Girlfriend goes from giving terrible-head to porno-head overnight... What's her deal?

[P_Dawg_Jalapeno]

So, I've been dating this chick for 9 months; she's a 24 year old single mother with a son and I'm a 26 year old single father, also with a son.

So, when we first started dating it took roughly 3 weeks before we had sex, due to the fact that it had been over a year for both of us (or so she says) and we were both really nervous. For the first two and a half month or so there was little to no foreplay between us, first because we were getting comfortable with one another, second we were both still a bit nervous, and third because we didn't need it (she was so pent up she'd get off multiple times before me - with no foreplay). So we just dove balls-deep into the sex.

Anyway, after a few months the foreplay amped up a bit, and we started groping and going down on one another. Thing is, when she would go down on me she'd make me lay down, straddle my knees, just basically bob her head up and down, tells me not to come in her mouth, no ball touching, and lots of teeth. I never told her it was terrible, I mean, if she did something good I'd let her know but for the most part I'd just let her go to it and not complain. Usually it ended with her riding me or her jerking me off onto my chest. I just figured it wasn't really her thing (which would suck). This is how it was almost every time... that is, up until some time last week.

So last week we're at her house, the kids are in bed, and we're in the living room on the couch. We start making out, I work her top off, get her all hot and bothered, pull her panties down and start pleasuring her with my tongue. Everything is as usual and that's cool with me; I finish her like always and stand up. She grabs my pants and my boxer-briefs, yanks them down, grabs my johnson and pulls it toward her mouth. So I'm standing there, her sitting on the couch giving me head; she starts licking the shaft, massaging the head of my johnson with her tongue, jerking on it, kissing it, playing with my balls with her free hand, lots of upward glances to see if I'm looking, tells me to shoot it all over her tongue... So in my mind I'm thinking "What the hell happened to you within the past 24 hours?!?" And it's been like this ever since.

So what do you guys think happened? My initial thinking was that she's been cheating, and when she's with me fantasizes about her other dude. We don't live together but I spend 98% of my nights with her and she ALWAYS has her kid. I usually get to her place at 730PM and don't leave till we get up for work the next day. Maybe she's doing it while at work?

This is a very very good thing that's making me very very paranoid. Maybe she's more comfortable with me than she was... but then we've been passing the "L-word" back and forth for about 4 months, so you'd think her comfort level would've hit that point earlier. I texted her the other day asking her what was up and she said "haha, just wanted to show you what I could do."

Any thoughts?

 

[Warrior74]

She's known how to suck it like that from the beginning...she was just holding back. Maybe her other dude dropped her and now shes trying to suck you in literally and figuratively.

Regardless, shes playing games.

 

[DJDamage]

My guess is that you did something that raised her interest in you, prehaps she saw you talking to another attractive woman and her anxiety of potentially losing you kicked in.

 

[P_Dawg_Jalapeno]

Her last real boyfriend, according to her family & friends was almost 2 years ago. I don't think it's a rebound thing. I mean, why else would she hold back especially if she was telling me how much she loves me the whole time.

 

[Warrior74]

I mean, why else would she hold back especially if she was telling me how much she loves me the whole time.

LOL. Because girls who want to be seen as good girls don't want to be seen as guzzling cawk and kum like the village slut if you know what I mean. Hell she's got a kid so you know, shes not new to the rodeo. . They want to ease a "catch" into the fact that they have been around the block and also save the really good sex until they really need to play that card, to seal a deal. But now she's showed her hand...obviously she's been holding back. So the question is why.

What has changed? Have you been spending less time with her? Flirting with other girls? Acting more Pimpish/Djish/Playerish? Has she changed? It's something.


It could just be her being comfortable enough to let the real freak in her out.

What has she been talking about lately? What has been her hopes or worries or fears lately? What are her dreams she talks about? Are you listening? What does she say about your relationship or where she see's it going?

