Getting over ex

[blackhatter]

I don't mean to waste anyone's time, but I'm working on getting over my ex..

We were together for 1.5 years.. everything was fine. I'm a good looking guy, if I don't say so myself, I treated her right, and the sex was always good if not great. She talked me up to all her friends and family.. **** i even spent the holidays over at her place and got to know her family.

long story short, she asked me for a break a few weeks ago and ended up starting to hookup with some other dude. Since then, she's been distant and just wants to be "friends". It baffles my mind because this guy live like 3 hours away.. she met him when he was in town for a few days and now it's like shes IN LOVE.

This is a blow to me, as she was always in love with me and after me all the time when the other girls were trying to get me also.

How the hell do i get over this blow to my confidence? It's like I don't even know the person I spent so much time with for almost 2 years..

thanx

 

[KontrollerX]

One thing you need to keep in mind my friend is you can do everything right and I mean everything and a chick can still stab you in the back.

And there's tons of reasons why.

It can be anything from her friends talking her into sampling more cookies in the cookie jar or simply her requiring something you can never be and that is a new and completely different person. That last one is brutally unfair but thats the turmoil and fickleness of female emotion at work.

The only thing a guy can hope to do is detect his girl is pulling away from him and beat her to the breakup before she does it and in that way he keeps the power and his idea of his own dignity. Though really dignity shouldn't be able to be taken from anyone if someone screws you over. It should be a deeply internalized belief in yourself that is unshaken by people's external cruelties.

Anyway though man my heart goes out to ya but the only way you get over this one is no contact and give her the old speech if she insists on friendship of "thanks but I have enough friends."

That friendship crap from chicks is disingenuous anyway.

They offer that consolation prize because they either want to keep you around as a relationship confidant to talk with about all the other guys that they fvck and use you as their emotional tampon to get advice on those guys or they offer friendship so they won't be hated but the main point is accepting this friendship is for you and any guy to accept being used and mocked and thats a place no guy wants to be if he knows what this type of "friendship" really means.

Its a mean spirited cynical exploitative power play, not true friendship.

Oh and before I end this post give joekerr's brilliant thread on "breaks" a read.

Here is the link.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=126471&highlight=breaks

 

[DavenJuan]

sorry to hear abou this my man.

you are a new poster and their are PLENTY of members here who have shared your pain.

couples things..

the relationship was over before she decided to take this "break".

typically your gf is waiting for something better and once she finds it, she can validate to hersefl that she doesnt need you to fill that void any longer.

the question you asked as been asked a thousand times on this forum yet few really listen. so before i answer your question remember that most of the advice you get here is from ppl who have experienced the same things that you currently are going through.

with that said.. this is how you get over this and get your confidence back...

you said it seems as if you didnt know the person you spent the last 2 yrs with. realize this. YOU DIDNT. women are simply based on emotion and that unfortunately is what she basis all of her choices on. nothing rational, simply emotional.

no matter what happened over the course of your relationship, TAKE A LEARNING LESSON FROM THIS. if you cant walk away from this with something that you can BETTER yourself with, then it WAS a waste of time.

get out there and start SPINNING PLATES. keep yourself busy with other women and you will find that it is better of this way and everything happens for a reason

Alot of ppl in LTRs lose sight of themselves and what there independence means. you get trapped in this "us" mentalitily and forget how to function alone. get new hobbies, hang with friends ( and not to complain about this recent mishap)

above all else, remember that you deserve better than this. she lost out. you will find someone who doesnt bare the flaws that she did and you did not like. because you now know (after reading the bible and learning new things) that YOUR are the PRIZE.

....settle for nothing less than what you deserve

 

[blackhatter]

appreciate the replies.

Been going out spinning plates.. some nights i have that "killer instinct" and i've brought 1 or 2 girls back in the past 2 weeks.. other nights I can't get her off my mind.

It's not like I have intense feelings for her anymore. I just can't understand how someone can be so cold. She still denies it being because of this dude.. instead she blames it on constant fighting and my distance from her (even though we were PERFECT before we took this break). I KNEW I WAS BETTER THAN HER THE WHOLE TIME. And now she does this and shoots my confidence down. Lucky for me, knowing that I'm better makes the breakup a bit easier.

Anyways, I'm going out tonight and spinning some plates. Thanks

 

[young_gun]

Ouch dude. That's pretty brutal. I can't really say I've ever had this exact thing happen to me, but I do know that breakups are tough, especially when it's with someone you've been with for a long time and really cared / still do care about. I think the two hardest parts of a breakup are 1) you hate the thought of her being with someone else and 2) you feel like you lose your "single game" after being in a relationship for so long. Being single isn't such a bad thing though. I don't know how much this will help you out, but Disciple has a great post on being single. Here it is:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100659

You'll probably feel pretty down about this for awhile. That's OK. A lot of guys on here know this feeling. IT SUCKS. I promise you though, one day (not too far down the road) you'll wake up and the pain will be gone. Spend a lot of time with your good friends, they'll help ease the hurt.

 

[WC2]

Welcome to the forums bro.

Believe it or not there are a lot of us on here that have gone through the same BS. Actually, I just had this same exact thing happen to me a little more than a week ago! And she pulled the "break" card while she was away on vacation!

It's going to hurt for awhile. (I'm not going to lie I'm still hurting, but I see the light at the end of the tunnel!)

Eventually it's going to hit you that you're so much better off. I've already had a few of these days in which I feel invincible. I don't even feel hatred towards the ex.. I feel bad for her! I take a look around at everything I have and everything she doesn't have. I take a look at the person I am the person she is. Bar none, I'm a better person.

My best advice is to move on and just think to yourself every morning you wakeup "I am ___ _____ (your name) and I'm the ****ing man."

If you've already brought women back, you already know that you are capable of moving into something new. This girl obviously wasn't good enough for you. She had to lie to break things off.. that just shows what kind of person she is.

Best of luck and pm if you have any questions