Getting through the bf excuse

[DragonBlood]

I was vibing with a girl I cold approached this week while waiting for the bus. Asked her out and said she couldnt because she has a bf.

I play it cool, ask for more details about how she meet the bf and talk about relationships and pick up in general. There is about 5 feet between us and Im looking away from her as we talk. Slowly but surely she moves closer and closer to me until shes standing right beside me. So I ask again.


DB: Seeing as you have moved into my proximity you should at least give me your number before your bus arrives
HB8: I dont think my bf would like that
DB: No he wouldnt... I would though
HB8: <still no>


The girl was interested but she wasnt going to "cheat" on her bf of 1.5 years she met at a house party (social circle). I didnt push too hard after that and eventually I lost her.

One of the problems I find with cold approach VS social game or clubs is the hots girls (>6) usually have legit bfs. I felt genuine disappointment that this girl was long off the market before I even met her because some random guy got drunk and lucky with her at a house party over a year ago. Lame to the extreme. In this case I felt like the girl was trying to help me by telling me her concern about giving the number out but I just couldnt get past it.


How do you get through the bf excuse with cold approach? I find this is my main sticking point atm.

 

[sylvester the cat]

of all the girls i've slept with who had boyfriends i cannot remember one instance where they ever told me they had a boyfriend prior to sleeping with them. afterwards yes. but not before.

usually the only time a girl tells me she has a boyfriend it means she's not interested.

 

[DragonBlood]

Thanks for the advice sylvester, I think this is partly my fault as well.

When I was new to cold approach I would always screen for bfs, and if they had one I would just bounce. I always screen for logistics, bf and ask for the number after an agreed met up. After awhile though, my standards have gone up and it became pretty obvious that most hot girls during the day have legit bfs.


My standard "opener" is something along the lines of:

DB: You look amazing I had to talk to you, what is your name? (handshake)
HB: bla bla bla
DB: Are you seeing anyone? (trying to get rid of this, more force of habit)
OR Where are you from?
OR What is your work?

HB: bla bla bla
DB: Do you want to go out this week?
OR Lets go out whats your number? (etc)

HB: Sorry I have a bf *leaves* (I do not get this one anymore)
OR *giggles* ok sure *gives number, leaves in a hurry*
OR I cant, I have a bf... (but convo continues, this is the most common situation! And usually the girls are somewhat apologetic about it but I dont get a number or date either way 90% of the time when this happens)

DB: (I normally hold if I get the bf excuse, and ask how they meet, If its less than three months or he is not a live in bf I will try again, at least I will gain some knowledge on where these girls meet their bfs or if they are BSing, most are social circle or work).


In the case I posted in this thread, this is kind of a new response for me. She was wavering because I was pretty indifferent about the bf or "getting her" and just enjoyed the conversation. I understand the bf probably shouldnt come up if she has HIL but Im sure there is a way to turn someone around who is on the fence and showing LMR on the date close.


I GUESS I could say "Are you getting married?" which would probably work but it also sets up a HORRIBLE frame as I am not looking for a gf.

At the moment I have 3 HB6s (that I have dated or asked out) that if I focused my energy on I could turn into a rotation, but I dont like the idea of knocking any of them up tbh. As well when I see how most normal guys just walk into lovey dovey relationships with hot girls requiring no balls or effort I couldnt satisfy myself anymore settling with a HB6. Took another HB6 on a date last week from cold approach and was bored out of my skull with little attraction.


What Im really trying to do is step up my game and build my first real rotation of 3 to 4 HB7-8 girls. I am trying to do this through online and cold approach but keep hitting barriers with the social circle bf in cold approach.

 

[astrn]

I think some of girls just lying about they had a BF.

Most of time it is about interest level.

I am actually tired of telling this over and over but I had been through the same situation with a Slovak girl a few weeks ago. She was really into me and later I was attracted but my ****ing AFC behavior ruined everything. When She added me from FB I saw she was in a LTR with a guy at least 3 yrs. I later asked what was this about and she told me I am about to leave him bla bla. I didn't bought this at that time and hopefully I was right. She ridden at least 2-3 ****s after she stopped talking with me and pretty sure when she goes back to her country she will be with her BF.

Some girls just like to ride even she had a BF or not... Stick to your tools and improve your game you will be spinning some plates in no time...

 

[nismo-4]

If you haven't banged, she's not interested. She won't bring up a boyfriend if she has interest in you because women know that will ward a man off.

 

[LMFAO]

You can use the RSD Todd method: Such matters have never concerned me. I am a free economist, people do what is best for them I'm sure we'll have a good time, worst case If at the end of it you still want your boyfriend, how much stronger will ur relationship be, it only encourages you to make the best decision.

