Girlfriend Issues

[Pwnge]

Well Hello Everyone, I have a little problem I would like to rant about. This is my first post too so...

Well me and my girlfriend have been together well over two years. I am 21 and she is 20. We both go to different schools (121 Miles away). This should only be temporary until December. Well today I had a really bad day so I thought I shall visit her while we were somewhat near eachother for the weekend. I told her I was having a bad day and I did not want to talk to her about it. She kept on badgering me telling me to tell her so I told her a little bit of it. While we are talking at her parents house I notice thats he is wearing this shirt that has her stomach showing. I told her that I did like that because when I am seen in public with her I'd like to feel like I'm rolling with a classy girl. As soon as I told her that I thought the outfit was a little trashy she then argues to me on how it isn't. She then decides to tell me that I am not her Father and I cannot tell her what to do. I told her that she was right but there is something called compromise. She then says she's not doing it and she doesn't care what I think. I then tell her that I will be driving back to my house. She then proceeds to try to take my car keys away from me but I didn't let her and then I left.

So hours later she then calls me and brings it back up just to throw in my face I am not her father and I can't ever tell her what to do. I then proceed to tell her that if she feels like I'm just trying to control her then she needs to break up with me.

What a great way to start off my birthday weekend. Especially when I only see her 2 times a week.

What do you guys think about I handled this situation and this girl.

 

[Pwnge]

Edit: We only see eachother 2x a week ever since we went to our different schools. Been only at different schools for 2 weeks.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

If you don't like what your girlfriend is wearing I don't think you can help it. Either you like something or you don't. All you can do is let her know. If she had enough respect for you I think she would have just done with your wishes. This girl doesn't have enough IL for you.

 

[WhitePimp]

Unless her gunt is hanging over the front of her pants, I don't see a problem with belly shirts. You're seriously trying to talk a 20 year old girl into being 'classy'?

 

[DonGorgon]

stop worrying about her and got get some other women cause your time with her is up and you just dont know it yet.. stay cool and convert her into a F buddy

 

[Pwnge]

I have been with this girl for two years and I basically lost my virginity to her, We argue alot however. Even though we are long distance we still find something to argue about. Then she says I like to pick fights about everything when it is quite even. When I do something she doesn't like its an argument. and Vice Versa. Somehow when she finds something to argue about I just say I'm sorry and I don't do it anymore. When I find something worth arguing over she doesn't budge. Then she wants to claim that everything has to go my way.

 

[rocket87]

It'll end sooner or later. Arguing never stops.

Never.

Ever.

Once it starts, you're doomed. I know you're brain thinks otherwise, but it won't. I'd spin some plates since you're so conveniently far away from her. Also, you trying to determine her clothing/style = creepy, strange, and not your place what-so-ever. If you don't like what she wears, you shouldn't be in a relationship with her. It's her life, not yours.

Also, re: the arguing, it's not you nor her - it's simply two incompatible personality types. Sorry. It is what it is. I'm assuming this arguing is over really petty sh!t? Especially since it manages to "happen" long distance?

You sound somewhat clingy, which is okay/expected based on the first gf aspect (We've all been there), but it'll hurt you in the long haul with this one.

Figure it out (aka give up while you still have some dignity, you've already lost all control of the relationship if you aren't aware.)

I just say I'm sorry

 

[sinnerman]

I have been with this girl for two years and I basically lost my virginity to her, We argue alot however. Even though we are long distance we still find something to argue about. Then she says I like to pick fights about everything when it is quite even. When I do something she doesn't like its an argument. and Vice Versa. Somehow when she finds something to argue about I just say I'm sorry and I don't do it anymore. When I find something worth arguing over she doesn't budge. Then she wants to claim that everything has to go my way.

ive been in a similar situation with a long distance relationship..im telling you mate its doomed to fail..im still not over my ex even though im spinning other plates but deep down i know she's not the right kind of person to be with..ive been given similar answers like ''you're not my husband'' when i demanded something of her and later a 100 apologies and so on. no matter how much you try you cant change someones nature..its just that way..i wasted close to 7 months of my life doing it..dont repeat my mistake

 

[Pwnge]

I am not more clingy then her. But I don't mind that because it has advantages sometimes. I can't control what she wears but I can control who am I by. and when she wore that I didn't want to be seen with her. Point Blank. I figured if she "loved" me enough she would have just fixed it so we could spend the only time we have together this week.

 

[Igetit!]

