Girlfriend Away on Vacation

[Seattle76]

Long time since I've posted on here. I've got a current girlfriend who's away on vacation to Ireland for 10 days. I got an invite from her to go, but I declined on account of the fact that she's going with a couple of her close friends. The invite was sincere, but I figured, let them have their fun. So now I'm home, sick, unable to go out an occupy my own time doing anything "fun". Have gotten some pretty bizarre texts from her--she is doing the I love you/I miss you thing. Here's were things get a little strange to me though.

I called her after getting sick of trying to text someone halfway around the world. I call the international roaming cell they brought with them on their trip. Friend answers and says, "Hold on. (Girlfriend's name), it's your brother." Brother? They had been drinking. I say hello and ask how things are. She goes into her clubbing night. They met these people. They're over at some guy's house at 4am after clubbing. Having a great time. Will go home in a bit. My guess is either: A-she's messing around, and her friend can't exactly say he girlfriend, it's your fella Seattle76.

Next day--more two line texts. And so it goes for five more days before I call her again today to figure out when she'll be back in on Monday. Said to me that she and her other girlfriend wound up leaving the last girl over at the guys house. Told me she was playing wing man. Great time. Drinking a lot. Meeting great people. Miss you. Love you. Wish you were here. But I'm getting the sense that she's either sowing her oats over there or missing the single life her two friends on the trip currently have.

She's an MD and will need to work a 24 hour rotation on Tuesday. She gets back to her place at about 5pm Monday and has already stated that she'll be out with her friends from the trip until as late as possible due to jet lag concerns. Which is BS. When you fly back from Europe, you only need to stay up until 8pm or so. Then you crash hard for 10 hours, get up at 6am, and you're ready for anything that could possibly come your way in the hospital at 7:30.

I'm pissed because I would like to spend some time with her Monday without her damn girlfriends, considering I won't see her at all on Tuesday, and she will be dead to the world on Wednesday after staying up 24 hours working. Hell, she told me she's going "toy" shopping tomorrow and it's been 10 days since I've been with her. wouldn't mind trying some of those toys out, thank you very much. What's up with blowing me off with people you just spent 10 days with?

I'm can freely admit that I am becoming two things I despise: suspicious (what happens in Ireland stays in Ireland) and jealous. I feel like one friend in particular (who is single) is probably wanting a little more of my girlfriend's time than she's had. I'm not a stick in the mud, but I feel like the friend is playing chess by reminding her what it's like to be single. How can I put my foot down without coming across like an overbearing chump? Do I make my own plans now that she's done the same?

Advice is appreciated...

 

[penkitten]

perhaps if you did make some plans of your own she would worry about you and make it known.

you shouldnt have to sit and wait around , go out and do things that you want to . its perfectly ok to enjoy your life.

 

[Seattle76]

This is what I'd planned to do. Just go to the pub a couple of friends work with some other friends and forget about her for the evening...Problem is, then she'll ask why I'm not showing up. This opens up another problem her friends can pitch: "you're having so much fun with us anyway. we're your fun single friends"

 

[Wyldfire]

I'm kind of curious why you'd want a girlfriend who is at another guy's house at 4am, drunk and pretending that you are her "brother". Or one who isn't anxious to see you as soon as she gets back from her vacation.

It doesn't sound like she thinks anywhere near as much of you as you think of her. You're not going out while she's gone, being a good boyfriend. She's clearly not doing the same.

 

[RipItOff]

Have you let her know that you want to spend time with her? I know it's a simple question, but sometimes I forget to verbalize what I'm thinking in my head to my girlfriend.

The reason I say this is because if you've told her you want to hang out and she turns you down, then you have every right to be upset, but if you haven't come out and said it but just assumed it then you can't expect her to know what you're thinking.

With that aside.....

If a girl you're dating wants to cheat on you or "sow her oats" she will do it regardless of your feelings, and no amount of calling or texting or posting on a message board will prevent it. Make sure you have other options available. In the mean time, worrying about it will only make the time pass longer, go out and play a sport or something.

 

[penkitten]

if shes cheating, let her go.
you may love her, however if she is cheating then she doesnt feel the same.

 

[Seattle76]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
I'm kind of curious why you'd want a girlfriend who is at another guy's house at 4am, drunk and pretending that you are her "brother". Or one who isn't anxious to see you as soon as she gets back from her vacation.

It doesn't sound like she thinks anywhere near as much of you as you think of her. You're not going out while she's gone, being a good boyfriend. She's clearly not doing the same.

Wyldfire, you're right.

To give myself some credit: I've been sitting at home with a temp, the DTs, and puking with some kinda bug since Monday. That's why I've been the "good boyfriend". I did get a lot of miss you this/that/the other on the phone. What I didn't like was the 4am at some guys house "supposedly" playing "wing man" for her friend.

It's pretty much a case of her friend feeling lonely at 43 with a cush job, dried eggs, and no relationship/family to show for it. It's the old, single miserables love company thing. Disrespectful and it pisses me off.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by Seattle76
Wyldfire, you're right.

