Getting Over Approach Anxiety

[Jim88]

I've had bad social anxiety when it comes to talking with strangers my entire life. I don't have any anxiety around people I already know. I want to get over approach anxiety for good, and get to the point where I'm actually doing proper cold approaches, but I'm not sure about the best way to do it. As I mentioned in another thread, I'm practicing saying "hi" to women, even if they're having conversations in groups or looking the other way. I'm getting more comfortable doing this, but there is still definitely an increase in heart rate sometimes I would guess. Is this a waste of time? I'm thinking not, since it still doesn't feel completely "natural" even to say hi, I would guess it's useful for me to keep doing at a minimum, but I want to do more than this. I don't really go to bars much since the 'rona is still super common in my area. It's mostly while walking, in which case it seems very "unnatural" to say anything more than a word or two, especially if girls are talking in groups.

I think my ultimate problem is NOT fear of rejection, it's fear of humiliation for doing something deemed out of the ordinary or "socially unacceptable". This, combined with the fact that I'm not sure what to say. But I want to get over this for good and am willing to do what it takes. At this point, I don't even care about "successfully" picking up a girl off the street, I just want to face the fear and become desensitized to humiliation and embarrassment in front of hot girls. Do y'all have any ideas for how to do this, especially just walking around outside or in a store? Keep in mind I'm not really looking for attraction tips right now--I just want to get over the fear of embarrassment by exposure to repeated embarassments. I think that my desire to appear "normal" is what's holding me back, and there's probably some deep rooted psychological reason for that. I'm a very analytical, over-thinking person (have a degree in math), and also grew up in a family with a lot of emotional problems such that "saying the wrong thing" could lead to my mom having a major emotional breakdown. I know it sounds ridiculous for me to bring "mommy issues" into it lmao but my reason for doing it is that I'm trying to give a background on my situation. I think there are particular things that make it harder for me to do this type of thing.

Anyway, what I'm looking for is:

What are quick things that I can practice saying to attractive women in public besides "hi" that will help challenge me and desensitize me to the fear of embarassment or being out of the norm?

Any ideas are appreciated but I'm mostly looking for people who have had approach anxiety or any type of social anxiety in the past and figured out a way to get past it. Thanks

 

[fastlife]

The best way to get over it is to desensitize yourself through repetition and to work on constantly pushing your comfort zone. So, today you said, “Hey.” Thats a smart. Tomorrow say, “Hey. Excuse me. One sec. You looked interesting and I wanted you to meet me.” Baby steps and building on foundations.

You’ll probably get blown out. Two ways to fix this: Eye contact—relaxed and direct. Tonality: loud enough, breaking rapport. Keep practicing this until you can get people to stop and talk (this could take weeks/months depending on where you’re starting—but if you’re normally decentish socially it probably won’t be too bad.

Once you get them to stop, try to see how lo you can keep the interaction going. Easiest way to do this is;

• ****y/Funny: “Ya, I saw youstaring at me and just had to see what’s up” (even if they weren’t).
  Questions: “Are you from around here? “How tall are you?” Etc.​
• Cold Reads: “You’re totally from [sh1tty part of town].” Or “You must be an art student.”​
• Teases/Disqualifiers: Until your wit sharpens and this comes naturally, an easy way to do this is just ask a question and no matter what they say, look them in their eyes and say, “Liar” with a cheeky smile. Then when they try to respond, change the topic.​

OK, that should keep you busy for a while. And, ya, you’re probably gonna seem hella weird at first until you learn to hold frame. It’s just practice! These people will have NO bearing on your future and you have exactly ONE life—are you gonna let a few randos stop you from making an investment in your future self? Let me know when you’ve gotten all this stuff down—not on here much but tag me in something and I’ll see it eventually.

BTW—you’re about to have a sh1t kid if people come here and tell you not to bother. Something about looks, something about girls in 2020, something about just be natural, bla bla bla. Don’t listen to them. So many guys here have given up. Don’t let that be you.And, ya, cold approaching breaks a few social rules, but rules are for betas

EDIT: just read your stuff about mom. Relatable lol. Check out this thread: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/create-your-own-confidence-how-to-be-you.233590/ Should be helpful.

 

[Jim88]

The best way to get over it is to desensitize yourself through repetition and to work on constantly pushing your comfort zone. So, today you said, “Hey.” Thats a smart. Tomorrow say, “Hey. Excuse me. One sec. You looked interesting and I wanted you to meet me.” Baby steps and building on foundations.

