girl going to the club.

[tryin 2 play]

So just had a big fight tonight with my girlfriend about her going to the club.
she has been hanging out with an old friend who is really into the club scene, and now wants my girl to go. i'm not really into te whole club thing, and let her know that. She claims she doesn't do any kind of "dirty" dancing at all, that there is barely any touching, etc... says she mostly just dances with her friends.

I know she wouldnt cheat, but to me dancing with some other dude is DISRESPECTFUL! We fought over it and nearly broke up. I know i'm going to be pissed when she goes. Now, what I am trying to do, is just totally detach myself from the situation emotionally. Kind of reverse my feelings so i wont care, and try to pick up other girls on the side so i care even less about her. In my opinion, there is no point in exting her now until i get some more steady a$$ to hit.

I dont know, thisi s probably more of a rant than anything, I'm just really heated right now, but whatever. Advice, suggestions, comments???

 

[Blackmm]

If it's a one time thing, don't trip. If on the other hand she is making it a weekly or multi-weekly thing, she is probably going out to meet someone new so she has someone when she breaks up with you. Women plan ahead and never leave unless they have something to go to.

 

[tryin 2 play]

She claims she is not going to be going every weekend. She said well if all my friends are going then i might, but not all the time. She said "why dont you come with us when we go, i owuld rather dance with my boyfriend than with anyone else"

 

[MightyMate]

I wouldnt let her go. Especially with male guy.

 

[Bunk 040]

Well you go too, and if she dance with another dude like a man you gon get jealous but dont start nothing, go and dance with some other females.

 

[x0054]

Dude, you stoned? Go with her. Just go and dance, **** grinned **** her on the dance floor. What could be better then that. And if you don't trust her that much, what the ****ed are you doing dating her, you ****ed her, get the **** out. If she's into the club seen, she like to be the center of attention. Go with her, and make her the center of attention, she love you for it. Or she just whan’s to move on, in which case do the same.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

So just had a big fight tonight with my girlfriend about her going to the club.
she has been hanging out with an old friend who is really into the club scene, and now wants my girl to go. i'm not really into te whole club thing, and let her know that. She claims she doesn't do any kind of "dirty" dancing at all, that there is barely any touching, etc... says she mostly just dances with her friends.

I know she wouldnt cheat, but to me dancing with some other dude is DISRESPECTFUL! We fought over it and nearly broke up. I know i'm going to be pissed when she goes. Now, what I am trying to do, is just totally detach myself from the situation emotionally. Kind of reverse my feelings so i wont care, and try to pick up other girls on the side so i care even less about her. In my opinion, there is no point in exting her now until i get some more steady a$$ to hit.

I dont know, thisi s probably more of a rant than anything, I'm just really heated right now, but whatever. Advice, suggestions, comments???

Glad you acknowledge you're ranting. That's probably what it is, and what it should be. Don't worry about those things you cannot control. If you know that she wouldnt cheat, that is all you need to have peace of mind. You are fortunate to be with somebody who won't cheat on you.

Anything else you tell her to do and/or not to do will only come across as insecure to her. I know, you have valid reasons, but your attitude here is not helping your cause.

You have a great opportunity to turn it around and make it work in your favor. Just don't worry about it and tell her it is fine. Because it is. The more secure and indiferent you are, the more she will be intrigued and wonder what you are up to. Her dancing with other dudes is very normal. A lot of things have to occur from her dancing to cheating.

She probably liked going clubbing with her friends before you were around, so don't try to change that. You have the right attitude.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

I wouldnt let her go. Especially with male guy.

Wouldn't let her? What, do you own her?

Why not create the type of situation/relationship where she wouldn't even be compelled to want to go without you. Where she finds it more fun to stay or go with you than anything she could do with her friends. That's why we are all here, aren't we?

 

[KarmaSutra]

I wouldnt let her go. Especially with male guy.

Good call! Clingy b!tchboy.

Put you're dress on and go dancing.

 

[tryin 2 play]

Yea well lately she has been saying for me to go with her. I told her ill go sometimes, but not all the time. I said the rest of the time u go (which she said wont be much) just do whatever, its cool, i dont care.

I'm really gonna take the indifferent/secure attitude, as i do know she wont cheat. Just in my head i picture her grinding on some dude and it makes me mad! She said she doesn't grind, nad said im a prick for thinking she is like that, whatever.

I'm just gonna do my own thing and let her do hers now, its cool.

 

[mrRuckus]

She said she doesn't grind, nad said im a prick for thinking she is like that.

Typical female logical fallacy. Turning sh1t onto you so you get distracted and have to turn defensive.

 

[sexy_kuta]

listen let her go to the club. dont get too worked out. shes YOUR girl isnt she? she chose YOU, so relax.
if you trust her then let her goo, if she cheats or grinds.. im SURE you will find out sooner or later, clubs are a big scene...

dont act inseurce when she goes to the clubs.. if she goes alot like twice a week then i would start worrying.

if she cheats on u at the club... it means she was gonna cheat on you sooner or later and she wasn't a poteninal gf

after the 2nd or 3rd time she goes to the club.. send one of ur buddies just to keep an eye on her.. cuz when girls are drunk they do dumb ****

 

[mrRuckus]

You guys seem to think that anything goes as long as it's not cheating.

