Girl acts differently when with friends?

[DJEzyE]

My gf always tells me how she loves me and kisses me all the time when we're alone, however Im wit her and her friends she tends to ignore me and I find this really annoying.

She would engage in pointless conversation with her friends, talk about people that they know and I don't know (so I havn't got any input to put in) or talk about girl stuff (which again I got nothing to say about) or they would talk about the whether or something else just as stupid just for the sake of talking and maybe talk to me once every 20mins or so.

And we're alone she cannot keep her lips off me!!! I would often joke around saying I might have to get a restraining order on her lol but when her friends are aroud she refuses to kiss me on the lips, not even when there's no tongue.
I don't like the incongruency of her actions, she can either be letting me kiss her all the time, or she should not expect me to open up to her when we're alone.

Also if im on the phone to her when she is with her friends she is more reluctant to say "I love you" back. She changes 'love you' to 'love ya' or 'love youse' which is something she says to her friends.

I consulted some of my chick friends and they always say that she is just shy.
Bu is that really the problem? Is it because girls are just shy? That she doesnt want to be seen as a slut in front of her friends? But I know her friends pretty well so I don't see what the problem is.

 

[Acq]

I dont think shyness is the real problem here she might be sending a "Im free" message to the world

 

[Lust]

My gf always tells me how she loves me and kisses me all the time when we're alone, however Im wit her and her friends she tends to ignore me and I find this really annoying.

She would engage in pointless conversation with her friends, talk about people that they know and I don't know (so I havn't got any input to put in) or talk about girl stuff (which again I got nothing to say about) or they would talk about the whether or something else just as stupid just for the sake of talking and maybe talk to me once every 20mins or so.

And we're alone she cannot keep her lips off me!!! I would often joke around saying I might have to get a restraining order on her lol but when her friends are aroud she refuses to kiss me on the lips, not even when there's no tongue.
I don't like the incongruency of her actions, she can either be letting me kiss her all the time, or she should not expect me to open up to her when we're alone.

Also if im on the phone to her when she is with her friends she is more reluctant to say "I love you" back. She changes 'love you' to 'love ya' or 'love youse' which is something she says to her friends.

I consulted some of my chick friends and they always say that she is just shy.
Bu is that really the problem? Is it because girls are just shy? That she doesnt want to be seen as a slut in front of her friends? But I know her friends pretty well so I don't see what the problem is.

Mate this is somewhat normal. It's because she doesn't know how her friends will react to you or whether they approve of you or not. Trust me when I say this, that she really likes you, a lot.

To solve the problem, first of all DON'T WORRY about it, don't make this a big deal, don't even show the slightest worry. Second, get comfortable with her friends, talk to them every now and then, ask them how their weekend was, you almost try and pick them up except without the attraction.

Just demonstrate value or "your sparkly bits" to them and build comfort, no attraction. They'll think your a cool guy and they'll be more comfortable with their friend being with you. Once your girl sees that her friends enjoy you company and think you are cool, she'll be more comfortable with herself being around her peers and you, and will start acting more normal and affectionate.

Good luck mate,

-Lust.

 

[Lexie]

Some people, girls and guys (myself included), just aren't that fond of PDA. I can't stand sitting at a table next to a couple making out, it really bothers me. So I try not to do things like this in front of other people. I won't even kiss my bf in front of my sister.

Also, maybe she views making out/affection/whatever as really personal, which it is. It's just not something that you want the whole world to witness, you know, it's something the two of you share.

I really don't think she's wanting other people to think she's single. If this were the case, why would she even go places with you? If it's really bothering you a lot, just let her know that it makes you feel bad when she's not affectionate with you in public and see if she's willing to compromise (but don't expect a full-on make out session in front of the friends).

 

[Juan_Man]

I wouldn't suggest talking to her about this. It's only going to create friction in the relationship. Just stop hanging out with her when she's with her friends. Do something else during that time (sports, working out, hang out with your friends, TV, read, etc). Maybe your girl will get the hint and acknowledge you more the next time she wants you to come to an outing with her friends. But until then, stay away from her group.

