Girl says her BF is "ok"

[becker]

I was caught in the middle of a conversation last week between these girls I know. One was talking about her BF, and the other girl asked her "is he cute"? And this girl replied "he's ok", and gave off that she didn't think he was that good looking.

I've seen this girl and her BF together before, and the boy is totally below her in the looks department, but as we know, that is not always that uncommon. However, in situations like this, it seems like these girls tend to hold on to the relationship even if they aren't totally satisfied, until something better comes along. If it never does, then she's still in a relationship. Oh well.

Another unrelated subject is when a girl asks you whether you have a GF. If you say no, and her face lights up, it has to mean that she's interested. Just thought I'd throw that out.

 

[MysteryWoman]

I'll never understand how some women can do it, but alot would rather be in a relationship with someone they are not physically attracted to than have no relationship at all.

 

[becker]

MysteryWoman, assuming you're a woman, I'm thinking you're not one of those who would just rather be in any old relationship than none at all.

Does the whole theory that women judge themselves by a social hierarchy with the pinnacle being marriage ring true? Is it pretty common for girls to consider themselves higher on the social ladder because they're involved rather than single? I always found that to be amusing.

This girl that I mentioned sort of said "I don't really care (about looks)". However, evidence shows otherwise because she talks about how this guy is "cute" and that guy is "hot", which shows she at least sees it as a consideration, and maybe even a major one at that since it's the first thing she mentions. She never says "oh, that guy is smart".

 

[Paul Owen]

One of the weirdest things is how girls talk about 'hot' famous guys. Often these guys are pretty good looking. But then you see these same women with the UGLIEST guys and you think 'What the ****'. What I take from this is that you can't trust what women say. I think being good looking is not that important for them. They may notice good looking guys first but that's all. A curious example of their type of thinking is demonstrated by the following conversation with my GF:

Me- Do looks matter to you?
Her- Of course. I would never have gone out with you if i didn't find you good looking.
Me- What if in a few years I put on a lot of weight and go bald? (I'll kill myself first men!)
Her- That's fine. I'll still love you.
Me- ?

I don't get it. If I am going out with someone and they put on weight or become less attractive then I will change them just like I will change my clothes when they are worn or torn and don't look like they did in the shop anymore. I was going to use my car as an example but my car is old and banged up and I still love it..... Ahhhhhhhhh. Now I see.

 

[MysteryWoman]

I don't think it matters any more in the western culture whether women chose to marry or not, so I don't a girl will looked down upon for being single. But some women would rather an ugly guy than no guy, sex does not come into it.

Paul Owen, these women choose the ugly guy usually for the money, and mess around with handsome gigglos behind their back. But just because you see some hot women with ugly guys doesn't categorise all women being the same. Any chance of ever seeing Madonna, Cher, Demi Moore or Joan Collins with an ugly guy? I doubt, but then again Niaomi Campbell has always had a horrendus taste in men (apart from Joaquin Cortes who she once dated).

 

[DJ_Dork]

Uh, I'm with a 7-8 girl and I'm like a 3-4 guy. After the 5th date (we're steady now) she was already dry humping me already. We have commonalities/similar hung-ups and she is the jealous type - I'm not as jealous as she is which is strange cause guys want to talk to her all the time..and I don't really care because when they see her rubbing on me they get a hint.

I'm aggressive, semi- physically fit (used to be chubby ), funny. I'm not financially stable but know how to save and have fun still.

Other girls who wouldn't talk to me, once they see her and me the girls don't see me as a desperate guy looking for some bang action.

 

[Paul Owen]

I just find it amazing that someone has at last had the guts to admit to being a '3-4'. Thought this was a board of super models!

 

[becker]

Those numbers are certainly subjective and we're talking about a message board here, so anything goes I guess. I can say I'm a 10 or that I'm a 1, and it doesn't matter.

I'm more concerned about what a girl is thinking when she is absolutely gorgeous and she's with some guy whose looks don't even appeal to her. I know looks aren't everything, but if you can do better, I'd have to think that you'd move on to better things just to be true to yourself and the other person.

 

[TesuqueRed]

Just some observations....I got these from others and just keep seeing these confirmed over and over:

Young women will--to a great percentage--have a BF or make it appear like they have a BF, or, at the least, keep the issue fuzzy enough so that it could be that she has one.

The younger they are, the more true it is.

Social perception is king, and all else flows from it. Example: fashion--even if the current fashion is, uh, unflattering to her, she will still wear it. The younger, the more true this is...

Another? Relationships--societal perception as king is how her friends would view you as her BF--if they disapprove or you would be an embarrassment for her, you have little chance. If other women show interest in you, she's interested.