Also. You are spending way to much time with her. Back off a bit. I personally think she's trying to get you to commit. You're there all the time with her and her kid. Come on get you a box of Ready Made Family, just add Step-Daddy and stir! She might be thinking, maybe if I blow this guys mind, he might pop the question. She already has you sticking around, being play daddy and spending the night with just plain old boring head. Maybe a little extra will make you fall head over heels in love enough to support her and her kid.

 

[P_Dawg_Jalapeno]

LOL. Because girls who want to be seen as good girls don't want to be seen as guzzling cawk and kum like the village slut if you know what I mean. Hell she's got a kid so you know, shes not new to the rodeo. . They want to ease a "catch" into the fact that they have been around the block and also save the really good sex until they really need to play that card, to seal a deal. But now she's showed her hand...obviously she's been holding back. So the question is why.

What has changed? Have you been spending less time with her? Flirting with other girls? Acting more Pimpish/Djish/Playerish? Has she changed? It's something.


It could just be her being comfortable enough to let the real freak in her out.

What has she been talking about lately? What has been her hopes or worries or fears lately? What are her dreams she talks about? Are you listening? What does she say about your relationship or where she see's it going?

Also. You are spending way to much time with her. Back off a bit. I personally think she's trying to get you to commit. You're there all the time with her and her kid. Come on get you a box of Ready Made Family, just add Step-Daddy and stir! She might be thinking, maybe if I blow this guys mind, he might pop the question. She already has you sticking around, being play daddy and spending the night with just plain old boring head. Maybe a little extra will make you fall head over heels in love enough to support her and her kid.

She does frequently in a semi-joking way mention how her relatives ask when we're going to "tie the knot." She told me the other day she could see herself spending the rest of her life with me. Oh yeah, she sometimes brings up the "if we ever have a baby" thing and starts listing names she likes.

Also, this... A long-ish read but kinda interesting.

I thought I had caught her cheating on me a week ago, when I booted her laptop (which had been in hibernate for many many months), an old Skype conversation log came up that basically had her and some dude shooting some seriously flirty/dirty massages back and forth. I immediately confronted her about it (I WAS going to end it right there), and basically said "babe, if you've been fvcking this guy behind my back, I'm dumping your ass like a used tissue, we're done... So you better come up with an explaination FAST. It not only sounds like you've been meeting, but showering, and fooling around with this guy. So what's your deal, huh?"

Thing is, I didn't consider the "when" or "why." I should also note that I was NOT snooping. Skype was open, and so were several other windows when I pulled the PC out of hibernate. It had been like that for a while.

She let out a deep sigh, looked really really embarrassed and said "Sweetie, the truth is that I've never met this guy. He lives in Astoria, Oregon" (we're on the East Coast). And I said, "So what's the deal with this stuff here then, and why does it sound like you guys are meeting to shower and fvck, and taping the stuff no less? Hmm?" She looked at me, even more embarrassed, and said, "Baby, before you came along I hadn't been with anyone in a while, so we just used to cam together online, I don't even know how old this guy is, we met on a social networking site. We'd set up our webcams and watch each other shower, blah, blah.... And I haven't spoken to him since we got serious."

I shot her a skeptical eye and said "prove it." She responded "Baby, I swear to god, I can't lose you to something as stupid as..." And just then, the laptop, which is still on my lap, makes a little jingle. The webcam guy jumps onto the Skype messanger service. She waits a few minutes then messages him, and not only proves that they've never met in person, but that they haven't spoken in months, and he's never been to the East Coast. So, then she briefly played the 'falsely-accused' card; I didn't apologize though. She then offered up her laptop for my snooping pleasure, and I declined. There are some things I just don't want to know, and there are some things which are just not my business. She then deleted Skype, MSN Messenger, and her account on the social networking site right in front of me; something I didn't really want or expect her to do. I want her to have friends and a social, I just don't want to feel like I'm being played.

I then kinda poked a bit of fun at her for having a "cyber-buddy" and threw the idea of a "cyber-threesome" out there. Haha.

That's the closest thing we've had to a fight, after 9 months. There was no yelling, just depreessive looks, skeptical eyes, and begging and pleading.

