girl at gym

[drmeathead]

ok i am 29 and working both in a residency and a private office. because of the residency i get to work at the campus gyms. i took out this one girl that works there and i found out on the first date that she was 21 turning 22 last week. we had fun on the first date just bsing over dinner at a campus restruant for 2 or 3 hours.

before the 2nd date she asked to postpone a day because her girlffriend was moving to spain and just called. i took her out the next day but had some other functions to attend and just included her. i picked her up after the deans holiday reception and a few drinks with the faculty afterwards. it wasnt anything major a just a few social drinks. anyway i took her downtown to say hello to some of my dads political friends. she was in way over her head but i didnt care. when we left she said she felt important just standing around. the judge recommended a resturant downtown and i ended up paying more for a dinner than i wished to on a 2nd date. anyway we then went and watch the football game over a pitcher of beer.

the body language was very open. the conversation was flowing and light and fun. eye contact good. i thought things were going very well. at some point a light switch flipped and her opinion of me went south some how.

at this point the only red flag was her lack of kino. i tried to hold her hand while sitting at the table. she didnt grasp my hand but didnt pull hers away or move it when i took my hand away. she ddint grasp it when i put it back either. i was sort of stymied on the kino at that point

anyway after her miller lite promo (yeah i know) she told me her girls would walk her home but she had a nice time and whatnot. asked me to text so she knew i got home safe. i didnt text. i saw her at the gym the next day. asked what shw was up to after work. i got ill call you if i go out.

didnt hear from her then or over break. i texted her merry christmas to which she responded merry xmas!!!!. two days later i sent her a happy b text. no response. i passed her outside the gym friday, although we were both on the phone, neither waved nor said hi. evidently i pissed her off at some point on the 2nd date.

my question is how do i play seeing her at the gym. polite hi? ignore her unless she says hi? something else. dont say go to another gym. that is not cool. i am not changing where i like to work out because of some girl. your thoughts...

 

[romangod]

my question is how do i play seeing her at the gym. polite hi? ignore her unless she says hi? something else. dont say go to another gym. that is not cool. i am not changing where i like to work out because of some girl. your thoughts...

If you cross her path at the gym the proper response is a sincere "Hi" and move on to your routine. The ball is in her court now and it is up to her to make her intentions known. Do not pursue her!

.

 

[drmeathead]

yeah i agree. i have another plate that called me yesterday just to let me know she is out of town with her family but wanted to keep in touch. it is amazing how interest level dictates behavior.

 

[##17]

ok i am 29 and working both in a residency and a private office. because of the residency i get to work at the campus gyms. i took out this one girl that works there and i found out on the first date that she was 21 turning 22 last week. we had fun on the first date just bsing over dinner at a campus restruant for 2 or 3 hours.

before the 2nd date she asked to postpone a day because her girlffriend was moving to spain and just called. i took her out the next day but had some other functions to attend and just included her. i picked her up after the deans holiday reception and a few drinks with the faculty afterwards. it wasnt anything major a just a few social drinks. anyway i took her downtown to say hello to some of my dads political friends. she was in way over her head but i didnt care. when we left she said she felt important just standing around. the judge recommended a resturant downtown and i ended up paying more for a dinner than i wished to on a 2nd date. anyway we then went and watch the football game over a pitcher of beer.

the body language was very open. the conversation was flowing and light and fun. eye contact good. i thought things were going very well. at some point a light switch flipped and her opinion of me went south some how.

at this point the only red flag was her lack of kino. i tried to hold her hand while sitting at the table. she didnt grasp my hand but didnt pull hers away or move it when i took my hand away. she ddint grasp it when i put it back either. i was sort of stymied on the kino at that point

anyway after her miller lite promo (yeah i know) she told me her girls would walk her home but she had a nice time and whatnot. asked me to text so she knew i got home safe. i didnt text. i saw her at the gym the next day. asked what shw was up to after work. i got ill call you if i go out.

didnt hear from her then or over break. i texted her merry christmas to which she responded merry xmas!!!!. two days later i sent her a happy b text. no response. i passed her outside the gym friday, although we were both on the phone, neither waved nor said hi. evidently i pissed her off at some point on the 2nd date.

my question is how do i play seeing her at the gym. polite hi? ignore her unless she says hi? something else. dont say go to another gym. that is not cool. i am not changing where i like to work out because of some girl. your thoughts...

