Getting over negative self talk

[red sky30]

Have any of you guys felt like the worst enemy is yourslef? I mean in the "past" for me i was constantly conditioned to think that everyone thought the worst about me at all times. Of course this is the past and i've moved on gaining self esteem. But sometimes its just like i think that every single thing that other people do is a negative reaction to me.

My mind is so creative thinking of the negative its rediculus. I mean i do have my good moods when the voice is shut off, but when i'm in a bad mood all hell breaks loose. Have any of you guys had the demon of "negative mind reading" in your head and successfully turned its voice off FOR GOOD? I've made improvements defininatly, but its hard reversing something thats been going on for so long.


I just DON't want to give a sh!t what others think of me anymore.

peace.

 

[mahon83050]

Yea I hear ya man, I have the same problem alot. I still care what people think too much. There is a book called "You cannot afford the luxury of a Negative thought." Negative thinking is a very bad habit and automatic, but it can be broken.

 

[RKTek]

The fact that you've identified the problem and WANT to do something about it means you're already well on the road to a better you and recovery.

You may have "Avoidant Personality" traits, which dog many these days. Sometimes there is a basis in anger and depression that causes these problems. Feelings of inadequacy especially negative self-talk are hallmarks but knowing something's up and wanting to do something about it mean you're well ahead of the game.

There is no magic cure. It's like the 98-pound weakling who wants to look like Charles Atlas, then worked at it slowly but surely every day. Incrementally, he became the person he dreamed of being.

Most people on a diet, exercise or other self-improvement program must know their starting point. Dieters weigh themselves then keep a daily tally as mere ounces are shed daily. At the end of months or years the results are tallied. Same with weightlifters.

You will start recording every time you have a negative thought. It might simply be a card and small golf-pencil you keep with you to make tick marks on the card. At the end of the day you tally up how many times you caught yourself thinking negative or gloomy thoughts.

Sounds goofy, huh? Maybe, but what it does is make you recognize every single time you catch yourself putting yourself down. And every time you do this, you'll also notice that by making a small mark on the paper, you've just stopped the thought. Simply thinking about stopping those thoughts is not enough, as you've probably already noticed. But carrying around a small card, like a business card and making marks on the back every time you think negative thoughts about yourself will help. Date each card, or mark on a calendar at the end of each day how many negative thoughts you've had.

Let us know how it goes after you've done this for a few days or a week.

 

[red sky30]

i figured i'd update you.

RKTek.. you wouldn't believe how many negative thoughts i've had. Its astonishing. I've been keeping track using one of those wrist watch things for golfers. (I click it everytime i notice a negative thought and it keeps track) Heres the results of my 3 week study.

WEEK 1. 34, 38, 99, 93, 97, 149, 153
WEEK 2. 209, 226, 202, 127, 66 , 139, 66
WEEK 3 72 , 68 , 41, 36, 56 , 70, 50
WEEK 4. 82


Holy Sh!t. On those days with over 200, i counted and hit that button, on every negative thought i had. 226 is Insane!

Its good to see their going down, and its actually working. Now i just have to work on approaching more girls. The only problem is that theres 1 week of college left, and then its back to home. So it feels like theres no point in even trying.

But i feel so much happier and Eventhough i don't have a HB anywhere near my side, the important thing (at the moment) is that i'm HAPPY and doing what makes me HAPPY.

I reccomend this to anyone who has this negative self talk constanly going on. Its working for me

Peace !!

 

[AntonioMontana]

when do the bad moods start? periodicaly? after masturbation ( iam not kidding)? what kind of thought are these? make some exaples what do you think what do you hear what do you see in your mind? its like the world is against you and you own head is fvcking off ?
whats about your mom and dad? did they tell you that you have done everything wrong in your life, have they ever told you that they love you, have you ever told them that you love em?

sounds like crappy therapist questions but answer them

 

[matius]

All of that weight ain't doin' ya no good. You see, I read something here that really got to me.