I told her that I can't honestly say I'd be with her had that dude not signed on when he did, and it makes me very sad thinking about it like that. She understands my position but doesn't want to admit that she would've reacted the same because of how close that incident came to ending it. That being said, I do love her, but I'm not sure about the step-dad role. I'm a single father, so I'm a bit sympathetic toward her cause, but it's still scary. My step-dad is my role model in life (he's a real life rags to riches story) so it makes it a bit easier for me I suppose.

But that night is when her transition took place. The head has been spectacular since then, like porno-good. I don't know why me confronting her like that would've turned her into a better penis sucker. It's like she's compensating for something...

 

[Warrior74]

so she sucked you to nirvana on the night you called her out about this other guy? Yah sounds like some compensating. Trying to keep you around. What would bother me is this... "what else is she holding out on?" I would start pushing all of her sexual boundries.

Trust me, chicks will take it up the ass for a bad boy and never let their husbands touch their bung hole. They will swallow a bad boys load and tell their husband it's disgusting. They want to submit to the badboy and want the husband to submit to them. I've seen it in my own life personally from both sides.

I find it dishonest for my woman to hold out on anything sexually. They damn sure don't expect you to hold back.

I think she may have came close to getting busted, or just plain afraid of losing you and she had to turn it up a notch. Not thinking of what this revealed about her and how it would throw up an even bigger red flag.

All that semi-joking...ain't joking. It's what she's thinking, not what her relatives are thinking. I hope you are using protection with her. Don't trust this chic with the birth control. She's got one kid and almost has you in the bag, a baby could seal the deal for her. She wouldn't be against it.

The question you have to ask yourself is, What do you want? Is she the person you want it with?

 

[P_Dawg_Jalapeno]

so she sucked you to nirvana on the night you called her out about this other guy? Yah sounds like some compensating. Trying to keep you around. What would bother me is this... "what else is she holding out on?" I would start pushing all of her sexual boundries.

Trust me, chicks will take it up the ass for a bad boy and never let their husbands touch their bung hole. They will swallow a bad boys load and tell their husband it's disgusting. They want to submit to the badboy and want the husband to submit to them. I've seen it in my own life personally from both sides.

I find it dishonest for my woman to hold out on anything sexually. They damn sure don't expect you to hold back.

I think she may have came close to getting busted, or just plain afraid of losing you and she had to turn it up a notch. Not thinking of what this revealed about her and how it would throw up an even bigger red flag.

All that semi-joking...ain't joking. It's what she's thinking, not what her relatives are thinking. I hope you are using protection with her. Don't trust this chic with the birth control. She's got one kid and almost has you in the bag, a baby could seal the deal for her. She wouldn't be against it.

The question you have to ask yourself is, What do you want? Is she the person you want it with?

Everything here is quoted for truth.

She did indeed almost lose me, and I'm sure she knows it. If that guy (who is geeky as **** looking, by the way) didn't jump on, she would have, period. I don't think there's anything more to that specific situation; I juiced it for all it's worth... But because she was holding out, red flags are up, and I'm sure there's more to her than what meets the eye. I shot her a text the next day asking her "what got into you last night hmmm? that head you gave me was awesome!" and she responded "just thought I'd show you what I can do baby..." Hmmm... what else can you do that I don't know about?

I feel kinda like I'm peeling and onion with her.

I'm not a "bad boy" per se, but I can spit some wicked game and I can be very very convincing when I want something, more so than most "bad boys." I haven't been too pushy with her sexually, yet, but I'm going to amp it up a notch here soon. This girl up until recently insisted that I not come in her mouth, and says her ass is "an exit only." I wasn't pushy about anything in the beginning because I liked her and didn't want to send her running. Indeed, I'm questioning, what sort of crap I could pull without even asking her. This is a bit trickier for me though because I do like this chick, and I don't want to send her through the roof by sticking my flesh-missile in her ass. If I didn't like her, I'd just do it. So how would you go about pushing these boundaries?

And yes, we BOTH use protection. I watch her take her pill every day and I use a rubber every time. She insists.

I like your advice by the way, wise words.

