Girl getting pissed every time I bring up one of her flaws

[Engetsu]

My current girlfriend gets pissed at me every time I bring up one of her flaws. When I tell her that she is lazy, she tells me that she is sick of her family telling this to her and she doesn't want me to add to it. When I tell her that she should have taken summer courses (since she's already in the school program for retards and she's way behind everyone else), she makes up some bull**** excuse and tells me I sound like her mom. At many other occasions, she asks me if I enjoy bringing her down, and I just tell her that I am facing her with reality.

I don't know what's wrong with this girl, and how to approach her on her flaws. The only reason I tell her these things is that I want her to improve on herself, because laziness is one bigass flaw in my opinion. Instead of doing that, she takes things personally and she gets frustrated at me.

The latest example? Today, I brought up two of her flaws, and she told me: "You know what, I have to go to school, bye". I said ok and hung up. I don't plan on calling her back... I hope she grows up.

 

[Caveman]

I guess it all depends on how you tell her about these flaws. Sure you could say: "You are lazy" but that won't make her do anything because as she has said: other people have already told her this. Another way to get her to improve is to encourage her to do something.

Maybe just a stupid little example to illustrate my point:

Her: I don't wanna do this summer course.
You: You are soo lazy.

or

Her: I don't wanna do this summer course.
You: Wouldn't it be great if you'd do this course and after summer, everyone will see the progress you made? And you could be proud of yourself?


I know this is not a good example, it's just to point out there are different ways of saying things.

 

[DJ_Dork]

both of you guys are trying to give advice for someone who doesn't want advice.

why are you acting like mr. rescue rooter engetsu? how about asking her to help you (good test.) on something.

 

[Engetsu]

Originally posted by DJ_Dork
why are you acting like mr. rescue rooter engetsu? how about asking her to help you (good test.) on something.

Already tried that. And I love helping her out because it's for her own good. I wouldn't like to be with someone who doesn't want to make their OWN life better...

What else is there to do?

 

[PEACEDJ]

NO! The only person who has to "grow up" is YOU! You're approaching the problem with the wrong aspect. Put yourself in her place you have a family who is always bringing up your flaws, and then you try to get away from that by hanging out with the girl who go out with, but instead you get the samething from your g/f. What kind of bull**** is that???

Trust me everyone has flaws, but that doesn't mean that you should bring it up and "tell" her its bad. She probably already knows her flaws inside-out by now. From now on, just focus on her! NOT her flaws, when you guys are talking... it shouldn't be constant , "your doing this bad... blah blah blah." Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to become an AFC, BUT you have to approach the problem in a different way. Joke about it, laugh at it, make ****y comments out of it, but don't PREACH it.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Originally posted by PEACEDJ
NO! The only person who has to "grow up" is YOU! You're approaching the problem with the wrong aspect. Put yourself in her place you have a family who is always bringing up your flaws, and then you try to get away from that by hanging out with the girl who go out with, but instead you get the samething from your g/f. What kind of bull**** is that???

Trust me everyone has flaws, but that doesn't mean that you should bring it up and "tell" her its bad. She probably already knows her flaws inside-out by now. From now on, just focus on her! NOT her flaws, when you guys are talking... it shouldn't be constant , "your doing this bad... blah blah blah." Don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you to become an AFC, BUT you have to approach the problem in a different way. Joke about it, laugh at it, make ****y comments out of it, but don't PREACH it.

This is bullshyt!! He's in a relationship, he should be able to point out her flaws without a fear of upsetting her because that's what relationships are all about: COMMUNICATION!

However I do suggest that you tone it down a bit on talking about her flaws constantly. It seems like you've mentioned her flaws quiet a bit, give her a chance to improve and if she doesn't then kick her @ss to the curb. I'm a lot like you, I love to help people out. But you can only help someone that WANTS to be helped, keep that in mind.



PIMP

 

[FratAndDiddy]

take pimps advice

if this lazyness continues then you best oust her. since you said you like to help others, can you picture yourself cleaning the house, doing all the cooking, changing all the baby's diapers down the road if she doesn't change?

 

[California Love]

Damn, a chick shouldn't have that many problems to fix. It sounds like she's got no drive...in that case, she really does need to make a conscious effort to improve.

 

[SDBmania]

Everyone has flaws

What's so important about fixing every little thing? I mean, I can understand that you want her to improve, but it's also good to be accepting. Like, I would be critical when it came to heath issues, but maybe not so on others. Still, if she doesn't want to change, then I don't see what you can do to change that.

