Girl makes excuses for date

[JJaySBK]

Very rarely does a girl have an excuse to avoid going out with me, but I've noticed it the most profoundly today. I don't know what I've done in the past to avoid it, but I just know it happens. This is over chat by the way...

Me: I'm dying for starbucks... I'm going to go tomorrow, you should tag along, it'll be fun

Girl: Ok, that sounds like fun... hey.. I just realized theres a stink bug on my keyboard.. I hate them so much quick subject change?

Me: Maybe he thinks you're his mommy haha.... but yeah 6:00 pm sharp tomorrow.. just wait outside your house

Girl: Umm text me, because my friend is going to India for a couple months and I need to pick some stuff up at her house.. and we always go to a diner after we hang out [Generic bull**** family/friend excuse]

Me: Ha, well I'm leaving at 6:00, if you're not outside waiting when I go by... then I'm going to just keep on rolling.

She lives 1 block down, so I would pick her up on my way out of the neighborhood

Girl: So you want me to wait around like a dog? haha

Me: just for 1 minute.. or 2 if I feel like being fashionably late.

Girl: Ok, I'll give it a shot

Me: Yeah, we can talk about your anal beads in the middle of starbucks haI teased her about having some a while back

Girl: baahahah alright

Me: Alright, I need to go to bed, ttyl.



Conclusion: I'm about to ask another girl out because I'm totally convinced that she isn't going to come along. She made an excuse that was pretty much bull****.

How can I rid this from happening again??


Thanks

 

[OamImrsNemo]

Holy sh!t....You don't live in Washington State by any chance do you?!

 

[JJaySBK]

No? Why, do I sound familiar? lol

 

[OamImrsNemo]

Way to familiar to be outta of state weird.

 

[AFCToDJSlowButSurely]

Nemo how far from Seattle are you?

 

[OamImrsNemo]

Mount Vernon...you?

 

[JJaySBK]

Thanks for the help guys :moon:

 

[thecurtainfalls]

It doesn't sound like you're dead in the water or anything, but you did come off as a little bit high-pressure here. It shouldn't be quite such a hard sell to get a girl to go out with you. However, it is better to err on the side of being a bit too aggressive (which you were) rather than the other way around. I think the obvious advice here is to see if she stands you up or not.

Her excuses which you bolded might be because she wants to keep her options open, and still be able to exercise control of the situation. It's the same reason why sometimes girls want to take their own car on a date. It doesn't mean they actually think they will need to make a quick getaway from you if things go south, but they like to have the option of leaving whenever they want. When you're pressuring her to go out, she might think it's an ok idea now, but she wants to give herself an out if she decides she has something better to do or has a change of heart before then. Hence the conveniently placed excuses.

If she does stand you up, I would be a little less pushy next time.

 

[JJaySBK]

If she does stand you up, I would be a little less pushy next time.

This isn't even really my congruent behavior. My friend told me to "stop being a *****" and just tell her how its going to happen. He's not really a DJ, but I felt it was worth trying.

Usually I just say "we should chill sometime, I haven't treated myself to a rip-off cup of coffee, how bout you come along with me to starbucks tomorrow?"

She'll say "that sounds like fun"

I'll say "Ok well, I'll give you a text when I plan on going.. probably around 6 ttyl"



That sounds more laid back now doesn't it? Thats how I usually pull it off, but decided to be more aggressive in this situation (because of my friend).

 

[CaptainJ]

You did fine. Some but girls respond differently. Don't forget it's a numbers game (I'm sure you haven't).

Good job on the wording of asking her out, you showed that you don't really care if she comes or not, you're going out to have fun with or without her.

 

[Uberguy]

If she does stand you up, I would be a little less pushy next time.

No.

If she stands him up, that's it. There should not be a next time. She had her chance, and she wasted it. We don't reward ****ty behavior.

 

[xsmagic]

For whatever reason she seems a bit reluctant to go. She makes it sound like you're dragging her along.