She kept on badgering me telling me to tell her so I told her a little bit of it. While we are talking at her parents house I notice thats he is wearing this shirt that has her stomach showing. I told her that I did like that because when I am seen in public with her I'd like to feel like I'm rolling with a classy girl. As soon as I told her that I thought the outfit was a little trashy she then argues to me on how it isn't.

You say that you two got into an arguement when you told her that you didn't like the shirt she was wearing.


Well damn dude,what did you expect? You INSULTED her taste in clothing,then when you said her outfit was a little "trashy",of course she would be offended because she probably felt as if you were calling HER trashy.


What,did you think calling her outfit "trashy" would cause her to get all lovey-dovey and draw her closer to you?



You'd probably get more cooperation by INSPIRING change than requiring it.

You should have said something more like,"You know that (shirt/blouse/pair of jeans/or whatever) you wore the other day? I wanna see you in that. I liked the way you looked in that (shirt/blouse/or whatever). In fact,I'd been thinking about how you looked in that (whatever) for the past 3 days".



I think inspiring her to wear something else in that way versus calling her outfit "trashy" would have done you a world of good.


You should have known that when you try to tell someone what to do,ESPECIALLY when you have NO AUTHORITY to do so,that of course they're going to rebel.

She then decides to tell me that I am not her Father and I cannot tell her what to do. I told her that she was right but there is something called compromise.

Compromise? You actually said that?

Compromise is when two sides give something to the other so BOTH can have what they want.


If she had done what you asked,you would have gotten what you wanted in her changing clothes,but what would she have gotten out of this "compromise"?

So hours later she then calls me and brings it back up just to throw in my face I am not her father and I can't ever tell her what to do. I then proceed to tell her that if she feels like I'm just trying to control her then she needs to break up with me.

Flat out RIDICULOUS. I've heard of people breaking up over cheating,losing interest in one anther,finding someone else they liked better,over being mistreated or disrespected by their partners,but this? Over fashion?


So all it would have taken to avoid all this mess is her shirt being a few inches longer. Wow,I must be getting old,lol.




Well I hope things work out for you man. Most people go to friends for help with thier relationships,to other successful couples for advice,or maybe even councelling. Seems all you have to do is take your girl to a clothing store.


Good luck dude.

 

[Pwnge]

Thanks and Great Advice.

What I meant by compromise is do things to satisfy both of us. I'm pretty sure if she put the shirt down a little it wouldn't totally hurt her appearance now would it? I never told her to put the shirt down. I asked her.

So I don't understand where all the "Your not my daddy, I can do whatever I want" talk comes from. When she says this it makes me think she has no regard to anything that I think. It's just a shame because whenever she tells me to do something I always considers how she feels and I do what SHE wants just for the sake of not getting into arguments. She told me she did not like me playing a video game last month, So I only played it when she was sleeping.

The reason I feel like I don't want to be with her as of now is because I feel like she doesn't care what I think. She will do what she wants to do and when she tells me to do something she expects for me to do it or she won't. It's pretty much a microcosm of the relationship I feel.

 

[rocket87]

don't understand where all the "Your not my daddy, I can do whatever I want" talk comes from.

Because,

When she says things, you actually consider them.

When you say things, she does whatever the hell she wants.

You have no control in the relationship. Do you enjoy being held by your balls? Sooner or later this will end.


A lot of girls will get to this point from allowing sh!t tests to pass and watching simple manipulation work (your willingness to apologize in order to defuse arguments = how I know this happens)


If you actually meant what you said at the end of that post, then break up with her. But I know you won't, because, again, she is in full control of your decisions, actions, and overall mentality. It's a game you're playing with yourself.



Btw, I might be coming across as a complete d!ck, but I've TOTALLY been in your shoes, way back in the day, and I'm just being real with you. Every post you make is like scratching fingernails on a chalkboard (her behaviors; your acceptance of them). So don't take it too personally, but at the same time... I'm pretty confident in what I'm saying to be pretty damn accurate. You'll see what I mean.

Does she have any family issues at home, missing parent, etc.? Just wondering (seriously).

 

[LoneWolf]

another teeny relationship. don't you guys know that relationships rarely work at young age? especially early 20's. very hard to find a mature girl at that age who will last long in a relationship.

 

[Pwnge]

She grew up without her father. Father was a scum bag who has like 50+ children.

Rockets you are point on. Around two years ago when we first started datin she would sh!t test me all the time and admit that she said things to piss me off. I took the bait and apologized even when she was in the wrong. I have made sure however in the past year that I would never do that.

TBH I know I don't really want to break up with her. Rockets what do you suggest I do?

 

[rocket87]

She grew up without her father. Father was a scum bag who has like 50+ children.

