Girlfriend made a date with another guy

[live_n_learn]

First I'd like to say that I did something that I am not proud of but because of my past insecurities, I basically started reading her email occasionally. If I have not found anything suspicious the first time I did it, I probably would not have peeked ever again. However, I found out that my girlfriend of 2 years still keeps in touch with her ex and on one occasion looks like she was making plans to see him (although I have no proof whether that ever happened). While talking about something unrelated about her ex I asked when was the last time she heard from him (or another previous ex of hers). She said it was more than 6 month that he contacted her which was a lie as at the very least they were in touch by email just a few weeks ago. Even though I’m very displeased that she would go or even attempt to meet with her ex behind my back I have not confronted her about it and since I stopped seeing any evidence of them being in touch after that and I just put this in the back of my mind.

Now, however, I have a bigger fish to fry. I found out that she went to a networking event (part of her job) where she met someone who she enjoyed talking to and he asked to see her again. In the first email (to her mother btw), she mentioned that she wasn’t sure if this meeting was networking or social, but she went anyway. It became clear pretty fast that it was social and the guy started making a move on her and tried to kiss her. She turned away (as she said to her mother in the email) and subsequent email said that she now felt guilty and she should just break it off with that guy. Another thing I really didn’t like is that she said: “it’s hard to get to know someone casually if they’re trying to kiss you”, which says to me that she’s trying to explore her options and see if there’s something better out there.

For about 2 months since then I haven’t seen any communication from her about this. However, suddenly I see her sending him an email that she would like to catch up on stuff and she asked if “they could make some time for a phone date”. When I checked her phone log a few days later, it confirmed that they spoke that same evening for an hour. A couple of days later I see an email from him asking her if they’re still on for a dinner which she said she’d rather do next week because she hasn’t been feeling well.

So, my conclusions are: 1) she’s obviously not happy about something in the relationship and feels unsatisfied, or she lost interest. 2) She’s looking around for a replacement and just stringing me along until she finds it. 3) She’s disrespectful and she’s playing both me and the other guy. 4) She’s not willing to come to me and work on relationship concerns and rather chooses to explore other opportunities.

All of this also after she made it obvious to me a few months before that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and have a family.

Now, I understand that I violated her trust by checking her email and phone and that it was a wrong thing to do, not to mention unhealthy for a relationship and I’m not very proud of this, however, in the end I’m glad I found out sooner rather than later.

I’m basically ready to break up with her over this and just wanted to get some comments from you guys if you think my assessment of the situation is correct and whether or not there’s nothing else left to do but end it. Otherwise, I think if I wait I’ll get hurt a lot more than I already am when she actually finds somebody new.

Please let me know what you think. Sorry for the long post.

 

[Kal0051]

Well, first thing is I gonna tell you that you shouldn't be investigating her activities behind her back, that just reeks of insecurity. Ok, now that that's out of the way, she seems to be exploring her options. By the sound of it she's young so that's to be expected but your insecurity issues are gonna push her to take a better option. And don't kid yourself, she probably does have better options, like this guy she's seeing, she still wants to see him after he made his intentions clear. She's not the only girl doing this, I have a girl that's been very aggressive about getting to know me better. Her relationship with her bf isn't the greatest so I know she's seeing if I'm a better option. Just take care of your insecurity issues and be the better option and you'll be fine. And even if she does leave you then don't make the same mistakes with the next girl. Good luck.

 

[The Logical Player]

date multiple girls, and stop having ONE girlfriend - there is no benefit to you in doing that

live the player lifestyle, protect your heart, and have the fun of your life!!

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

live_n_learn - I actually do not think what you did was any worse than what she's doing, and as a woman, I feel that if I were in her situation I would indeed be looking for some other kind of attention.

It seems as though whatever subconscious vibe you were getting from her was what prompted you to check her e-mail in the first place. If the two of you are exclusive and have nothing to hide, I personally would not think that's a big deal.

You seem like a very intelligent and committed partner but unable/unwilling to confront her about what you've discovered. She's lied to you, and regardless of why, it's just plain wrong. A real woman would break things off before looking elsewhere. It almost seems like she wants to jump from one relationship into another.

All that said, it's not my place to judge either one of you, but if I were you, I'd definitely fess up and confront her. DON'T let her get caught up in you reading her e-mails. Keep the focus on her devious activities behind your back. Keeping this inside will only eat at you.

Best of luck, I am sorry that you are going through this right now.