 

[Colossus]

I'm with Warrior here---girls just dont go from awful mechanical head to porno BJ's overnight. I think there is a lot more to her than meets the eye, you're just finding out a little at a time.

Two thoughts: If she can give such great head, why wasnt she giving it to you before?? I think it's because she got caught and she wants to cloud your judgment a bit before you have time to think it over. Classic female tactic when caught with something. You can forget about a lot when you are getting primo head every day.

I cant tell you how many times I've had a girl tell me she has "never" done that, or "doesn't" do that thing. They have, and they do. They just dont want you to think they are a wh0re, so they wait until you are invested in the rel. first.

Also, this woman readily showed her naked body to some skeez online that she has never met. I would take moral issue with that, but those are my morals. There is definitely more to the story with her.

 

[f283000]

I think the key to this thread is what the OP said (almost caught her cheating) plus what djdamage said (OP doing something to increase attraction) and what warrior said (they will do anything for a bad boy but not for you).

One of the key's to a healthy relationship with a woman is putting her on the spot once in a while. Making her feel like you could walk away any minute. Giving a woman this feelings makes them feel like you are not worried about other options. It's only guys that are comfortable in relationships that end up with women that either treat them like garbage or won't do things for them. Because this gives the woman the feeling you can't walk away because you wouldn't have other options.

When you confronted her about the possible cheating that triggered in her mind the possibility of you walking away. Next thing you know she is doing what she is doing to you like if she was a pro.

Conflict is a good thing in a relationship. I'm not talking about fist fights or loud arguments. I'm talking about remember to do things that create attraction in the first place. Negging, not being available all the time, looking at other women when you are with her, talking to other women etc.

 

[Warrior74]

So how would you go about pushing these boundaries?

Try being more dominate. Take charge, tell her what to do, don't back down when she mewls her objections and do a combo of domination, strong direct language and sweet talk until she submits. And be willing to walk away from all sex until you get what you want. Eventually the fear that she will lose you if she doesn't do x will push her to consider it. If she's done it before she'll cave quickly. Or at least will with the right combo of direct talk and sweet talk. If it's against her core principles (some girls just aren't going to do some things) you should be able to tell by the conflict it causes in her.

Check out The Sex God Method and some other books on sex.

Remember, Don't ask permission, give guidance.

 

[CuriousGirl]

I'm with Warrior here---girls just dont go from awful mechanical head to porno BJ's overnight.

I think there is a lot more to her than meets the eye, you're just finding out a little at a time.

Oh but they can though. If blow jobs come up in a conversation with a friend who's good at head then she'll immediately be better. No girl has a **** to know what's good they either don't know and just guess or they find out from other people, their partner, magazines, p0rn etc....

And surely that last sentence rings true of everybody?

I do agree though that there'll be a reason why she suddenly changed, it could be innocent though, it may not necessarily mean she's evil and plotting away..

 

[DJDamage]

I do agree though that there'll be a reason why she suddenly changed, it could be innocent though, it may not necessarily mean she's evil and plotting away..

Regardless if its evil or not, it is still a strategic plot that the woman choose to employ due to some form anxiety that made her change her status quo.

The Skype incident with the other man could be directly related to his change and therefore it is manipulative and not genuine as opposed to her interests naturally being amped up (and after 9 months they usually go slightly down not up).

 

[12AJ12]

Did you try something as simple as asking her?? Like, hey when did you learn to do that?

 

[P_Dawg_Jalapeno]

Did you try something as simple as asking her?? Like, hey when did you learn to do that?

You know, I thought about that, but ick. She used to date some really ugly, gnarly, out of shape looking dudes (some of which I have seen). I have some bi-curious tendencies (always have) and don't digg the idea of some ugly turd of a dude busting a fat wad all over her tongue, so I passed on asking the question. Strangely enough if the the majority of the guys she had dated were better looking than me, I wouldn't mind asking her; I'd probably actually end up getting turned on by it.

 

[P_Dawg_Jalapeno]

Regardless if its evil or not, it is still a strategic plot that the woman choose to employ due to some form anxiety that made her change her status quo.

