Girlfriend doesnt see to care, I want to confront her

[Recon]

Long time lurker, new to post.

Ill start off with key information to keep this short.
- We've been together 8 months
- Both around the same age
- She has practice pretty much every day from 1 to 8:30pm


Now, I really cant figure out what's going on. I just feel like she's very indifferent to if we hangout or not. I have initiated almost EVERY time we have met up to hang out during our whole relationship, and i am tired of it. Earlier this summer we went about a week and a half without meeting up, because i refused to ask her and she didn't seem phased AT ALL. I caved a few days later.

The thing is when i invite her out she ALWAYS goes on my schedule, for instance if I saw we are meeting at X spot, and X time she never seems to have a problem with it. She just shows up, but recently i just cant stand this indifference.

Earlier this week i said we should go to one of the free movies that shows this summer, but because I had an early meeting at work the next day she said it would be better if we could hang out on saturday so we could have more time. So i say fine, 3 days later (no contact from her, her phone is broken), I sent her this

Me: Since you never got back to me im assuming you dont want to do anything today. So i'm going to go anyway and if you want to join me then let me know.

Her: Yea i still wanna go but i dont think we ever set a time or a place so let me kno when and where ur going and i'll and meet u their.


I left so i never got back to her, then i asked her if she wanted to hangout today but she said no because doesnt have her car. (mine is in the shop). This infuriated me, why the hell cant she just take the metro?? I do it all the time. I didn't mention any of this, and now im just frustrated and angry.

I want to address my concerns about the relationship, but when i get angry I tend to blather on and say things like an idiot (I can sometimes have a short temper), so I decided to post here to see how you all would confront the problem. (It also helps because her phone is broken, I can think about my response to things before flying off the handle)

I've never been so worked up before, but it's just been building and building and I've been trying my best to get my mind off it.
So what would you all say??

 

[Ease]

I want to express something i see from the info uv given; you're being needy.

Think about this logically, you hang out with her when u want to and she shows up without problems. There is no logical problem here to confront without looking like a weener in front of her.

Alpha males dont say 'Sometimes i just feel like you dont care about me '.

You want reassurance that she cares about you, thats insecure, needy.

However i can see your problem that she seems so indifferent and so i wouldnt blame you for questioning her interest level in you. Thats a different issue. Neediness is a nono, no matter what.

What about when your with her, body language, affection etc. any other clues about the relationship other than her not being fussed about dates?

 

[Recon]

I want to express something i see from the info uv given; you're being needy.

Think about this logically, you hang out with her when u want to and she shows up without problems. There is no logical problem here to confront without looking like a weener in front of her.

Alpha males dont say 'Sometimes i just feel like you dont care about me '.

You want reassurance that she cares about you, thats insecure, needy.

However i can see your problem that she seems so indifferent and so i wouldnt blame you for questioning her interest level in you. Thats a different issue. Neediness is a nono, no matter what.

What about when your with her, body language, affection etc. any other clues about the relationship other than her not being fussed about dates?

I see, and i feel like there's no extra effort on her part. I'd like to be met half-way, like today she could of easily taken the metro but claimed she couldnt go out because she had no car. It's little things like that that I don't like.

She never initiates anything on dates, like hand holding, kissing etc. I'm always the one does that.

I just enjoy hanging out with her, and it's not like im socially dead without her or anything, I'd just prefer to be with her.

Thank you for the advice, after thinking about it I am coming off needy, I try not to show that to her though.


EDIT: There have been times where she just constantly reschedules, but generally I can count on her to show up when I want.

Should I just not bother approaching her about this then?

 

[Gram]

you hurt.

just simply tell her what you don't like.
tell her 'i don't like how i have to initiate when we chill'.

 

[Hughman]

In a way, you've had it too easy. No confrontations, very happy to be lead.

I can understand it can get tiring - you want her to have some input.

In my personal opinion, for what it's worth, you need to give her a shock.

Cut contact, let her sweat. Perhaps wean yourself off a little first, make her feel uneasy before disappearing. Do not cave in. If she does actually care, she'll collapse and will find you. If she doesn't, well, you've got rid of her in a very easy way.

 

[robinincarolina]

Or you could go into no contact, after a few weeks of that, she will either 1, start missing you and step up to the plate, or 2, you will stop caring. Out of sight, out of mind. You are being over accomodating as well. Women are taught not to chase but after this long, she should do some initiating. I only act like that when I am not that into someone.

 

[Energizer]

You're the male, you are supposed to do these things, it shows that you wear the proverbial trousers in the relationship.

If your woman isn't showing enough eagerness, willingness, excitement and various other emotions, it is down to you to rekindle these emotions. Take her somewhere new, do something different, try and keep refreshing the relationships as relationships get old quickly.

If all else fails then break up with her and move onto someone new.

 

[DJDanny]

I want to express something i see from the info uv given; you're being needy.

QFT, you're the man you lead. I lost a good girl by becoming needy in the same sense you are. Yes, sometimes being a man is tough and you would really like someone to stroke your ego, but to give in to those urges is what a woman does.

I think the real problem here might be that you're just not that into her.

 

[Recon]

Hugh - yeah there really hasnt been any confrontation in our relationship, and ive tried cutting contact but I always end up caving

Robin - I dont think it's a lost interest level because things have been like this since we've got together

Energizer - Re-vitalizing the relationship sounds promising as well, but i'm not sure where to take her, ive tried everything i can think of

Danny - QFT?? what does that mean? and i cant figure out why, and ive been trying my best not to come off as needy but there's something not right.

