girl keeps playing the "i'm so busy" card

[kman1]

ok, first of all, i've read the bible and all that and done searches on this, so please don't give me that response. i am seeing other girls, etc. i just want to know how to straighten this one girl out.

here is the situation -

- girl has interest in me (dated me a few times, we've made out, etc.)
- she has this annoying habit....every time i ask if she's free to see me, she gives me the "i'm busy mon, tues, wed, maybe thurs, this weekend i may be going away..." crap
- my normal response is either "ok, i guess maybe we can see each other later then"
- when i do this, she makes time for me, calls me and makes sure we meet.
- we have seen each other more than enough times for this bs to be done with. she should be excited to make plans with me.

basically, she is dj'ing me and i want her to cut the crap. it was ok in the beginning, but now i'm sick of it. now, i can just next her, but if i next her i will not get to bone her. so....what are my options, and what would you do to get better behavior? the whole "if she's highly interested, she won't be flaky" doesn't seem to apply here because i know she is interested. i would like to move forward with her.

 

[penkitten]

yes , if she wants to date you , she would set a date.

 

[frivolousz21]

just say hey...well alright ill be going out with my other women..dont tell her your joking..and when u have the next time to see her...tell her your to busy!

 

[frivolousz21]

she always tells him she is busy..wether or not she is, playing hard to get, or is just not wanting him...doenst matter.

when she has free time for you....IF you want to add intrigue..say u cant see her till this day or that day because you have things to do.

this may work against you also.


also with the girl comment...u say it jokingly but never say u are joking.

 

[penkitten]

get a stage girl

 

[DJHoolahoop]

yeah that's definitely not manipulative. i'd say if you SAY that, make sure you actually are busy.

 

[kman1]

let me give you a taste of what this annoying girl is like. this is what was said today -
-----------------
me - so, how's your week looking? are you free?

her - well, i'm busy today and tomorrow with dinner plans, wed i have to see my gf's, maybe thursday, weekend i may be going away, but i have to get confirmation on that. april is a busy month.

me - so how about thursday?

her - i have to check my planner.

me - (silence)

her - we'll definitely do something this week.

me - you're not making sense. first you say you are busy and you don't know, and now you say definitely?

her - i'm not that busy, i'm just bad with forgetting plans with friends and i have to check my planner. they made me buy one because i was so bad. blah blah blah.

me - check on thursday and let me know. bye.
---------
how f'n annoying is that?

 

[Kerensky]

She doesn't like you. Accept it.

 

[spukee]

Just step back dude... she's not worthwhile right now. She might have a slight interest in you, but you're obviously not a priority. Don't call her, don't email her, don't instant message her, don't try to intiate contact at all for a while. If she gets ahold of you then be amiable, but don't take that as a sign to start calling her again.

Believe me, I was seeing a girl like that a month ago - the dates went really well, we ended up coming back to my place a couple of times, etc... but every damn time I tried to set something up she would have to reschedule for later, or flake out, or just plain didn't have time. She's a great girl, and a few months down the line she might be worth dating again, but for now... well hell, there're a hundred other girls out there who I can hang out with in the meantime.

Same goes for you, pal. 'Specially since you intoned that you're mostly looking for a lay. Focus your attention on other girls for a while, and if she comes back looking for you, give it another go.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

kman1: You're only kidding yourself with this "it's not her low IL because I know she likes me" crap.

What I am about to say does not only apply to a girlfriend, it applies to EVERYONE (buddy/friend, family member, etc). If the person in question truly does like you, they MAKE TIME. ALWAYS! Without question.

In fact, I just started a new job a few months ago. I don't have any personal/vacation days yet. However, I took 2 days off unpaid to attend to some family stuff. I could have said "oh I'm busy I have to work." Did I? No. Why not? Because I like my family enough to make this sacrifice. This is called high interest level, but in a different context than with a girlfriend. The same idea still applies.

So whether you like it or not, the "I'm busy" flaking IS a sign of not-so-high interest levels. You have to accept this and deal with it.


The ONLY time "I'm busy" is a valid exuse and not a sign of low IL is in really extreme circumstances. For example: a death in the family (or someone is really sick and they have to take care of that person), or they can't take time off work without being fired, or they are sick, exam time, etc.

Going out with her girlfriends, some random "dinners", not so clear plans to "maybe" go out some weekend are not extreme circumstances.

