Girlfriend wants to BREAK UP!!!!! Please help.

[spax]

So for the past week, I have had a lot of personal issues to deal with that I did not tell my girlfriend about. These caused me to behave irratically, bad-tempered, and treat her pretty crap.

Because of all this, she has been thinking and talking to her friend and wants to break up with me. Says I need to grow up, and mature, and expand my social horizons. Need to save this because shes pretty hot, and I do like her a lot, its just had so much crap to deal with.

How do I play this? I already apologized and told her eveything why I was behaving badly, but now says "Thank you for the sentinment, but actions speak louder than words."

What do?

 

[LearningSlowly]

Break up with her first and find someone better.

 

[spax]

I heard from a friend of a friend that shes already planning a rebound guy. Did I dun goof?

 

[Leporello]

She doesn't sound the least bit committed to you. Ditch her.

 

[spax]

Any way I can salvage the relationship? Seriously, what should I fuarkin do?

 

[MM92]

Looks like it's over. I'd end it first and move on, although it's not as easy as it seems. The more you try pull her closer the further away she will get.

 

[spax]

Surely someone has been able to save a relationship in the past? It is possible, isn't it?

 

[Johnnyventana]

MM92 is right, yet spax is spaz'n and will for sure push her away.

Go ghost on a ho, go cold. Go into hiding. You asked, it is the ONLY hope.

p.s. This is just an excuse for her, your recent behavior, that is why she couldn't care less about your apology. She found someone else.

So no, nothing much you can do but make her 2nd guess her decision by going completely away.

I doubt you'll do that though. More likely, you will chase, push her away more, and further embarrass yourself. Just a hunch.

 

[spax]

But if I go ghost, won't she just start going out with this new guy?

 

[floydb25]

She already made up her mind. The ONLY way she is going to come around is if she realizes what life is like without you, and that she made a mistake. But I'd recommend not playing this as a game. You just have to move on - for your own sake. She might not reverse her decision. Begging, apologizing, chasing, and pushing is the worst thing you can do, and is only gonna turn her off more. If she wants to come back - make sure she earns it. Don't just jump at the opportunity, and accept her back.

You're putting yourself in the frame of being a pursuer right now. Not recommended. This is where mistakes happen, and the nice guy comes out.

This is not something you can just cure. Low interest is hard to overcome. It's an uphill battle. There's no guarantee that she's going to come back, and not get with someone else, so you just have to accept it and move on.

 

[Serg897]

Do you think a girl that understood you, was committed to you, and really cared about you would treat you this way after you explained what went wrong?

This is not the one for you, mate. I can tell by your writings you are severely emotionally invested - its going to be hard, and its going to take tremendous self-discipline, but you must call her bluff, tell her "okay babe, you can go" , and move on with your life.

If you handle this well, chances are she might come crawling back at some point. But don't bet on it. You must be independent and work on yourself during this time.

Begging, apologizing, chasing, and pushing is the worst thing you can do, and is only gonna turn her off more. If she wants to come back - make sure she earns it.

Exactly. Keep in mind that we have ALL made this mistake, and this is why we are telling YOU now NOT to make it. You really dont need her, and this will become more and more obvious with time. Just go outside and look around - there are so many other women to choose from.

 

[DJDamage]

Go ghost on a ho, go cold. Go into hiding. You asked, it is the ONLY hope.

+1

Cutting of all contact at this point without any explanation might be the best thing that you can do in order to raise her interests back in you. If she sees you around or hears about you that you are in the company of other hot girls it will be even better for your cause.

 

[the_stig]

Don't second guess anyone here either. We've all been in your situation many times before and made the mistake of trying to win a girl back after getting dumped. It doesn't work. Its never worked. Don't be just another dude that doesn't heed to the advice given only to come back saying "Yup, I should have listened.."

Search "No Contact" on this forum. When you give a girl radio silence, you'd be surprised and how quickly it can turn things around.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Girls always find a backup guy before they break up with the current dude. She has already have the backup guy and from your interactions with her it seems like she is the dominant one in the relationship. You want her more then she wants you and that's always bad.

You need to charge her to the game and work on yourself. How old are you? 16-17? You sound young.

 

[EvilAgenda]

Your gf is right, you are immature. She is not coming back to you.

Going ghost will not help you get her back. Showing her you need her will make her vomit at how pathetic you are. Face the fact that she is gone. Face it. Face the fact that she is not coming back.

Now realize that you had everything it took to get her. Realize that you still have everything it takes to get a girl as hot as she, or hotter. Thank her for all the moments you two shared, for the love you knew was real. And then, move on. There is a whole world opened to you now. See its beauty, the freedom, you can now pursue your deeper passions, you can forge your life to be the one you want.