It sounds to me that she isn't interested. However, if you move on and spin your other plates, she might come back around. (WARNING: I didn't say that you can just PRETEND that you've moved on. You have to actually move on.)

She probably isn't 'pissed off' at you, by the way. She knows you're into her, and she doesn't want to lead you on.

 

[drmeathead]

i agree she isnt into me. she was then something happened. i guess it doesnt matter if it was me or something else. i just wonder what it was

 

[joekerr31]

my question is how do i play seeing her at the gym. polite hi? ignore her unless she says hi? something else. dont say go to another gym. that is not cool. i am not changing where i like to work out because of some girl. your thoughts...

how would you treat her if the woman of your dreams had just entered your life. so you were dating the hottest most cool chic ever and were getting laid 5 times a day and life was utopic.

how would you treat her then? i bet anything that had gone on between the two of you would be water off a ducks back. i bet you wouldn't go out of your way to pay her any attention, but when you did bump in to her you'd be friendly.

you see, when our lives are going well and we are happy we tend to be very forgiving of others and very friendly even to people who we normally hold negative emotions towards.

the key in life is to get into that mind frame even when your life isn't perfect.

 

[Mr. Me]

at this point the only red flag was her lack of kino. I tried to hold her hand

It's probably just me and Anti-Dump, but we're both not keen on kino. Not early on, anyway. You have to increase her wanting you by having her chase you, rather than you attempting to chase after her such as in trying to hold her hand. Hand holding way early on turns a lot of women off.

You say it was her lack of kino that was the only red flag, but I see there may have possibly more than that, which you're not cognizant of, hard to tell without having been a fly on the wall. Maybe your dates were spent too long together, and made too close together too, giving her more than a dose of you. Maybe you came off as too touchy feely.
You want dates to end with them wanting more.

Hold off trying to hold hands. Create that void and give these gals an opportunity to touch you first. Then don't return their touch. Make them wonder why you don't seem that into them, like all the other guys they've dumped. They'll chase you instead. And you'll get to see how interested they are in the first place, rather than after blowing a chunk of coin.

Overall, though, I would think that going in, she wasn't that very interested in you, and whatever interest she may have had, is now gone. When she said that SHE felt important just standing around, I notice that she didn't say that she felt that YOU must be kind of important. I'd say, not that into you.

So I'd say that you pass her by and say "hi", that is, be cordial, smile, but don't stop.

 

[guru1000]

I just made a post referencing this.

If you have to ask yourself why she acts a certain way, this is low IL.

Don't excuse her bad behavior for the good behavior she has shown. High IL plates do not give you a reason to question.

Best advice, move on.

 

[drmeathead]

i agree time to move on. i was just wondering how to handle the gym interactions. the best advice i got from a friend was to act as though you are in the fast lane and you passed by her. if she wants to catch up great. if not well you arent turning around for her.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Dr. Meathead,

Before I give you my 2 cents, I know you weren't asking were you went wrong with this chick, but I just wanted to give you my thoughts.

I think you acted like her boyfriend before you had even finished your second date with her. Trying to hold her hand during the second date? That's a little quick in my opinion. Secondly, you shouldn't have taken her on that marthon date when you went downtown and what not. That's too long and it completely killed her interest in you. I know you probably realize this now, but you were not a challenge my friend. Your actions made her feel like she was being put on a pedestal.

Now to your actual question. When you see her now, smile and say hello, and carry on. Don't avoid her, don't pretend not to see her when your in eachother's path. If you show her that your geninuely not upset or down over the situation, things will be a lot less akward.