That's if she's actually displaying half interest. If she's just brought up she has a boyfriend like that, no kino or any signs of ioi you have little to no chance.

 

[Dryden]

So we can analyse her energy when she says that thing right.

There are only five possible candidates for any form of rejection: panic, rage, depression, jealousy and possessiveness.

Usually, the thing you encounter first is... well usually you do not encounter any of that at first. But panic arises when the girl already has you. It also arises when she knows she's got a shot. If a girl is panicky, you know she is into you, because panic always means that nothing is wrong.

Depression hits often when she has obligations elsewhere. She would like to stay, but feels she can't. Then you need to make her feel loved. "It is okay if you stay a little longer, isn't it? Someone else could take over for a few minutes, right? The world doesn't end if you come late once, right, for a very good reason?"

Jealousy usually only hits after the person has had time to talk to someone else. If you are a guy, it could be a friend talking you down, a girlish-friend talking you down, it is often a female friend of the girl talking her down. This happens after she has realized she is very much into you, which is when she (or you) start consulting with someone else. When this happens you need to display grief at her refusing you or refusing herself something good. She wants something, yet denies it to herself. And to you as well. And that's a sad thing. And you can tell her that. Because she is also grieving over it. You're not the only one.

Rage... rage often occurs when a girl is angry with herself. She can also be angry with you for not responding in time, for letting the opportunity slip. Rage is (sometimes) perhaps the most difficult thing to get through, but it just requires you to be relentless. Don't give up. Use anger to get through her rage. Whatever she throws at you, do not accept it. "You can quiet down now, I do not like you doing this thing, okay?" "I've had enough of this already, cut it out." "If you keep this up... no sex tonight you know? ;-)."

Whether you are already having sex or not, you can say that thing ;D.

So there is only one thing that matters for you now. A boyfriend excuse is not a jealousy thing. It is a possessiveness thing. So... what is the answer to possessiveness?

Do you know??

You can use the RSD Todd method: Such matters have never concerned me. I am a free economist, people do what is best for them I'm sure we'll have a good time, worst case If at the end of it you still want your boyfriend, how much stronger will ur relationship be, it only encourages you to make the best decision.

This response is using that energy. The energy is called "fear". So what is the fear you express? In this line above, you express that you fear that golden opportunities will be missed. You fear that you and she will miss the best things in life. You fear she will stay in something boring and inadequate. You fear she will have a horrible life this way. You fear that if she doesn't come with you.... things might not work out well for her.

So it is not about what she "does" get if she goes with you, but what she WON'T get if she DOESN'T go with you. THAT IS THE ENERGY TO USE. In this example, in your "i have a bf" encounter.

 

[Suspens]

If it's brought up while you are approaching her, It's probably true. And it's better to give up. However you can go bolder and say "No worries, you will break up with him right after I fvck your brain out"

Though most girls already have a BF and are attached, that doesn't mean they don't fvck around. If they are attracted, you have a limited time to act. If you don't act, you'll face the "I have a BF, fvck off you creep" answer.

Right, I basically repeated what everyone said here.

 

[DragonBlood]

@astrn: thanks for the encouragement. Cold approach is such a fluid part of my routine I doubt this will be the last girl I talk to.

@nismo: "If you haven't banged, she's not interested." I sense a catch 22 with that, as to bang a girl you have to get her emotionally interested first. Thanks for stopping by nismo you are one of my SS super heroes

@LMFAO: Cool another RSDer, I am planning on travelling in the future when my contract runs out, definitely thinking of hitting one of Tylers hot seats, those guys have helped me out a lot. I like Todd Valentines way of teaching quite a bit but I dont think I could say "I am a free economist" with a straight face or any sincerity. It is a TOTAL BS line.

@Dryden: rep.

There are only five possible candidates for any form of rejection: panic, rage, depression, jealousy and possessiveness.

This is a great way to look at things. So as long as you have a good idea how to respond to these rejection emotions you will have a good chance of turning things around. From what I understand, when a girl demonstrates possessiveness I should express fear in seeing her continue down her current lifestyle? I.e. what will happen if she stays with this other guy?

@Suspens: well actually I think your point is slightly different.

One thing this encounter has made me think about is just how weak the bf label is. If someone more attractive than you hits on your partner there is a good chance the bf label will expire. Its more HER WAY of tying down a guy who otherwise has options or a lot of lifestyle potential. Who has more value? The guy she was friends with for a while and got drunk with at a house party and then commits to her for 1.5yrs onwards or the guy who is confident enough to ask her out sober in the day. One has social circle value and the other has social proof through his actions. Even though I lost this girl I still got her to waver by being aloof and enjoying the conversation, I just didnt know how to ease her concerns past that point. When she told me how she got her current bf compared to what I was doing in that moment I felt robbed of a great opportunity. So basically Dryden, fear of loss is a good answer to this?