You’ll probably get blown out. Two ways to fix this: Eye contact—relaxed and direct. Tonality: loud enough, breaking rapport. Keep practicing this until you can get people to stop and talk (this could take weeks/months depending on where you’re starting—but if you’re normally decentish socially it probably won’t be too bad.

Once you get them to stop, try to see how lo you can keep the interaction going. Easiest way to do this is;

• ****y/Funny: “Ya, I saw youstaring at me and just had to see what’s up” (even if they weren’t).
  Questions: “Are you from around here? “How tall are you?” Etc.​
• Cold Reads: “You’re totally from [sh1tty part of town].” Or “You must be an art student.”​
• Teases/Disqualifiers: Until your wit sharpens and this comes naturally, an easy way to do this is just ask a question and no matter what they say, look them in their eyes and say, “Liar” with a cheeky smile. Then when they try to respond, change the topic.​

OK, that should keep you busy for a while. And, ya, you’re probably gonna seem hella weird at first until you learn to hold frame. It’s just practice! These people will have NO bearing on your future and you have exactly ONE life—are you gonna let a few randos stop you from making an investment in your future self? Let me know when you’ve gotten all this stuff down—not on here much but tag me in something and I’ll see it eventually.

BTW—you’re about to have a sh1t kid if people come here and tell you not to bother. Something about looks, something about girls in 2020, something about just be natural, bla bla bla. Don’t listen to them. So many guys here have given up. Don’t let that be you.And, ya, cold approaching breaks a few social rules, but rules are for betas

EDIT: just read your stuff about mom. Relatable lol. Check out this thread: https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/create-your-own-confidence-how-to-be-you.233590/ Should be helpful.

Thanks for taking the time to respond. I'll have to try that stuff, I'll keep you posted

 

[GioWolf]

I used to have major approach anxiety and general social anxiety also from childhood “mommy issues”. I can absolutely relate. You must read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by Dr Robert Glover. The book helped me tremendously. You have anxiety because you are seeking approval from women (due to your childhood conditioning with your mother). Anxiety is the number one attraction killer. No woman wants anything to do with a man who is simply afraid to talk to her. You must deal with your approval seeking behavior first before approaching women. Once you stop seeking approval from women you become outcome independent and that is half the battle.

 

[Jim88]

I used to have major approach anxiety and general social anxiety also from childhood “mommy issues”. I can absolutely relate. You must read “No More Mr Nice Guy” by Dr Robert Glover. The book helped me tremendously. You have anxiety because you are seeking approval from women (due to your childhood conditioning with your mother). Anxiety is the number one attraction killer. No woman wants anything to do with a man who is simply afraid to talk to her. You must deal with your approval seeking behavior first before approaching women. Once you stop seeking approval from women you become outcome independent and that is half the battle.

I'm gonna approach women before anything else. I don't expect or even intend to be successful for a long time, I just wanna get desensitized to the fear and embarrassment. But yeah thanks for the other advice too

 

[Serenity]

I'm gonna approach women before anything else. I don't expect or even intend to be successful for a long time, I just wanna get desensitized to the fear and embarrassment. But yeah thanks for the other advice too

That expectation is healthy at your stage and will make it a bit easier to relax, keep that up.

I know your exact problem, I have lived it and come out the other end unafraid to speak to anyone about almost anything. Don't downplay "mommy issues", that's probably the primary reason you have become this anxiety ridden mess and it's nothing to be ashamed of. This turned out to be THE reason I had social anxiety myself. I started small trying to push myself like you are trying now, but I ended up in a very deep rabbit hole, picking apart and scrutinizing my entire life long relationship to my mother.

I don't know what relationship you have with her today, but I'm guessing you haven't rebelled yet. A sign that you're having good progress with your social anxiety is that you'll stop taking sh!t from your mother, you'll enforce your boundaries and she'll probably be super pissed at you. This is just a heads up, I absolutely encourage you to go forward and feel free to ignore her (just for gods sake, be independent or become independent from her first).