Good luck


PIMP

 

[jophil28]

IF or when this sort of thing happens to me, I go back to acting EXACLTY like I did BEFORE I ever spoke one word to her..

 

[drmeathead]

i guess i killed her interest. idk. she backed out the day before so i just took her along where i had to go. i wasnt planning on the super nice dinner. it just happened spontaneously. the judge through it out as a good place to eat so i didnt want to appear cheap and not go there.

the date was long. she was the one who suggested my going to her bar promo. i didnt really talk to her too much there. sporadically. maybe i should have rolled but i got bull****ting with other people there.

i guess it may have been too much, too long. at the very least she served the purpose i intended when i took her to meet the judge. i walk in with a pretty girl on my arm. there is something to be said. all those old power guys are old and i walked in with the one thing they couldnt get any more unless they paid for it. a young piece of ass. it was a power play move on my part, a gamble. i should have just picked her up after i was done with the judge.

i am assuming i overwhelmed her. oh well if she likes me, she will be back if i play things cool. if not whatever, my life is pretty much downhill from here on out. there will be others.

 

[Colossus]

Move on. If you see her, say hi if you want. But she is clearly not interested.

I want to point out a couple of things.

First, the dinners. I would highly recommend you avoid dinner dates. A lot of guys take a girl out to dinner for the first couple of dates and only end up frustrated, sexless, and $100 poorer.

Dinner is the death knell for getting laid. Think about it- Taking a girl you have just met to a nice restaurant conveys to her that you are trying to win her affections, even if you are not. You are both a little uncomfortable, you get a big, steamy meal, some alcohol, and after a couple hours you both feel tired and bloated...not the ideal state to go somewhere more private and get naked. Plus, you have to dot your i's and cross your t's on the manners front, which can be a chore. Even if your objective is not to lay her in the first few dates, dinner is just a bad choice to set the frame in your favor. It is a contrived, awkward environment. The dinner game by design is a field where you typically lose and she wins. Its fine for LTRs or girlfriends, but not for new girls.

"Fun" dates are always a good idea. There is no pressure, less money is spent, and you can both relax and kid around. Plus, it's a MUCH better environment for you get some playful physical contact going.

Which brings me to the hand-holding thing. I personally would try to steer away from that until good, reciprocal kino has been established with the girl and you two are pretty comfotable with each other. Hence, the 'fun' dates. Thats what they are for. Low key, low pressure, you both have fun and it's not a losing bet for you. So what if it doesnt work out? At least you had a good time and got to hone your game a bit.

Save the hand-holding for a later date, or a better time. If she doesnt grasp your hand when you touch hers, back off. Dont do it again. Nothing kills a date like an awkward attempt at kino. Its over at that point.

 

[drmeathead]

i hear ya...i think my error on this was that i was making a point of fitting her into my already planned day for backing out on me the day before. i had this day planned long ahead of her. i was seeing the judge. grabbing food and watching the ballgame. that was my day. i just took her along.

hey the kino thing i agree on. i didnt actually take her hand just put my hand on hers. then did it again. idk. to be honest it is the first time in awhile that i didnt get a good response from kino. actually i got no response. which i guess should be looked at as a bad response.

whatever she isnt the only number in my book. ill just be cool with her at the gym. if she comes around, ill suggest hanging out at a dave and busters or something. well actually i wont unless she brings up hanging out again. ill let it be her idea.

 

[drmeathead]

just one follow up...why would she respond to the merry christmas text but not the happy birthday text two days later? she may be the only one to answer that but just y'alls thoughts as your responses are great so far

 

[Mr. Me]

all those old power guys are old and i walked in with the one thing they couldnt get any more unless they paid for it. a young piece of ass.

Trust me bud, you paid for it too.

Those older power guys, they have the money to land that younger ass anytime they want, and believe me, they sure do. You showing up with her didn't mean squat to them, you're a young guy so of course you're going to attract a younger woman. No surprise there. All you showed them was a fresh piece of meat to devour. I'm surprised no one else hit on her. Maybe they did behind your back.

A few really great lessons to take away from this; nobody walks away without a consolation prize!