 

[Energizer]

Energizer - Re-vitalizing the relationship sounds promising as well, but i'm not sure where to take her, ive tried everything i can think of

Where do you live? If it is the United States, there's nearly 4 million square miles to take her. Go out of state for a week or so, do different activities, how about adventure activities like rock climbing? Take her out of her comfort zone and show her a different perspective. Passionate about something? Painting etc, get her involved. There is so much for you two to do together, you just have to be prepared to put your thinking hat on and be prepared to explore avenues that you never thought you would.

As for doing NC, that's ridiculous, it's immature and not needed. If trying new things in your relationship doesn't work, sit down, air your views and if things do not improve then move on. :trouble:

 

[Recon]

Where do you live? If it is the United States, there's nearly 4 million square miles to take her. Go out of state for a week or so, do different activities, how about adventure activities like rock climbing? Take her out of her comfort zone and show her a different perspective. Passionate about something? Painting etc, get her involved. There is so much for you two to do together, you just have to be prepared to put your thinking hat on and be prepared to explore avenues that you never thought you would.

As for doing NC, that's ridiculous, it's immature and not needed. If trying new things in your relationship doesn't work, sit down, air your views and if things do not improve then move on. :trouble:

I'm from the US, and with her schedule and my upcoming one it's tough to get out of state for a week. I'll look into activities.

I'd really like to air my views but as Ease stated earlier I'm just going to come off as needy.

 

[Igetit!]

Well whatever you do,DON'T CONFRONT HER.

Seems to me like you're upset or angry over a lack of emotion from her.

Confronting her will do no good. Her indifference isn't caused by NOT BEING confronted,so confronting her won't suddenly make her "care" or seem excited about seeing or hanging out with you.

In fact,she may feel unfairly attacked. Emotions aren't cut on or off by the flick of a switch.

It's not like you'll confront her,then afterwards she's going to go,"Ok,you win. I won't be indifferent anymore. So HEY!!! How was your day? I've missed you soooo much! Would I like to go to the park? That's a GREAT idea! Yeah,of course I would! I just miss you so much,and think about you all the time".

Doesn't work that way.

Confrontations can solve problems,but won't fix emotions.


In order to turn this thing about,you'd have to change SOMETHING IN YOURSELF first.

I don't know what that is,however,if the way she's behaving now is different from the way she was behaving when you first met her,that means YOU SCREWED UP somewhere.

Of that,I'm 100% certain.

Check out this thread. You don't have to read the whole thing,just skip down to reply #14.

That should help you get a better understanding of what's going on with your relationship.

 

[Recon]

I read the post a few times, and I think im getting a sense of what I need to do, but I'm now sure how to do it.

It looks like your revitalizing the relationship as Energizer said would fall under what you posted.

I'm thinking I should try to improve myself as much as possible.

And thanks, I was actually about to send her a message confronting her on the issue, but after reading your post I've decided against it.

 

[Blackhole105]

Maybe she just really shy.

She hasn't flaked on you, she's nervous about taking the metro, she's never initiates intimacy but doesn't reject it. Sounds like she just shy.

Maybe spice things up a little bit, but it honestly just seems that she's really shy.

 

[Ease]

Maybe she just really shy.

She hasn't flaked on you, she's nervous about taking the metro, she's never initiates intimacy but doesn't reject it. Sounds like she just shy.

Maybe spice things up a little bit, but it honestly just seems that she's really shy.

Thats rationalising her behaviour. Dont rationalise lol. Rationalising and your own ego leads to being unaware of whats really going on.

The rule about these situations is that you follow a ratio of 2:3

For every 3 she gives you, you return 2. It keeps things in balance and keeps her wanting more and her interest at a healthy level.

Your problem is that it sounds like your giving 3 and getting 0 in return. 3:0, no good.

http://roissy.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

good article, read.

 

[Recon]

Thats rationalising her behaviour. Dont rationalise lol. Rationalising and your own ego leads to being unaware of whats really going on.

The rule about these situations is that you follow a ratio of 2:3

For every 3 she gives you, you return 2. It keeps things in balance and keeps her wanting more and her interest at a healthy level.

Your problem is that it sounds like your giving 3 and getting 0 in return. 3:0, no good.

http://roissy.wordpress.com/the-sixteen-commandments-of-poon/

good article, read.

Again you guys are spot on...but is it to late to start doing this? I rarely return the "I love yous", but in the relationship i do feel like the ratio is off

 

[Prod]

When in doubt, next.

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

I dont know man.. It seems like a lack of interest to me. I dont see my girlfriend that much through out the week. We have a busy schedual. I may only see her 3 times out of the week. But, when ever we arent busy she is always the one calling me to hang out...

 

[Prod]

Maybe she just really shy.

She hasn't flaked on you, she's nervous about taking the metro, she's never initiates intimacy but doesn't reject it. Sounds like she just shy.

Maybe spice things up a little bit, but it honestly just seems that she's really shy.

Shy after eight months? Seriously, from my experience, this is either a sign of interest waning or it never developing fully.

 

[Joe Stud]

what about the sex? Does she lie there like a log? Does she get into it? Does she ride you like a rodeo woman? That will tell you a lot.