Gf always wants her own way

[Jariel]

I thought I'd put this out here to get some opinions.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 10months and all has been extremely good. She idolizes me and thinks of me as her "soul mate" and talks about marriage etc.

During the last few months, however, she has started to demand her own way a lot. When we meet, she expects me to drive for miles to see her, but won't do the same if I can't drive. When we go out, she turns down my suggestions and most annoyingly, she expects me to fit in around her plans all the time. Even during sex she tries telling me what to do and isn't doing a lot for me right now. She's even tried ordering me around, but I make it very clear I'm not her lapdog and don't appreciate that. I think she has got a little too complacent.

I caved in a few times as far as fitting in with her plans, but it's got to the stage now where I'm refusing to do that. We were meant to go out today, but said she has "to do a bit of shopping" while we're out, so I told her I'd catch her another day when she's not got other things to do. This is generally what I do now, but then other times she kind of tricks me. I go to her house, expecting us to go out and she says "oh, I just want to watch blahblah on TV". If I didn't live so far away, I'd just go home.

I don't see why I should be taken for granted. I have other girls who are interested and my ex-gf (HB9) has just propositioned me to become fvck buddies. I'm getting sick of it now. I was planning to take her to a fireworks display the weekend, but I've decided to go with my friends instead. And every time she expects me to fit in with her, I'll go out with my friends then too!

I know she loves me and it would break her heart to lose me, so I know there's a chance for me to turn this situation. I am considering a few options right now...

I could withdraw from her for a while and let her start to appreciate me and stop taking me for granted.

I could tell her straight what is bothering me and that I'm not getting a lot out of the relationship.

I could finish with her. This is extreme, but I'm not willing to go on like this.


Any opinions or advice on turning this around would be gratefully received...preferrably by someone experienced with relationships.

 

[edmond]

“I could finish with her. This is extreme, but I'm not willing to go on like this.”
Well then, if you are happy being her doormat…….

 

[anointed]

you need to shock her and she will snap out of it.

See what happens if you just tell her straight out that you dont like the way shes acting and if she doesnt stop being so flakey that you wnat a "break" so how she handles that

hb9 - FB - sounds nice

 

[ElChoclo]

There is going to be a balance of power in any relationship. She is shifting it away to her. These tendencies were probably always there, and have come out as she became comfortable. So they won't be short lived.

Therefore you will need to deal with it in the long term. I doubt whether she does idolize you given the way the relationship is heading, or not in the way you think. I suggest you take back the reins of power, in a gradual way, to avoid a confrontation. Don't bother with a talk. The sex is an underlying factor. That has to be corrected immediately and the rest will go with it. That is, she does exactly what you want, and when you say.

 

[Centaurion]

This is what usually happens when a relationship moves from the 'excited' phase into the 'comfortable' phase. Remember there is always a constant power dynamic going on in a relationship. The reasons she is pulling this kind of crap on you is becuase she has you all mapped out. She knows how you will react if she does X. And I suspect she might be pushing the boundaries just to see how far she can go. Not good, not good at all.

Maybe you've loosened up on your DJ skills?

Go out and talk to other girls, maybe flirt a little, make her realize that you have other options besides her. No need to be really overt on this, b!tches can sense it a mile away when their man is desired by other females and that he has options besides her.

If she still doesn't get in line, I suggest you put your foot down asap. Don't get into an argument over this sh!t, but make it clear that you wont tolerate any disrespectful behaviour from her part. Dont get angry, don't raise your voice, keep your cool and lay down the law.

 

[Nighthawk]

Women test men, and never stop.

 

[Kings_royalty]

I was planning to take her to a fireworks display the weekend, but I've decided to go with my friends instead. And every time she expects me to fit in with her, I'll go out with my friends then too!


Exactly bro!

could withdraw from her for a while and let her start to appreciate me and stop taking me for granted

This is exactly what I would do. You are showing her way to much attention and she's getting way to comfortable (very bad). You need to keep her on her toes, keep her guessing. Make her question your feelings for her.

I know she loves me and it would break her heart to lose me, so I know there's a chance for me to turn this situation.

Use that aganist her. She needs to know that you don't 'need' her, that she IS replaceable (VERY IMPORTANT). Once you've planted that thought into her head, she will bend over backwards to keep you happy.

 

[Jariel]

you need to shock her and she will snap out of it.

I agree. This is my thinking, as every time we have argued or she's feared losing me in the past, she's changed her tune and become far more respectful.

hb9 - FB - sounds nice

There is a catch. She's a real b1tch and a drain. I've tried to keep her at a distance, but I suppose it's a good back up if I need it.

These tendencies were probably always there, and have come out as she became comfortable.

This is one of the things that concerns me. She has always been the dominant partner in her previous relationships and I suspect she's trying to be that way with me. One way or another, it's going to stop.

