Girlfriend of one year ended it.

[Framboise]

We started fighting way too much. She ended it just like that. I keep going through little periods of sadness then periods of feeling glad. I kinda snapped tho and started yelling and were not even talking now. After one year with somebody u should at least talk to them after. Have any of you had a serious breakup in an LTR that you know could work with proper care? What should i do in my current situation?

 

[killerasp]

sometimes couples that break up dont want to talk to each other for some time. most often those individuals involved in the break up dont return to normalcy instantly. it takes time. how long? i dont know. just take this time and look back at your mistakes (if there were any) and see how to correct them so you can avoid them in your next relationship.

 

[Cesare Cardinali]

I think it is best for you to not talk to her anymore and both move on with your lives. Keeping in contact will only hurt and cause feelings of anger and jealousy as one person moves on quicker than the other. Also, if a full fledged relationship didn't work out and you were fighting all the time, then what's the point of "remaining" friends? Hell, friends don't fight all the time....

We have all been in these situations and its very hard; but each person handles it in his own fashion. I would suggest you cut all contact with her and fill your life up with new projects, goals, ideas, plans, activities, anything that makes you feel good. Take up new hobbies, new sports, take classes, etc etc, move on with your life and set your life up in such a fashion that you wouldn't even have time to be her friend even if she wanted to.

Also, you should start focusing on new women and new relationships. Learn the stuff on this site, go out there and approach women, practice, have fun, and before you know it, you'll realize that that breakup was the best thing that ever happened to you.

Dude, I want to read your field reports, I want to read your lay reports, I want you to kick a$$ at this stuff. Forget her and plunge right in to new experiences and new women.

Best of luck.

Cesare Cardinali

 

[Oscar Wilde]

I finished a 1yr LTR about 7 weeks ago, and still haven't got complete closure because at the time the breakup was mutual but afterwards she couldn't accept that it was over.

This acceptance thing is a problem, and can make life real difficult for both of you, so do yourself a favour and accept it. It's over, and it's not gonna get fixed.

You will feel sh!t for a while, it's hard. It took me a long time to feel even ok. 2 things helped - I became a workaholic, and a gym-aholic (?) - it's good to have activities to keep your mind off the pain.

I got real drunk and slept with some girl about a week later (I semi-regret it, but it was good to have "moved on" and I'm glad of that fact).

Originally posted by Cesare Cardinali
Learn the stuff on this site, go out there and approach women, practice, have fun, and before you know it, you'll realize that that breakup was the best thing that ever happened to you.

Dude, I want to read your field reports, I want to read your lay reports, I want you to kick a$$ at this stuff. Forget her and plunge right in to new experiences and new women.

This is where I'm at right now too, learning this stuff and trying it out.

Cesare is dead right here, plunge into new experiences! We're with ya.

Osc.

 

[becker]

To me, the circumstances of the breakup are key. I was in a 1-year LTR and I didn't feel that the girl and I were meant for each other. This was like the last 5 months or so of the LTR, and I basically suffered through those final months just for the physical side alone, and I wasn't even really into the girl anymore. She just would not stop. It's easier for the one who is breaking up with the other to move on, if there is one.

If the breakup was more mutual, then I think that you two will likely come together and maybe break up many times before the breakup is totally final. The only way it will be final is probably when you two both find different people that you're more happy with. Otherwise, one will always be thinking about the other.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Originally posted by Framboise
We started fighting way too much. She ended it just like that.

Maybe you should re-evaluate what actually happened.

Signs of "fighting" are not good. There's fighting and then there's fighting. Some of it is good--testing each other, defining parameters of the relationship, engagement, etc. Couples work it out and it's fine.

But then, one method (conscious and unconscious) women do when they're checking out a potential new BF and have a current BF is start getting into fights with the current BF. If the potential new BF looks like a good bet (she can get him and likes him) then she'll say to you "look, it's just not working out, we fight too much."

But if it the potential new-BF thing falls thru, she'll come back to the current BF and talk, probably saying "we just need to appreciate each other a little more..."

The current BF usually has no clue.

After one year with somebody u should at least talk to them after.

Sure. Great theory. Can't argue with it. Excpet that in reality, I want nothing to do with an ex for 2+ years---I want to move on in the shortest, quickest, least painful way I can and that means no "being friends" or "just talking".

