You guys wouldn't believe the kind of hot chics u can findw in informal settlements. Ive been dating this chic for about a month now, when i met her i did not ot know she lives in a shack. Nontheless, iv been out with her twice, the second time we went out i bought her clothes(3 pairs of jeans 3 t-shirts and 2 pairs of shoe). I did this cause her clothes are not in good condition and i sori for her. My question is was this an unDJ thing to do?
Gf is poor
- Thread starter Boyfriend
- Start date
I am going to jump in and say YES. This is your second date, and I'm going to guess the things you bought her ran you well over $200. A DJ is going to have many second dates while playing the field, and if he spent $200 on each one, he'd be living in a shack too. And you can bet top dollar she knows it too, and figures she has you pinned---which doesn't generate much attraction.Boyfriend said:
MisterMcGee
Master Don Juan
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unDJ = not a term. grow balls and a sense of self
If i was in your situation and i liked a girl who was poor and couldn't afford nice clothes, i might do the same thing and ive slept with more girls than most on this site.
If it made you look good in her eyes then you did nothing wrong.
If it made you look good in her eyes then you did nothing wrong.
Igetit!
Moderator
I wouldn't say it's un-DJ,but it really just depends on exactly why you bought the clothes for her. If it was because you genuinely want to help her,then I think it was ok. If it was because you think that by buying her things you can "win" her over,then yes,it's very a VERY un-DJ thing to do.Boyfriend said:
However,you may want to use caution with this,because this is a very tricky thing to do. Most of the time,especially at the beginning of a relationship,if you do nice things for a woman,she'll misinterpet it as some sign of weakness or insecurity. She'll think that you don't think she'll like you for you,so you're buying her things to make up for whatevers lacking in you. She'll do this even if you 100% secure with yourself. For some reason,women just gets suspicious of a guy when he does nice things for her.
Also,be careful of her possibly trying to take advantage of your generocity. This'll be easy to spot,because she ask you to get her more and more stuff,while at the same time any intimacy between the two of you will disappear from her side. I think it's ok in a relationship,just don't turn into a Captain-save-a-ho.
RedHand
Don Juan
hey man, since you bought her all these clothes you now might as well take them off since they're yours... mm 
I.A.F.Y.B.
Master Don Juan
If a girl is poor or rich I don't care. Aslong as she is what I like in a woman. I understand you felt bad for her and wanted to help her out. But, sometimes girls who are broke... You end up paying for most things.
Watch out for any signs that show she may be using you. Don't make buying things for her a habbit either.
Watch out for any signs that show she may be using you. Don't make buying things for her a habbit either.
Dannyrt34
Master Don Juan
Yea bud, nothing wrong with buying her something she might NEED to help her out, especially if she can't afford it herself and you feel as if she really could use some help.
Now what to look out for, if she doesn't show much appreciation for what you buy her. That's a red flag. Also, if she ever ASKS you to buy something for her, another red flag. That should let you realize she may only be with you because you are buying her things. Do not let that happen.
Bottom line:
Buy her things on YOUR terms, not because you think she'll like you more for it.
Now what to look out for, if she doesn't show much appreciation for what you buy her. That's a red flag. Also, if she ever ASKS you to buy something for her, another red flag. That should let you realize she may only be with you because you are buying her things. Do not let that happen.
Bottom line:
Buy her things on YOUR terms, not because you think she'll like you more for it.
imo, a second date is way too soon for gifts (in excess of $200?) like these. If you did this with every second date, you'd be living in a shack too. She knows this, and it projects to her that she has implicit control over you, which (believe it or not) is unattractive to her!
I disagree with Dannnyrt34: expecting her to show appreciation for your gift is an AFC move. (I'm sure she said "thanks," but don't even subconsciously think of it as an exchange of goods for services).
I disagree with Dannnyrt34: expecting her to show appreciation for your gift is an AFC move. (I'm sure she said "thanks," but don't even subconsciously think of it as an exchange of goods for services).
Grizou
Don Juan
Whatever answer you guys are giving him, you should consider he is from Johannisburg. I think poverty down there needs to be seen from a totally different perspective, or at least it needs to be considered that it might much more intense then what one is used to from back home (in most cases I s'pose a rather westernized place) ...
Without adding any remark to the poverty issue (I think I am not informed enough to give a qualified answer to that), I think you should be VERY carefull about STD's in that case!
Without adding any remark to the poverty issue (I think I am not informed enough to give a qualified answer to that), I think you should be VERY carefull about STD's in that case!
daring wraith
Don Juan
IMO.... well done, nice move. You're showing her your kind, considerate and you care for her. Ive done this when out with women (just because i like spoiling them and i want them to look good.... afterall they're with me) and the results have always been beneficial.Boyfriend said: