GF was distant and now is becoming very annoying

[Jaxxx]

Been with her for 4 years. A couple of weeks ago I found out that she was going out for her sister's birthday party. Her sister's friends are drunks and got DUI's and are big drinkers. My gf said that she would text me during the night out and call when she got home. I never got a text from her all night or when she got home. I just go an excuse from her why she didn't call when I asked her. That made me mad because I know how her sister's friends are and didn't want her driving with them if they are drunk. After that she got weird and became distant. Didn't call or text much and that made me mad and I quit calling and texting her. Now she is calling me and texting me all the time saying "I love you" more and calling me and texting all day. Wants me to call and text more and she is being really annoying by calling all the time. It was fine before but this is just too much. what is up with her?

 

[( . )( . )]

what is up with her?

A combination of buyers remorse, shame and her feelings toward you.

Sounds like she hopped back on the pork sword of someone else, realised the dependable herb she has is not such a bad old lunk and has now renewed affection between you and her.

Occam's razor

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

First of all knowing how her sister's friends are she shouldn't even be hanging out with them in the first place. Secondly her behavior is not consistent with what she said. It means she did not respect you enough to do what she promised she would do. It didn't bother her how you would feel if she didn't text and call you like she said she would. In other words she took you for granted and couldn't care less how you felt. Once you stopped calling and texting her she she wondered about what she did and how she felt since you withdrew attention. Therefore she began calling and texting you more often. This behavior of hers also stems from a guilty conscience. I don't know what she did that night but i could take a few guesses of my own and sleeping with someone else is one of those.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

However don't pounce on her and blame her for anything without any proof. As of now you remain unreactive and pretend you are clueless. Most of all don't put your emotions on a sleeve and let her know what you are thinking about and how you are feeling. Keep your poker face on. Most of the time when i am pissed off with my girl for a reason i keep a stern and serious face and don't talk about how i feel. Usually they are the ones who ask what's wrong with me and if i am alright. Never ever tell them how you feel. It helps keep the mystery and you'll be hard to read. They love a guy who they have to try and figure out.

 

[Sir_Laid_A_Lot]

In case the two of you ever get into an argument about this don't ever apologize because you have done nothing wrong.

 

[Cremasta]

Your girl for 4 years? Personally, I would have told her to give me a call and I'll come pick her up (and maybe others depending on how many you can fit in your car). Her friends might be idiots, but surely you can put up with them for half an hour.
That way you know that she'll get home safe, and you know she hasn't been picked up by some other guy.

You can play the guilt hand here. Something like "You KNEW I was waiting for a call and you KNEW I'd be worried if I didn't hear from you. Exactly how do you think I should react here?!?".

She needs to explain herself to you and above all, seek forgiveness for unacceptable behaviour. I'd suggest you use this to be magnanimous, but set a new rule... "Ok, I'm past it, but don't you ever do that again."

 

[PlayHer Man]

All men need to remember that commitment is a GIFT we give to women. Just like how women consider access to their p*ssy a "gift" to men.

What do women do when men piss them off? They cut off or withhold sex. Am I right? Because if a girl is going to f*ck you no matter how you act.. what reason do you have to ever behave yourself?

Same deal with commitment. As a man.. your commitment to a woman is under the conditions that she behaves herself. Once her behavior gets out of line, this commitment must be withheld. This means you either start f*cking other women or tell her you're going to dump her if she doesn't adjust her attitude. Simple as that.

 

[AlphaGhost]

Your girl for 4 years? Personally, I would have told her to give me a call and I'll come pick her up (and maybe others depending on how many you can fit in your car). Her friends might be idiots, but surely you can put up with them for half an hour.
That way you know that she'll get home safe, and you know she hasn't been picked up by some other guy.

You can play the guilt hand here. Something like "You KNEW I was waiting for a call and you KNEW I'd be worried if I didn't hear from you. Exactly how do you think I should react here?!?".

She needs to explain herself to you and above all, seek forgiveness for unacceptable behaviour. I'd suggest you use this to be magnanimous, but set a new rule... "Ok, I'm past it, but don't you ever do that again."

No offense, but I wouldn't do this.
Playing the guilt card make you look like a victim which is a childish, womenly way of dealing with the situation.

Did she get plowed by some other guy? who knows?

What I'd do is just let her keep texting you, doesnt mean you need to respond to ever text. If its something that is worth responding to respond, don't feed into her I love yous by responding all the time, it loses it meaning after a while.

I'd just withdraw and see how she acts, slowly give more attention as she earns it from good behavior and see how she acts. You have to watch her actions, it will tell you if she got banged by some one else or not. If this whole nice girl act ends soon, then know that it was just guilt killing her from blowing off the drunk guy at the party.

 

[Cremasta]

No offense, but I wouldn't do this.
Playing the guilt card make you look like a victim which is a childish, womenly way of dealing with the situation.

Did she get plowed by some other guy? who knows?

What I'd do is just let her keep texting you, doesnt mean you need to respond to ever text. If its something that is worth responding to respond, don't feed into her I love yous by responding all the time, it loses it meaning after a while.

I'd just withdraw and see how she acts, slowly give more attention as she earns it from good behavior and see how she acts. You have to watch her actions, it will tell you if she got banged by some one else or not. If this whole nice girl act ends soon, then know that it was just guilt killing her from blowing off the drunk guy at the party.

