Warning - Long story. Cliffs at bottom.
Hi guys,
I have been in a LTR with a girl since we were both 17 years old - now we're 24. Everything was great, no big arguments and no prior break ups.
10 months ago she moved to another state 5 hours away because it was the only place she could get a job for her career. I didn't want her to go, and she went regardless and we said we would try make it work with the long distance.
During this time, we would probably see each other once every 3 weeks or so where one of us would come back and visit. It'd be great in person, lots of sex, and things would seem back to normal.
Whenever she got back though, she would go so distant. Barely respond to text messages, not enthusiastic to talk on the phone, and didn't seem that interested in us. She didn't even send me anything on Valentines Day (not even a Happy Valetines Day text!)
I also discovered that she was talking to this guy from work A LOT - texting most days (things that you would usually text your boyfriend about your day), and asking him for relationship advice about us, and even going out solo as "friends" for dinner etc.
Of course, I told her I was not happy about that and that I'd prefer if she kept things more professional with him but since I didn't see her very much, there was really nothing I could do.
Now, a couple of nights ago I call her at around 7pm. No answer. She calls me back at 11pm. She tells me she's been out to dinner with "Jess and Dave" from work so she couldn't take my call. Dave is the guy I mentioned before. She also says that "Jess and Dave" came over to her house for drinks afterwards. I was a bit cold at this point because I was suspicious as to whether it was just "Dave" after all and no Jess at her house.
Anyway, I don't freak out, I keep my suspicions and just act a bit coldly as we talk on the phone. Then she drops a bombshell on me. She says "Where is this relationship going?" She explains how she isn't feeling it anymore, doesn't feel the same, and that we fight too much due to the distance. She says all of this is exhausting and she would like to break up.
I play it cool and are like "Ok, if thats what you want to do - Not a problem". She is firm about it and doesn't waver at all. I'm saying things like "Yeah, we had some great times - it was good knowing you" in a confident tone hoping she will doubt what she's saying but she doesn't crack at all. We end the conversation on the breakup and go to sleep.
The next day, I text her some soppy message about how "We will always have the great memories and experiences together". She responds with an equally soppy message thanking me for the good times.
Being the beta chump that I am, I call her on lunch break and tell her that "Ideally" I would prefer not to break up and I would like to give us at least a final try after 7 year. She says she will think about. 5 minutes later she sends me a text saying ""It's over. I'm sorry, but it has to be at least for the time being".
I freak out (I know I shouldn't have but I've been out of the game for so long, I ignored all the rules) and jumped in my car and drove 5 hours to her house to see her face to face. I get to the door, and she opens in total shock. She immediately starts crying and saying I cannot be there. It almost felt she was too embarrassed to talk to me face to face or just couldn't face me.
She then tries to get in her car to drive off a couple of times, but I stop her. I talk straight to her and ask why she is treating me like a stranger when just a week ago I saw her when she came to visit and we went on dates and had a lovely time.
She screams and cries a bit more and then says if I don't leave she will call the COPS on me! I'm pissed at that point. I was being treated like a ****ing home invader when all I wanted was an explanation about the break up in a normal reasonable manner. I leave in my car. She tries to hug me before I do, but I ignore and she goes back in inside sad and crying.
Keep in mind that it's now getting dark and I'm in the middle of ****ing Hicksville with nowhere to go, and not being able to drive home 5 hours at the time (it's not a safe journey). I chumpishly come back to her house door and knock on it in tears (yes beta afc but it also softened up a bit). She let me in the house and we talked briefly.
She again re-iterated that it was over, and that it was final. Then her mother calls her and she goes to speak to her in private. She comes back and says we have to go somewhere public to talk. I joked "Does your mother think I am going to murder you or something?" she hesitantly laughed so that probably was the case.
We go to some casual restaurant, and before we order she goes to the bathroom for about 10 minutes (probably to talk to her mother again). She comes back and we have dinner - not discussing the relationship. It's fun, and flirty and we share a few laughs. Afterwards, we talk to go get coffee and I am able to put my arm around her (before she was freaking out) and sort of hold each other.
We talk some more over coffee - and it just more BS cliches from her. She gives me the "It's not you - it's me" and "My mother thinks it will be best for me to develop as a person".
We go back to her place and I am able to draw her in the make out for a "last kiss". She softens up more and we hug, and hold each other, and even do a bit of dancing to some romantic music - leaving the break up to the side for a bit. It's now late at night and I am expecting that I will be able to stay with her in her room so I can at least bang her one last time.
She then insists that I cannot stay at her house in any capacity. I offer to sleep in another room or on the floor, but she is adamant that I cannot. I try every trick in the book and she doesn't budge. She says I will have to stay at a motel.
