GF unhappy about me hanging out with other girls

[foomee]

Been with my gf for almost 3 years and planning to eventually settle down with her. We just recently moved to a new city and started renting an apartment together. In the past I'd always go out with my friends, drinking and stuff like that and it was fun for me. Since meeting this girl I rarely go out anymore.

However, since coming to this new city I've met a small group of friends consisting of 4 girls and another dude. Two of the girls are married, one is engaged, and the other is single. The dude is single too. Since meeting them a few weeks ago we've go out to dinner a few times and we always drink together and have a great time. If you're wondering where the girls' husbands are, they're in other cities working. In China this is kinda how things are. The girls have no feelings for me at all, just want to be friends with a foreigner. One time I came back after dinner at 2am. GF was really pissed off. Another time I took them out to dinner along with my gf and around 11pm she leaves to go to the bathroom and ends up walking half an hour at night all the way to a friend's place (a chick). She was angry and bored and wanted to leave, but she didn't voice this to me and said "i should've known from her face".

The next week is Christmas. Christmas day i take my gf out with her and her friends. In my opinion her friends are boring, don't drink, talk about stupid Korean dramas and pointless stuff. Our dinner was probably less than 2 hours long and it was rushed because one girl lost her cell phone. The day after I took my friends out to dinner (the 4 girls and the guy). It's 11pm and another friend is on his way to meet us and my gf calls up saying she wants to move out and for me to come home. I had to ditch my buddy and leave him with these strangers and rush home.

Next week comes along and it's one of the girls birthdays. We meet up at 2pm for KTV (karaoke) and we all hang out there for a couple hours the go to dinner. I get home at 1130. GF is angry.

This weekend one of the girls has a birthday and because I'm free on Fridays she decides we can all go to KTV and get dinner and I'll be home by 9pm. GF isn't happy about this idea.

My GF and I are at that stage where we're so used to each other and nothing really seems exciting or new. She thinks its a bad thing because I can have fun with these friends but not her. I still have fun with her. I told her all couples go through this stage and this is the hardest one to get through. I try to continue to do new things with her but she's a homebody and just likes to stay at home. I want to go out with her more but she's just not that type of person. I want her to like my friends but that feeling of jealousy is there. A "handsome foreigner" hanging out with 4 decent looking girls is potentially a bad idea.

What do you guy suggest I do? I don't have many friends in this city and these people are fun to hang out with but at the same time I don't want to lose my gf. I understand that she doesn't want me home late and I've told her from now on I'll be home by 9pm. I don't go out much maybe once a week and this is something I really enjoy. I feel like I have to choose her or them. I want to balance it out but I want my gf to be able to trust me.


Edit: Being friends with people of the opposite sex is very dangerous in a relationship. These 4 girls and 1 guy have helped me get accustomed to this new city, they drink with me and we have fun together. My GF never drinks with me or goes out with me. But she wants me to make friends and have fun. She knows I need to go out every so often. I can't stay cooped up inside all day watching Vampire Diaries with her. She is my gf and eventually she'll be my wife and I feel her feelings are more important than being friends with these other people but at the same time I'm selfish and like the fun of going out to dinner and drinking beer with them. Is there a way I can find middle ground or should I just side with her and completely forget these other people?

 

[gravityeyelids]

My GF and I are at that stage where we're so used to each other and nothing really seems exciting or new.

It sounds like you and your girlfriend are fundamentallly different. You said it yourself. You like to go out and drink while she wants to stay in. This is NEVER going to change. You have two options: break it off because you two arent compatible, or compromise.

As far as the issue of the 4 girls and the guys...I think she's over-reacting. But at the same time, how would you feel if your girlfriend went out on a regular basis to party with 4 dudes? (the one guy is irrelevent. to her, he doesnt exist. For the sake of argument, he doesn't exist, she is only going to see the 4 women). I'm on your side, you should have the freedom to do what you want. At the same time, it's pretty normal for her to get jealous.

You can try to frame it as her being the one who is out of line. Honestly, the only option is to be ready to walk away. if she doesnt see that you're willing to dump her ass, then she WILL break up with you. However, if you say things like "maybe we shouldn't be seeing each other if you're not comfortable with me going out with my friends..." This will make her straighten up REAL quick. At the same time, make sure you invite her along, so she sees theres no reason for her to be worried.

However, as you said in your quote above....the relationship is starting to wane. And both of you know it. Either take drastic steps to spice it up, both in the bedroom and outside of it, OR be prepared to dump her before she dumps you.

Is there a way I can find middle ground or should I just side with her and completely forget these other people?

You're acting like these are the only two options. You're still in your mid-20's...I'm not trying to diss your girl or anything, but are you SURE this is the girl you want to settle down with. Sure, you can side with her. But that's a path you won't come back from. Not to sound like yoda talking about the dark side....but you WILL start to compromise more in the future if you pander to her here rather than standing your ground.

 

[Greasy Pig]

Why the hell won't she join you on your outings?
That's just fvcking weird.

 

[cgr68311]

I think whatever happens at this point you've lost her respect... the 7 levels of disrespect work both ways (just being fair). Like others have said, either give her a preemptive warning to straighten her up or dump her, otherwise she will and you'll join our sorry assses whining about being dumped... check out mack lessons radio dot com to listen to their disrespect podcast

 

[Poop1337]

She's subscribed to the Oprah view of a relationship needing to stay "fresh." She can't just enjoy what you have. You may be in a death spiral. I mean she's upset you hang out with people instead of isolating yourself to her and her friends. If you do isolate yourself she'll just get even more annoyed because you'll be a ***** doormat at that point. I say you start cheating with one of the girls in your new group and that might give you the better mindset to evaluate your situation. Also stop worrying about your gf's fits. Treat her like a child not so seriously. You should have never left that one night she was threatening to leave or what ever.

 

[Die Hard]

foomee, you might find this thread interesting: http://sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=210977