Girl Poblems

[Dongfu]

Last night I listened to my DJ friend tell this hb10 how shyt really is. She found out he f'd her friend and went balistic. He made comment's like, "I'm through with this relationship. But, dont go getting all nuts. Your a pretty girl, you'll be fine."

I was on the side silently cheering him on. But at the same time, I realized what a miserable situation he is actually in, that I have been in and out of for a long time, as well as any of us that have success with attracting women.

So here's the problem as I see it.

1. If you're successful with women, and not into a ltr, then you will have drama, stalkers, etc. It always catches up with you.

2. If you're in a ltr, it eventually gets boring, and you get even more motivated to fvck every hottie that crosses your path. (At least that's how it is for me.)

or 3. you have no success, and all your energy is spent trying to figure it out, which is very frustrating if you are getting no results.

So, to recap:

1. your in the midst of drama, intrugue, and other b.s., or
2. you get bored, and have to move on anyway, or
3. you get nothing, and spend all your time in misery.

Now, short of the fourth option, moving into a cave and renouncing sex, where is there a happy medium?

Can you enjoy variety w/out the drama? Can you have a ltr, that doesnt eventually burn out?

Just a random ponderance, but I'd like to know if you guys are in a similar situation.

 

[Interceptor]

Dongster,
my man, I'm surprised you're coming up with this "problem".
Dude, the key is finding and most importantly DOING what you have the most passion and desire for.
If you're doing what you love, then it's like riding a wave..you are just not swayed by drama or other ****.
The other thing is, well,.....if you surround yourself with Quality, honorable people, you will find less drama, and intrigue etc.
thirdly, as we all know, it's really a numbers game. Thus, the more nu,bers you allow into your life, the higher percentage of drama, and aggravations will appear.

Not judging you, bro.
But something's not right in Casa Del Grande Dongster.


Talk to me, dude.

 

[Create Reality]

move to japan, climb a hill, and practice dongfu?

:crackup: it's funny because every choice has its own rewards. In the mix of drama you're going to get a lot of action but it might also cause alot of stress, broken friendships, and eat away at your time.
An LTR you will have somebody who is consistent (hopefully) but she might not be as adventurous as you (so you get punished for dongfu-ing other HBs).
If you have no woman success you might have more time to focus on your passions and hone your skills for things like a hobby or just meeting new people.

sounds to me like you've been neglecting your self for the drama. sometimes we need a time out from dongfu to do things for ourselves.

 

[Dongfu]

The other thing is, well,.....if you surround yourself with Quality, honorable people, you will find less drama, and intrigue etc.

Of course this is the truth. Coincidentally, all of my really, really, cool relationships with women started off sexual, for a brief time. It's like we had to have sex first so we could get on with the friendship.

However, I am also prone to sleeping with women who I know I dont want to have much involvement with. When I feel it's time to move on, basically when they start getting clingy, they try to clamp down and keep me around.

I do not like feeling obligated by women. Thus, the only girl I would consider a ltr with would have to allow me total freedom and space. And this would actually motivate me to not cheat. Hard time finding a girl like this.

 

[Rex Man]

Man Dongfu, you hit the nail on the head with this one. The more successful you are with women, the more problems you're gonna have because

1) Girls want to much of your time and eventually you'll have too many girls to rotate through the week along with work, school, etc.

2) Settling down isn't as tempting because you end up liking 'things' about your other girls.

Great post.

 

[Dongfu]

sounds to me like you've been neglecting your self for the drama. sometimes we need a time out from dongfu to do things for ourselves.

This is probably true, which is why I moved to another island that has more surf and outdoor activities, and not so many dance clubs etc.
It is a really small island, so I have to be careful with who I get involved with here, because I will see her constantly.

At this point, I'm basically holding out for a possible ltr, or at least short ltr.
Gotta be careful not to dong fu some big hawaiian guys little sister, and get a donky kick to the head.

 

[Dongfu]

someone must have something else to add on this one

 

[Rex Man]

I always figured that guys would eventually get tired of the singles scene, and would want to settle down and possibly start a family. Sure, this wouldn't happen all at once, but little by little they would become less and less polygamous before saying f*ck it. But I could be wrong, I don't know anything about settling down, I'm only 22

 

[penkitten]

why didn't he just come to her and tell her that he was finished with the relationship and that he intended to go another path before he cheated on her with her friend?
why do people wait until after they cheat and get caught to end something that was already over for them?
i know he dreaded to break if off with her because she would be upset, and he didn't want to upset her but just get out from it.
but i think it created a drama that did not have to be there.
if she is the type to get ballistic over everything, she will now become one of those bitter women that will live to break men down due to one guy cheating on her before he could end it with her.

i am glad your friend realized that the relationship wasn't right for him, seeing that he felt miserable in it, but i hope that he learns to just be a little more forthcoming as to not create un needed drama in his life.

 

[Dongfu]

why didn't he just come to her and tell her that he was finished with the relationship and that he intended to go another path before he cheated on her with her friend?
why do people wait until after they cheat and get caught to end something that was already over for them?
i know he dreaded to break if off with her because she would be upset, and he didn't want to upset her but just get out from it.
but i think it created a drama that did not have to be there.
if she is the type to get ballistic over everything, she will now become one of those bitter women that will live to break men down due to one guy cheating on her before he could end it with her.

i am glad your friend realized that the relationship wasn't right for him, seeing that he felt miserable in it, but i hope that he learns to just be a little more forthcoming as to not create un needed drama in his life.

