Girlfriend was out and stranger drove her home

[livingamongclowns]

Hello guys,

I've been a long time lurker and now that I have a situation I don't know how to navigate I finally made an account.

I've been with my girlfriend for seven months. We're exclusive for two and official since Christmas.
I got to know her family and friends and everything was fine till yesterday.

She was out with one of her girls. She normally doesn't drink much, is responsible with alcohol and mostly drives on her own.

Yesterday while she was out she sent me a message, that some guys are trying to get her and her friend and buying her drinks. She seemed to enjoy it, but told me she made it clear to them she's not single. I just answered "Have fun."

I was visiting family in another city and was on my way home by then.

She told me, she is driving on her own or with her sister who was at the same location. But I got suspicious.
I asked: "who will drive you home?"
She: "I don't know them and you either. come home safe. Are you already on your way?"
Me: "Yes, I'm on the road already."
She: "I'm drunk. I don't know if you want to see me that way, just in case you want to pick me up."
Me: "I'm driving home this night."

She called me drunk about an hour later, stated she's home and wants to see me. I just told her calm to go to bed and that I sleep at my place.

Honestly, I'm raging on the inside and feel repelled and disgusted, that she gets drunk with strangers and let them drive her home.
I don't want to see her, I feel I can't trust her.
She reached out this morning immediately. No sorry, didn't bring up the last night, but she obviously feels guilty.

I feel like calling her out about the fact that she didn't withdraw from the situation and let strangers drive her home.
But I honestly don't know how to navigate this situation right now.

What would you guys do?

 

[Zimbabwe]

Always listen to your gut feeling

 

[Divorced w 3]

Hello guys,

I've been a long time lurker and now that I have a situation I don't know how to navigate I finally made an account.

I've been with my girlfriend for seven months. We're exclusive for two and official since Christmas.
I got to know her family and friends and everything was fine till yesterday.

She was out with one of her girls. She normally doesn't drink much, is responsible with alcohol and mostly drives on her own.

Yesterday while she was out she sent me a message, that some guys are trying to get her and her friend and buying her drinks. She seemed to enjoy it, but told me she made it clear to them she's not single. I just answered "Have fun."

I was visiting family in another city and was on my way home by then.

She told me, she is driving on her own or with her sister who was at the same location. But I got suspicious.
I asked: "who will drive you home?"
She: "I don't know them and you either. come home safe. Are you already on your way?"
Me: "Yes, I'm on the road already."
She: "I'm drunk. I don't know if you want to see me that way, just in case you want to pick me up."
Me: "I'm driving home this night."

She called me drunk about an hour later, stated she's home and wants to see me. I just told her calm to go to bed and that I sleep at my place.

Honestly, I'm raging on the inside and feel repelled and disgusted, that she gets drunk with strangers and let them drive her home.
I don't want to see her, I feel I can't trust her.
She reached out this morning immediately. No sorry, didn't bring up the last night, but she obviously feels guilty.

I feel like calling her out about the fact that she didn't withdraw from the situation and let strangers drive her home.
But I honestly don't know how to navigate this situation right now.

What would you guys do?

She’s out with male strangers, tells you, essentially trying to see if you have a pair of balls. She’s getting drunk at the bar and your reply is have fun? Your reply in that situation is I’ll send you a car where are you, or I’ll come get you. Or, best yet, “Ok, and?” And let her keep talking.

You’re raging because you played the situation poorly. It didn’t need to go this way. I applaud you for coming and asking for help. Remember how this feels. I recommend you read Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi immediately.

 

[SW15]

I don't understand this at all.

When people get drunk at bars/nightclubs and need rides home, they can arrange that on their smartphones via Uber or Lyft. It's absurd to get a ride home with a random male bar or nightclub attendee. Even if nothing sexual happened last night, that's a violation of trust and not a good sign. You'd be warranted to at least go full silent for a while if not actually end it over that. If you feel you can't trust her, you need to leave.

Why wasn't her sister cocckblocking male approachers?

Also, women in official relationships need not go to bars randomly. The point of being in a relationship is not to go to bars.

It's a bad situation from every angle.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Gonna play the other end here and say she’s telling a half truth due to being wasted. It was more than likely her friends friend/hookup or whatever. The fact that she was bugging you to come see her tells me it was irrelevant.

Now, it does seem like you are insecure about the whole relationship. Your girl is going to get hit on everywhere she goes like bars, work, grocery store, etc. If you can’t handle this fact then save the energy and end the relationship because that’s what you’re going to have to deal with. You lost frame in this situation and let your insecurity take over.

Ask her about the drivers today and if it was what I mentioned, dust this L under the rug and get your dvck wet.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like an overreaction and you being insecure.

Would you have preferred her to drive home drunk and kill someone?

 

[lgbs2004]

When people get drunk at bars/nightclubs and need rides home, they can arrange that on their smartphones via Uber or Lyft. It's absurd to get a ride home with a random male bar or nightclub attendee

THIS

 

[The Duke]

OP- I can tell by the text exchange and decoding the chic speak she wanted you to come rescue her.

You can bet she liked the attention. You also could have been firm.

I'd let her know that you're not ok with that behavior. Don't get drawn into a long explanation. Short and sweet. End of discussion.

 

[jaymbrs]

I'm with @Jake_Gyllenhaal69 . When girls go out, they get hit on. It's reality. There's obviously more to the story so best not to overreact right now. For all you know, her friend wanted to **** one of them and you girl got caught up with everything that it was easier for them to drive her home. Hear her side.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She souldnt get drunk unless you or a family member is driving her home.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

Call her out. However, don't do it in a jealous or controlling way. You care for her and her safety AND it is a sign of disrespect within the relationship. She should not be getting drunk, allowing a stranger to take her home. Call her out on her lousy judgment.

I don't think she cheated, she obviously wanted to see you when she got home. But still, in my experience when one of my exes got drunk and out of hand, she lost a tiny speck of respect from me. Do not allow such behaviour to go unnoticed or to continue to happen. Make sure she knows that is about:

1) Her safety
2) Respect within the relationship

This relates to the concept of boundaries. While she did right by letting those guys know she wasn't single, we all know that is not gonna deter most guys from making a move. Especially if she is drunk. She should not be putting herself in that situation.

PS: There is this company called Uber. It's quite good.