GF Contacting an EX

[T2219T]

I have been with her 4 months as of now. Her Ex, contacts her every now and then, and she has assured me many times they were just friends. I got to know the Ex as well, the ex says they were just purely frds with no romantic feelings at all. I love her alot, but yet, I am not comfortable with my girl meeting an EX. Talk about me being insecure, reading up the website has helped me, but, just can't bear the tot that she goes to meet up with him next time. How should I handle this situation? Am I being a bad ass here? They are just friends, but yet Im like forcing her to break off contact with him just to satisfy my own emotional needs. Sometimes, fear that she will talk to him alot, when Im busy, fear that she will love me less etc, its getting tiring here. Talked to her in the past, but wont do that more cos, its handing her the key to my emotions. Yet, Im not happy here. What can i do?

 

[Climax]

If they are just friends, then fine... If they see eachother once in a while its fine.... All you need to do is keep a lookout at the AMOUNT of times they contact eachother.... If it starts off with them seeing eachother once a month, to them seeing eachother once a week, THEN start asking questions. But if its once in a while etc, then you dont need to worry. She is with YOU because she CHOOSES to be with you. IF she really wanted to be with him then she would have left you and gone to him long ago. He is her EX for a reason, and you are HER BF for a reason too.

You need to trust her, as you would expect her to trust you. I dont think you have much to worry about. Its normal for girls to still have contact with their ex's.



Laterz...

 

[DJDamage]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=812494&highlight=insecure#post812494

Quote: Player_Supreme
“ Your woman in my opinion shouldn't be talking to an ex. It's ok to have men friends but friends whom she used to suck their dycks is not in my picture. “

this is something all Don Juans should know off by heart

woman talks to ex = relationship is in serious trouble

also the woman is disrespecting you and you should not stand for this

now lets examine some more wisdom

" stop being insecure " i hate that saying. it's a cop out for not having enough balls to confront a woman about what she is doing THAT IS WRONG or potentially damaging to a long term relationship. – Lost In Translation

now this goes against what 90% of the forum preach

don't say anything if you do it makes you look insecure

no no NO NO NO NO !!!!!!

if you sit there and say nothing

YOU LOOK LIKE A B*TCH

hey i am busting moves on your woman and you sit there all quiet

YOU MAKE IT EASIER FOR HER TO CHEAT !

she doesn't have to hide or be sneaky or nothing

 

[speedo_meme]

I have a gf now that has the highest IL I've ever seen. My ex-gf's IL fluctuated, and she talked to ex's a good bit. My current gf has talked to her ex some, but never more than 2 min. on the phone, and HE's the one doing all the pursuing, and he never calls when he thinks she might be in my presence. Of course that was when we first started dating months ago and that sh*t has cut out. She knows better. It was basically just long enough for her to assure him it was over and she was into me now. Girls don't stay friends with ex's UNLESS they think they'll need a backup plan, so yes, something may be pushing her IL down. IMO you should have zero contact with her ex's. Why You never should have talked about it with her ex, bc he's thinking in his mind, "what a b*tch, I'm blowing smoke up his arse while trying to fukk his gf." I don't like that at all.

Ask yourself this, Does she suck your d*ck like it's going out of style? Does she really get after it when you're fukking?

My gf now is totally committed to me, and in her chick mind she doesn't need her ex-bf. Of course it helps that he pulled alot of AFC sh*t while trying to get her back

 

[insanity]

who broke up with who though?

if she broke it off with him , then i'd still be cautious. i know that if i ever wanted to get with my exs, they would still spead their bread. all it would take is a little bit of booze and bam.

if he broke up with her, then chances are she still might have feelings for him.
coming from experiences, exs are nothing but trouble. whats the benefit of being friends with a girl? most of their jokes aren't funny, they watch crappy chick flicks and they love to gossip.

are you friends with your exs? how would she feel if your ex was like a model and she still called you and wanted to hang out. i'm sure your chick would be ready to drop bonehead if you stopped talking to your ex.

 

[aix237]

i dont know what to say but if my gf (ex now) was contacting an ex i would take that as a sign if low IL in you. if i were you i would just cut it off all the sudden dont tell her why though see what she does and if she can figure it out. cause it seems like she doesnt know what she wants. dont let her chose you chose for her.

 

[NewMan]

Stand up for yourself and don't be a pvssy.

Listen - all this BS about not being confident, not trusting her etc. etc. etc.

It's all that - just BS.

Now, having said that, there is a pvssy way to approach this and there is a DJ way.