Unless, of course, if I didn't care that much for them and need a fvckbuddy, then I have no problem....

Have any of you had a serious breakup in an LTR that you know could work with proper care?

Careful about lying to yourself here. Sure, maybe "proper care" is needed, but I would guess that you may get your head beaten in a few more times trying to get back with this girl and she is ready to move past you. And if she does agree to get back is because she's not doing too well dating and you're her 3rd best option after the first 2 options didn't work.

What should i do in my current situation?

Get the h3ll away from her. Work on yourself.

 

[Framboise]

Thanks guys, especially Cesare pretty powerful ****. That IS what I told her when I started yelling, that I didn't wanna talk to her anymore and that I would quickly move on. I've been at this site for well over a year now I just havent needed it for a while.

She said something about not caring how it was in the past because it's not working in the present which really pissed me off and made me realize what kind of ****ty LTR a girl who doesn't care about your history makes. She acts on impulse and while it's attractive it's borderline retarded.

Everytime I've talked to her since then I've ended up yelling so yea I guess this just isnt the one for me. I deleted her out of my phone and took her off my list after all this happened and I was well on my way to forgetting but I had spent a little alone time with no friends around or anything fun so of course im gonna reminice and want what I can't have back resulting in that post I made.

I'm gonna suck it up and take this like a man. I'll roll with whatever punches come. Like pook said "smooth seas never made successful sailors".

Failure is a success in itself because you learn and that's what it's all about.

*UPDATE*
I called her today to get my final closure and she treated me so bad she was completley negative and was against giving me anyform of closure which backfired on her because it made me see her as a negative person and somone i wouldnt want to be with.

Im ready to go out there, im ready to kick ass, im ready to be don juan. Women are like sunset's, they're beautiful but there will be another one tommorrow. Sometimes things dont work out. I know that I gave it my all and I accept the consequences i learned all about LTR's from this and i'll be much better at looking for potential LTR material now. And thats what its all about, getting better.

 

[Ashlee Angel]

Framboise,

You have the right mindset to go out there and do the damn thing.

You will be just fine and you'll have another chick or chicks in no time.

 

[Framboise]

thx, haha i feel so at home here this forum has improved so much in a year. It's guys who actually give a **** about other guys. Thx everybody.

I'm gonna make myself better in anyway possible and i wish u guys the best of luck to.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Somehow I think the "closure" call was a mistake--as in, it was unnecessary.

Way back when, I remember thinking that "closure" was somehow needed and that one last conversation with the ex-GF would do it.

Never happened. It just lead to more fights.

Now I wonder if "closure" is some sort of myth, or a thing women do and AFC's do. Right now I can't understand the point of it or how calling them achieves it. Will 1 phone call suddenly put things square, get the "sorry"'s said, let them know your final thoughts? I seriously doubt it.

I mean, I'm watching a roommate go through a breakup for the last 2 months. By my count, I've seen 4 breakups and 5 closure discussions, and these are only the ones I know about.

My idea of closure: you understand this person isn't for you and move on. That's it. Then you do it--no calling or discussing or obsessing or making things clear is needed--you understand all you need to understand and move onward, which is an ACTION, and actions count---but closure discussions are just more replaying of what doesn't work.

 

[killerasp]

Closure is part of any tragic event no matter what the scale is. It could be the death of a loved one, or the breaking up of a LTR. You need to move past that. Closure is a way to move past the hard times and continue on with your life. It seemed like you want to move past this relationship and wanted be on the same level with her. But she wasnt mature enough to put an end to all the differences and call it a truce. But thats just my opinion. What do you guys think?

 

[felony]

welcome to the crew.

i'm pretty new here.. and already i'm having huge results. its seriously nuts, small things just become natural and you can't even remember how u managed to allow ur self to be afc before.

read up, practice, chat and you too will have way too much success that you will want to lock ur self in your room and give all the girls a much needed break from your alpha self lol.

take it easy,
felony.


ps, when i said huge results i was going to say.. "they want to give it up to me!!" but then i thought, well why the fvck wouldn't they want to give it up to me? they all want me to take them! lol. geez how silly of me to think otherwise. - djism does this too u.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Closure is essential to a lot of people - I guess it depends on how your mind works, I certainly need it.