Constantly dancing with other guys is sexual. They'll say it's "just dancing" but it is not. There's a reason why there are sayings about sex being horizontal dancing and why girls think good dancers are good in bed. Girls watch that tv show "So you think you can Dance" and will watch couples dance and be like "they've either had sex or are sooooo going to."

And if it weren't sexual why do the girls have to dance with guys? They'd be content dancing with girls if it was "just dancing." They want the freakin sexual attention... you know damn well you'd hear it if you were talking to other girls on the phone or dancing with other girls or anything like that. Just watch their plunging necklines when they go to the club "just to dance."

If you're really against it you don't forbid her from doing it... you say you disapprove of it and don't say a word about the consequences... if she does it anyway you walk. She doesn't want to do something as measly as not getting drunk and dancing with dudes in a sexual atmosphere for the health of you and your relationship... how can you expect her to respect or have the maturity for the rest of the things that come up in a relationship?

 

[tryin 2 play]

Yea thanks for the advice everyone. I'm really torn between the two sides, to be honest. Is it OK for your girl to go to the lub and chill for a while? Or is it disrespectful? Should i let her do her thing, or try to tell her i really dont want it?

I dont want to be hypocritical becaus i will be 21 soon and oging to bars. She wont be 21 until a few months after. There is NO WAY she is telling me i cant go to bars with my boys, so i how can i tell her no club? it doesnt seem fair. She already said she wouldnt care if i went to the club or bar with frends cuz she completely trusts me and why dont i trust her? I never fully trust people, i really have a problem with that.

Anyway, i really think she just wants to dance, cuz she keeps saying i want you to go with me anyway, i would rather dance with my boyfriend and have a goodtime than anyone else. I really think her actions and words are sincere, sometime i just let dumb sh!t in my head. I'll keep yas updated though, and thanks again.

 

[amoka]

I agree with....

Wouldn't let her? What, do you own her?

Why not create the type of situation/relationship where she wouldn't even be compelled to want to go without you. Where she finds it more fun to stay or go with you than anything she could do with her friends. That's why we are all here, aren't we?

 

[everywomanshero]

I used to let my girls go to clubs, now I don't.

Let me rephrase that, if I am just banging a chick then I don't care what she does at all. Many times they would go to club and then pick me up at a different club to go home and fvck... so it doesn't matter. If IU start a relationship with someone who hangs in clubs, then maybe that might be different. Generally, such girls are a pain in the a$$ though so I only bang them and stay the night occasionally.

If I've been in a LTR with someone for quite a while, and I am considering sticking with it, then I will say no to club. If she really insisted on fighting me regarding this issue and I thought it was going to come up often, then I would start banging other chicks and looking for greener pastures. I would not play the helpless victim who sits around waitng for someone else, and at the same time I would not play the macho, domineering bf part either. I would simple tell her I wasn't comfortable with it and would ask her not to go. If she does anyway, then it's time to start looking to see what else is out there, IMHO. Actually, unless she's just exactly what you're looking for, I'd keep an eye out anyway .

If the girl hangs at club without you and it's not some local bar where you know lots of people or something, then that is not a great sign, maybe you took her took seriously, too fast? There are lots of variables though, I mean it could be a birth day party she's going to or somethingm, I would also be sure to have all the facts.

 

[comote]

Dude if she is asking you to go then there should be no problem. go a couple times, I actually have fun going to a club with the girlfriend.

 

[tuxen]

Don't tell her she can't go, and don't try to stop her from going. Your just headed for ****.

You need to let her know your not a chump, so you:

1) Go to the club with her. If she starts dancing with other guys, or talking to other guys, you start talking to other girls and completely ignore her(don't look in her direction, check on her etc). When she see's this, she should come and CHECK ON YOU. Thus you have the upper hand. You have given her a serving of her own medicine, and she didn't like it. She will be more careful.

2) After she says shes going out, tell her 'cool, im going out with the boys'. If she asks who, name a friend or two who are known for being womanizers, and if she asks what your doing, tell her your going to a bar or something. You could in fact go to a coffee shop all night, the idea is to give her something to worry about.

Option 1 is preferred.

Don't be naive(thats the girls job), they are emotional creatures, if some bloke can trigger the right switches in her, she WILL **** him, especially if she's had a few drinks.

 

[tryin 2 play]

well i know if we go to the club together she will only dance with me. I know her ex boyfriend didnt care if she went or not...and she has never cheated on him. I know im being a little insecure too but i dont wanna be the chump whos girl goes out and grinds all over some dudes d!ck and then comes back to cuddle with him after shes done having her fun. You know?

We will see how it plays out...and i iwll keep my eyes open for greener pastures at the same time lol.