If you control:

How you breathe.
What you say.
What you eat.
How you drive your car.
How much alcohol you drink.
How many times you brush your teeth.
Who you call.
When you call.
What you wear...

Why would you let others control your thoughts? It ain't easy, but understanding this will help you deal. Think about it. If you have to, try to notice that there is not one difference between the decisions above and your thoughts. You think to do these things. Now, round up the thoughts that others are injecting and control them (they might just set it off but you're holding the fuel). YES. You have to ask yourself what you want and become your own friend...It ain't easy, I can't say this enough- but once you get it...you will start moving.

So, it might do you some good to try and understand the root of your problems. What happened to you? Why are these negative thoughts invading your mind? Who put them there (you did)? How much longer do you want them there (not long)? How can you get rid of them?

Think positive. That means, when a negative thought arises...think about what just popped up, why it came up...then justify it and realize that it is a byproduct of a circumstance that was out of your control. That make sense? Everybody's got a dark side, got something to hide. Yeah, you got rubbed the wrong way, made fun of, been ridiculed, been sorry, sad...nobody who's movin and shakin cares. Nobody. We are all human and have our own problems. All digging out of the holes we've made.

So in short, all you can do is figure out the root of your problems and start portraying a positive vibe, find your passion, enjoy what others have to say and things in general. Go a bit slower and joke around with people. But get your head right by realizing you got to get living before you got to get gone.

 

[red sky30]

I believe i've learned more about myself and others in this 1 year of college, than my whole life previous.

Honestly, i used to take life so seriously and LOOK DOWN upon anyone who would "fvck around" with eachother. College has taught me that life is way to short to be so damn serious. Life can be so much fun! Enjoy it, have a good time! You can now catch me "fvcking around" with my friends sometimes .. haha how times change =)


Another thing i learned is that no matter how shy you are, if you have the drive to change, you can do it. I was constantly ridiculed in middleschool for my weight, and i never stood up for myself once. I've since slimmed down, and realized the concept of self esteem and self love. Great stuff. This site has helped A LOT.

The negative thoughts i get are usually 100% about other peoples "supposed" reactions to my actions.

example. I'm walking with my long "hippy " hair in a pony tail, (wearing a pony tail is unusual for me) and i look at someones face, and thier not smiling at me, or maybe looking at me wierd. I instantly think that their thinking negativly of my hair style eventhough thiers NO PROOF OF THIS!!!

Or hell even before hitting the "submit button" for posting to this site.. i think people will Flame me and sh!t. So wrong.



Stuff like that, But I'm learning to overcome it. Man haha Anythings possible, I thought i'd never come this far in life, I love it!

 

[AntonioMontana]

i am

you can´t control
its hard to control

many brush teeth because you must do it, or you will stink and people laugh at you, you because everybody does it.

you can´t say what you want, than nobody were scared of the act of approaching or sain you boss your opinion
you can´t controll your breath you breath subconsciously, you can if you want to but you don´t. when you are nervous your hartrate and breathreate are faster and so on and so on

the others are in your reality, you can choose what your reality is like. don´t give a wet fart to what somebody is thinking about you, where is the problem? i bet that somebody thinks bad of you, where is the problem you think too bad of him, you think that he gives a fvck to you and laughs about you, perhaps he is only thinking about the weather
whats important is what you think of yourself
say I AM
I AM
I GOT THE FORTUNE TO LIVE LIFE LIKE I WANT TO
I AM SO LUCKY BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS ****; IT ONLY CAN BECAME BETTER
BUT I MUST WANT TO
IF I DON`T RESPECT I CANT EXPECT THAT ANYBODY RESPECTS ME
I MUST RESPECT THE GOOD DAYS AND THE BAD DAYS
I AM NOT AN ACTOR OR SUPERMAN
I AM; I AM A PERSON WITH BAD MOOD AND GOOD MOODS; THATS IT NOBODY IS EVERYDAY IN A GOOD MOOD THAT THE SUN SEEMS TO SHINE OUT OF HIS ASSSS
there is the worst, the bad, the good the better, its part of life
even my cat is in bad moods sometimes, it seems that i must clean the toilet, good nite guys

 

[matius]

I think you're trying to bash on my positive message AntonioMontana...

