Getting to congruency

[Brad]

Recent red pill here. I've mentioned in a previous post that I've become aware of other people's negative reactions in social situations with me.

I've broken it down into two main issues:

1. Feeling anxiety (partly due to outcome dependence/neediness) and expressing that in my subcommunication.
2. Trying to force a different outward appearance and showing incongruency.

I came across this video that covers incongruent behaviour.

He covers the following:

• Communication is 7% words, 93% everything else
• Subcommunication (the 93%) overwhelmingly affects other people around you
• Most people (myself included) try to fake the subcommunication. People see through this
• Until you fix how you feel about yourself you will come off as incongruent
• Once you change how you feel about yourself you need to express that feeling through your body rather than your head
• ie: it's not about how you stand, it's about how you feel when you stand.
• Move your body a lot! Do it often and enjoy moving it
• You can apply the above with voice tonality as well. Feel the emotion first and use that emotion to come through with your voice (again I'm guilty of this, I came off like a robot trying to be more deep with my voice)

So his ideas are that you need to become aware of your emotion and build a relationship with your body.

What other tips have you guys read about being congruent?

 

[Atom Smasher]

That is one ugly looking dude in the video

I guarantee you that many women find him extremely attractive. Women are attracted to aura, not so much looks.

 

[guru1000]

That is one ugly looking dude in the video

And you’re so attractive to opine accordingly?

 

[RedScorpion]

That is one ugly looking dude in the video

I think it's mainly because it doesn't seem like he has eyebrows. There's some other stuff there... but where the hell are the eyebrows.

In regards to the actual thread, I think this is where the origin of 'be yourself' comes from. The typical idea is that means 'Oh I can relax and not care, just do whatever'. Which is wrong. But I take it as more... find a style that fits you. Work on the things that are definitely the foundation (like not being monotone, having good posture, having good volume while talking, etc.) - but don't try to completely reinvent yourself either. I'd try to work on one thing at a time... but keeping in mind all of the basics.