That's exactly why I asked - It's really obvious there was some sort of family discrepancy there (daddy issues came to mind but I didn't want to offend you if I were wrong at guessing), but yeah that's definitely it based on how you are describing her behaviors. Is that starting to make sense now? Again, been there, done that. I am literally blessed to have the knowledge of this now so I know what to avoid in the future, and soon you will have this knowledge too.



Admitting to saying things to piss you off - Another thing - These girls will do this to spite you. They will embarass you, puzzle your mind intentionally, overall just tons of manipulation. The girl I was with back in the day straight up said it once when I pressed her to tell me why she said certain things, she said "Well maybe I was just trying to spite you, I don't know, I'm sorry."

I'm willing to bet she has pointed the finger at you before for games/manipulation? (You're playing games with me!) etc.? When really, she's the one playing games.


That's good that you stopped giving in to the games, but unfortunately, that is exactly why it's gotten worse. Girls like her need someone that will suck their manipulation teet whenever they feel it's time - You started to 'rebel', or rather, just not put up with the sh!t, and so she had to change her strategy. This is also why it's doomed to fail. Man I see it so clearly now. I was just like you. This same. exact. thing. happened. It's really hard to acknowledge and admit to it when you're the one IN it. I really do know how hard it is.

One thing I learned after she was out of my life was to be honest with myself. Because there's many times I recall lying to myself or trying to adjust the truth in order to make the situation not appear as bad as it was (or to diffuse logical reasons on why breaking up with the love of my life was a bad idea). I think you are doing this, and it's "natural" (It's not okay, it's just something that is a by-product of this relationship style.) Breaking through that co-dependence is going to be the hardest part. This sucks to hear, but deep down she needs that attention you give her, but DO NOT get that mixed up with her needing you. She does NOT need you. She will do these behaviors to anyone that plays along because people that play along are more rare (unexperienced, first-timers, etc.). Guys that are experienced, like myself, who have been there, and know what's up, avoid this sh!t like the plague.



If I could go back and do it over again, in my situation, I would have broken up with her, being sure to show 0 emotion. I would have completely deleted her from my life with NO EXCEPTIONS. No facebook, no phone numbers. NOTHING. But I don't know if I could have because there's that gripping reality that's so hard to break.. Before I had a chance to, she actually ended up breaking up with me, which was probably the best thing that could've ever happened in my entire life, no joke. It's almost like a blessing in disguise -- without her coming in, leaving her mark, doing her damage, etc. and then breaking it off, I would've never know what it was like to have been with someone who acts in those ways. Just for specifics: Her father died when she was a toddler, and Mom never ended up finding a replacement or at least someone/something/anything (boyfriend, neighbor, etc.) to help out long-term.


So, if you can, break it off.. That's another whole issue, is it something you think you can pull off? You are well distanced from each other, that should help. It's rough, but it has to be done, sooner or later one of you will break up. This relationship will not work.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Listen to what Rockets is saying. And I know you dont want to be arguing for the rest of your life.

 

[Pwnge]

Well now I am pretty much fed up. We got over this argument and we just never mentioned it again. But we have still been arguing about stupid things. One argument was because I was going to be a day late in visiting her because I had to stay in class. On my way to her house we get in an argument because she she hasn't responded to my text or call that morning even though that she was up. I am pretty much just sick of everything. When I called her and she finally picked up we got into an argument because I had changed my plans on skipping class because I needed extra study help. During this argument on the phone she told me that she didn't even want to see me. So I think this is the last straw. I will be going No Contact and I probably will be changing my number soon.

 

[Pwnge]

Day 1 of No Contact. If she tryes to contact me I'm just ignoring it.

What do you guys think? Am I doing the right thing or do I need to make up with her?

 

[Pwnge]

any comments?

 

[luckster]

any comments?

I believe all the advice/comments you need on this has been posted. It just looks like you don't want to believe it. Not sure what more of the same will do.

Read rocket87's posts again, starting with this one: It'll end sooner or later. Arguing never stops. Never. Ever.

EDIT: What might actually help more is to read your very own post (see bold):

Well now I am pretty much fed up. We got over this argument and we just never mentioned it again. But we have still been arguing about stupid things. One argument was because I was going to be a day late in visiting her because I had to stay in class. On my way to her house we get in an argument because she she hasn't responded to my text or call that morning even though that she was up. I am pretty much just sick of everything. When I called her and she finally picked up we got into an argument because I had changed my plans on skipping class because I needed extra study help. During this argument on the phone she told me that she didn't even want to see me. So I think this is the last straw. I will be going No Contact and I probably will be changing my number soon.