 

[Warrior74]

TLP has a point. If you were dating multiple women you wouldn't be worried about what she's doing. I'm dating two women and working a full time job, and starting a business. They know they aren't my priority...when I see them we have fun, we chat through the week until the next time. I assume they are seeing other guys and use protection and I don't worry about it. Both of them have told me they are in love with me. I don't let that phase me.


To the OP. You now have the curse of knowing too much. Trust me...if you reveal that you have been snooping, your anger doesn't mean jack shyt, you are a snooping little jerk in her eyes and she's justified for seeing these other guys. You loose.

If you can be a man and say, hey babe I'm not ready for something serious and think we need some space. You come to a draw.

If you start dating other women and get out of her ass, she'll sense the change in you and will probably come back around with stronger interest. You also get the joy of more than one peice of poon. You win.


Edit.

A real woman would break things off before looking elsewhere.

No. She wouldn't. They don't do that anymore. Let's not start using terms like "a real woman" because that is a slippery definition. Here it is corrected.

A rare woman would break things off before looking elsewhere.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Warrior74 - Thanks for the correction. I actually like that better. I forget not all women live by the "Golden Rule".

I also think your suggestion to create space within the relationship is a good way to gauge how seriously this girl takes her man.

 

[Nutz]

I'm with the rest of the guys. Get a lineup of chicks of your own. And here's the thing, they don't have to be girlfriends. Just keep them around like women do with orbiters. If one girl acts up and gives you grief about another chick (or three) explain "she's just a friend". I love playing this game because it totally flips the script on them and they don't know what the frak to do about it. They know deep down what's going on, but they're powerless to do anything about it, just like the OP is with the woman he's currently seeing.

She's exploring other options for whatever reason and it's time he does the same. If he really wants to be diabolical he'll take a friend (who knows what's up) to dinner the same time & place his gf is supposed to have dinner with the other guy. If he plans it out right it'll make it all look like her fault, she's cheating, and he'll be able to play her like a fiddle in that she'll be qualifying and wanting to win HIM over for a change.

Another option is when she's on the date with the other guy, call her up with impromptu plans to go grab dinner. See how she reacts, then go from there. Maybe make a scene over the phone and ruin the date she's on. Then when she comes home dump her or something. You have a lot of options in how you want to play this.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Fight fire with fire. She is dating, so should you.

It would probably be more mature to outright break up with her, but it is a lot more fun to just start cheating on her like she has done to you. When she eventually finds out, don't tell her that you read her email and snooped in her phone. Just tell her that a friend of yours saw her out on one of her dates, so you just assumed that it was ok to see other people. She'll be crushed.

 

[r0cky]

If this is a serious relationship, I dont think this is enough to break up with her. If you confront her about it, odds are that she will come up with a very good explanation that will make you feel like a total ass for going thru her sh.t. Which may arise some trust issues (from her). I think you should wait until you find an email that confirms your suspicions beyond the shadow of a doubt. Anyways, if she does cheat on you, the guilt will eat her alive. Until then, you should trust that she's doing what is best for her, and not doing anything with the purpose of hurting you.

 

[Solomon]

yoo

Man you guys are gully as hell

Not much to be said(everyone covered it), ayo DonS your post is grimey (raw) ROFL
tell'em why you mad son, tell'em why you mad!!

:cuss:



:crazy:

p.s. Personally I would cut her off the "Team" to many chicks out there for a chick to act cute

 

[WhtRbt]

You'd better find yourself a replacement. I would get out there and start seeing other girls. Also, you were suspicious so I think you had reason to check her email. All is fair in love and war.

You're getting that feeling in your gut, right? You know what that feeling means, right? You have to withdraw and start meeting other women. Start hanging out with other women, the same thing she's doing. There's no use confronting her, because it will just make the situation worse. You will look jealous and untrusting, and she will lie until she's blue in the face. No explanation required.

 

[Jitterbug]

All of this also after she made it obvious to me a few months before that she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and have a family.

That and the fact that she's looking around for new c0cks... I'm surprised nobody has told this guy to:

- Wrap his tool
- Destroy the condom himself

Coz the next thing you know, she'll be pregnant and he'll be supporting some other bastard's kid for 18 years.

 

[Energizer]

Sex her best friend, older sister or mother and then await the atomic bomb my friend; it's gonna be explosive.

 

[WC2]

First things first... stop stalking her emails.

I've seen many men start building this habit in certain relationships and they think once that relationship is done, they'll stop stalking.