The Skype incident with the other man could be directly related to his change and therefore it is manipulative and not genuine as opposed to her interests naturally being amped up (and after 9 months they usually go slightly down not up).

Also consider the fact though that we didn't even get into the manual/oral sex stuff until several months into the relationship. We dove right into the sex and didn't really do anything else for MONTHS, but the sex was awesome! I mean, who does that?! People in backwards-land? So as far we go, the sex and foreplay have both progressively gotten better. Actually, I'd say it's the best they've been; even prior to the incident.

So maybe it's a combination of things... Maybe she's not only getting more comfortable with the idea, but she also thought was was going to lose me.

 

[P_Dawg_Jalapeno]

Oh but they can though. If blow jobs come up in a conversation with a friend who's good at head then she'll immediately be better. No girl has a **** to know what's good they either don't know and just guess or they find out from other people, their partner, magazines, p0rn etc....

And surely that last sentence rings true of everybody?

I do agree though that there'll be a reason why she suddenly changed, it could be innocent though, it may not necessarily mean she's evil and plotting away..

I'm not sure what she talks about with her friends but she's an admitted porn lover; though I've never seen her watch any.

 

[CuriousGirl]

I'm not sure what she talks about with her friends but she's an admitted porn lover; though I've never seen her watch any.

Well then yeah, she just copied what she's watched.

But you say your sex life with her is altogether getting better, at it's best it's been atm? I'd say thats normal for any good relationship...I really wouldn't worry about it, don't try to fix what isn't broken and all that.

 

[user43770]

But you say your sex life with her is altogether getting better, at it's best it's been atm? I'd say thats normal for any good relationship....

That sh1t isn't normal.

 

[Warrior74]

Oh but they can though. If blow jobs come up in a conversation with a friend who's good at head then she'll immediately be better. No girl has a **** to know what's good they either don't know and just guess or they find out from other people, their partner, magazines, p0rn etc....

And surely that last sentence rings true of everybody?

I do agree though that there'll be a reason why she suddenly changed, it could be innocent though, it may not necessarily mean she's evil and plotting away..

so niave. I bet you've never been hustled in pool either. They don't seem like great players at first...but then when it's time to get your money, the goddamn pool pro jumps out of nowhere and rapes your pockets. LOL.

Here is what you don't do fellas. Never tell another man to ignore his gut feeling. This guy posted here because his spidey senses were tingling. Something seemed off and he knew it on some subconscious level. Now even if it's something simple as her not wanting to appear to be a complete hor or nefarious as trying to cover up cheating and getting married, none of us have the right to tell this guy not to examine his gut feeling all the way through. But I see no innoncent reason a girl would magically learn how to swallow pole professionally over night. I just don't believe there is anything innocent in that. There is always an angle.

Get some female friends...some real female friends, present a non judgmental attitude....discuss the game with this woman and come from a place of totally understanding why women do what they do, let her have no fear of your judgement. Then sit back and LISTEN to what they say...they will blow your mind and you will learn a whole lot. I have one female friend who is a straight up slut. I don't judge. But...she told me how she parceled out the sex to her now current husband, exponentially ratcheting up the kinky factor as he fell in love and finally letting him do everything he wanted after they got married. She used the carrot and the stick. Of course now...the new is wearing off and she told me how she was out making out with some 22 year old guy in a bar while her husband was at home taking care of her baby from some other deadbeat. She landed her a bill payer. And he adopted her child so she has child support for life now that the deadbeat couldn't give her. But he doesn't get her gina tingling so she's gotta go get that somewhere else.

These women are not dumb. They do know what they are doing. Stop underestimating women. That's half of you guys problems. You keep thinking they are child like creatures and they are out maneuvering the hell outta you guys. Manipulation is their stock and trade. This guy's gut tells him its some manipulation going on....he's gotta trust that, because honestly...you can never really trust her to be honest about her motives. She can't show her hand and still get what she wants. That's abdicating power. Nobody does that. That's real life fellas. Good luck.