Ghosted on the 2nd Date!

[The Duke]

It happened. First time for everything. Had a first date a week ago with a HB8 that was a few years younger than me. Had a nice dinner and drinks at 2 venues. Good convo, pretty solid date. Before dropping her off at her car we had some real passionate kissing and felt her up with no hesitation on her part.

During the week she showed plenty of interest and was asking me when we could go out again. She initiated 80% of the texts.

So I scheduled a 2nd date to go dancing. Due to logistics, we decided it was easier to meet each other there. I noticed her vibe was off from the very start. She was on edge, barely looked at me, no smiling, complained about being tired and even mentioned about 20minutes into it that she might have to leave early because she was tired. Definitely not acting like the girl I met on the 1st date.

At the start of our date, I did introduce her to this HB9 bartender that gets me in for free and always remembers what I drink. Not sure if that sealed my fate or what. If it did then I am thankful, because she must be super insecure and highly jealous. She did tell me her exhusband was a sex addict and had 10 girlfriends, maybe she has some flashback!!!

After 1.5hr, we finished a dance and she says she has to go to the bathroom. My gut told me something was up. Well her not so sweet ass never came back! I knew I should have hid out by the bathroom so I could bust her balls when she bailed, but I didn't.

She blocked me immediately and deleted me from bumble like a damn pro.

I suspect there was another guy in the picture. There was nothing I did wrong.

What a pathetic way to handle a situation. I thank her for not wasting any more of my time and making it very clear she was no longer interested! If there was a website for chics that pull this schitt, I would make sure she was on it.

I always recommend scheduling dates on your terms, your location, not spending much, and making sure the venue is closer to your place than hers because you never know what these shady biatches are going to pull. Stay tough fella's, its a tough scene out there at times.

 

[lamath]

It happened. First time for everything. Had a first date a week ago with a HB8 that was a few years younger than me. Had a nice dinner and drinks at 2 venues. Good convo, pretty solid date. Before dropping her off at her car we had some real passionate kissing and felt her up with no hesitation on her part.

During the week she showed plenty of interest and was asking me when we could go out again. She initiated 80% of the texts.

So I scheduled a 2nd date to go dancing. Due to logistics, we decided it was easier to meet each other there. I noticed her vibe was off from the very start. She was on edge, barely looked at me, no smiling, complained about being tired and even mentioned about 20minutes into it that she might have to leave early because she was tired. Definitely not acting like the girl I met on the 1st date.

At the start of our date, I did introduce her to this HB9 bartender that gets me in for free and always remembers what I drink. Not sure if that sealed my fate or what. If it did then I am thankful, because she much be super insecure and highly jealous. She did tell me her exhusband was a sex addict and had 10 girlfriends.

After an 1.5hr, we finished a dance and she says she has to go to the bathroom. My gut told me something was up. She never came back! I knew I should have hid out by the bathroom so I could bust her balls when she bailed, but I didn't.

She blocked me immediately and deleted me from bumble like a damn pro.

I suspect there was another guy in the picture. There was nothing I did wrong.

What a pathetic way to handle a situation. I thank her for not wasting any more of my time and making it very clear she was no longer interested! If there was a website for chics that pull this schitt, I would make sure she was on it.

I always recommend scheduling dates on your terms, your location, not spending much, and making sure the venue is closer to your place than hers because you never know what these shady biatches are going to pull.

WTF thats just weird
Only explication is crazies are gonna act crazy

 

[marmel75]

Why did you take her for dinner on a first date? That's one thing you definitely did wrong.

 

[The Duke]

Why did you take her for dinner on a first date? That's one thing you definitely did wrong.