The Pvssy way:

You approach your GF, tell her that it's hurting your feelings, tell her that you don't like how much time she spends talking to her ex. She tells you that you need to trust her. That they are just friends. That you need to stop being so insecure - and that if you continue, then she will need to re-evaluate the relationship. You conceed, you tell her you do trust her and that you will work through this.

The DJ way:

You take action. You tell her that a relationship with a woman who is constantly in touch with her ex(s) is not one that you want to be in. Adios. If you ever figure it out, call me.


The bottom line here is this:

Yet, Im not happy here

And that is the key my friend.

No woman is worth your happyness (or lack thereof).

Be a man and move on. Find someone that does make you happy.

 

[hck332]

my ex used to **** her ex when we were together.

 

[flexion_]

Do you contact your EX-GFs because you want to be friends with them? Common, think about it for a second.

 

[Distant Light]

Stop worrying there are plenty of girls out there to be sitting home worrying if her ex is fuvking her. If she leaves you today you can just go out the same day and meet someone new. I'm not sure if your exclusively together (I'm assuming since you said gf and you "love her".

But then again were too different people I'm the guy who prefer more than one girl and don't really care much if they leave or not and your most likely looking for a Exclusive relationship so ya.

I'd not even worry about it but thats just me. Do what you feel is best.

 

[blueangel83]

Don't put up with her bs she used to s*ck and f*ck the dude, how the hell are they just going to be friends? Tell her to cut all communication with her ex or you're gone. Just try it even if you don't mean it.

If she chooses frienship with her ex over you then the b*tch isn't even worth it.

 

[Climax]

You guys are being insecure, wtf is the matter with you? Stop acting like an AFC!

Do you contact your EX-GFs because you want to be friends with them? Common, think about it for a second.

I am still very good friends with my ex gf, and now I'm with another girl, yet I still dont want to be anything more than just friends with my ex, and the feeling is mutual, I know that for a fact. It IS possible for ex's to just be friends afterwards... All it takes is some TIME so that both parties are over eachother completely.

And to all those here saying that all contact must be cut, you are all insecure. I've said this before in this thread, and I'll say it again... If she really wanted to be with her ex, then whats stopping her from simply leaving YOU and going to HIM? She is with you because she WANTS to be with YOU.

Dont get me wrong though, I'm not saying that they can see eachother every day and go out together alone etc all the tie... But once in a while is 100% fine in my eyes. If you dont trust your gf, then you have a problem. If you see your gf as the type that might cheat on you then what are you doing with her to start off with? If your girl is gonna cheat on you, better now than later when the relationship might be more serious. Your girl is your girl, if she is willing to cheat now, then she will be later in life to... and nothing will change that, because its not like you are being a sh!t bf to her that will MAKE her want to go and cheat on you.

In short, contact is fine, so long as it doesn’t start getting TOO MUCH.


Laterz...

 

[duttylove]

player supremes quote says all you need to now. i f**k all my exs regarding if they have a bf or are completly over me. fair enough thats my choice but its also hers. do you really think if i kept saying no shed stop asking? my last GF brought her EX back into her life. now i **** her and my new gf see where im going?

 

[T2219T]

I am still very good friends with my ex gf, and now I'm with another girl, yet I still dont want to be anything more than just friends with my ex, and the feeling is mutual, I know that for a fact. It IS possible for ex's to just be friends afterwards... All it takes is some TIME so that both parties are over eachother completely.

And to all those here saying that all contact must be cut, you are all insecure. I've said this before in this thread, and I'll say it again... If she really wanted to be with her ex, then whats stopping her from simply leaving YOU and going to HIM? She is with you because she WANTS to be with YOU.

Dont get me wrong though, I'm not saying that they can see eachother every day and go out together alone etc all the tie... But once in a while is 100% fine in my eyes. If you dont trust your gf, then you have a problem. If you see your gf as the type that might cheat on you then what are you doing with her to start off with? If your girl is gonna cheat on you, better now than later when the relationship might be more serious. Your girl is your girl, if she is willing to cheat now, then she will be later in life to... and nothing will change that, because its not like you are being a sh!t bf to her that will MAKE her want to go and cheat on you.

In short, contact is fine, so long as it doesn’t start getting TOO MUCH.


Laterz...

Thanks everyone for your comments, She has told me the exact things as quoted. I knew her for years, and i know her character well too, she spends most of her time with me, and perhaps this ex comes into the picture, as part of her contact only like once in every 2 or 3 weeks. Its not like they meet up but only through contacts of emails and sometimes phone. I guess it makes sense here, I am just being insecure, and am trying to deal with that. Emotions come, its up to me how i react to them, IN a relationship, 10% is what happens, 90% is how i react to them agree? This matter has blown down, right now, I just need to make things better. To lighten the scar... anyone here has any ideas?