1. Space out dates, make them miss you in between. That's when they reflect about you and what a great time they had and start wondering if you're going to call again... mystery... rather than thinking "I'm being overwhelmed!"

2. Hold back to make her pursue you; let the girl touch you first.

3. Don't take a girl to someplace you haven't checked out first. "Hey, the Judge's pick I'm sure is a great place, but there's this really cool dive bar I wanna show you."

why would she respond to the merry christmas text but not the happy birthday text two days later?

She was being "nice", but hey, "nice" only goes so far when you're not interested.

 

[drmeathead]

nah no one else hit on her i am sure of that. i dont think that they do to be honest. they are married most of them and no girl is going out with the 50 fat guy. i just dont see it.

the other stuff i agree on. looking back on it she had no idea where he was talking about. i did. it is a upper end seafood chain. i didnt realize how upper end as both times i had been to one i didnt pay. perhaps its location they also upped the price?

 

[Mr. Me]

nah no one else hit on her I am sure of that. I dont think that they do to be honest. they are married most of them and no girl is going out with the 50 fat guy. I just dont see it.

Hey, I'm not fat at all but I am over 50, and don't look it, and was chatting up a 25 y.o. cutie the other night. I've also banged a couple of twenty-somethings (as well as 30 and 40 somethings) over the past couple of years since turning 50, as well as getting approached by younger women here and there, so get this number 50 out of your head.

I'm not saying they did hit on her, but I wouldn't think they don't do that: When I was in college, my best friend's dad was a doctor. He was married. He hung out with lawyers, judges and a guy who was a well known pimp in NYC that he had gone to college with. The pimp was the only guy not married. Anyway, this Dr., NOT a good looking guy at all. I think he was about 60 then. Looked old. Wrinkled. Paunchy. But had major cash and status and a candy red caddy to cruise in. He called it his chick mobile. Women would come to his office for a checkup, if they had big, beautiful breasts, he'd sometimes set me and my friend up with them as dates. And he f@cked around. They all did. That's what they do. C'mon! That's how they get women. They're rich and powerful. What did old, ugly, paunchy, rich and powerful Kissinger say about that being the best aphrodisiac?

 

[drmeathead]

haha fair enough...i just see these guys and they dont look like they got any game. i guess they do or they wouldnt be where they are now.

i agree with you though about the power and money...when i was playin ball in college and a bmoc i didnt have problems. then i graduated and worked min wage jobs and then went to dental school. major status drop. now that i am out and am a dr in a private practice...wow.

to be honest that is another reason i took that girl there. to show her a little power. wow her with the people i roll with. i am not saying i run the city but the place these people go i am known well enough that it was handshakes around the room when i got there.

in retro i messed up when i went to her promo i should have dropped her off rolled and called after the holiday. but i was having a good time and she invited me to come to it promising me free beer if i came. whatever the physical is there on her end. if i back off she will be back. if she doesnt oh well i am living the good life and if she doesnt want to come along thats on her.

 

[joekerr31]

Move on. If you see her, say hi if you want. But she is clearly not interested.

I want to point out a couple of things.

First, the dinners. I would highly recommend you avoid dinner dates. A lot of guys take a girl out to dinner for the first couple of dates and only end up frustrated, sexless, and $100 poorer.

Dinner is the death knell for getting laid.

first date should be cheap and simple. go for coffee. do NOT spend your hard earned cash on some chic you don't even know yet. or go to an art museum or something. something that is really cheap to get in to and which you can stroll around and get to know each other.

second, i couldn't agree more about dinner. not just cuz of the money. but also people now a days tend to over eat when they are dinning out and after the meal they tend to get lethargic and have to take a dump - so some women will actually end the evening early just cuz they want to get home so they can drop a deuce.

i will say this, and i dont know if this is just my experience or the type of women i date, but most women now a days are quick to pay for their half of things. or if you pay for dinner they will pay movie afterwards.

now mind you, that's women with careers. women with no money still will take full advantage of you paying for everything.