Now that was a bit about the causes and underlying issues, you can process that whenever you want in your own time. Now, about how to practically deal with the anxiety when it occurs. Anxiety is just a feeling, sometimes it's adaptive and healthy to listen to, other times it can be maladaptive. Your case is maladaptive, you are having a fear response to something that isn't dangerous (no, your excuses are invalid). If you can know that the feeling itself won't kill you, the worst response a stranger woman can give will have about zero impact on your life and most likely you'll never see the worst case scenario ever in your life, then you can choose to disobey your emotional response.

I recommend you start clarifying for yourself what's a rational thought and what's an emotional thought, then you can choose to follow the rational. Your so-called "overthinking" are thoughts coming from your uncontrolled emotions, if you stopped to look you'll see those thoughts aren't rational. Your emotions will lag behind, it will take time and repetition before you'll stop having that response. It's worst to begin with, you'll have to ignore your mind and distrust all thoughts that might come up when you feel anxiety. Take direct control of your body, focus on physically moving yourself towards what you fear and put yourself in a position where it's worse to walk away than to introduce yourself and talk. I did this and it was a nightmare up until the point I started talking, nothing bad happened despite being a situation that's out of the ordinary or even "socially unacceptable". I took the Nike approach to this problem "just do it", don't think, just act aka. physically move yourself.

I hope you figure this out. One day you might miss the anxiety, I kinda do. You see, anxiety and excitement is kinda the same base feeling but with a different set of thoughts. Special and memorable interactions are super rare for me now, I miss the emotional high of all that anticipation and uncertainty. Maybe you should embrace your anxiety, view it as a gift instead of a curse. Head into a situation, poke around and excitingly see what comes of it. Definitely also work on the underlying issues though, sounds like you'll need a bit of an extreme makeover mental edition. I did that parallel to pushing my comfort zone and learning to tell my mother to fvck off, I was a mess for about a year, but I really needed that.

This turned into a ramble post, hope there's something of use for you. Just ask if there's something you want more details on.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I've had bad social anxiety when it comes to talking with strangers my entire life. I don't have any anxiety around people I already know. I want to get over approach anxiety for good, and get to the point where I'm actually doing proper cold approaches, but I'm not sure about the best way to do it. As I mentioned in another thread, I'm practicing saying "hi" to women, even if they're having conversations in groups or looking the other way. I'm getting more comfortable doing this, but there is still definitely an increase in heart rate sometimes I would guess. Is this a waste of time? I'm thinking not, since it still doesn't feel completely "natural" even to say hi, I would guess it's useful for me to keep doing at a minimum, but I want to do more than this. I don't really go to bars much since the 'rona is still super common in my area. It's mostly while walking, in which case it seems very "unnatural" to say anything more than a word or two, especially if girls are talking in groups.

I think my ultimate problem is NOT fear of rejection, it's fear of humiliation for doing something deemed out of the ordinary or "socially unacceptable". This, combined with the fact that I'm not sure what to say. But I want to get over this for good and am willing to do what it takes. At this point, I don't even care about "successfully" picking up a girl off the street, I just want to face the fear and become desensitized to humiliation and embarrassment in front of hot girls. Do y'all have any ideas for how to do this, especially just walking around outside or in a store? Keep in mind I'm not really looking for attraction tips right now--I just want to get over the fear of embarrassment by exposure to repeated embarassments. I think that my desire to appear "normal" is what's holding me back, and there's probably some deep rooted psychological reason for that. I'm a very analytical, over-thinking person (have a degree in math), and also grew up in a family with a lot of emotional problems such that "saying the wrong thing" could lead to my mom having a major emotional breakdown. I know it sounds ridiculous for me to bring "mommy issues" into it lmao but my reason for doing it is that I'm trying to give a background on my situation. I think there are particular things that make it harder for me to do this type of thing.

Anyway, what I'm looking for is:

What are quick things that I can practice saying to attractive women in public besides "hi" that will help challenge me and desensitize me to the fear of embarassment or being out of the norm?

Any ideas are appreciated but I'm mostly looking for people who have had approach anxiety or any type of social anxiety in the past and figured out a way to get past it. Thanks

Checkout the old rsd vlog archive in cyberspace. Old rsd Tyler and Julien. The newer Julien stuff is not pickup anymore but he spoke about stimuli from fear. Amplified exposure and anxiety drops off. There's a Jordan Peterson vlog in pickup at conference. He spins the same thing from a psychologist perspective. Check out the old Rooshv day bang or game. Approach 100 girls challenge. Julien blanc suggests 3x a day. Check out the old style life academy 30day challenge. Field test everything. ToddV is a source you can use too.