 

[T2219T]

Somehow , just felt that her interest level in me has dropped. We used to have so much to talk in a day too. Right now, communication is not so much as before, it could be due to the quarrels that we have over this ex, or it may be due to our frequent meetings. At this point of time, I don't know how to bring our relationship to the next level too, with less communication, it is so hard. Anyone here got any ideas too? I mean to be in a LTR, this is also my first, how can 2 person get more and more interested in one another? Appreciate any advices. Thank you.

 

[JonJack]

Somehow , just felt that her interest level in me has dropped. We used to have so much to talk in a day too. Right now, communication is not so much as before, it could be due to the quarrels that we have over this ex, or it may be due to our frequent meetings. At this point of time, I don't know how to bring our relationship to the next level too, with less communication, it is so hard. Anyone here got any ideas too? I mean to be in a LTR, this is also my first, how can 2 person get more and more interested in one another? Appreciate any advices. Thank you.

Have you come to accept that you made a mistake by lashing at her for seeing her ex? Have you come to accept that it is something that you shouldn't need to do? Have you actually changed this mindset of yours? If you still feel the fear, then the only thing that can be done is to wait until you don't.

I read your situation and in my mind, the ideal thing to do would be to apologise to her for the way you reacted. Explain to her why you reacted that way and explain to her that you've realized the folly of your ways and that you understand what it is that you want. You do all this because you understand the whole situation and not because you want her to love you more. She could very well have given up on you, but you still would like her to know, if she's willing to listen, that you've made mistakes and have learnt from them. But you are not sad or sombre. You're actually very glad that you've found peace with yourself on this issue. You feel as if you're better than before and if your current girl doesn't want you no more, you're fine with it because you know you'll be a better partner to your next girl.

How to get your girl to be more interested in you is something you shouldn't need to ask. You know your girl better than anyone here. You know the details of the situation the two of you are in. You know the mood when the two of you are together. If you still don't know how to handle her, then you probably need to get to know your girl better instead.

 

[T2219T]

Yes, I know her better than anyone else, and yet, things have been scarred. I too am at a loss of what to do, scared of making another yet mistake which will cause her to drift further away from me. At the same time, whatever I did, doesn't seem so pretty impressive to help our relationship out, I'm getting tired here, but, at the same time, I know things are still not bad yet, I am just at loss now.

 

[Dergz]

Yes, I know her better than anyone else, and yet, things have been scarred. I too am at a loss of what to do, scared of making another yet mistake which will cause her to drift further away from me. At the same time, whatever I did, doesn't seem so pretty impressive to help our relationship out, I'm getting tired here, but, at the same time, I know things are still not bad yet, I am just at loss now.

DAWG DAWG DAWG!. stop NEEDING her so much man, read sme of pook's posts for inspiration man. try Mr Fingers WMS too. u need to detach yoself dude. dont be desperate.

For every chick that flakes on yu/wants to b frends, theres one tha wants to rip yo clothes off - Fingers

 

[T2219T]

DAWG DAWG DAWG!. stop NEEDING her so much man, read sme of pook's posts for inspiration man. try Mr Fingers WMS too. u need to detach yoself dude. dont be desperate.

For every chick that flakes on yu/wants to b frends, theres one tha wants to rip yo clothes off - Fingers

I app and understand this, I just feel that if I am giving up now, I am the loser here. This is the challenge of this relationship here I am talking about, underlying it are my feelings for her. I dun want to give up, and go for other girls out there, detaching myself from her only bring us further apart... the challenge that I want to conquer here is the drift between me and her. How do people actually have LTR.....

 

[Dergz]

well. good luck man, but i think u messed it up from the beggining, u shuld have drawn the line from the sec. she started communicating with her ex. bt its H2O under the bridge now. so maybe wats left to do now is just try and patch thangs up. u culd start by ridding yo mind of guilt first, stop thinkin u r the loser here, u r not the only loser. she is also stands to lose. now u want things to go back to the way they was right. wat yu can do is just do wat u used to do when things was good btwn y'all. go out often. get goin with the ****y/funny stuff, be the great guy she fell in love with. that way her I.L will go back to 100, and the problems u havin will be overshadowed by the great time u be having. above all man, have a positive mindset while u are at it, cuz nothing messes up everything better than a negative mindset. have relaxed confidence too. (read some of the seduction science reports on relaxed confidence). that way, i think soon u be back on track