Gf says I'm too immature and selfish

[The North Dragon]

So she broke the news today after arguing for the past 3 days because i wouldn't help with money to rent a house she could remain in my area. Basically she lost her job and had to move in with a friend but only has 3 weeks to find somewhere otherwise her dad wants her back up the road to stay with him. She need 700 bucks to put down for a house and wanted me to help her. She was going to borrow this money from her sisters bf because he has loads of cash where as we don't because we are both students and work part time and she earns very little now.

I didn't want to help pay the money because i didn't want to borrow from him as i am already paying off a loan. She said i was extremely selfish because i wouldn't help her out and it hasn't just been with this but other things and says i always think about myself and am now too immature for her.

So after 3 days of barely talking/seeing each other i thought hard about it and have been doing lots of overtime at work i text her deciding that i was more than willing to help her pay back this money but says its she doesn't want to be with me anymore because I'm selfish,immature and will still be like this later on in life.

She has had her own place before we started dating but i bailed on moving in because the time wasn't right for me ( this was over a year ago ). She then had to flat share with someone so she could pay off her debt and try and save but she never managed to save anything.

what should i do now as i feel lost/unsure of myself. Im i selfish and immature?

Cliffs
- dated 2 years
-wanted me to move in with her after 3-4 months but never
-she then flat shared until she could sort finances and seen each other we when could
- continuously looked at houses but i was too fussy and she is very impulsive
-Both currently students and didn't earn that much too save for house
-She gets a new career and works her a** off only to be fired after 1 month
-Her flatmate then doesn't want her there anymore so she moves into temporary accommodation with another flatmate(3 weeks)
-Argues with me because i wouldn't help payback 700 she is borrowing from her sis bf to help find her a house to stay here.
-after contemplating it i then decide to help her out
-she turns around and says she doesn't want to be with me I'm too selfish and immature and don't help when she falls and pick up the pieces?

 

[Thorninmyside]

Sounds like future you dodged a bullet because if she's impulsive with her life and financial decisions and expects you to be the soft landing all the time, it's only going to be bigger things you argue about in the future.

At least she didn't take the money and then dump you. That's a redeeming quality but still... I don't think you sound immature but you both have different value systems in life. And that's okay for a FB or whatever but in a relationship you need to be on the same page about the big stuff, and money is part of the big stuff.

I think the standard prescription here is disappear, work out, eat well, kick ass at life and keep making that overtime to spend on yourself, not be the bank for a girl that will drop you like a hot potato when it doesn't go her way.

 

[The North Dragon]

I always think about thinks first and am not impulsive where as she jumps about job to job and place to place. However i did lend her money and she was paid some back however still owes me 90 bucks!!!

 

[El Payaso]

Classic example of female manipulation.

Like I said in a previous thread, women are experts at this. They know how to target the chink in most men's armor which is their ego. They do this by making you feel guilty and insult certain things that make you doubt your "masculinity".

Think about this. If your girlfriend, wouldn't give you sex because she was on her period, you wouldn't dare call her immature and selfish.

However, she calls you immature and selfish and you run off to start working overtime. Ready to surrender your spoils of war over to a whiny, lazy manipulator.

This is just the start of things to come if you let her manipulate you like this. As time goes on, she will attack your ego, insult you and guilt you into making amt decision she wants.

From letting her move in with you or renting an apartment together, to getting engaged, to buying a house together etc. To selfish manipulators like this woman, it doesn't matter if you can't afford these things, what matters is that SHE gets what SHE wants.

So what do you do? You keep that money you worked overtime for and spend it on yourself! There's nothing wrong with giving your girlfriend money in a hard time but you do it from a position of power not weakness. You don't reward her for a bad behavior. It will only reinforce it.

Tell her your situation about how you don't have enough money and how she took it as an opportunity to insult you and disrespect you despite the fact that you've been working overtime to help her out.

The key to beating female manipulators is to turn their own game against them. You have to double the amount of guilt and dump it onto her. Make her feel incredibly bad and watch her come running back to you with her trails between her legs to apologize to you.

If she does apologize, don't accept it right away. Still present a cold front. Tell her you need some time to think about your future because her behavior has really changed your perception of her. It will scare the sh!t out of her. Don't be quick to answer her calls or respond to get texts either.

 

[BrainDamage92]

Well then let her find someone who will suit her better break it off due to disrespect and watch her come crawling back to you. Immature my ass and shes so grown and mature right? ***** please...

 

[Tictac]

She's a selfish bit*h.

Good riddance.

 

[Mr_Maximus]

She is projecting.

Let her move up the road to her dads, get your $90 back and walk.

She will be back once she realizes she acted like an immature selfish brat.

Its up to you then if you want to be a guarantor for her impulsive decision making.

 

[blind_one]

She is projecting.

Couldn't agree more !!

This is just what my ex did to me, " You're so immature blaa blaa "

When something did not go her way she would brake down and cry *****ing how life is treating her like ****.

As already said, you dodged a bullet. Personaly I would avoid people like that.

 

[Steady Eddie]

Sounds like future you dodged a bullet because if she's impulsive with her life and financial decisions and expects you to be the soft landing all the time, it's only going to be bigger things you argue about in the future.

At least she didn't take the money and then dump you. That's a redeeming quality but still... I don't think you sound immature but you both have different value systems in life. And that's okay for a FB or whatever but in a relationship you need to be on the same page about the big stuff, and money is part of the big stuff.