None taken.

My main issue here is that this is a 4 year LTR, so I'm making some assumptions that it's a fairly serious relationship. In situations like this, you have to sort out problems fast. Get your concerns out in the open, kick it around and fix it... or go your separate ways. Whether you use guilt, anger, or whatever, really depends on your personality and the tone of the relationship.

If you start being distant with an LTR and slowly give your attention back, you'll kill off the relationship as quickly as if she had hooked up with some drunk dude. Whether that's a good or bad thing, only Jaxxx can answer that.

 

[Fatal Jay]

In case the two of you ever get into an argument about this don't ever apologize because you have done nothing wrong.

great advice.

 

[Young Juan]

In a long term relationship as such, and especially as a man, you gotta call sh1t out as you see it. If you let it fester and bother you in the background, you're gonna end up being passive aggressive. I would try to have a "heart to heart" and give her a chance to be honest/straight up. I would state my observations concisely and unemotionally and ask if something is bothering her or there's a reason she changed her behavior? She's either going to tell the truth or not, and who knows, you may not even be able to tell the difference. What she says is irrelevant though. I follow up whatever she says with telling her the way she's been acting isn't acceptable, its a big turn off, and she needs to act right or she's going to lose you and you're going to move on.

Either she complies or she doesn't. If she doesn't, don't chase her, replace her.

 

[akanyinyitun]

she did mistakes. And she have probably realized about it. So she is doing this.

 

[Darth]

Girls are very annoying by definition. Look up girl in the dictionary and it says "annoying and complicated", LOL

 

[Aristippus]

Women aren't really complicated. But many women are unhappy creatures by nature and can easily ruin a good thing. They typically are always putting attention on the things they DON'T like and therefore their happiness is short-lived. Very transient. This is why you hear about so many women feeling the constant need to have improvements made on the house. Why so many women nag at their men, even when their men are hard workers.

Because their tendency is to look at things they dislike in their environment, this tendency prevents long-term happiness IN LIFE. They will always find something wrong with things that are perfectly fine. Or if they like one thing, suddenly they want to add or throw in something else. Think of a little child in a store who wants to grab everything off of the shelf. Of course, these tendencies exist partially because, like a spoiled child that is rarely told "No.", women are rarely told "No." by the desperate wimps that try to bend over backwards like contortionists to please their every silly little demand and wish.

Women instinctively want to be led, but at the same time they want to have everything their way and like a child, will try to push just to see how much they can get away with. This is where men need to put their foot down. Until then be prepared to see more "complicated" behaviors. Actually, these are very simple, childish behaviors that men call "complicated" because they keep trying to contort themselves to her every wish in a desperate attempt to win her approval so that the potential for sexual relations with that woman, at least in their minds, is higher.

 

[Aristippus]

p.s. This behavior from men doesn't really work. It only serves to reduce the quality of women out there. There is no "quality control" in the form of checking undesirable behavior and preventing it through undesirable consequences.

 

[Trump]

Same deal with commitment. As a man.. your commitment to a woman is under the conditions that she behaves herself. Once her behavior gets out of line, this commitment must be withheld. This means you either start f*cking other women or tell her you're going to dump her if she doesn't adjust her attitude. Simple as that.

Think that depends on the type of woman. I've tried to commit to models and they've told me to go to hell. I've given a 1% hint that I may commit to a girl in her 30s who's slightly heavier, doesn't look good, but educated, she wouldn't let me off the hook.

It all depends on who the girl is, how good looking she is, and how many options she has when you talking about commitment.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Her sister's friends are drunks and got DUI's and are big drinkers. My gf said that she would text me during the night out and call when she got home. I never got a text from her all night or when she got home. I just go an excuse from her why she didn't call when I asked her. That made me mad because I know how her sister's friends are and didn't want her driving with them if they are drunk.

Okay... number 1: what was the excuse she gave you?

Number 2: Anytime a girl is out with friends, or at a party that you're not at, or doing anything fun without you when you're not around... you shouldn't expect a text or phone call until the next day. She doesn't owe you one. Yes, she said she would text/call you (though I'm wondering if she said this voluntarily or if you asked her to do it and she unhappily agreed to do so), but it's not a realistic expectation to have. It's okay for a girl to go out and not have to worry about hitting up her boyfriend, especially when she's going to be distracted by hanging with her girlfriends.

Number 3: So you don't like her girlfriends - so what? You've known her for 4 years, but she's known them for longer, and they were there when you first started dating. So, regardless of if you like them or not, when you started dating her you also accepted the fact that she may go and hang with people you don't like. You're not her Dad/Parent/Legal Guardian, so she can hang with whomever she likes. You can advise her not to hang with them, but she still has the free will to hang with anyone she likes (outside of another dude, of course).

Ultimately, this whole thing is being blown out of proportion. You shouldn't have gone for the "text me while you're out and about" scenario - if you hadn't, you wouldn't even be mad right now. And yeah, of course she got distant 'cause you were coming off like her parent instead of her boyfriend. (Also, after 4 years together why aren't you married yet?? How old are you??) Stop acting like a punk and start talking to her again - but no, don't feel the need to answer every single call she makes to you (makes you seem too available), and definitely stay away from texting if you can - it kills relationships