With so many beautiful, attractive women suddenly available to you, should you really be feeling sorry she broke up with you?

 

[Iceberg]

So for the past week, I have had a lot of personal issues to deal with that I did not tell my girlfriend about. These caused me to behave irratically, bad-tempered, and treat her pretty crap.

Because of all this, she has been thinking and talking to her friend and wants to break up with me. Says I need to grow up, and mature, and expand my social horizons. Need to save this because shes pretty hot, and I do like her a lot, its just had so much crap to deal with.

How do I play this? I already apologized and told her eveything why I was behaving badly, but now says "Thank you for the sentinment, but actions speak louder than words."

What do?

She didn't break up with you because of what you did last week. If a woman is breaking up with you, she forms the argument weeks, if not months in advance. It's not just "Oh, spax has been awful this week. We're breaking up." It's a slow-burning loss of interest that's a combination of you being too nice, too available, too predictable, too blah blah blah.

If you asked a girl to HONESTLY admit why she's breaking up, she probably couldn't explain it. Because she can barely put her finger on it, herself. So, she'll blame it on your actions last week. That way, there's a neat wrapped-up little ending to the story.

 

[ArcBound]

Accuse her of being irrational and talking with her friend behind your back. Tell her she as a gf and even a human being she should understand sometimes people do have bad days and even weeks and if this is that big of an issue to her, than yeah you do think it is a good idea to break.

Then any of the following happens

1) She gets on the defensive and apologizes and sh!t in which case you still act a little bit cold towards but hesitantly take her back

2) She breaks up anyways

Either way its better than your other choices and I've had the first case happen. But you really have to believe it.

As Evil Agenda already told you:
"With so many beautiful, attractive women suddenly available to you, should you really be feeling sorry she broke up with you?"

Don't sweat it cause panic --> irrational thinking --> bad behaviors. But I wouldn't bank on the girl coming around.

 

[tomato]

But if I go ghost, won't she just start going out with this new guy?

YES PROBABLY

As others have said it might actually be best to just go full NC -this will probably result in her going to him (chance she might not) - ****ing him and then the relationship dying in 4-6weeks and her then coming back to you "missing you" when you might have a good chance of things starting again if you've got yourself back on track - cool (more social/confident/worked out - start going to the gym everyday rather than worrying about this NOW)

BUT - I would suggest a different strategy - mainly because I dont like some other guy ****ing her - that ruins any chance of a relationship after. SO make one last attempt to show her how much you care, do something really thoughtful for her to makeup for the horrible behaviour - she wants actions!!! GIVE HER ACTIONS

GIVE HER ACTIONS - plan a surprise trip to another town/the coast and a hotel and something fun to do - just plan it without telling her - then pack a bag for her and say come with me - and just walk to the station with her/car and get on the train/car and start heading there without telling her what it is. Or you could start with some smaller things first to test the waters - buy her some flowers and somne of her favorite stuff then take her where you went on some good dates / first date. SHOW HER YOUR ACTIONS ARE BETTER. If she rejects it then do the first strategy - tell me how it goes

Just a warning - I would be very careful to not be needy - just do these things as being a cool guy - dont complain or make it obvios why. NEVER BRING UP PROBLEMS OR WORRIES YOU HAVE. NEVER BRING UP THE OTHER GUY. dont try and get her to admit anything - nothing is a big deal. Your only response to hearing she has a rebound guy is you should start going out and gaming girls and have some female friends that she might find out about - but dont make it obvious - and they are purely friends. IF she's already said she wants to break up I'd try one last thing like - how about we do this cool thing - once asked calmly - if its a no then YOU HAVE TO GO NC - its the only thing you can do - and trust me it will work she will get back to you and wonder whats happened to you. YOu need to be being social working out changing - clothes, hair, body, hobbies (start dancing classes).

NC really does work - remember not to chase - you are either going out - in which case you are being a really cool fun bf - doing really cool stuff with her while also making loads of friends including female friends she can meet (you should go on high power going out when not with her right now - no more porn - no more doing anything apart from going out meeting people going gym and organising cool stuff to do with her RIGHT NOW DO THIS ****). OR you are not going out and are FULL NC - dont do anything half way - its one or the other!

 

[Johnnyventana]

SPAX, absoulutely do NOT listen to Tomato. Trust me, read his previous posts!

Originally Posted by spax
"But if I go ghost, won't she just start going out with this new guy?"

She will whether you go ghost or not. Face it.

Going ghost though will do everything we already told you above.

And seriously, do not do the Tomato thing.