I think the standard prescription here is disappear, work out, eat well, kick ass at life and keep making that overtime to spend on yourself, not be the bank for a girl that will drop you like a hot potato when it doesn't go her way.

Couldn't have said it better.

Although I wonder whether the OP is still under the fog of infatuation. Tough to see anything in that environment.

 

[Yorkex]

If you are a student and young DONT make her dictate your future !
Good call not moving in with her , and better call not rushing to buy a house or pay for anything out of your reach.

I suspect breaking free and focusing on yourself until you are in a position you feel comfortable ( graduated and holding down a good job )

She basically gave you a preview of the type of marriage you are heading into , she will play games to get what she wants and IF times get rough she will bail. Ohh and if you happen to have a house and good asset by then , you can kiss some of them goodbye.
Thus is your chance to either stand your ground and mold the type of marriage you want in the future or kick her to the curb !

 

[mangotot]

Selfish is a good thing, don't change that. As for immaturity, its a matter of opinion. If that is true, you should change that.

 

[The North Dragon]

If you are a student and young DONT make her dictate your future !
Good call not moving in with her , and better call not rushing to buy a house or pay for anything out of your reach.

I suspect breaking free and focusing on yourself until you are in a position you feel comfortable ( graduated and holding down a good job )

She basically gave you a preview of the type of marriage you are heading into , she will play games to get what she wants and IF times get rough she will bail. Ohh and if you happen to have a house and good asset by then , you can kiss some of them goodbye.
Thus is your chance to either stand your ground and mold the type of marriage you want in the future or kick her to the curb !

Her words were " your a selfish **** and always think of yourself before anyone else, after everything I've spent on you for birthdays and xmas's and know when i need you to help me and pick up the pieces you only think about you'.

She even wanted me to sell my car, downgrade it so i could collect more money.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

Uh huh

 

[SeymourCake]

Here's the thing. Once you start changing for her, she will start to lose interest. She initially liked you because of your selfish and immature characteristics. If you change that, then she will lose her attraction towards you and leave. Whatever comments thrown at you by women should not be taken seriously and should be disregarded.

 

[BlueAlpha1]

NEVER sh*t where you eat. Vagina and money are polar opposites in your life. If you want to treat your loyal LTR with an expensive idea you came up with fine, but don't ever spot a girl cash as a favor. She should have beta male friends who can accomodate her with $700 hoping for sex while she takes those 7 big ones to pay her share of going on a cruise with you.

Your money represents your freedom. Don't be exploited for it.

 

[The North Dragon]

Here's the thing. Once you start changing for her, she will start to lose interest. She initially liked you because of your selfish and immature characteristics. If you change that, then she will lose her attraction towards you and leave. Whatever comments thrown at you by women should not be taken seriously and should be disregarded.

i would never intentionally change for a woman however she made me feel guilty about this situation and now has the cheek to even dump me despite always being there when sh1t hit the fan for her.

 

[The North Dragon]

Classic example of female manipulation.

Like I said in a previous thread, women are experts at this. They know how to target the chink in most men's armor which is their ego. They do this by making you feel guilty and insult certain things that make you doubt your "masculinity".

Think about this. If your girlfriend, wouldn't give you sex because she was on her period, you wouldn't dare call her immature and selfish.

However, she calls you immature and selfish and you run off to start working overtime. Ready to surrender your spoils of war over to a whiny, lazy manipulator.

This is just the start of things to come if you let her manipulate you like this. As time goes on, she will attack your ego, insult you and guilt you into making amt decision she wants.


From letting her move in with you or renting an apartment together, to getting engaged, to buying a house together etc. To selfish manipulators like this woman, it doesn't matter if you can't afford these things, what matters is that SHE gets what SHE wants.

So what do you do? You keep that money you worked overtime for and spend it on yourself! There's nothing wrong with giving your girlfriend money in a hard time but you do it from a position of power not weakness. You don't reward her for a bad behavior. It will only reinforce it.

Tell her your situation about how you don't have enough money and how she took it as an opportunity to insult you and disrespect you despite the fact that you've been working overtime to help her out.

The key to beating female manipulators is to turn their own game against them. You have to double the amount of guilt and dump it onto her. Make her feel incredibly bad and watch her come running back to you with her trails between her legs to apologize to you.

If she does apologize, don't accept it right away. Still present a cold front. Tell her you need some time to think about your future because her behavior has really changed your perception of her. It will scare the sh!t out of her. Don't be quick to answer her calls or respond to get texts either.

After she text me yesterday i haven't replied and don't intend of communicating with her at any point. To be honest i don't expect to her from her again because she can be really stubborn. The only problem may be we may bump into each other at college on tuesdays.

I shall continue working on me, build a better lifestyle and see what the futures brings. Thanks for the advice.

 

[zorg198]

isn't this the chick who was living with you ?

 

[Huffman]

Don't see the problem here. Why can't she move to her dad's and then just visit you regularly? You know, that's what people do if they don't have money for a house.

The main problem is actually her behaviour but the other guys have covered that already

 

[The North Dragon]

WOW. keep your distance until you get your 90 bucks then dump this selfish biatch ASAP.

you know what i think doesn't help though? is that her sisters bf has loads of cash and if she is every struggling he will just bail here out so it feels like she assumes the same. She would never ever ask for money unless she was struggling because she was to proud.

My gf actually told me last week when we feel out that her sister is actually in debt to her bf by 1k and i just laughed because i knew he was being taken for a mug. She borrows his bank card and goes shopping. This same woman dumped him and slept with her ex twice within two days and then went back to her current bf haha.