Girl say's she's scared to hurt me and moving to fast?

[Niftyone]

Hey, been lurking around these forums for a while, you guys have some awesome advice.

Anyways, I've been dating this girl for a month, we've had sex and everything was going great. All of a sudden last weekend we went to hang out, made a mistake and kissed her in front of her friends, made it awkward for her. We've been having a blast together and are always laughing and having fun. We have a lot in common. Anyways, I noticed she was distancing herself from me ever since this weekend, things seemed different. So we got lunch yesterday, talked. I told her I noticed things have been different and whatnot. Her response was that she wanted to distance herself from me because she has strong feelings for me. She basically told me that "She's scared of hurting me", and "we're moving to fast" and "she wants some space". She's an extremely busy person between her school and work, and I'm busy as well. I told her that we don't have to title anything, and that we should just continue to have fun together and see how things go. I told her to do what makes her happy and that she couldn't hurt me.

I don't know what to do, she's a lot of fun. I've been losing sleep over this girl and have been stressed out. I have a bad case of oneitis, I know. Any way to rekindle things with this girl, as she's going to think about things? Words of advice?

Thanks everyone.

 

[betheman]

Hey, been lurking around these forums for a while, you guys have some awesome advice.

Anyways, I've been dating this girl for a month, we've had sex and everything was going great. All of a sudden last weekend we went to hang out, made a mistake and kissed her in front of her friends, made it awkward for her. We've been having a blast together and are always laughing and having fun. We have a lot in common. Anyways, I noticed she was distancing herself from me ever since this weekend, things seemed different. So we got lunch yesterday, talked. I told her I noticed things have been different and whatnot. Her response was that she wanted to distance herself from me because she has strong feelings for me. She basically told me that "She's scared of hurting me", and "we're moving to fast" and "she wants some space". She's an extremely busy person between her school and work, and I'm busy as well. I told her that we don't have to title anything, and that we should just continue to have fun together and see how things go. I told her to do what makes her happy and that she couldn't hurt me.

I don't know what to do, she's a lot of fun. I've been losing sleep over this girl and have been stressed out. I have a bad case of oneitis, I know. Any way to rekindle things with this girl, as she's going to think about things? Words of advice?

Thanks everyone.

its all bull$hit!!!!!
you are the safety net, she isnt that into you, you are being used because there is another guy she is more interested in/hung up on, my guess is there is an ex in the background she still has strong feelings for. Id back off and look for other women. she isnt concerned about your feelings, she is warning you this is going nowhere

 

[Niftyone]

She mentioned something about her ex yesterday trying to get back together with her. I mentioned I've been there and she's a fool if she does that. She responded, "I know, I keep telling him no, but he's not listening". If other women pop up, I'll take them. I've just never had such a connection and so much in common with a girl. I told her I don't like my time to be wasted.

I am good at prying things out of people, which she reluctantly told me about him I'm sure. I'm 23 she's 21.

 

[Purefilth]

She mentioned something about her ex yesterday trying to get back together with her. I mentioned I've been there and she's a fool if she does that. She responded, "I know, I keep telling him no, but he's not listening". If other women pop up, I'll take them. I've just never had such a connection and so much in common with a girl. I told her I don't like my time to be wasted.

I am good at prying things out of people, which she reluctantly told me about him I'm sure. I'm 23 she's 21.

Theres the catalyst right there for her behaviour.

She digs him more than you and now she wants to try things out with him. She may actually not want to hurt you, but her endgame is the same - get back with the EX.


Leave her to it bro. Exit this shvt. NOW.

scroll down , click the DJ bible link, Start reading.
Spin some plates.

 

[Niftyone]

Ya I've been trying to read up on the DJ bible, I need to hone my game or I'm going to just keep getting walked over. When she calls me or wants to get lunch/dinner/talk, should I answer or just not respond?