 

[DJDamage]

I don't see it as being a problem.

Its just a problem of world's colliding and she doesn't know how to act without offending her friends or you.

When your girl is with her friends, go and find yourself your own friends, why do you have to be around her all the time that this causes an issue?!

 

[amoka]

I don't see it as being a problem.

Its just a problem of world's colliding and she doesn't know how to act without offending her friends or you.

When your girl is with her friends, go and find yourself your own friends, why do you have to be around her all the time that this causes an issue?!

Or you can make her jealous of your interaction with her friends and "barely pay attention to her." Talk to her friends like they are your old pal... then you'd see "reverse psychology" at work.

 

[DJDamage]

Or you can make her jealous of your interaction with her friends and "barely pay attention to her." Talk to her friends like they are your old pal... then you'd see "reverse psychology" at work.

Yes that can also work but there are other cases where it won't.

There are cases where your girl's friends won't like you and purposely exclude/act frigit towards you or won't even want to make an effort to want to get to know you. I bet there are handful of my ex's friends who probably have chimed in to my ex after we broke up "thank gawd that a$$hole is out of your life, i never really liked him!".

That is why I have a rule about that: If I am not her boyfriend, her family or friends means nothing to me and therefore when I go out, I am going to go out only with her and not hang around her friends or family.

 

[DJEzyE]

I dont think shyness is the real problem here she might be sending a "Im free" message to the world

mmmmm that's an interesting way to look at it..would have never thought of that.

Mate this is somewhat normal. It's because she doesn't know how her friends will react to you or whether they approve of you or not. Trust me when I say this, that she really likes you, a lot.

To solve the problem, first of all DON'T WORRY about it, don't make this a big deal, don't even show the slightest worry. Second, get comfortable with her friends, talk to them every now and then, ask them how their weekend was, you almost try and pick them up except without the attraction.

Just demonstrate value or "your sparkly bits" to them and build comfort, no attraction. They'll think your a cool guy and they'll be more comfortable with their friend being with you. Once your girl sees that her friends enjoy you company and think you are cool, she'll be more comfortable with herself being around her peers and you, and will start acting more normal and affectionate.

Good luck mate,

-Lust.

Hi Lust, That's what I thought at first, but then I already know her friends pretty well and I'm sure that most of them likes me and would approve. So her friends shouldn't be a problem.

Some people, girls and guys (myself included), just aren't that fond of PDA. I can't stand sitting at a table next to a couple making out, it really bothers me. So I try not to do things like this in front of other people. I won't even kiss my bf in front of my sister.

Also, maybe she views making out/affection/whatever as really personal, which it is. It's just not something that you want the whole world to witness, you know, it's something the two of you share.

I really don't think she's wanting other people to think she's single. If this were the case, why would she even go places with you? If it's really bothering you a lot, just let her know that it makes you feel bad when she's not affectionate with you in public and see if she's willing to compromise (but don't expect a full-on make out session in front of the friends).

Thanks Lexie, that could well be a reason. I shall speak to her about it and see what happens.

I wouldn't suggest talking to her about this. It's only going to create friction in the relationship. Just stop hanging out with her when she's with her friends. Do something else during that time (sports, working out, hang out with your friends, TV, read, etc). Maybe your girl will get the hint and acknowledge you more the next time she wants you to come to an outing with her friends. But until then, stay away from her group.

I have stopped hanging out with her when she's with her friends already, because if she's going to ignore me then what is the point of me wasting my time being there with her while I could be doing something else more constructive?
The thing is that she hangs with her friends ALOT, and so if I want to see her more than once a week I'd have to deal with her friends

I don't see it as being a problem.

Its just a problem of world's colliding and she doesn't know how to act without offending her friends or you.

When your girl is with her friends, go and find yourself your own friends, why do you have to be around her all the time that this causes an issue?!

What I said to the Juan Man...

Or you can make her jealous of your interaction with her friends and "barely pay attention to her." Talk to her friends like they are your old pal... then you'd see "reverse psychology" at work.

Thanks amoka, I'll give it a try!