Girl says "ask me in a year"

[Lexington]

So I kissed a girl who didn't initially resist, but then later she said she's not ready to get involved with anyone right now. She recently got out of a 4 year relationship (she'd moved in with her ex) and it ended TERRIBLY. Also, she's under a lot of stress from grad school. She's told me she's not feeling 100% i.e. she's still a little depressed although she says she's getting better.

Here's the thing, she said to ask her again in about a year if I'm single. By then she'll be close to finishing grad school and I suppose she'll be better recovered emotionally. I know she's not seeing or pursuing other guys. In the meantime, we hang out a lot and she clearly enjoys my company. We got out on "dates" (dinners, walks in the park, long trips) and I often put my arm around her, plant kisses on her cheek etc. and there's a lot of touching between us. She's told me some very personal secrets so clearly she trusts me.

Of course, I'm pursuing other girls. However, is it likely that I could gradually escalate and get her into a relationship sooner? I hate waiting. I understand she is hurt and a little afraid, but what are some strategies to comfort her and get her more willing to make herself emotionally vulnerable again?

By the way, I don't see this girl as just another fvck. I really do like this girl so I really would do my best to build a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

 

[bornyesterday]

She's told me some very personal secrets (...)
she said to ask her again in about a year if I'm single

She has emotional baggage which she's dumping on you. You are an emotional tampon.
You are spending lots of time together, talking a lot, but still no kisses.
"Not now, maybe later" is her basically telling you she's not interested in you in that way.

I know its sometimes hard to see when you're so close into it. But from the far distance I look upon this situation I see you are just friends. The red flags are all over this one.

Better not to waste your energy 'courting' her.

is it likely that I could gradually escalate and get her into a relationship sooner? I hate waiting. I understand she is hurt and a little afraid, but what are some strategies to comfort her and get her more willing to make herself emotionally vulnerable again?

So by escalating your value as an emotional tampon you think you can win her over? "get her into a relationship" What? Are you trying to lure this cat into a cage or something? "Get her emotional vulnerable" You want her at her worst even before you have done anything together? Do you want her to get dependant on you,that she will need you because thats the way women fall in love? You think that you can help her, save her?

By the way, I don't see this girl as just another fvck. I really do like this girl so I really would do my best to build a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Dont get any ideas about building a relationship before you fyck someone.

Guy, you are such a nice guy. All the things you are doing wrong you try to do harder.
You have to start all over with another girl. Dont repeat what you did with this girl. Do the opposite.

 

[search1ng]

She has emotional baggage which she's dumping on you. You are an emotional tampon.
You are spending lots of time together, talking a lot, but still no kisses.
"Not now, maybe later" is her basically telling you she's not interested in you in that way.

I know its sometimes hard to see when you're so close into it. But from the far distance I look upon this situation I see you are just friends. The red flags are all over this one.

Better not to waste your energy 'courting' her.



So by escalating your value as an emotional tampon you think you can win her over? "get her into a relationship" What? Are you trying to lure this cat into a cage or something? "Get her emotional vulnerable" You want her at her worst even before you have done anything together? Do you want her to get dependant on you,that she will need you because thats the way women fall in love? You think that you can help her, save her?



Dont get any ideas about building a relationship before you fyck someone.

Guy, you are such a nice guy. All the things you are doing wrong you try to do harder.
You have to start all over with another girl. Dont repeat what you did with this girl. Do the opposite.

take what this guy said with a lot of salt.

 

[Lexington]

She has emotional baggage which she's dumping on you. You are an emotional tampon.
You are spending lots of time together, talking a lot, but still no kisses.
"Not now, maybe later" is her basically telling you she's not interested in you in that way.

I know its sometimes hard to see when you're so close into it. But from the far distance I look upon this situation I see you are just friends. The red flags are all over this one.

Better not to waste your energy 'courting' her.



So by escalating your value as an emotional tampon you think you can win her over? "get her into a relationship" What? Are you trying to lure this cat into a cage or something? "Get her emotional vulnerable" You want her at her worst even before you have done anything together? Do you want her to get dependant on you,that she will need you because thats the way women fall in love? You think that you can help her, save her?



Dont get any ideas about building a relationship before you fyck someone.

Guy, you are such a nice guy. All the things you are doing wrong you try to do harder.
You have to start all over with another girl. Dont repeat what you did with this girl. Do the opposite.

Thanks for the frank advice, but I think you misunderstood what I meant by "escalate."

I didn't mean that I'm going to keep on talking to her etc. What I meant was turn up the kino and build up for a kiss close again. Right now I rub my hand up and down her back, I place my hand on the inside of her thigh and I even hold her around her stomach. She doesn't object to any of this and in fact she likes it. We've slept in the same bed.

These are rather forward for two people who are just friends. I haven't tried to go further. I wonder if I just keep on escalating if she'll just give in.

And by "make her more emotionally vulnerable" I meant make her more prepared for a relationship. That's what she fears right now; being hurt. Her last relationship went really bad so she's probably feeling a little gun shy.

 

[scribblec]

you seem like her gay best friend

 

[Daniel1099]

she doesnt see you as a lover at ALL

she sees you as an AWESOME guy that is their for her when she needs that comforter. but she will never see you as a lover by the way you have presented yourself to her...

you sleep in the same bed? but no sex? wtf?

bro your her BFF and never will be her BF unless you break off contact for like a year and comeback as this Girl ****ing, Out Going, Sex Loving, Sky Diving, Fun Loving, Exciting guy.

and even then i wouldnt garuntee you anything...

that fact that you even posted this means you have DEEP ONEitis for this girl...

if you had other females on your mind, you wouldnt even sweat it and what happens...happens

 

[sodbuster]

If she's in your bed all night, she needs to be laid.