 

[Dryden]

Yes well I haven't been in the position to carry any of this to any successful end. That I currently would consider successful as in at least getting her into my house.

Basically I'm just practicing every day. I have practiced for years on the internet, now that is done, I'm only doing 'approaches' sort of in the street or whatever, restaurants, wherever I go I usually talk to girls.

All of the girls I have met on the net, I have put on hold by deleting my social networking accounts (Instagram, Hi5, YouTube will probably follow.)

Because I need to get this down and the thing I need to learn most is to face other guys. Like my neighbour girl I mentioned in my thread, I can have her easily, she will let me have her as long as I am willing to face and take on her boyfriend in whatever way he would present me with. I've never seen such a protective hoverbird in my life. I don't think he lets her out of sight for longer than an hour per day. As long as she's not working.

I practiced by attacking some police officers while I was in their cell. It was fun kicking and fighting but pretty safe as they are not allowed to really harm you. "I kicked like a mule and bit like a crocodile." It is a good thing to become less afraid of guys. Guys are my only enemy right now, every time a girl escapes me, so to speak, it is because of a guy.

The jealousy of a guy, always.

Often such a girl is a shop or restaurant girl, and when/after I have turned the girl on, he sends her away from me, bores me to death with his attention (fake) and then takes over the attraction I have built up in her, puts it on himself, and then fvcks her, when he would never have been able to had I not aroused her to begin with.... BAH. I ****ING HATE THAT. Haha. Damn these pricks. Always humiliate me. I hate their guts.

Worthless guys that have nothing to offer to a girl except the fact that they are their superiors and can boss them around as part of the job...

Oh I was grieving so much last friday. Gorgeous blonde... never seen her before, got her very very interested, she started becoming very panicky/nervous around me. I tell her to come and look at something I brought with me, guy takes over sends her away bores me to death bores himself to death humiliates me which I will return to him next time I go there (which is within a week probably). It was so clear how much more knowledgeable I was and how much more passion I had for the things that he supposedly is an expert on, than he is...

He was intimidated by the things I taught that girl.

--------

In your case I wouldn't make it such an important point that you can get her away from her boyfriend. The whole idea is not to draw her from one exclusive relationship into another. The whole point is to set her free. When you "possess" a girl, that is not the exclusive part. Jealousy is the exclusive part. Jealousy is what denies things to other people. The possessiveness is only the thing that tries to limit her because you seek to maintain, keep, hold her. It's the thing that doesn't want to let her go. So if you are concerned with meeting her, you need both fear and grief. Fear for the possessiveness, and grief for the jealousy, because it hurts (you feel sadness or grief or 'tears') if things are denied you for no good reason....

I think that is all I need to say here. Before my edit I responded with jealousy and depression to your jealousy. What I'm doing now is grief. The first part of this post is also grief. So right now I'm just grieving...

Good luck with everything!

 

[Fireballs]

Her: ''I have a boyfriend''
You: ''That's ok, I'm not the jealous type ''

or

You: ''Cool, he can bring us breakfast in bed ''

 

[BetterCallSaul]

OP,
Your response is fine. It's similar to my own.

Her: I have a BF.
Me: Ok, just don't invite him out on our first date.
Her: Tee hee

Yes, some girls are lying about it and even if their interest level is there, they still say it because they've used that line for so long it's a knee jerk reaction for them.

There is also plan B, which I find much more fun. Link below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I66aySW4le8

 

[apprenticedj]

Sounds like you're doing fine, honing your method by repeated effort is the only way towards success.

As far as targets with BFs I usually eject for two reasons:

1. As others have said, she may be just saying that due to low interest. Low interest = zero effort expended, I don't have the time or the desire to change her mind. On to the next one.

2. I know this might shock some here at SS but she may actually have a boyfriend. Believe it or not some chicks really do have boyfriends and relationships that they're not going to sh*t can at the drop of the hat. We call these quality women, rare indeed. Still, it's on to the next one.

 

[Octogonal]

A girl might have a bf she has low interest in looking to bail if she is giving good vibes go for it. It will be easy to tell when she has no interest giving off an excuse. Respectable girls don't cheat on their bf's from guys who hit on them.

 

[jimmy18]

Her: ''I have a boyfriend''
Me: "When's the wedding?''