Maybe you've loosened up on your DJ skills?

Well it is true that I've stopped flirting with other girls and have closed my options.

Go out and talk to other girls, maybe flirt a little, make her realize that you have other options besides her. No need to be really overt on this, b!tches can sense it a mile away when their man is desired by other females and that he has options besides her.

This is one thing I do have in my favour. I have lots of female friends who like me and my gf is very jealous of. Often, when I'm out with my girlfriend women check me out or she overhears women talking about me, so she is constantly on her toes in that respect without me trying.

However, she never sees me reciprocate this attention and maybe that's what is needed.

Dont get angry, don't raise your voice, keep your cool and lay down the law.

I agree 100%. I may just her that I feel I'm not getting much out of our relationship lately and it's all one sided. I do believe that should be enough to snap her into line, but I do want her to FEEL the risk of losing me, if that makes sense.

Women test men, and never stop.

Yep, and maybe I've let my guard down a little too much.

Use that aganist her. She needs to know that you don't 'need' her, that she IS replaceable (VERY IMPORTANT). Once you've planted that thought into her head, she will bend over backwards to keep you happy.

I think you are dead on! This is what my DJ instincts tell me to do, so I may follow this through.



Anyway, thanks all for your replies.

 

[mrRuckus]

I think it's bullsh1t that you have to do anything at all.

I'd just be like to hell with you i'm going to do my own things. It's not like she's doing anything for you. Then when she whines just shrug. She'll either chase after you or blame you for everything and dump you and go to her girl friends and tell them how much of a loser you are.

Either way you win.

 

[Jariel]

I'd just be like to hell with you i'm going to do my own things.

Yep, that's pretty much what I've started doing.

If she can handle not having her own way and can compromise, she gets to keep me as her boyfriend, but if she wants things her own way all the time, she better get used to doing them without me.

 

[WORKEROUTER]

I thought I'd put this out here to get some opinions.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 10months and all has been extremely good. She idolizes me and thinks of me as her "soul mate" and talks about marriage etc.

During the last few months, however, she has started to demand her own way a lot. When we meet, she expects me to drive for miles to see her, but won't do the same if I can't drive. When we go out, she turns down my suggestions and most annoyingly, she expects me to fit in around her plans all the time. Even during sex she tries telling me what to do and isn't doing a lot for me right now. She's even tried ordering me around, but I make it very clear I'm not her lapdog and don't appreciate that. I think she has got a little too complacent.

I caved in a few times as far as fitting in with her plans, but it's got to the stage now where I'm refusing to do that. We were meant to go out today, but said she has "to do a bit of shopping" while we're out, so I told her I'd catch her another day when she's not got other things to do. This is generally what I do now, but then other times she kind of tricks me. I go to her house, expecting us to go out and she says "oh, I just want to watch blahblah on TV". If I didn't live so far away, I'd just go home.

I don't see why I should be taken for granted. I have other girls who are interested and my ex-gf (HB9) has just propositioned me to become fvck buddies. I'm getting sick of it now. I was planning to take her to a fireworks display the weekend, but I've decided to go with my friends instead. And every time she expects me to fit in with her, I'll go out with my friends then too!

I know she loves me and it would break her heart to lose me, so I know there's a chance for me to turn this situation. I am considering a few options right now...

I could withdraw from her for a while and let her start to appreciate me and stop taking me for granted.

I could tell her straight what is bothering me and that I'm not getting a lot out of the relationship.

I could finish with her. This is extreme, but I'm not willing to go on like this.


Any opinions or advice on turning this around would be gratefully received...preferrably by someone experienced with relationships.

Act tough and tell her that if she's going to keep being a problem, leave. If she give you sh*t, leave.

See what happens then. EIther way show her you're not dealing with her small-time bullsh*t.


To me though she sounds like a trouble-maker anyway. Sarge on.

 

[comic_relief]

Personally, my ex-girlfriend tried to do the same sh!t to me.

I basically told her to "sit the fvck down and lets talk." Then, I told her that if she "keeps up this sh!t," then she could gaurentee that "I would be gone for good. I have plenty of hot girls that are around that would love to have sex with me, but I have you. Personally, I don't give a sh!t if I stay or leave, but for your sake, stop acting like a b!tch."

She wised up right then and there.

Don't put up with bullsh!t and make sure that she knows that you have options. You seem to be on top of the knowing your options.

comic_relief

 

[MAVER1CK]

here we go, this is what I want you to do.

catch her in another one of those "oh, lets just stay here and watch TV" attitudes, then blow up.

