girlfriend hanging out with ex

[Gambit2318]

Me and my gf have been going out for 2 months now everything is great her IL is very high to me and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. two months ago though she just broke up with her ex which she has been seeing for 5 years she found out that he cheated and lied to her. She has told me openly and to my face that she has no feelings for him and is not attracted to him anymore she is attracted to me and loves me and doesn't want to ruin anything between us. She just wants to hangout with him not all the time but maybe like two days a week but she says if anything happens while she is hanging out with him then she is going to end the friendship. Now should i trust her and be like she is just hanging out with a friend she knew for 5 years or should i me a worried freak and make things worse between us?

 

[MrBond007]

Originally posted by Gambit2318
She has told me openly and to my face that she has no feelings for him and is not attracted to him anymore

*Wink Wink*
*Nudge Nudge*

 

[StrivetoThrive]

Gambit was the best X-men Character. He threw the cards like a freakin pimp and he had that Cajun thing going.

I digress


anyways, dude this is no good....this reeks of her having second thoughs about your relationship and wanting to see if the ex is better in whatever way. I am no relationship expert as I havent been in one for more than a couple of months, but these first couple of months are by far the most critical. She may TELL you she has no interest, but she is obviously SHOWING you what she thinks with her ACTIONS. Her words are mere lip service mon ami, as Gambit the pimpin x-man would say.

Look at her actions, and make an action of your own.

SEVERING THE TIES

 

[xblitz44x]

You're in a rough situation. I've been on both sides of this and I'd say that anytime a girl is endangering her current relationship (especially when it's with a guy she 'loves') just to simply 'hang out' with an ex...there is more going on there than you think. If it was just 'hanging out' like friends, she would see that the potential harm it could have to her current relationship isn't worth the entertainment of just hanging out with him.

My guess is that there are left-over feelings there. And there is a strong possibility that she can jump ship at any second. Also, since they've been fvcking for 5 years, one evening when they are feeling good, they could easily 'slip up' and have sex because they've done it hundreds of times before. It's almost natural.

Unfortunately if you say something you'll be perceived as controlling, possessive, and insecure. And if you let this go on you're risking being humiliated, and hurt while investing yourself.

My honest guess is that your relationship with her is already over. I'd hate to say that but it's truely my prediction. But you can't bet on that just yet. I would talk to her and tell her that you really feel uncomfortable with what's been going on. Tell her that it's not the fact that she's hanging out with her ex, but the fact that...if she REALLY cared about this relationship like she says she does, she wouldn't indulge in something that has the danger of harming it....all for just 'hanging out'. I would ask her if she could please put an end to it. If she puts up a fight, tell her "I won't force you to do anything, but what I don't understand is that if there is no feeling there, and you're just hanging out like friends, then why are you not willing to sacrifice that little bit of socializing for this strong love you have in our relationship?"

Unfortunately I believe that is your only option. If she cares about you like she says she does, she'll understand, and she'll have no problem.

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by Gambit2318
She just wants to hangout with him not all the time but maybe like two days a week but she says if anything happens while she is hanging out with him then she is going to end the friendship.

Has she made any attempt to introduce the two of you? Does she want to only 'hang out' with the ex while you are not around or does she want you two to meet and become mates? If she is making obvious attempts to only be seeing one of you at any one time, then I would not be comfortable with it.

Is she prioritising you over him? If she starts breaking dates or telling you fairly regularly that she can't see you because she is seeing him then yes, that is a problem. If it was one of her girlfriends, then that is not such a drama, friends are friends. But a 5 year history is hard to ignore. She was probably thinking marriage, kids, the rest of her life with this guy before it went pear shaped.

 

[xblitz44x]

" Has she made any attempt to introduce the two of you? Does she want to only 'hang out' with the ex while you are not around or does she want you two to meet and become mates?"

Awesome point Cremasta. That slipped my mind. If she was totally, sincerely wanting to be friends with him she'd have no problem introducing you to him. If not then that means there is a threat of some sort, and THEN you have a serious problem. I would FIRST, before your talk with her, make it a point for you all to hang out together. Tell her:

"Hey I'd like to meet Keith, why don't you have him get a date and we'll double date together."

If she objects, go into the talk.

 

[NatureGuy]

Alot of good responses here. What I would
say is, if you can hang out with them both too
(and you want to...), no problem, but that's
not likely.
I would tell her that situation is no good
for you, and if she has a problem with that,
stop seeing her.
I think you need to stand your ground here.
If you don't, you are in effect supporting
her emotionally and whatever while she
experiments with the ex again.
No good.

 

[Gambit2318]

her ex actually does want to meet me

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Ask yourself, how is this girl going to make me feel later in the relationship if this is how she's treating me now?

Been there, done that. My problem was more severe - my girl still lived with her ex in a 4 bedroom home! She wouldn't kick him out, so I broke it off with her.

After we broke up, she went right back to the ex.

 

[Big Pappy]

Okay....

I probably wouldn't have noticed this if a friend of mine wasn't going through this.

Here's the thing about cheating. Some DJ's may lend more data.
This guy, after 5 years, gets caught with his pants down. She's pissed, she dumps him. She is still attracted to him physically, he's still going to know what she likes, doesn't like, etc.

Here's the thing: Why does this girl want to be friends with someone that is so completely lacking in character?
Mind you, splitting hairs, yes. There are different grades of cheating.
Listed in no particular order:

There's the "incidental" ONS -"Baby, I'm sorry, I got drunk and she just started to unzio my pants and I lost control."

There's the player, screwing many, all the time, just under the radar.

There's the juggler - having two or more steady gals.

I'm sure there are some types I left out.