Typically I don't do dinner on a first date. Its always drinks. However, money isn't an issue for me, I was hungry, and didn't have time to eat before the date! If that was so wrong, then why did she blow me up all week and even meet up for a 2nd date? lol

 

[lamath]

Typically I don't do dinner on a first date. Its always drinks. However, money isn't an issue for me, I was hungry, and didn't have time to eat before the date! If that was so wrong, then why did she blow me up all week and even meet up for a 2nd date? lol

i dont think it maters in this situation anyway

 

[guru1000]

Any changes in diet, exercise, supplements, sleep, or appearance for the 2nd date?

 

[The Duke]

Any changes in diet, exercise, supplements, sleep, or appearance for the 2nd date?

She didn't sleep much the night before because her dog got loose. She is very much into running marathons and Crossfit, very athletic body. Not a big drinker. The day of our 2nd date she had a Crossfit competition all day long and was taking pre/post workout products throughout the day. She said she was super tired from that. I questioned why she didn't cancel our date. I noticed her veins were protruding more than they were the first date, it was evident she had being working out all day long.

 

[guru1000]

She didn't sleep much the night before because her dog got loose. She is very much into running marathons and Crossfit, very athletic body. Not a big drinker. The day of our 2nd date she had a Crossfit competition all day long and was taking pre/post workout products throughout the day. She said she was super tired from that.

Could have contributed.

No doubt classless act on a second date. Though, I’ve done similar to girls who I have slept with on the first date, and upon second meet, they looked off (bloated, different, etc.) so I bailed but instead of ghosting I would prompt a fight and use that as an excuse to end the date early.

 

[marmel75]

Typically I don't do dinner on a first date. Its always drinks. However, money isn't an issue for me, I was hungry, and didn't have time to eat before the date! If that was so wrong, then why did she blow me up all week and even meet up for a 2nd date? lol

Fair enough. Its not an issue for me either, I just think dinner dates are poor choices for first dates...limit ability to escalate, force you to sit across from someone you dont know and have an interview questions type date, etc etc...

I would have went to a drive thru and ate something on the way to avoid a dinner date. Just my opinion do as you please.

 

[sosousage]

Its over for overanalyzing OP

 

[Murk]

I always recommend scheduling dates on your terms, your location, not spending much, and making sure the venue is closer to your place than hers because you never know what these shady biatches are going to pull. Stay tough fella's, its a tough scene out there at times.

Take your own advice then, don’t say don’t spend money, then defend dinner on a first date (wtf?) saying money is no option. That might be so, no reason to act like a sugar daddy, keep them engaged

No doubt classless act on a second date. Though, I’ve done similar to girls who I have slept with on the first date, and upon second meet, they looked off (bloated, different, etc.) so I bailed but instead of ghosting I would prompt a fight and use that as an excuse to end the date early.

That’s equally classless, and actually a bit psycho/female behaviour.

 

[guru1000]

That’s equally classless, and actually a bit psycho/female behaviour.

The is ostensibly true. However the archetype of the "azzhole" or "bltch" is often misconstrued as acts directed by conscious intent. Rather, these behaviors often manifest without thought or stratagem.

Not feeling it ==> Behavioral Change

Only through observation, can we make that connect.

 

[Glassguy]

Time out guys.

Going to dinner wasnt the issue. I do it all the time on a first date, although I go to one of a few cheap and upbeat places where most people know me.

There is only one thing that OP can control with ANY woman he dates and that is himself. We will probably never know the true reason she bailed but lets look at it as time not wasted on this chick. Sure it is mind boggling and not good on the ego but it is what it is. IDGAF attitude........remember?

@Howiestern seems like you were able to pull a much younger, fit, hot chick. Congrats. If you can do it once, you can do it again...and again. Dont sweat it.

I would have played it slightly different than you. If she was all about escalating on the first date, I would have invited her over to my place to make dinner on the second date. Chicks nowadays want the D just as much as guys want the V. I try to schematically make that easy on the second date if the first date was a success and I got that vibe from the chick. Maybe there wasnt enough escalation in the 1.5 hr date before she bailed.