 

[bornyesterday]

Thanks for the frank advice, but I think you misunderstood what I meant by "escalate."

I didn't mean that I'm going to keep on talking to her etc. What I meant was turn up the kino and build up for a kiss close again. Right now I rub my hand up and down her back, I place my hand on the inside of her thigh and I even hold her around her stomach. She doesn't object to any of this and in fact she likes it. We've slept in the same bed.

These are rather forward for two people who are just friends. I haven't tried to go further. I wonder if I just keep on escalating if she'll just give in.

And by "make her more emotionally vulnerable" I meant make her more prepared for a relationship. That's what she fears right now; being hurt. Her last relationship went really bad so she's probably feeling a little gun shy.

Ok then. Keep escalating and see how far it goes. Good luck. I'm interested in what will happen. (Can you keep us posted perhaps?)
If you stop escalating and/or are not getting further with her for whatever reason, you better move on. Understand that you're trying to work within the friend zone which is not the place you want to play in. You'll probably get yourself more involved in this then her.

You are this really pleasant guy for her that is making himself available for her, for support. She wouldnt turn that down as that could be what she needs. If you want to change that into something physical, she might feel you're trying to get in her pants via this sidetrack (which is correct), which make you look like you have low integrity. Low integrity is basically what makes women say we are dogs.

Btw I have seen this guy who was in love with an ex-roommate of mine. He went to become her best friend. This lasted for about 3 years. All this time they have slept in the same bed, swam naked, spend vacations together, talked over and over night after night and he didnt get 0. I really thought he was gay, he was such a puss. He wasted 3 years of his life with this girl ('wasted' because he did it for the wrong reasons) all the while supporting her in her passing relationships where she fell for the sexy bad boys time after time. The girls all say "he's really cool, he's so nice, you can learn a lot from him". He wasnt just fooling her (although she knew but didnt care), he was mostly fooling himself. Its a really sad sight.

 

[r0cky]

So I kissed a girl who didn't initially resist, but then later she said she's not ready to get involved with anyone right now. She recently got out of a 4 year relationship (she'd moved in with her ex) and it ended TERRIBLY. Also, she's under a lot of stress from grad school. She's told me she's not feeling 100% i.e. she's still a little depressed although she says she's getting better.

This is too much information for you to know, unless you're one of her gfs. Right now you're in the friend's zone.

Here's the thing, she said to ask her again in about a year if I'm single. By then she'll be close to finishing grad school and I suppose she'll be better recovered emotionally. I know she's not seeing or pursuing other guys. In the meantime, we hang out a lot and she clearly enjoys my company. We got out on "dates" (dinners, walks in the park, long trips) and I often put my arm around her, plant kisses on her cheek etc. and there's a lot of touching between us. She's told me some very personal secrets so clearly she trusts me.

If you didnt escalate until she said stop, then you're a tool. She trusts you like she trusts her gfs. Aka you're in the friend's zone.

Of course, I'm pursuing other girls. However, is it likely that I could gradually escalate and get her into a relationship sooner? I hate waiting. I understand she is hurt and a little afraid, but what are some strategies to comfort her and get her more willing to make herself emotionally vulnerable again?

The fact that you're actually considering waiting a year to go out with her makes me think your boys have not dropped yet.

By the way, I don't see this girl as just another fvck. I really do like this girl so I really would do my best to build a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

Obvoiusly she doesn't feel the same way. But you're too high up in la la land to get that. Hurts to see you've wasted such a long time on this board and have yet to get the very basics. The thought of you giving advice to other afcs makes me cringe.
Seriously, f.uck or friend. Cant have both.

 

[r0cky]

Thanks for the frank advice, but I think you misunderstood what I meant by "escalate."

I didn't mean that I'm going to keep on talking to her etc. What I meant was turn up the kino and build up for a kiss close again. Right now I rub my hand up and down her back, I place my hand on the inside of her thigh and I even hold her around her stomach. She doesn't object to any of this and in fact she likes it. We've slept in the same bed.

These are rather forward for two people who are just friends. I haven't tried to go further. I wonder if I just keep on escalating if she'll just give in.

$100 says she was wearing a strapp-on

 

[Jitterbug]

By the way, I don't see this girl as just another fvck. I really do like this girl so I really would do my best to build a healthy, fulfilling relationship.

One-itis alert!!!

Here's another warning for you: the girl you are seeing right now - the one you like and want to pursue a relationship with - is not herself. She's emotionally unstable and is not what she'd be like when she's back to normal. When she is, she may not like you as much and may not be as likeable to you.

It's your mistake that you did not escalate sexually. You're only gonna be a rebound guy, but the rebound guy that makes a sexual move usually gets laid. I've been that rebound guy for the last few lays I've had.

If you're serious about this girl, the worst thing you can do now is to be close to her. You know why? When this girl recovers and is ready for a relationship, the first thing she will do will be to get rid of anything that reminds her of that awful time of her life, so that she can move on cleanly. YOU are one of those things, my friend, if you keep up this emotion tampon act. Keep your distance and pursue other girls, if you want a chance with her down the track.

I'll second Wolf on the friend with benefits thing. That's not exactly rare.