And--keeping in mind social perception as king here--what she wants to avoid is the appearance of not having a BF, which--in chick logic--is taken to mean that she can't get one, that she can't attract one, which means she's a loser. She's a loser in the sense that women's assets are what attracts guys--those hormone crazed things that hit on anything that moves. And if she can't get something in that environment...LOSER!

I'm not defending it, that's how the emotional and societal equation plays out.

The younger they are (HS+) the more this is true.

In the 20s, they have to have had a LTR of some sort. I heard of a survey that found most women would prefer to have a divorce on their record than to not ever have had a LTR.

So--Becker--the young ones will keep a BF around as her "social proof" of not being a loser. Being alone is socially costly to her. This explains why they do the "monkey girl" thing of making sure her next guy is lined up before dumping her current BF. It explains why they can handle juggling a couple of guys almost naturally, and why, when they have a BF, they keep a couple AFCs hopeful and waiting in case things don't work out with the BF.

And it gets more dangerous as they hit their 30s---marriage becomes a deadly mission at this point (granted, not for every woman, ok?)

Once they get past those ages, though, (40s+) you'll find that a lot of them get released from this--not all, but a fair portion--where they seem more able to think independently than follow the current fashion, keep up appearances, etc.

________
On a side note, I often find myself disagreeing with MysteryWoman for the most part while agreeing to a point (as here.) She has defensible points and can defend them. But from reading a number of her prior posts, she strikes me as out of step with this common female experience. This isn't a cut or flame--she has a strong voice and seems to know her own mind more readily than most. People like this are--what?--independent--? Sure, which, by definition, means they're not really in step with everyone else (otherwise you wouldn't note their independence.) They're not necessarily out of step, but often so...

Anyway, look around you with the idea of 'social perception as king' and see what jumps out by way of explanation.

 

[iqqi]

in all the posts about looks, noone ever mentions "growing on you". and that may not be the exact correct term i really mean, but there have been a few that I have dated that I started off thinking "what a wonderful person" but was a little uncomforable as in "but not that great looking..."

well a couple of those individuals became absolutely beautiful in my eyes, physically. i'm talking about absolute infatuation, and fascination with certain features. hell, i have been in love with someone's teeth before...so sharp...

i am tired so i hope my meaning is still coming across...

 

[trajhenkhet]

Screw what she says. How does she act?

 

[Chemistry]

Career women tend to stay away from relationships unless what they truly want is on the plate... nothin' less than their vision of perfect

There's some exceptions in there as always... in general, women who settle down with somethin less than what they wanted are those who may be a little more dependant on a man to start up a home with... not as high flying, and in general a little more of a void to fill than those who have their careers dominating their life

But the whole thing about puttin on weight over a few years and going bald would you still love me... well maybe they would, but a lot of that would be based on because it's politically correct to do so... she's gonna get older too, not be as bum as she was when she was 21 or so

On a sidenote, there was a survey done recently, and I do forget the exact source, but they asked women some questions and like more than 70% were ashamed to be with their husbands on the beach, due to their appearance, i.e. overweight

They brought the argument up that since women spend time to get in shape before holiday then so should their man... seemed like a little bit of resentment in there, lol

 

[becker]

Originally posted by iqqi
in all the posts about looks, noone ever mentions "growing on you". and that may not be the exact correct term i really mean, but there have been a few that I have dated that I started off thinking "what a wonderful person" but was a little uncomforable as in "but not that great looking..."

well a couple of those individuals became absolutely beautiful in my eyes, physically. i'm talking about absolute infatuation, and fascination with certain features. hell, i have been in love with someone's teeth before...so sharp...

i am tired so i hope my meaning is still coming across...

iqqi, you make a great point, despite writing when you're tired. I do the same; moments of brilliance sometimes come when we're unconscious.

Anyways, I agree that people tend to grow on you more after you've been with them for a while. However, in my experience, the person doesn't exactly become better looking, you just seem to kind of overlook it a little. If a better looking person came along, I wouldn't just suddenly attach myself to them, but if they satisfied both the personality and the looks were better, and they were into you, it would be very difficult to reason out that I should stay with the person I'm with.

This is, of course, a high hurdle I guess, but my last GF was an example of someone who was not bad in the looks department, but personality wise, I couldn't put up with for that much longer, but I stayed with her and actually did the whole "monkey thing" (i.e. didn't move on to the proverbial next branch) even though I probably should have dumped her earlier.

Another factor that seems to come into play is that if you're with a person in a LTR, they always seem to have more pull on you, and they find ways to get you to stay with them, even if you don't really want to. Either that, or they won't leave you alone.

I think what's necessary in these situations is that you need to take some control and just get the girl to realize that you're the better fit for her (be subtle). I think this has to be more effective when you find a gorgeous girl with an ugly BF. Ugly guys will probably have some insecurities that you can take advantage of and make the girl leave him for better things.