She drives me to a motel near her house, and drops me off. I get her in her room and make out with her a bit to try **** her but she then insists that she has to go.
So, I go to sleep alone in this ****ty motel. The next morning she comes to my room and talks some more. I am able to make out with her a bit more, and even try have sex with her but it turns out she is on her period. I get a BJ anyway.
After some fooling around, she has to go. I say I can stay a couple more days to figure things out, but she says it would be best if I left.
We are at my room's door and saying goodbye. I tell her that if she goes out that door right now - that's it. She is making her decision to leave me and there is no coming back. She says "she needs to think and that she will be back to my town in a month to talk". I say I won't be the same man when she comes back in a month and that I won't be waiting for her.
Anyway, she says "Ok" and walks out the door. Keep in mind, she was running late to work after the fooling around with me.
I drive 5 hours back to my town and when I get back I send some beta text message about how I feel we still have chemistry and that we should do a one month break instead and see how we are at that time. She ignores it and just texts "Are you back?". I text "I am."
And that is it. I have not heard from her in 24 hours. We are officially broken up at this point. I have told most of my friends. She has told some of hers. It's crazy. I honestly didn't see it coming.
I hoped she would endure her job in the country town for a few more months then come back to Melbourne and every thing would be fine. I was terribly wrong.
Honestly, I'd love for her to come crawling back to me telling me how much of a mistake she made. I do love her and we do connect well. I don't think it will happen any time soon, and I have suspicions that she may have broken up with me so she can get with Dave from work who is single.
I know the No Contact Rule and I do not intend on having any further communication in the near future with her. She will probably want to get coffee with me when she comes back to town in a month but I figure this is probably to make her feel less guilty and she that I'm doing fine after the break up.
Can anyone lend some insight into my situation? Don't hold back. I know I acted a beta chump in many ways. I would love some discussion about this.
TLDR:
- Girlfriend of 7 years moves across state 10 months ago for job.
- Grows distant when away but fine in person.
- Spends a lot of time with guy from work.
- Tells me on the phone that she doesn't see the relationship going anyway.
- Says she wants to break up.
- I chump out and drive 5 hours to see her to talk face to face.
- She freaks out, says she will call the cops if I don't leave and makes me stay in a motel.
- I manage to soften up, make out, get a BJ from her.
- She leaves to go to work affirming that decision is final, I go back home and no contact since really.
- Insight, advice, anything appreciated.
Hi guys,
I have been in a LTR with a girl since we were both 17 years old - now we're 24. Everything was great, no big arguments and no prior break ups.
10 months ago she moved to another state 5 hours away because it was the only place she could get a job for her career. I didn't want her to go, and she went regardless and we said we would try make it work with the long distance.
During this time, we would probably see each other once every 3 weeks or so where one of us would come back and visit. It'd be great in person, lots of sex, and things would seem back to normal.
Whenever she got back though, she would go so distant. Barely respond to text messages, not enthusiastic to talk on the phone, and didn't seem that interested in us. She didn't even send me anything on Valentines Day (not even a Happy Valetines Day text!)
I also discovered that she was talking to this guy from work A LOT - texting most days (things that you would usually text your boyfriend about your day), and asking him for relationship advice about us, and even going out solo as "friends" for dinner etc.
Of course, I told her I was not happy about that and that I'd prefer if she kept things more professional with him but since I didn't see her very much, there was really nothing I could do.
Now, a couple of nights ago I call her at around 7pm. No answer. She calls me back at 11pm. She tells me she's been out to dinner with "Jess and Dave" from work so she couldn't take my call. Dave is the guy I mentioned before. She also says that "Jess and Dave" came over to her house for drinks afterwards. I was a bit cold at this point because I was suspicious as to whether it was just "Dave" after all and no Jess at her house.
Anyway, I don't freak out, I keep my suspicions and just act a bit coldly as we talk on the phone. Then she drops a bombshell on me. She says "Where is this relationship going?" She explains how she isn't feeling it anymore, doesn't feel the same, and that we fight too much due to the distance. She says all of this is exhausting and she would like to break up.
I play it cool and are like "Ok, if thats what you want to do - Not a problem". She is firm about it and doesn't waver at all. I'm saying things like "Yeah, we had some great times - it was good knowing you" in a confident tone hoping she will doubt what she's saying but she doesn't crack at all. We end the conversation on the breakup and go to sleep.
The next day, I text her some soppy message about how "We will always have the great memories and experiences together". She responds with an equally soppy message thanking me for the good times.
Being the beta chump that I am, I call her on lunch break and tell her that "Ideally" I would prefer not to break up and I would like to give us at least a final try after 7 year. She says she will think about. 5 minutes later she sends me a text saying ""It's over. I'm sorry, but it has to be at least for the time being".