I find Rollo Tomassi annoying as all hell along with all married dating coaches but at least he tells dudes to approach. Read mystery method. Actually approach. No amount of mental masturbation will suffice. You must step up. Chalk you approaching as a W. STACK from then on. Longer sets, more complicated sets, mixed sets, baeee with groups of guys, baeee with mom and dad. High risk low success scenarios JUST CAUSE. You want references. Acquire COMPETENCE first and then seek tighter game.

Op, it never goes away FULKY. Why? It wasn't in your nature. It was cultivated. The sec you stop approaching, pulling, getting a throater or bathroom pulling, you revert back to chode and cuck status. It's just the norm in society. We're permeable membranes. The constant berating and man hating in the culture is soul crushing if you allow it. The default state is a fat wife and the beaten path in mainstream group think and bastard children. This is supposed to be a W in our society. The forum here is guys still wanting to play house with a *****.

The best mind hack ever since learning pickup, approach and break rapport as if you had already pounded her rotten and blew on her face. Delusional as ****kkkkk. As in, zero ****s given. Got yours.

Something you won't ever get told in pickup especially on mainstream platforms :

Spoiler

EVERY SET IS PRACTICE!

 

[Georgepithyou]

Best thing that works for me is if you go out with a wing, and make a bet for each girl
If u Approach you get $5
If not you pay him

 

[Romanemp22]

I've had bad social anxiety when it comes to talking with strangers my entire life. I don't have any anxiety around people I already know. I want to get over approach anxiety for good, and get to the point where I'm actually doing proper cold approaches, but I'm not sure about the best way to do it. As I mentioned in another thread, I'm practicing saying "hi" to women, even if they're having conversations in groups or looking the other way. I'm getting more comfortable doing this, but there is still definitely an increase in heart rate sometimes I would guess. Is this a waste of time? I'm thinking not, since it still doesn't feel completely "natural" even to say hi, I would guess it's useful for me to keep doing at a minimum, but I want to do more than this. I don't really go to bars much since the 'rona is still super common in my area. It's mostly while walking, in which case it seems very "unnatural" to say anything more than a word or two, especially if girls are talking in groups.

I think my ultimate problem is NOT fear of rejection, it's fear of humiliation for doing something deemed out of the ordinary or "socially unacceptable". This, combined with the fact that I'm not sure what to say. But I want to get over this for good and am willing to do what it takes. At this point, I don't even care about "successfully" picking up a girl off the street, I just want to face the fear and become desensitized to humiliation and embarrassment in front of hot girls. Do y'all have any ideas for how to do this, especially just walking around outside or in a store? Keep in mind I'm not really looking for attraction tips right now--I just want to get over the fear of embarrassment by exposure to repeated embarassments. I think that my desire to appear "normal" is what's holding me back, and there's probably some deep rooted psychological reason for that. I'm a very analytical, over-thinking person (have a degree in math), and also grew up in a family with a lot of emotional problems such that "saying the wrong thing" could lead to my mom having a major emotional breakdown. I know it sounds ridiculous for me to bring "mommy issues" into it lmao but my reason for doing it is that I'm trying to give a background on my situation. I think there are particular things that make it harder for me to do this type of thing.

Anyway, what I'm looking for is:

What are quick things that I can practice saying to attractive women in public besides "hi" that will help challenge me and desensitize me to the fear of embarassment or being out of the norm?

Any ideas are appreciated but I'm mostly looking for people who have had approach anxiety or any type of social anxiety in the past and figured out a way to get past it. Thanks

Practice and more practice. The more you do it, the less potential fail will affect you. I was in a similiar situation years ago, when i was maybe 18 19 i had some confidence problems. What helped me a lot was rational thinking. I thought okay if i like a girl, im gonna approach her no matter the outcome, some girls will reject me and some wouldnt and thats totally fine. And the more i did it the more i became good at it. Also, i suggest you to hit the gym if you havent already. Looking good and feeling good will have a huge impact on your confidence. And when you are about to approach, try to think less as possible. Just stop thinking, clear your mind of all thoughts and just go for it. Dont do any of that cheesy pua pick up lines. Just go by hey whats up etc and the rest will just follow through. And for that humiliaton thing, my question is why should you feel humiliated? If a girl rejects me i say oh well its her loss not mine and go on with my day feeling great about myself. Also, if you are worried about what other people near by might think, just realise that you had the balls and courage to approach that girl and most of them didnt, so you are the real winner. Good luck!