Solid advice. But I think this was a situation where his gf was gone for a while, and while she was out of town, the other girl started to chase him. Liike cris rock said, you cant run fast enough to escape some pvssy that's chasing you.

 

[Serialized3]

I suppose my way of minimizing drama with girls I'm seeing is to be upfront with my intentions and what I'm looking for right from the start. I'm honestly in it just to meet new girls, and I tell them exactly that. Hell, I don't even "date" anymore, I just "hangout". Sometimes I'll add that I'm not looking for a gf, as it seems many younger women are more into casual dating/hookups. I wouldn't call that part a lie, maybe just a stretch of the truth, because I'm qualifying them to see if they might be gf material.

I'm sort of looking for an LTR, but I've dated so many girls and I've only met a few that have really impressed me. My standards for a gf are high (cultured/sophisticated, intelligent, playful, confident, kindhearted, into the outdoors, and at least "cute"), but what can I say, I'm a catch. :woo:

However, I still believe drama is inevitable, expectations are created, emotions get involved, but it is what it is. Most of the rational, logical arguments you can make to justify your actions or even the situation as a whole are thrown out the window in a fight, as logic holds no weight in an emotionally charged conflict. But you can at least be content with yourself and your choices, if you are trying to live the good life, as I am.

If you tell are girl you just want to be casual (with her) you can say that you never "used" her "just for sex" when she tries to play that card ("honey baby, you know you got more out of it than I did...")

And if you're telling them that you're seeing other girls (which you should be), then they can't really get upset if they find out that you're seeing other girls later, even if there was no understanding that there was some sort of exclusivity or whatever...

I think it's always important to try to get a bearing on whatever girl you're dating, you know, so you don't treat a sophisticated girl like a ho, and don't treat a ho as a sophisticated girl.

As for the big brothers... you either need to hone in on your DONG-FOO or just buy a stun-gun or a pistol. :trouble:

For me, the only drama I'm involved right now is rather minor, two of the girls I'm seeing now seem to have low confidence or something, who both act all shy, unpredictable, flaky, and generally just squirrelly. It's fucking annoying.

That post turned out a lot longer than originally intended.

TIGER VAULT, GOAT BREATH!

 

[marinetti]

Dongfu, your sage advice is profound, and is worthy of all grasshoppers to study on. I wonder if you answered your own question a little bit. You're obviously a sexual guy (by your 'most relationships start sexual' post) and you seem to be balancing it somewhat yourself.

but we all might as well chime in. or at least me.

I think a little straight up honesty in the beginning goes a long way. Let a woman know you like meeting new women and ****ing them for a while.

Although that may not be the best way to put it.

Let women know you like meeting new people, certainly.

If you're sleeping with other people, you should let them know that too. But the term 'dating' could be a better term to use.

So you meet a girl, ask if she has a boyfriend, and once that topic comes up she'll ask about you. You respond:

"I'm currently dating a couple people, but I'm not in a committed relationship."

By throwing that up right away, you should be able to avoid a lot of the "drama" that you were so worried about. The women who are unable to accept a sexual man will leave. The ones who don't mind stick around, perhaps intrigued, hoping to convince you to settle for them. And who knows? Perhaps some day you will. But you tell her right away that you have no plans to. Que sera sera.

If you're going to lie, even implicitly, by not mentioning these other gfs, or by not mentioning that you're not looking for a committed relationship, then you two are misunderstanding each other and that issue won't come up until after you've had sex. And issues like this are so much messier post-sex.

Be honest with women, and don't apologize for dating multiple women. Many women will accept this. Not all, but the ones that stick around will be cool.

 

[Serialized3]

Heh, marinetti, I think we're both inspired by the ancient art of the Fu tonight. ^^^

 

[marinetti]

sorry Serialized3, you make similar points, but we posted at almost the exact same time. I did read everything before I responded, honest.

"I'm not looking for a girlfriend" may make a woman think all this guy wants is sex though.

"I'm dating a couple people, but not in a committed relationship" allows a man to pave the way for a potential relationship, but certainly makes no promise. For me, it passes the "********" test.

 

[marinetti]

like faithful students, we are one in our actions.....

wait, in my last post I put woman-ese test. i wonder why that was edited...

 

[Serialized3]

sorry Serialized3, you make similar points, but we posted at almost the exact same time. I did read everything before I responded, honest.

"I'm not looking for a girlfriend" may make a woman think all this guy wants is sex though.

And what if all the girl wants is sex?

I usually only tag that line on when I know the girl sleeps around or doesn't want a boyfriend (just broke up, bi-curious, etc)

 

[marinetti]

if all she wants is sex, then she's a slut. duh.

Dongfu can handle himself in that situation. Or, to be more precise, he can get her to handle himself.

 

[Dongfu]

.

I think a little straight up honesty in the beginning goes a long way. Let a woman know you like meeting new women and ****ing them for a while

Thanks for the post. I definately make this clear in the beginning, but the problem I have found is, if you fvck them better than anyone else has, or at least really good, they are going to ignore your warnings about other women, and latch the claws in deep.

 

[Dongfu]

And if you're telling them that you're seeing other girls (which you should be), then they can't really get upset if they find out that you're seeing other girls later, even if there was no understanding that there was some sort of exclusivity or whatever... !

Even though girls will agree to this initially, they always seem to toss out the agreement later and get wierd anyway.

That post turned out a lot longer than originally intended.

This seems like one of the longer posts i've seen from you lately.

 

[Dongfu]

Anyone have any more thoughts on this?