I freak out (I know I shouldn't have but I've been out of the game for so long, I ignored all the rules) and jumped in my car and drove 5 hours to her house to see her face to face. I get to the door, and she opens in total shock. She immediately starts crying and saying I cannot be there. It almost felt she was too embarrassed to talk to me face to face or just couldn't face me.
She then tries to get in her car to drive off a couple of times, but I stop her. I talk straight to her and ask why she is treating me like a stranger when just a week ago I saw her when she came to visit and we went on dates and had a lovely time.
She screams and cries a bit more and then says if I don't leave she will call the COPS on me! I'm pissed at that point. I was being treated like a ****ing home invader when all I wanted was an explanation about the break up in a normal reasonable manner. I leave in my car. She tries to hug me before I do, but I ignore and she goes back in inside sad and crying.
Keep in mind that it's now getting dark and I'm in the middle of ****ing Hicksville with nowhere to go, and not being able to drive home 5 hours at the time (it's not a safe journey). I chumpishly come back to her house door and knock on it in tears (yes beta afc but it also softened up a bit). She let me in the house and we talked briefly.
She again re-iterated that it was over, and that it was final. Then her mother calls her and she goes to speak to her in private. She comes back and says we have to go somewhere public to talk. I joked "Does your mother think I am going to murder you or something?" she hesitantly laughed so that probably was the case.
We go to some casual restaurant, and before we order she goes to the bathroom for about 10 minutes (probably to talk to her mother again). She comes back and we have dinner - not discussing the relationship. It's fun, and flirty and we share a few laughs. Afterwards, we talk to go get coffee and I am able to put my arm around her (before she was freaking out) and sort of hold each other.
We talk some more over coffee - and it just more BS cliches from her. She gives me the "It's not you - it's me" and "My mother thinks it will be best for me to develop as a person".
We go back to her place and I am able to draw her in the make out for a "last kiss". She softens up more and we hug, and hold each other, and even do a bit of dancing to some romantic music - leaving the break up to the side for a bit. It's now late at night and I am expecting that I will be able to stay with her in her room so I can at least bang her one last time.
She then insists that I cannot stay at her house in any capacity. I offer to sleep in another room or on the floor, but she is adamant that I cannot. I try every trick in the book and she doesn't budge. She says I will have to stay at a motel.
She drives me to a motel near her house, and drops me off. I get her in her room and make out with her a bit to try **** her but she then insists that she has to go.
So, I go to sleep alone in this ****ty motel. The next morning she comes to my room and talks some more. I am able to make out with her a bit more, and even try have sex with her but it turns out she is on her period. I get a BJ anyway.
After some fooling around, she has to go. I say I can stay a couple more days to figure things out, but she says it would be best if I left.
We are at my room's door and saying goodbye. I tell her that if she goes out that door right now - that's it. She is making her decision to leave me and there is no coming back. She says "she needs to think and that she will be back to my town in a month to talk". I say I won't be the same man when she comes back in a month and that I won't be waiting for her.
Anyway, she says "Ok" and walks out the door. Keep in mind, she was running late to work after the fooling around with me.
I drive 5 hours back to my town and when I get back I send some beta text message about how I feel we still have chemistry and that we should do a one month break instead and see how we are at that time. She ignores it and just texts "Are you back?". I text "I am."
And that is it. I have not heard from her in 24 hours. We are officially broken up at this point. I have told most of my friends. She has told some of hers. It's crazy. I honestly didn't see it coming.
I hoped she would endure her job in the country town for a few more months then come back to Melbourne and every thing would be fine. I was terribly wrong.
Honestly, I'd love for her to come crawling back to me telling me how much of a mistake she made. I do love her and we do connect well. I don't think it will happen any time soon, and I have suspicions that she may have broken up with me so she can get with Dave from work who is single.
I know the No Contact Rule and I do not intend on having any further communication in the near future with her. She will probably want to get coffee with me when she comes back to town in a month but I figure this is probably to make her feel less guilty and she that I'm doing fine after the break up.
Can anyone lend some insight into my situation? Don't hold back. I know I acted a beta chump in many ways. I would love some discussion about this.
TLDR:
- Girlfriend of 7 years moves across state 10 months ago for job.
- Grows distant when away but fine in person.
- Spends a lot of time with guy from work.
- Tells me on the phone that she doesn't see the relationship going anyway.
- Says she wants to break up.
- I chump out and drive 5 hours to see her to talk face to face.
- She freaks out, says she will call the cops if I don't leave and makes me stay in a motel.
- I manage to soften up, make out, get a BJ from her.
- She leaves to go to work affirming that decision is final, I go back home and no contact since really.
- Insight, advice, anything appreciated.
