any opinions and or advice would be extremely helpful, wether it be how to stop it, or that i should support it and how to deal with the insecurity thats making me uncomortable with it.

 

[speed dawg]

You should beg her not to go. Tell her you love her and go get her $100 worth of flowers.

 

[Igetit!]

You should beg her not to go. Tell her you love her and go get her $100 worth of flowers.

Uh.....beg her not to go? Surely you jest. This is a joke,right speed dawg? I hope so.

Look,DO NOT "beg her" to do anything. And save the 100$ worth of flowers for Valentine's Day. This is kind of a tough situation because of the dynamics.
Even though you losing your job wasn't you're fault,the fact that you moved in to her house and in essence,she's supporting you will cause a slight decrease in respect/attraction from your girl towards you. You begging her would only exagasterbate the problem. This isn't the time to be weak. You need to be as strong and as confident as possible.

What are you afraid will happen if she goes out? What,do you think she'll "hook" up with some other guy? If your relationship is that fragile,to the point where she can't even go out fromt time to time with her friends because you think she'll cheat,then you two shouldn't be together.

Look,if she wants to cheat,then she'll cheat. And her staying at home this one night simply because you don't want her to go out isn't going to change that. It always astounds me when people try to keep their partners from being unfaithful. That's ridiculous. If it's in her heart to cheat,trust me,she'll find a way. If her heart's already left the relationship,it's just a matter of time before her body follows.

The best thing you can do is to simply generate chemistry in her yourself. You've already done it before,I mean,she's with you. She is your girlfriend,so your doing something right.

Whether you let her go or not is up to you,just be firm,strong,masculine,and confident in the decision you make.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

Lol, he was obviously joking and saying exactly what not to do. You don't own her, and so she can go out if she wants to. If anything, she owns you right now given your current situation. You need to get over your own insecurities. It's not under your control whether or not someone cheats on you (for the most part), but I assure you that acting like an insecure wuss about it is only going to increase the chances of something bad happening.

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

As men, two of the greatest tools we posses are reason and logic.

Now, in a new relationship there is no way to *feel* completely fine with your woman going out on the town with out you (that is assuming you are emotionaly invested.)

So how do you deal with it? 2 ways.

1. If you have reason to believe she'll cheat then either next her or accept it.

2. Use your awesome powers of logic and reason to draw the following conclusions: If a chick wants to cheat she'll do it. She can do it just as easily on her lunch break as she can on Saturday night. If you think she'll do it on either occasion see number 1.

Of course it can be argued that a girl who might otherwise not cheat on her lunch break may be more apt to cheat on a Friday night at the bar. Once again, see number 1 or realize that just because she can doesn't mean she will.

However, I think in any relationship compromises must be made. I would be weary if she didn't agree on certain boundries and conditions. Such as be home by 1, keep it a girls night (i.e. don't "meet" up with any guy friends), don't drink past a mild buzz, etc...

That's just part of the price of being attached.

 

[Nutz]

So what happened? And why can't you go out with them? Shouldn't she want to bring you along to show you off to her old friend? Hell, that's a great way to flip the script right there.

HB: Honey, <old friend> will be in town this weekend and we're going out.
You: Cool, I know some good places we can go.
HB: Uh, it's just going to be her and I.
You: What? You don't trust me with your friend? Do you think I'll like her more than you? Why are you acting like this? You know I care about you. (and the option, but classic...) Or are you ashamed of me and you don't want your friends to meet me. Is that it?

Granted it's a good way to really DLV yourself and is playing with fire, but it can really jar her out of her frame of wanting to relive old times (with random c0cks) and force her back to reality which is that you're a part of her life now. Personally, the assumed frame of you all going out together is where I'd leave it. Why she wouldn't want you going out with her and her friend is what I'd worry about from the perspective "what's she got to hide?" Hell, maybe that's something you could toss out there as well.


HB: Honey, <old friend> will be in town this weekend and we're going out.
You: Cool, I know some good places we can go.
HB: Uh, it's just going to be her and I.
You: Uh, if you don't have anything to hide then it shouldn't be a problem. / Do you have something to hide?

Again, this too is playing with fire.



If you're really diabolical, A) insist on driving them to the club and picking them up so they can have their fun and not worry about a DD. This way you know for sure where she's going. B) have a friend of yours that she doesn't know run recon for you. Have him get lots of pictures and if they bounce have him follow. It's pretty dirty and you may not like what he finds, but at least you'll know what she's up to when the cat's away and the mice do play.

If by some chance something does happen, you get to call her on it because when you were picking them up you ran into your friend who was there who saw what happened and ratted them out (with cell phone pics of course).

 

[Ready_2_Rock]

ok heres the update...the reason i cant go out with them is i have my kids that weekend and will be hanging out with them cause i dont get to see them much.I have hung out with her and her friend before and all went well and if i was able to go they would not have any problems with me going.
Also i told her i was not comfortable with it, and she still was going however now a few days later without any pressure from ( i have not said another word) is saying she does nto really want to go now, cause the friend lives about 1hr 30 mins away and she dont want to drive it. anybody got some reads on this? im kind of confused.

 

[intrextrovert]

Tbh I think it's probably innocent, though you know her better than anyone here, especially me.

Do you ever want to go out and do stuff with your guy friends, no *****es? Like that.

 

[ohsnap]

Your GF is with you now.. the only concern you should have is that you are still keeping her interest in the relationship. If she gets bored of you, then this girl could have an effect on her. Like a poster said before, you can't keep watch on her 24/7, so just trust her until she shows you otherwise. Girls don't like insecurities, and you've got a big one showing right now. She's already told her friend all about it.

 

[TheCzar]

Myself, I'd have said 'awesome, have a great time', and kept whatever insecurities I have to myself.

The problem you run into here is that your assuming that something bad is going to happen. I'm not sure why it seems us men have a tendency to gravitate to that - if she's going to cheat, she's going to cheat and if she is its most likely not going to happen at some bar with an old friend out of the blue, like someone said earlier she can do it on her lunch break, matter of fact she's probably more likely too.

Here's the rub, if you're really concerned and say 'no way' then your most likely going to create a resentment issue, which will only result, if it comes up time and time again into manifesting in the result you don't want.

TC

 

[DonGorgon]

Girls night out means - Girls o out and flirt with men and get drunk... They usually are looking for very fine model type fantasy men not men like their boyfriend of husband.. So many times they dont encounter these men but when they do there is a high risk of cheating through lust...

The bottom line is that you cannot control you r woman she will do what she wants no matter how good or bad you treat her... Dont waste time focusing on her fidelity just make sure she is Fing you when you want.. Spin other plates and have your own plans.. the one sitting at home wondering what the other is doing has lost the power in the relationship ..... Tell her go and have fun act indifferent if you can.

BUt its never that simple especially when you are in love .