I'll cut you a bit of slack on your English since you're from Germany, but I could hardly make out what you were saying outside of 'I am' and 'cat'.

The point is to control your reality. That's what I was saying.

 

[AntonioMontana]

and my point was that controlling reality isn´t that easy, you fail next day and you are agin in you mood. i tell that you should be ok even if you are sometimes in bad moods thats it
i am from italy

 

[matius]

I opt for red sauce, not white. And of course, the pasta must be aldente.

 

[Oxide]

Man, what is this

'I have one weel pf college, so no point in trying" ... this is LOSER attitude. Take this attitude and throw it AWAY. get with some girl and have some good bye sex.

I ALWAYS cared what people thought of me. ALL MY LIFE i was worried what they might think or say. I think the big part of it was that i was very critisizing myself of other people, but after spending a couple months here, ive realized "You can not offord to let other people make choices for you. This is YOUR LIFE. Stop making decisions based on what other people think!
next time you are worrying about what some bimbo thinks of you, stand up and say what you want to say, do what you want to do, adn be a free spirit.

 

[Starman]

As the resident shrink let me add,

Negative thinking begins in childhood. It comes from overly critical and negative parents who ONLY spotlight the bad things you did as a child..and disregarded the positive.

These parents tend to make "bad behavior" equal to "bad person"

i.e.

Good parents: "Its not good to pee in your bed! you Must go to the toilet!"

Bad Parent: "Bad Boy! I told you 100 times to use the bathroom! Bad! Bad! bad!"

These negative thoughts begin internalizing in the growing child..to adulthood..

The point is .. Its taken you (enter age) years to feel this bad about yourself..It will take 1/2 or the equal amount of years (depending on your commitment to change) to reverse the damage

There are techniques to reversing negative thinking..PM me if you wanna know some.

 

[matius]

Or if you think at light speed you can start changing sooner than that.

 

[Ubermensch]

biochemistry

I'm convinced one's tendency toward negative thinking has a lot to do with their brain biochemistry. That's why drugs like Prozac work for some depressive individuals.

Biochemical and psychological factors both affect one's thoughts, and feed off each other. Starman makes a very good point. Biochemistry is the other side of the equation.

Wherever the greatest imbalance lies is where one should direct most of their their efforts. But identifying the greatest imbalance can be very difficult, because many different and often unepected conditions can produce similar effects.

Some people have underproduction of the brain chemicals that elevate moods. Drugs such as Prozac and herbs such as St. John's wort often help such people, and there are nutritional ways of enhancing the production of such brain chemicals, too. For example, B-vitamins, vitamin C, and protein-complex carb meals can kick serotonin production into gear by giving it more *fuel*.

There are also even more bizarre biochemical factors that can affect ones frame of mind. For me, allergic foods and chemical exposures are killers. Food allergies are a b1tch to identify, because the effects are often delayed up to 4 days, but my moods improved greatly after identifying and avoiding most of those foods. I also find my thoughts get scattered and AFC tendencies arise after too much exposure to toxic chemicals, such as a lot of perfumes, colognes, and smoke -- especially clove cigarettes.

Some of this sort of sh1t could be going on for any of you who have recurring bad thoughts. It's definitely something to consider.

I just had a lot of bad sh1t happen to me in the last couple days, and have every reason to be thinking ngatively, but I'm not, because my biochemistry is "on" right now.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

All I can say to those of you who often experience negative/self-defeating thinking, invest in the following audio programs:

"The Psychology of Achievement" by Brian Tracy
"The Psychology of Winning" by Dennis Waitley
"The Psychology of High Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

The above 6 tape programs should cost you between $5-$15 on Ebay. Well worth it, as they go in detail on the issue, and offer solutions.