GF partying without you.

[PokerJohn94]

Ok, so today something interesting have happened, but I will start at the beginning. So, my GF wanted to meet me, but I couldn't because I was going to the gym, and after that I did work on the project I have bean involved, so it takes a lot of my free time. Me and my GF live 40 min. from each chatter in different dorms. So usually, she comed to me, to meet me (The ratio of times she comes to me, and I go to her could be approx 10:1). So she now insisted, that I go to her, but I made only t compromise, that we will meet in the middle of our roads. We have scheduled a date, but than I remembered, that the today and tomorrow I am busy with my project, so I canceled after 2 hours of scheduling a date. She got a little upset over that, so she didn't really wanted to talk to me today, and later on, when she called, that was the time, I had a break from the work, and was horsing around with my buddies, so when she called, I wasn't really paying attention to the things she said (She said that crap about what she have done at that day, and what funny had happened. The non important crap to be frank). We talked like for 5 min, and because I was having more fun with my buddies, than talking to her, I said that I will go continue work. She said, that she would do hers homework, so "we wouldn't have long talk anyways". Ok, now at the midnight I call her (I know she is not asleep), and she answers in somewhat ashamed tone. I ask her, what is she doing, and she answers, that she is doing homework. *A really loud laugh starts in background (Like of 20 people boys and girls)*

So she tells me, that she is at hers friends (first time heard that name) apartment with 20 other people, and the funniest thing happened, that she will tell me about tomorrow (funny thing, as how did she wound up there). So the thing is, she will spend the night at hers girlfriends apartment not at her dorm. I really don't like this really much. Looks like a bad sign. I say:" Ok, will talk to you tomorrow than. Good night." (trying to make a voice impression, that I really don't give a fk and that it is not a big deal).

1 min. after I hang up, she texts me:"Don't be mad."
ME:"As long as you don't do anything stupid, there is nothing to be mad about."
Her:"Ok. Good night :* "
Me:"Yes, good night"
Her"And the kiss?" (as if I didn't put the kissing smiley face)
Me:"Kiss" (write the word kiss on purpose. Not is that have to do with anything. )
Her:"Ooooo"


Ok, so the texting part made me make this thread. This looks really suspicious. This is out of ordinary. Somehow the texting now felt different. Like that she's ashamed. Trying to prove herself or hide. Can't explain this, but yeah, you get the point.

The thing is, that I don't give that much amount of fuk about the girl, rather than the fact, the it hurts my ego so much, that she would be the one, who would cheat on me, not the other way around, because honestly speaking, I think my value is much, much grater than hers, so it would really be punch in the balls, that a girl like that, could cheat on me.

Ok, so I would really appreciate, that you would post some feedback, what you think about this situation. Cheers!

PS. We are dating for 2/3 months now.

 

[AH909]

Shes just trying to get a reaction out of you. Just act like you don't care which you did a pretty good job of in the text. If she's just at a party it's no big deal but if you hear she's been messing around with other guys that's when you put your foot down.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Your ego is way too big right now. Any time I notice my ego getting big, I knock it down a few pegs, become happy, then continue.

Drop the ego. Walk to your girls dorm sometimes. Listen to her when she calls, or at least only call her when you both have a few minutes alone to talk. If she's out at some "party," ask to join her, or the next day talk to her about it and see if it's a place you want to go to with her.

I'm intuitive, so I am positive I would know if my girlfriend cheated. You may not be a mind reader like that, but don't go making up ideas about her cheating if she wasn't even close to it. Kill your ego.

 

[ArcBound]

From my perspective

-You flaked on her
-She probably felt slighted and ignored you for a bit. When she called back later you again put her off.
-She probably feels really insecure at this point
-She goes to a party passive aggressively to get a reaction out of you as a form of revenge

-While its good that she visits you a lot more and she seems to be more vested in the relationship than you I think you may be taking it too far. While "dread" game and keeping her on her toes works very well, if you keep her in a constant of insecurity her actions will seem more and more irrational and she will look for external sources outside of the relationship for validation. It's fine if you just want to fvck, but if you want a relationship with her it's OK for once in a while to do "beta" things. Being alpha doesn't mean being cold and distan tand not loving, it means loving from a position of power. You have the position of power, she is not feeling loved ( I believe) though

 

[PokerJohn94]

Ok, so maybe I have taken in a little too far. Today we met up again in the mall. We were walking, and I said:"Lets sit there". Than she said:"I'm in no mood for sitting today." And as always, I got what I wanted. I sat down, and she is standing besides me. Than I physically forced her, to sit down. Ok, we are now sitting. Sitting and joking around like for 40 minutes. All this time, she said, she wanted to go to this store, and I replied:"Ok, in a minute." and carried on. Than she said, c'mon lets go. I say:"Come and give me a nice kiss, and lets go." She gets close to me, but doesn't kiss me. I say playfully:" Do it, and we will go"
She:"I am giving you a kiss."
Me:"You are not giving me a kiss. You are putting it near, but I need to take it my self, as if you are saying, come and take it."
It started out funny, but than I did something bold. It got a little heated. She got a little upset, and than I said:"Either back down and give me the kiss, so we can go, or I am walking away. I came here to have a good time, if you are not giving me that, than I will go to meet up with James." (I said that, because she got upset with me, and little annoyed, so she wasn't really looking at me nor speaking.
Than she says something along the lines:"Why do I always have to be the one, who backs down. Who comes to you, and when I want to do something, I always have to beg for it, and you always say that i need to say please for the simplest things (that's true)." At this time her voice cracked, and I think her eyes started to tear up. There were some other stuff (like I say, that the thing is, that i got balls, and she has to learn to keep up or she might as well walk away. When I think of this now, I really could treat the situation a whole lot different. Nothing good did came out of it), but man! When did it get so far. Unknowingly I really started to treat her like my property, and always was worrying about being on top. Being the ultimate alpha. I transformed from complete AFC (You can read my first posts) to a legitimate jerk. Feeling, like I am THE MAN. Looks like a real case of massive ego. I really feel like I'm pretty much in love with my self. How the hell this happened?

PS. And she really literally said, that looks like, she loves me so much, and I don't love her like at all. At one point she started to question me, do i really like her at all, and if she is so bad (after pointing out the biggest downfalls), what am I still doing with her.

The leaks I need to fix: 1)I need to be more loving;
2)I need to tone down my ego (I will NEVER kill it! In my career you can't be successful without massive ego)
3)I need to go in beta for a change;
4)I need to appreciate her a little more.

What should I add to the list?

 

[apocolipto]

No beta. you're in charge of the relationship. You make the rules.

BUT, she's ALSO in the relationship, so sacrifice a bit for her and walk, listen to her, talk to her, and don't try to cage her. Why can't she go party?

You're overthinking. This ain't a problem, it's you being ignorant and gets angry at her for having fun.

Just relax

Apoco