"Listen, martha. I dont want to watch your stupid ****in soap. I planned on taking you out to get some food (or what ever). And that is what I intend to do. If you dont want to do that, then fine, stay here, without me. I am not going to deal with your bull**** anymore. I am not going to deal with your ****, I have plenty MORE options then you and If you dont form yourself to fit my needs im walking the **** out. Remember, I AM the ****ing prize in this relationship, NOT YOU.. Do you know how easy it would be for me to get 10 hot chicks, who would beg to come out with me? Ill tell you, VERY EASY. WHY?? Because I am FUN, HOT, AND A LEADER. But I like you very much and I think you are damn sexy, which means I want you. But if yoiu are going to make me in anyway, shape or form, unhappy or annoyed. Im going to drop your ass like a 12 year old boys nutts entering puberty. Do you understand this? YOU are VERY lucky to be with a bad-ass fun guy like me. Right? That is a yes or no question... RIGHT? Yea exactly, now get your **** together and lets go"


I pulled that **** a few weeks ago on my GF, and it ****ing worked wonders. Not to mention she is more sexually active with me now to. She loves being the ***** all chicks do.

My advice is to say it fast, clear, and loud. Make her ****ing KNOW you are the god.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks again for the replies. Just for the record, she isn't a b1tch at all and doesn't throw tantrums or sulk (like many women do); she's just very self-centred and inconsiderate.

Maverick, comic relief, workrouter: I agree with laying the law down as you suggested. I wouldn't go as far as swearing and getting angry (not my style), but I have let her know things aren't on in the past. I.e. One day we met for a drink and she tried to drag me shopping for shoes and I told her "I've got better things to do. If you want to go shoe shopping, don't ask me to meet you in future." We haven't been shopping since. I did tell her about the TV too and told her plainly I get bored and would rather be out with my mates, and this hasn't happened much since either.

To be honest, I usually only have to explain my problem and it's taken care of or she at least tries. But these are individual problems, whereas I feel it's her attitude that needs an adjustment and she needs to start doing more for me.

 

[MAVER1CK]

well bro, what would you want her to do for you?

Maybe you are not making your wants clear?

BTW- spend more time with your mates, You need this time. Its good for you. Makes you more a man to be around other ****s.

Are you making your wants clear?

Hows sex other than her bossy ness? Are you a lame ass in bed? How do you ****? I have realised that girls dont get enough of that "rough" sex. It seems we guys only like to be rough once in a while, because it takes a ****load of energy.

Try being a Viking in bed. Aim to get her off atleast 2 times.

Remember, You will have more attention, and a better relationship, by being her sexual fantasy, than by being her trusted boyfriend.

 

[Blusher]

she's just very self-centred and inconsiderate.

Hardly the qualities one should be looking for in a girlfriend...
Get a better one.

 

[MAVER1CK]

I agree blusher.. Or just keep her around while looking for others.

Although, How is your career? Are you making good money? You should be spending time on yourself, and with your Men friends. get your **** together bro. Girls come last. You and your Bros, Before Hoes.

 

[Jariel]

well bro, what would you want her to do for you?

Maybe you are not making your wants clear?

Generally, I just want to have my way sometimes. When I suggest going somewhere, it would be nice if she'd agree without trying to change things, or stopping to shop or run an errand. I'd like her to let me lead more (and be a man!) without putting a dampner on it. As well as things like massages and things in the bedroom...

BTW- spend more time with your mates, You need this time. Its good for you. Makes you more a man to be around other ****s.

I agree and I've started to give them more time. Although many of my friends are actually female. But still helps to spend time with them.

Hows sex other than her bossy ness? Are you a lame ass in bed? How do you ****? I have realised that girls dont get enough of that "rough" sex. It seems we guys only like to be rough once in a while, because it takes a ****load of energy.

Try being a Viking in bed. Aim to get her off atleast 2 times.

Here is another big problem. I love it rough and prefer to be dominant, but she complains every time I do. She says I hurt her, or that a position is uncomfortable, or I'm doing it too hard etc. She also says she gets scared if I'm too dominant. Talk about killing the mood!

I give her multiple orgasms every single time (before and during sex), so I have no problems there and always leave her very satisfied. The problem here is that I am not being satified and it's another aspect of her selfishness.

She goes down on me, but only for like 30 seconds, then expects me to spend forever on foreplay, by which time I'm bored and not really in the mood. Plus her bossiness is a real turn off.

 

[mrRuckus]

Personally, I don't give a sh!t if I stay or leave, but for your sake, stop acting like a b!tch."

That doesn't sound like the wisest thing to say.

 

[Jariel]

Hardly the qualities one should be looking for in a girlfriend...
Get a better one.

Fair point, and I am keeping my mind open to that. It's just that she wasn't like this before, and if anything, I was the one getting my own way all the time and she was suplicating to me.

I think maybe she's got a bit comfortable and complacent in our relationship and I've become a bit too complacent with myself, and given her too much of her own way (classic AFC mistake!).