 

[betheman]

Ya I've been trying to read up on the DJ bible, I need to hone my game or I'm going to just keep getting walked over. When she calls me or wants to get lunch/dinner/talk, should I answer or just not respond?

tell her you are busy, you have plans

 

[Harry Wilmington]

When women tell you stuff, you need to analyze every word with your B.S. detector. For example:

Her response was that she wanted to distance herself from me because she has strong feelings for me.

Ask yourself this question: Does this sentence make logical sense? That would be like you winning the lottery, and then telling the lottery committee: "No, I can't take this money. I want this money sooooo much that I just need to not be around it."

If what she's telling you doesn't make sense, it means she's sending you a mixed signal. And mixed signals = LOW to NO INTEREST LEVEL. She basically gave you the "I'm just not that into you" speech in woman speak. Re-read the sentence again, then ask yourself: if she has STRONG feelings for you, what sense would it make for her to stay AWAY from you? All that "I'm afraid to hurt you" stuff is B.S. - the only reason she would even say it in the first place is if she had more of an interest in someone else, and knows if that person starts showing her interest she'd drop you like a hot potato.

Hope this helps!

 

[Niftyone]

Hrmm, her exact response was "I'm afraid of getting to close to you". Is there no way to reignite things? She will probably try to friend zone me from the sounds of it, but I will tell her that being just her friend will never work. Maybe this ex thing will blow over?

 

[Purefilth]

Hrmm, her exact response was "I'm afraid of getting to close to you". Is there no way to reignite things? She will probably try to friend zone me from the sounds of it, but I will tell her that being just her friend will never work. Maybe this ex thing will blow over?

Entirely depends on the mood she is in - emotional creatures that they are - women will drop you with no remorse given the right conditions.

She's in mid-swing to a familiar branch, one that she already has a deep emotional connection to = comfort for her.

Plus i'm willing to bet that this ex dropped HER like a bad habit when he was bored with her, not he wants her back for a bit of fun, and he WILL drop her again. (I know - Ive been that ex! )

If she had been the one to ditch HIM, this wouldnt be an issue, she would ignore/ clown on him and feel closer to you.

She feels inadequate because she got dumped and wants to prove to him that she is worth being with. SO - she uses you as a pivot to make him show more interest/WORK FOR IT. Now she can take him back, feeling that she has the upper hand this time in the relationship with him. Unaware that at the same time he is only playing along because he's in a dry spell, and as soon as theres a better looking booty in the picture? She's out the door on her booty.:crackup:



Move on, watch this play out on the sidelines while you're balls deep in another 3 chicks bro.

 

[betheman]

Hrmm, her exact response was "I'm afraid of getting to close to you". Is there no way to reignite things? She will probably try to friend zone me from the sounds of it, but I will tell her that being just her friend will never work. Maybe this ex thing will blow over?

you are the rebound guy, the substitute, as soon as the main guy is ready to play agin, you are back on the bench, you arent number 1. trying to play along is going to get you a lot of hurt. walk away with your pride and your balls intact. trying to re ignite things is going to come over very needy

 

[Atom Smasher]

Dude, you need to understand that this "connection" you feel is onesided, based upon your imagination and what you desperately wish were true.

When you kissed her in front of her friends you forced her hand. She was exposed to her friends, and now she has to settle it because your relationship with her penetrated her other world.

You are about to get summarily dumped. This is a 100% certainty. In fact, you have already been dumped, you just haven't received the paperwork yet.

NEVER allow yourself to be dumped. You need to make a pre-emptive strike and get out. You will save yourself a world of hurt and will also shock her back into reality.

Server her your own papers in a detached, matter-of-fact way. Become too busy to see her or talk to her. Do not have any discussions about the relationship. It's done and she will turn everything into your fault.

Make your strike or suffer massively. Your choice.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I don't know what to do, she's a lot of fun. I've been losing sleep over this girl and have been stressed out.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7nqcgUDoV_M

Meant to instruct, NOT to ridicule.