She's a flake.

 

[kman1]

that makes sense spukee and the others who voiced similar advice. thanks.

 

[kman1]

tilltheendoftime -

i'm going to have to disagree with you. not every girl who is highly interested will say yes right away or never flake or whatever. you've heard of "the rules", right? sometimes women have very high interest, but play hard to get or act aloof or whatever because they think it will make the man more interested. women are taught to do that to make us chase them, and they are told that men like it. i think this is more likely the case in my situation because she always reverses herself as soon as i stop calling and then starts chasing me. otherwise, she would be fine letting it end.

but anyway, i am tired of her lines and will back off.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by kman1
tilltheendoftime -

i'm going to have to disagree with you. not every girl who is highly interested will say yes right away or never flake or whatever. you've heard of "the rules", right? sometimes women have very high interest, but play hard to get or act aloof or whatever because they think it will make the man more interested. women are taught to do that to make us chase them, and they are told that men like it. i think this is more likely the case in my situation because she always reverses herself as soon as i stop calling and then starts chasing me. otherwise, she would be fine letting it end.

but anyway, i am tired of her lines and will back off.

Your waaaaaaaaay down the ladder on her priority list bro. She's obiviously seeing other doods and has become Miss Flake because she already knows she "has you." Its completely typical of her to panic and come chasing you once she senses you backing off, but once she does you come running back just like a little puppy does to his master.

You need to pick up your ballz and forget about her for a bit. Tell her that she's obiviously too busy to hang out with you and that once she clears up her "dinners" and "maybe plans" to call you. From that point on DON'T CALL HER, let her come to you. If she's truely interested she will stop the flakiness for fear of completely losing you, if she's still not that interested she will continue the same bullshyt.

She sounds like a class A attention w-hore, and those girls you need to avoid like the bad meatloaf from your high school cafeteria.



PIMP

 

[CraigMack]

Originally posted by kman1
ok, first of all, i've read the bible and all that and done searches on this, so please don't give me that response. i am seeing other girls, etc. i just want to know how to straighten this one girl out.

here is the situation -

- girl has interest in me (dated me a few times, we've made out, etc.)
- she has this annoying habit....every time i ask if she's free to see me, she gives me the "i'm busy mon, tues, wed, maybe thurs, this weekend i may be going away..." crap
- my normal response is either "ok, i guess maybe we can see each other later then"
- when i do this, she makes time for me, calls me and makes sure we meet.
- we have seen each other more than enough times for this bs to be done with. she should be excited to make plans with me.

basically, she is dj'ing me and i want her to cut the crap. it was ok in the beginning, but now i'm sick of it. now, i can just next her, but if i next her i will not get to bone her. so....what are my options, and what would you do to get better behavior? the whole "if she's highly interested, she won't be flaky" doesn't seem to apply here because i know she is interested. i would like to move forward with her.

How could you of possibly read the bible if this is occuring to you?

If you had you would of nexted her long ago. Nevermind having other women. Your the one chasing after her and you now that isn't how it's done if you had READ the bible.

Now what I want you to do is stop calling her. When she calls you (if she does), then act like your too busy to see her for a while.

It's called reversing the game. You are the prize. It is her who should be begging to spend time with you.

If she isn't then she isn't worth your time to begin with, now is she!

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Pimp-sicle
She's obiviously seeing other doods and has become Miss Flake because she already knows she "has you." Its completely typical of her to panic and come chasing you once she senses you backing off, but once she does you come running back just like a little puppy does to his master.

She sounds like a class A attention w-hore, and those girls you need to avoid like the bad meatloaf from your high school cafeteria.

PIMP

Nice to see you back! :yes:

 

[nonstop]

He was keeping her on for a chance that he might get to bone her, but that's not going to happen unless she has a high IL.

if that's not going to happen then it's a waste of time.

if she has an organiser and _still_ can't make time for you then there is something wrong there.

people who keep up the discipline of keeping a personal organiser are normally highly organised people not flaky ones.

 

[xiola]

to be honest, it could go both ways. She could not be interested or she could be playing hard to get.

Best thing to do is to back off, quit showing interest and she if that changes her attitude. If it doesnt work, then move on. If it does work, but for only a short time, then she is a flake and doesnt know when to quit the "chase" game and get serious, then move on

b

 

[Synthesize]

next her