Hi all! This is my first post: thanks for any responses! Unfortunately, I am a classic AFC. I know that this contributed to a myriad of problems in my current/past relationship(s), but I find it difficult to reconcile my ethics (I know, I know, this will probably be seen as an AFC excuse) with non-AFC behaviors. I believe that my tendency toward attachment and my insecurities contribute to being an AFC.
My current situation is ridiculous and it clearly demonstrates a lapse of judgment: I became friends with my next door neighbor, "X," who lives with his sister "Y" (we live in apartments). I have become great friends with both of them. After awhile, I noticed a mutual attraction btw Y and myself. Wanting to be respectful of my friendship with X (who I was friends with first), I asked if he minded if I dated his sister. He said "No," providing the reasoning that he preferred me over the "losers" she has dated in the past. YES, this situation is absurd--dating a neighbor AND my friend's sister!
We dated for two months and then, after we had sex, I asked her to be in a rel.I realize it was foolish for me to be the one requesting this (in the past, almost every other woman has asked me). She sent me a very vague message on FB the day after we had sex, saying that sex was a big deal to her and that she still wanted me to respect her. We met for lunch, and I explained that I still respect her and that I would like to be in a rel.
Here are a few red flags: 1. All of her friends are male. 2. She has lied to me about her work schedule.
Also in the mix, my lease ends July 31 (2 months) and, after recently receiving a degree, I will be looking for a job, which might be found in another state, given that there is not a market for the position I will be seeking in my current city. My roomate is moving to another apartment, and I will probably find another apartment in this city, until I find a job in another state.
Her being a neighbor really sucks. I notice when she arrives and departs. I was particularly disturbed last nite, when I was drinking at her place with her brother and I realized that she was not there (she also had not texted me or anything), even though her car was there. Her b-room door was shut. I asked her brother if she was sleeping, and it seemed like he was covering for her. He was very drunk and response was "She's spending---uh, yeah, she must have gone to sleep." This was weird, because she NEVER goes to bed early.There was a previous situation when it seemed like he was covering for her, but I confronted him about it and he indicated that I could trust her. Anyway, when he stepped out to do some laundry, I noticed that she was, in fact, not in her room. I left his place at 4am and she still had not returned. I ended up staying up all night (and today), and she has yet to returned, nor has she texted me.
I believe that her interest level must be low. I receive more txts from my ex every day , who wants to be with me again (not gonna happen, given that she cheated), than I do from her. Moreover her texts have decreased since being in a rel and she has increased her response time. I feel like she may want to get out of the rel and is pursuing other options...she may feel awkward, given the neighbor thing. Also, before we were in a rel, I had easter dinner with her fam (my fam lives across the ocean), and I feel like she may feel pressure about having a steady BF from her fam.
Any advice? Breaking things off would be VERY awkward given that it is impossible not to run into her. Moreover, it might change things btw me and her brother. I really got myself into a sticky situation. Would a true DJ, simply stay in the rel, but pursue other options (I feel like this would threaten my integrity and be a kind of petty 'tit for tat' response).
A part of me wants to ask her where she was, but I know this would sound accusatory/insecure.
Any advice is appreciated!
My current situation is ridiculous and it clearly demonstrates a lapse of judgment: I became friends with my next door neighbor, "X," who lives with his sister "Y" (we live in apartments). I have become great friends with both of them. After awhile, I noticed a mutual attraction btw Y and myself. Wanting to be respectful of my friendship with X (who I was friends with first), I asked if he minded if I dated his sister. He said "No," providing the reasoning that he preferred me over the "losers" she has dated in the past. YES, this situation is absurd--dating a neighbor AND my friend's sister!
We dated for two months and then, after we had sex, I asked her to be in a rel.I realize it was foolish for me to be the one requesting this (in the past, almost every other woman has asked me). She sent me a very vague message on FB the day after we had sex, saying that sex was a big deal to her and that she still wanted me to respect her. We met for lunch, and I explained that I still respect her and that I would like to be in a rel.
Here are a few red flags: 1. All of her friends are male. 2. She has lied to me about her work schedule.
Also in the mix, my lease ends July 31 (2 months) and, after recently receiving a degree, I will be looking for a job, which might be found in another state, given that there is not a market for the position I will be seeking in my current city. My roomate is moving to another apartment, and I will probably find another apartment in this city, until I find a job in another state.
Her being a neighbor really sucks. I notice when she arrives and departs. I was particularly disturbed last nite, when I was drinking at her place with her brother and I realized that she was not there (she also had not texted me or anything), even though her car was there. Her b-room door was shut. I asked her brother if she was sleeping, and it seemed like he was covering for her. He was very drunk and response was "She's spending---uh, yeah, she must have gone to sleep." This was weird, because she NEVER goes to bed early.There was a previous situation when it seemed like he was covering for her, but I confronted him about it and he indicated that I could trust her. Anyway, when he stepped out to do some laundry, I noticed that she was, in fact, not in her room. I left his place at 4am and she still had not returned. I ended up staying up all night (and today), and she has yet to returned, nor has she texted me.
I believe that her interest level must be low. I receive more txts from my ex every day , who wants to be with me again (not gonna happen, given that she cheated), than I do from her. Moreover her texts have decreased since being in a rel and she has increased her response time. I feel like she may want to get out of the rel and is pursuing other options...she may feel awkward, given the neighbor thing. Also, before we were in a rel, I had easter dinner with her fam (my fam lives across the ocean), and I feel like she may feel pressure about having a steady BF from her fam.
Any advice? Breaking things off would be VERY awkward given that it is impossible not to run into her. Moreover, it might change things btw me and her brother. I really got myself into a sticky situation. Would a true DJ, simply stay in the rel, but pursue other options (I feel like this would threaten my integrity and be a kind of petty 'tit for tat' response).
A part of me wants to ask her where she was, but I know this would sound accusatory/insecure.
Any advice is appreciated!