Wrong.

It's a habit for a reason. All you'll do is carry your insecurities over to the next relationship, so in effect this woman has hurt you in more ways than you can imagine.

Now you need to come to terms with what's going on here. If this has been going on for a few months now, she's been unhappy for a good amount of time.

How's your sex life?
Do you find you and your girl becoming more friends than sexual mates?
Are you fighting less?

All these are also signs that your relationship is losing it's spark.

Nevertheless, she's proven that she's clearly not happy with the way things are now and is attempting to branch swing to a higher quality male.

It's a tough pill to swallow, but you must swallow it. You may throw it back up a couple of times, and run back to her, but eventually you must swallow it and send her down the sh!tter.

I don't know who said that she hasn't really 'done anything' to deserve breaking up, but in my book she's done plenty. I would never consider a woman my 'girl' unless she was completely infatuated with myself and myself alone as far as males go. Any of this talking to her ex kind of thing would immediately send her to the bottom of my list. Going to networking events and emailing another man back and forth and actively talking on the phone is what the promiscuous do.

Now obviously you can't tell her that you've been *reading* her email... that's a story that would live on with her and her friends long after you two are done. Again, nip that sh!t in the butt.

I think the best path of action is to look for new women to date. Slowly detach yourself from your girl, and open up your options. You can be a branch swinger as well if you choose.

 

[WhtRbt]

If you're at the point where you feel compelled to snoop her email, it's over.

 

[sodbuster]

DNA tests for any kid that happens in the near future. Breakup sooner than that. She's lying to you-that should be all you need to end it.

 

[slickaz]

i know lately i been all for having a girlfriend n all but DAAYUMM!!!


dude WTF you doing asking for advice when its obviously clear this chic is seeing dudes behind your back, and not worried about telling her mum that she is!.

You need to get out there and line up a bunch of b!tches and take one of the FINEST ones to dinner at the same place as her and this guy at the same time..
and act like you two are friends if she comes over and asks, intro yoself to the guy politely and FOCUS ON YOUR DATE the whole evening, you'll see you EX will take a knife to herself trying to get ur attention.

It is OBVIOUS this is OVER. and if you or anyone else here is saying "try to save it", please..dont..

jump ship to another chic ASAP..
Always keep a line up, pull one of the bench, and if you dont got non on the bench, then get onto the DRAFT line up and pick one out quick.

hot women are a dime a dozen.

Just remember the next time, run you're life and dont get so attached to a chic that you have to go through her email, coz when it gets there, its over anyway.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

One word from a guy who recently went through the branch-swinging end of an LTR- fvck her depravedly before you kick her out of your life.

"Frame everything with women in terms of punishment and reward."

When you thought she was a great girlfriend, she earned the rewards she reaped from you. Now that the truth is rotting in the sun, you must act accordingly. Instead of flowers and affection, make it j!zzy face and a prolapsed rectum.

For once let's see a guy in this situation do the RIGHT THING, WHILE HE STILL CAN, instead of going AFC trying to change her mind. It's already over man. Don't be stuck months from now wishing you had just fvcked her crazy and dumped her a$$, just do it!

And for heaven's sake, don't tell her about the email stalking!

 

[scribblec]

One word from a guy who recently went through the branch-swinging end of an LTR- fvck her depravedly before you kick her out of your life.

"Frame everything with women in terms of punishment and reward."

When you thought she was a great girlfriend, she earned the rewards she reaped from you. Now that the truth is rotting in the sun, you must act accordingly. Instead of flowers and affection, make it j!zzy face and a prolapsed rectum.

For once let's see a guy in this situation do the RIGHT THING, WHILE HE STILL CAN, instead of going AFC trying to change her mind. It's already over man. Don't be stuck months from now wishing you had just fvcked her crazy and dumped her a$$, just do it!




And for heaven's sake, don't tell her about the email stalking!

most sound advice in this thread

 

[romangod]

I’m basically ready to break up with her over this and just wanted to get some comments from you guys if you think my assessment of the situation is correct and whether or not there’s nothing else left to do but end it. Otherwise, I think if I wait I’ll get hurt a lot more than I already am when she actually finds somebody new.

Please let me know what you think. Sorry for the long post.

Your assessment of the situation is correct. It's time to end it. This relationship has run its course with her being dishonorable to you while you're snooping around reading her private correspondences. The fat lady is singing. It's over.

Live and learn.


Cheers!