Like I said, we will never know. Women are emotional creatures. Maybe someone showed up that she didnt want to see her at the place you were at and she bailed out the back. Who knows. That doesnt reason as to why she blocked you.

I know that I am preaching to the choir on this one, but let it be. Do not do anything to initiate contact with her. If you bump into her while out, just smile and say hi and keep moving. A lot of these chicks will be allured by your carefree attitude towards them and circle back around. Not burning bridges is my thing.

Let us know if she by chance reaches back out.

 

[Murk]

True glass guy, it’s important to remember we can’t always control and understand anyone, let alone women. I was ghosted by one girl and “let’s just be friends” by another 3 weeks ago like 2 days apart and it did confuse me and make me question myself but I soldiered on, focused on my present life and picked up some small wins when the opportunities arose.

As long as you can be resilient with women but also life, you will be fine. Don’t try to deep dive and do a full blown autopsy on each fail. Energy is better used moving forward.

I seriously want a ltr and I’m pulling my hair out as the girls I find don’t do it for me, I’m like bigdave but I’ll go for chicks that are not my ideal in the meantime.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

but instead of ghosting I would prompt a fight and use that as an excuse to end the date early.

Out of curiosity, why do you approach it this way as opposed to just coming up with another excuse of some sort like a friend just called you and needs your help urgently etc? I'm sure you have a strategy for prompting a fight but I'm very curious as to why you do it that way.

 

[guru1000]

Out of curiosity, why do you approach it this way as opposed to just coming up with another excuse of some sort like a friend just called you and needs your help urgently etc? I'm sure you have a strategy for prompting a fight but I'm very curious as to why you do it that way.

As stated in Post 14, the acts are not purposeful or conscious. It took me a while to observe and understand that at certain times with certain girls I would be called an "azzhole" and at other times with other girls "very nice."

I started to observe that when a girl stated I'm an azzhole, that I wasn't feeling it with that particular girl at that particular moment--hence the behavioral change. So by acting as the a-hole, she would get defensive, argument ensues-and BAM rapport dissolves.

Quite interesting the dynamic to observe from within. The same concept applies to a woman being a "bltch." We often characterize her emotional fluctuations on being a women, but those emotions have to be spawn by a deeper motivating factor--and it often is not prompted by your looks alone. For example, the other night, I was out with this beautiful 26 yo, a solid 9 by anyone's standards. It was our third date, but her personality--that night--was too all American, Brady bunch with very little depth, not really what I desire in convo. I started growing bored and disinterested, and sure enough, the "azzhole" came out to play.

So these unconscious processes that many of us put forward are simply responses to stimuli that we longer desire to entertain--at that moment.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

So these unconscious processes that many of us put forward are simply responses to stimuli that we longer desire to entertain--at that moment.

I got you - it is not something you consciously do. Makes sense, and I do the same with girls I don't have much interest in and am getting annoyed by.

 

[Music_czar]

This kind of thing doesn’t shock me at all.. what would be shocking is if Howie hit off with this woman on a second date and they ended up dating for several months with nothing but fun, hot sex, and normal human behaviours/interactions.

Can’t remember the last time a woman acted normal in a relationship.. it’s gotten to the point where all you can do is get what you can while you can before the crazy comes out.

 

[Tilex]

I feel for you man.
I've been through a very similar experience just like yours in the past.
I think women start to become really strange when you introduce them to any 3rd parties related to you. I've learned from my own observations not to introduce them to anyone I know until she's head over heels over me.
Sometimes being rude is better in the earlier stages of dating. The people in your social circle stay confidential and it's none of her business.
And if she asks: Who is that guy/girl?
I'll just say: That was one of my roommates in college

Your life has to remain mysterious for a reason!

 

[The Duke]

Easy for me to say this from the vantage of hindsight, but if it were me I'd have said,

"You know what let's end the date now. You seem really turned off so I'm gonna enjoy my evening without you. Have a great night."

It crossed my mind. I did question why she came if she was so tired. I told her I would have cancelled.