This is not advice but just nitpicking it may have been more enticing to do something exciting rather than coffee and talk. Its also added pressure when you say 6:00 sharp. The "..."s are pauses that portray uneasiness and a lack of confidence. You also said you're dying for starbucks which shows more attachment to the date. I think its best to be more straightforward. People do not "tag along" with other people to get coffee the next day at a set exact time. Also people do not want coffee so bad that they schedule a time to go in the EVENING the next day. There is no confidence or spontaneity. Not saying there's anything wrong with how you said it, just think those may be the reasons.

Except the part where she ask about waiting around like a dog, was a real test of whose court the ball was in. You kind of catered to her by making her time more valuable and added pressure with that one too

 

[Rescue Mission]

Why do you want to go for coffee?? That is so bland and boring, plus you are LYING to YOURSELF, because we all know that you don't give a fvck about drinking coffee with some chick...........you see, getting coffee is "nice guy game"

YOU want to be extra exciting, extra sexual, and extra fun........inviting a girl for coffee gives her every single reason to be indifferent

next time, stick to something like "I just talked to my best friend, and he told me about this movie that he just saw.......he said it is RIDICULOUSLY clever and good..........after talking to him about which of my girls to watch this movie with, I decided against his wishes, to see it with YOU. What kind of wine do you like by the way, red or white? This movie is better watched tipsy than sober haha"

DONE DEAL.

 

[JJaySBK]

For whatever reason she seems a bit reluctant to go. She makes it sound like you're dragging her along.

This is not advice but just nitpicking it may have been more enticing to do something exciting rather than coffee and talk. Its also added pressure when you say 6:00 sharp. The "..."s are pauses that portray uneasiness and a lack of confidence. You also said you're dying for starbucks which shows more attachment to the date. I think its best to be more straightforward. People do not "tag along" with other people to get coffee the next day at a set exact time. Also people do not want coffee so bad that they schedule a time to go in the EVENING the next day. There is no confidence or spontaneity. Not saying there's anything wrong with how you said it, just think those may be the reasons.

Except the part where she ask about waiting around like a dog, was a real test of whose court the ball was in. You kind of catered to her by making her time more valuable and added pressure with that one too

We talked about starbucks before hand.. she like going there a lot. So I figured to invite her on a date then. By saying I was dying for starbucks, I was hoping to sound like I was going to go there regardless with or without her. I guess I need more practice in this "with or without" game.

I didn't realize the "dog" test was even putting value in her time. I figured it was more of a time constraint of "if you're not there, I will NOT wait for you" kind of mentallity. I think I'm overcomplicating it or something!

I try sounding as lone-ranger as possible.. We would be taking my sportbike, so thats where 90% of the excitment comes in. Most MEN are scared of sport bikes, so maybe that was the number 1 reason that she really felt unsure about going with me. She said she always wanted to though, just never have had the chance. I've kiss or f-closed about 50% of the women that I take on my sportbike alone, as the source of entertainment. The 50% that I don't f close is where they are too scared and cannot turn that into excitment. Its a reasonable emotion that is relatively out of my control, since like I said before, many men wouldn't even touch a bike. Any movie, coffee, party or whatever, can be dwarfed by some crazy girl who wants me to go 155 mph on the freeway. Lets not talk about legality and safety, but lets understand the amount of excitment it can put into a female and the bragging rights they can get from it. Those 50% that I've f closed or kiss closed mentioned their vagina tingling from the exhaust note and vibrations. Maybe it was 100% of the girls who felt this way, but I won't know. Also, even taking off from a stop.. what do you think they are holding onto? My **** is literally 6 inches away from their hands grasping around my stomach.

Now that I think about it.. the motorcycle was a big part that I left out! I guess since I ride it almost 7 days a week, the motorcycle was simply a source of transportation, but to the average person, it is way more than that. The coffee is more indifferent than the bike to me. Thats why I pointed that out as the big picture.

 

[Mistic]

Jesus, for someone who has it all figured out Quick change of subject . . . blah blah analytical crap you dont even have step 1 down.

It's like your trying to mix some Mystery method "If you want to tag along" then you make some high strung demand "be there at exactly 7pm" or whatever.

What kind of process are you working out in your head here?