But, I hope I'm not the only one that sees this.
Your girl may have some self esteem issues. Why she thinks that it's okay for this guy to do this is beyond me. I guess this means that you can cheat on her, too.

If it were me, I would want to talk with her about this part. I would think about it first, though. Each situation is different.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Gambit2318
Me and my gf have been going out for 2 months now everything is great her IL is very high to me and she is the best thing that has ever happened to me. two months ago though she just broke up with her ex which she has been seeing for 5 years she found out that he cheated and lied to her.

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!! She breaks up with a guy that she had been dating for 5 years and immediately starts dating you??? When exactly did she have time to get over him completely?

PLUS, she was cheated on, her self esteem was probably very low. So here you come, Mr. Available... The guy who pays her attention and is SOOOooo nice, what a lucky girl. Of course she can immediately forget about the chemistry she had with a guy for 5 years.

This is the reason why guys should NEVER EVER be an exclusive rebound from a LTR. Either something like this will happen or you will become the whipping boy for the ex-bfs indiscretions.

If you ever come into being the rebound from a LTR be careful, don't put all of your efforts into this one woman. Play the field and tell her that she should too. Unless she gets out and discover if she has broken the emotional ties with her ex, she will probably be in the mindset that your girl is in.

Think about whether one of your ex-gfs has ever called you months after your breakup to try to get back together. Now imagine the poor slob who thinks he is dating her.

I'm not saying avoid women that just come out of LTR. However understand that you should only judge a woman by her actions and take what she says at face value. This goes double for women just getting out of a LTR.

 

[NewMan]

I would agree with FransA....

5 yrs is a long time, and the fact she is hanging out with him, means that he's giving her something that she's not getting from you - be it sex or emotional connection.

She's obviously not over him.

Whatever the reason is not the point.

The point is you.

Do YOU want her to see an ex. If your cool with it then don't worry - but if you do not want it to happen then put your foot down.

 

[tiburon]

hey its simple

You ARE BEING DISRISPECTED >>>>>>>
YOU ARE BEING CHEATED ON.......
YOU NEED TO DUMP HER SHE IS NOT WORTH IT.........

Next time somenthing like this happens ...when she first mentions it you tell her ..thats cool.. and never talk to her aging even if it hurts....because if she has toughts like that and actually wants to do something about them ....she has no integrity and is direspecting you as a man.....

In fact you keep allowing this ..she will leave you for him because you look like a Wuzz with no bcakbone....


ONLY SOULUTION IS TO DUMP HER GOOD AND FOREVER...to many woman outhere.....


Tiburon


I HATE SLUTS!!!!!!!

 

[WillieSacks]

Gambit, she's cheating on you. I'm 100% sure of it because I was in the same exact situation last month. I was seeing a girl for 2 months and I heard she was seeing her ex but she told me that she was over him bla bla bla, but whaddayaknow, I call one day and her ex picks it up. NEXT. If she starts acting shady all of a sudden (stops calling everyday, all of a sudden not available), then her ex is brainwashing her and you should just move on.

Biitch has low self esteem. If I ever got cheated on, I would NEVER go back to my ex. She has no feelings for him but she still wants to 'hang out'. HOW MUCH SENSE DOES THAT MAKE. She's cheating on you. Best way to get over it is to not call her anymore and approach every HB you see on the streets or at the bar. It'll probably hurt for a couple of days but you'll get over it once you start getting other numbers and shagging up with a new chick every week. Later.

 

[Playing Pimp]

Hey fool, im the guy hanging out with my ex's all the time. I bang everyone of them and they all go out with chumps like you. You wont take this advice or anyones for that matter cause you are a fool in love.

But take my word my little moronic friend, she is taking it doggy from this playa and aint nothing you gonna do about it except grabs your balls be a man and punk this ***** fake playette. Check yourself before you reck yourself *****...

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Gah many GFs won't bang the ex even though they hang alot with him

 

[DJZ]

It's only been 2 months since they broke up a 5 year relationship! She still has plenty of feelings for him. She might still be angry and hurt about him cheating, but I can garauntee you that she still has feelings for him.

Sorry to inform you, but you are the rebound guy.

 

[Ice Cold]

Cheating - 100%

Been there, done that.

Listen to her:

"This is the guy who fukked me left and right. I blew him and took it all the way from behind for the last [insert time they've been together]. But don't worry sweetie, I'm gonna go over to his appartment and be just friends. You're so cute and stupid. Yeah, that's right, look at my boobs. You're becoming hypnotized..."

It would take one hell of a woman to just be friends with him

 

[OpenMind]

Ice is on target.. and why would a girl break up with her boyfriend of 5 years to just be friends with him? if she still didn't have feelings she would have no problem telling him to fu*kk off and never contact her again because she is looking to meet someone else who fullfills her needs.. she isn't over him.. this doesn't mean that you should drop her... it just means that you should put her at the bottom of your priorities since that is where she has you.. when she chases you to the point that u are so certain that the ex is out of the picture and she wants to better her life then u might be so generous as to give her the time of day that she just may or may not deserve.. just my 2 cents.. good luck!!!

 

[Zossima]

Some of the guys above hit the nail right on the head...........

1) You are a rebound for her because she is too weak to be without a guy for any length of time. She might actually have to get to know herself. To jump into a relationship with you before she even closed the door on the ex should have set off alarm bells.

2) She's a liar. To you and to herself. .... She does have feelings for the ex and and she doesn't love you. Both are lies. Accept it.

3) You SHOULD worry. Worry about how you could be so blind to the obvious. This girl will send you spinning if you don't immediately detach yourself from her emotionally.

You've been warned.