 

[nismo-4]

Judge nismo on the case.

With post # 2,400!!!

Your princess is in another castle. She's just trying to warn you that she's about to dump you. Women break up with men MONTHS before actually telling them.

When a woman loses interest in you or throws mixed signals, there's another man in the picture who's better than you. Even worse you've got this girl on a pedestal. Not good. You'd best spin more plates.

For god's sake do not try to negotiate attraction with her. Spin more plates and go ghost on her. She has strong feelings for her ex. If she was really interested in you, she wouldn't be confusing you right now, nor would she be talking to you about another man.

Initiate no contact. Court's orders.

Case closed.

 

[Niftyone]

Thanks guys, you told me what I needed to hear. Although I don't like your words, they must be the truth. I will search for other girls. And never talk to this girl again.

 

[BeDJ]

Thanks guys, you told me what I needed to hear. Although I don't like your words, they must be the truth. I will search for other girls. And never talk to this girl again.

Quit being gay. There's no reason to never see this girl again, it's only been a month! No more calling or picking up the phone. If it isn't a text to hang out, ignore it. If it is, tell her you have dinner plans / activity plans. If she asks why you are ignoring her, say don't be silly, I'm busy. Do this for 2 weeks and call her up to hang out. During those 2 weeks, you should have a lot of emotional detachment from this girl. By practicing indifference, you aren't needy as she feels about you now.

 

[Niftyone]

Quit being gay. There's no reason to never see this girl again, it's only been a month! No more calling or picking up the phone. If it isn't a text to hang out, ignore it. If it is, tell her you have dinner plans / activity plans. If she asks why you are ignoring her, say don't be silly, I'm busy. Do this for 2 weeks and call her up to hang out. During those 2 weeks, you should have a lot of emotional detachment from this girl. By practicing indifference, you aren't needy as she feels about you now.

So when I hang out with her again after those 2 weeks. What do I say? Don't mention the relationship thing at all? Make any advances on her?

 

[BeDJ]

So when I hang out with her again after those 2 weeks. What do I say? Don't mention the relationship thing at all? Make any advances on her?

You are thinking too far ahead. You care too much for this particular girl. The thought of losing her scares you. That is why you will lose the girl.

You can't run if you aren't able to walk on two feet yet. Come back in 2 weeks and give us an update.

 

[Fatal Jay]

Women all do and say the same $hit especially the young ones, what they say always mean something else

So if she saying she don't want to hurt you or moving to fast, it means I see someone else I'm interested in

The **** is moving to fast anyway?

 

[Bible_Belt]

There's a lot of good advice here. When and if you happen to see her again; act as if nothing ever happened between the two of you. That's what she'll be doing.

 

[floydb25]

Agree with the responses here. Went through the EXACT same thing in the past - down to a tee. The answers you are getting from these guys is the truth. Nobody is confused, not ready, too busy, or afraid of ****. There is always low interest and other options involved. This is how they act once their interest depletes, and they're looking at other options - while trying to keep you around in case nothing better comes along. You are NOT high priority, so don't make her yours.

Someone who's crazy about you will never be afraid of their "feelings". It's only people who have none who claim to be afraid, confused, not ready, not looking, etc.

Also, dont believe that she's saying no to her ex. This is how players operate - they LIE about their interest for others, and play the same "afraid / not ready" game with everyone - while keeping them all within reach as it benefits them. They also don't like to be seen as "taken" in public - around people who know them. There's usually a lot of secrecy, mixed messages, and confusion (on your part) - because you're being played and used. Always have these stupid boundaries in place, and they call all the shots. **** that.

But more than anything, she doesn't want to be seen with you in public - for whatever reason. Not assertive, confident, cool, or ****y enough for her friends, and her to be seen with you around them. Social status and peer approval is #1 for women.

Your feelings have **** to do with it. That's just her way of appearing sweet and innocent as she does all this bad ****.