To give myself some credit: I've been sitting at home with a temp, the DTs, and puking with some kinda bug since Monday. That's why I've been the "good boyfriend". I did get a lot of miss you this/that/the other on the phone. What I didn't like was the 4am at some guys house "supposedly" playing "wing man" for her friend.

It's pretty much a case of her friend feeling lonely at 43 with a cush job, dried eggs, and no relationship/family to show for it. It's the old, single miserables love company thing. Disrespectful and it pisses me off.

Well, you can't expect your girlfriend to give up her friends for you...but you CAN expect her to have some respect and consideration for you as well as for her to value your relationship.

She can spend time with that friend that doesn't include 4 am drunken visits to strange men's apartments or pretending to be single so as not to "cramp" her friend's style.

Bottom line...this girl neither respects nor values you to the level that she should a boyfriend.

 

[joekerr31]

she knows shes got you whupped and will do whatever she damn well pleases.

as for all the "i love you and i miss you" stuff. no offense, but everyoen woman out there knows that one "i love you" to an AFC is enough to keep his hopes up and treat him like dirt for a year.

im not saying shes this bad, or that she doesnt care for you. what im saying is that she isn't respecting you. she clearly fails to be able to put herself in your shoes, ie. to empathize, and thats one of the most crucial components to love.

if she hasn't developed a strong sense of empathy towards you and the relationship, then shes just with you because it works for now.

who knows, perhaps in ireland it didn't work.

maybe in 6 months from now youll come home to find her crying and she'll tell you that she can't live with the guilt anymore and that she let 12 guys gang bang in ireland.

who knows man.

all you ever have to work with is people's behavior. and from what you've said, her's is lacking, especially given her age.

J

 

[stevera004]

Originally posted by Seattle76

Lots of painfull cringe inducing behaviour snipped...

Well, look on the bright side, she's in Ireland. The Irish curse is your friend here; she'll be accustomed to tiny ones inside her; maybe she'll be impressed by your manhood when she returns, and you can prove your worth to her and win this prize back.

Sorry, but all you can do is find more options. If you have options and she knows about them, she'll be less likely to humiliate you like this. Until then, I feel for you, honestly.

 

[speedo_meme]

Better for her to cheat on you there than at home, where it would publicly humiliate and disrespect you. I mean, come on, things happen when you're drunk on vacation. That part doesn't bother me too much. The fact that she doesn't want to see you when she gets back does. That said it all. You probably shouldn't have called her while she was over there at all.

I'm sort of in that situation when a friend just takes up all the time, blah blah blah.....it all stems from plummeting interest and disrespect. You take one of two directions. one, ignore her until she contacts you....two, sit her down, tell her what's up and live with her reaction. If she was into you, the friend shouldn't matter. I say that, but I know exactly how single girlfriends can be, and they really p*ss me off too...

 

[hithard]

If she was into you, the friend shouldn't matter. I say that, but I know exactly how single girlfriends can be, and they really p*ss me off too...

Bullseye single friends will do their best to try and turn your girlfriend into what she wants(and what you dont want).Its all fun at first for her untill she either meets someone else.Or ****s up and you have to deal with what shes done with no real sacrifice on her part.But she may just get it out of her system as soon as she gets back.You know her best

 

[drZaius09]

Re: Re: Girlfriend Away on Vacation

Originally posted by stevera004
Well, look on the bright side, she's in Ireland. The Irish curse is your friend here; she'll be accustomed to tiny ones inside her; maybe she'll be impressed by your manhood when she returns,

This is f#ckin awesome! HAHAHAHA!!! The most awesomest thing I've read here in a long time. It almost made the nauseau-inducing bullsh#t above it worth trudging through.

You guys are some sorry cases, getting all worked up about some... ah christ, forget it. I'm wasting my time.

drZaius09 ---> keepin it real (Italiano-style, hell yeah)

 

[decades]

now lets look at what IS here...us guys tend to
not see the forest for the trees in these kinds of deals.
My ex went out drinking with some friends and when she
came home after 1:0am about as drunk as any woman can
be and still be able to walk and talk, she kept telling me.
I SO LOVE YOU....I LOVE YOU SO MUCH....over and over.
Now this is what they call overcompensation.

The reality is that if her actions matched her WORDS she wouldn't
be out drinking and doing who knows what without me. She
would be with ME. LOVING ME.

When women go out together on vacation and they are
acting single and drinking wtf do you think is HAPPENING?
Be real. They are on spring break man! Now is this the woman
you want to spend the rest of your days with? Is she the one?
The woman who you couldn't trust? Who clearly had been drinking
and doing who knows what?

Men have to be REAL and quit letting women SNOW us. It is what
it is and it AINT pretty. The woman you will spend the rest of your life with hopefully won't go on vacation drinking and partying without you. She will BE WITH YOU, or won't go.

Recognize what IS.

regards

Mike