 

[ScrewIt]

wtf? if ur her bf, ur suppose to support her.

give her suggestions or advice on how to improve on herself.
pointing out someone's flaw wont help anything, it's almost like putting them down and bringing their self esteem down.

remember ur her bf not her sister, bro, or parents.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Lazy women do not change - trust me! They do not wake up one day and become energetic. Never marry a lazy women. If this irks you then move on or accept it. Since you are not her husband you shouldn't worry about it.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Originally posted by Engetsu
My current girlfriend gets pissed at me every time I bring up one of her flaws. When I tell her that she is lazy, she tells me that she is sick of her family telling this to her and she doesn't want me to add to it. When I tell her that she should have taken summer courses (since she's already in the school program for retards and she's way behind everyone else), she makes up some bull**** excuse and tells me I sound like her mom. At many other occasions, she asks me if I enjoy bringing her down, and I just tell her that I am facing her with reality.

I don't know what's wrong with this girl, and how to approach her on her flaws. The only reason I tell her these things is that I want her to improve on herself, because laziness is one bigass flaw in my opinion. Instead of doing that, she takes things personally and she gets frustrated at me.

The latest example? Today, I brought up two of her flaws, and she told me: "You know what, I have to go to school, bye". I said ok and hung up. I don't plan on calling her back... I hope she grows up.

The problem just like J* (another head up in canada, must be the climate) is with YOU! You come from a place of ego. It's ok to be superior, but it sounds like your over doing it. There is a phrase that goes you can catch more fly's with honey than vinegar.

If your trying to motivate her to do something then try the sweeter approach. Nagging like a bytch will not work.

Also you choose this person as your girl. You knew what she was about so live with it. Too me it sounds like the ****y and funny stuff is backfiring also on you.

Obviously this girl isn't a brain child and something to write home about so decide what you really want here:

1. a girlfriend who has potential, in which case you need to move on
2. or someone whom you can use like j* did to make your weak ego feel superior, in which case then your on the right track

 

[Mr. Debonaire]

It depends how severe it is.

make a joke out of it. If she still gets pissed, she has a severe case of humourless-*****itess, in which case dump her lazy ass. lol

 

[diplomatic_lies]

If I were her I'd bet the sh*t out of you then dump you. My parents always point out my flaws, and while I improve on them, I don't go with girls to have them act like my mum.


Try this instead:

Instead of: "You should get off your azz and take a summer course",
Say: "You're a pretty smart girl, I bet you could ace that summer course".

Or instead of "You're stupid",
Try "You've got a hell lot potential. I think you can easily get an A on your garbology midterm exam".


People like to live up to their reputations. Tell her she's smart, and she'll make sure next time she sees you, she WILL be one hell of a smart chick.

I know plenty of girls like these - hot, blessed by God, yet stupid and lazy. Do a bit of work and she'll be yours to mould

 

[Engetsu]

Update on situation

Well, guys, I managed to resolve some issues by having a nice talk with her. Turns out she was ashamed of being in normal math while I've been in enriched classes all my life and am getting 100's in college right now... I told her it was nothing to be ashamed of and got her to take her summer courses. Tonight I'm heading over to her place to help her study, since school is one of my most important values.

Even though I didn't post enough information on my situation, the most realistic advice came from P_S and diplomatic_lies. I always get the feeling that I am a bit too good for this girl, but I know she has the potential to improve. The only thing I didn't want from her was laziness, and turns out that it was shame. If someone doesn't even have the drive to improve themselves, I would dump their lazy ass right away. But since she showed determination, I'm determined to give her a chance...

I also know I won't end up marrying this girl, but I'm living this relationship day by day, even though I know it's going to end someday. It's just like the fact that I'm going to die someday: it doesn't prevent me from living my life to the fullest right now.

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest, but nothing is for sure yet until my girlfriend actually starts going to her summer courses and being less lazy. At least we took the first step towards it: acknowledging that she wants to change.

 

[Hollowpoint]

awww
*Sniff*

 

[Engetsu]

Originally posted by Hollowpoint
awww
*Sniff*

loool I'm glad it affects you

 

[Hamaraz]

Dude, why are you telling her about her flaws?
If you do not like her, dump her.
I think this is your situation.
If there was this girl with alot of flaws, I would never even go out with her. Why go out with her. You sound like a girl who wants to improve her boyfriend.


You only tell chicks flaws as a neg hit, to bring down their ***** shield, to increase to IL indirectly, and only if she is at least an 8.

 

[Ice Cold]

She's not gonna change. Just continue fukkin her and look for something better.

BTW, in case you don't know, it's unpleasant when people:

1) Authoritatively tell you what to do
2) Insult you
3) Put you down

She wants to fukk and have fun. Not to be lectured about how to live.

 

[High Voltage]

Why are you with this girl?

It is not your job to improve her life. If she is as lazy and stupid as you say (although general math I would think 'average' is perhaps a better assessement?) why do you even want to be with her?

Do you really want this parasite of a human sucking at your progress through life? Holding you back? Feeding off your hard-earned cash? And for what? Pvssy? Bleh. More then half of the humans on earth have one... there are others out there.

Personally, I wouldn't even keep her for sex. Just think how free you'd be and all the bullsh1t you wouldn't have to deal with.

- HV