 

[Jim88]

That expectation is healthy at your stage and will make it a bit easier to relax, keep that up.

I know your exact problem, I have lived it and come out the other end unafraid to speak to anyone about almost anything. Don't downplay "mommy issues", that's probably the primary reason you have become this anxiety ridden mess and it's nothing to be ashamed of. This turned out to be THE reason I had social anxiety myself. I started small trying to push myself like you are trying now, but I ended up in a very deep rabbit hole, picking apart and scrutinizing my entire life long relationship to my mother.

I don't know what relationship you have with her today, but I'm guessing you haven't rebelled yet. A sign that you're having good progress with your social anxiety is that you'll stop taking sh!t from your mother, you'll enforce your boundaries and she'll probably be super pissed at you. This is just a heads up, I absolutely encourage you to go forward and feel free to ignore her (just for gods sake, be independent or become independent from her first).

Now that was a bit about the causes and underlying issues, you can process that whenever you want in your own time. Now, about how to practically deal with the anxiety when it occurs. Anxiety is just a feeling, sometimes it's adaptive and healthy to listen to, other times it can be maladaptive. Your case is maladaptive, you are having a fear response to something that isn't dangerous (no, your excuses are invalid). If you can know that the feeling itself won't kill you, the worst response a stranger woman can give will have about zero impact on your life and most likely you'll never see the worst case scenario ever in your life, then you can choose to disobey your emotional response.

I recommend you start clarifying for yourself what's a rational thought and what's an emotional thought, then you can choose to follow the rational. Your so-called "overthinking" are thoughts coming from your uncontrolled emotions, if you stopped to look you'll see those thoughts aren't rational. Your emotions will lag behind, it will take time and repetition before you'll stop having that response. It's worst to begin with, you'll have to ignore your mind and distrust all thoughts that might come up when you feel anxiety. Take direct control of your body, focus on physically moving yourself towards what you fear and put yourself in a position where it's worse to walk away than to introduce yourself and talk. I did this and it was a nightmare up until the point I started talking, nothing bad happened despite being a situation that's out of the ordinary or even "socially unacceptable". I took the Nike approach to this problem "just do it", don't think, just act aka. physically move yourself.

I hope you figure this out. One day you might miss the anxiety, I kinda do. You see, anxiety and excitement is kinda the same base feeling but with a different set of thoughts. Special and memorable interactions are super rare for me now, I miss the emotional high of all that anticipation and uncertainty. Maybe you should embrace your anxiety, view it as a gift instead of a curse. Head into a situation, poke around and excitingly see what comes of it. Definitely also work on the underlying issues though, sounds like you'll need a bit of an extreme makeover mental edition. I did that parallel to pushing my comfort zone and learning to tell my mother to fvck off, I was a mess for about a year, but I really needed that.

This turned into a ramble post, hope there's something of use for you. Just ask if there's something you want more details on.

Those are some of the best ideas I've heard, especially the idea about putting myself in a position where it's worse to walk away than to introduce myself. Also the ideas about the similarity between anxiety and excitement is an interesting observation as well. Thanks

Yeah I'm sure the mom stuff plays a role lol. My mom has always had serious out-of-control anger issues yet refuses to get help. I dont live with her but I live in the same town. I s'pose subconsciously (not consciously) I worry that girls are gonna flip out like my mom lmao. So it's definitely something I've got to get over.

I think the first step toward doing this is realizing that the fear of it is a problem that I have to overcome. I used to baby my ego and pretend I had no problems with talking to women, when in reality the problems only got worse. It's something I've got to address for sure.

 

[fastlife]

One day you might miss the anxiety, I kinda do. You see, anxiety and excitement is kinda the same base feeling but with a different set of thoughts. Special and memorable interactions are super rare for me now, I miss the emotional high of all that anticipation and uncertainty. Maybe you should embrace your anxiety, view it as a gift instead of a curse.

Spot on. I always tell guys that actually getting the results you want is never as exciting or rewarding as the process it takes to get those results. My first year or two learning this stuff were epic lol--eventually it becomes routine and you have to find new ways to grow, to stimulate and push yourself, etc. Of course, there were plenty of brutal nights too, but even that is something that I look back fondly on from time to time.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

After being homeless for a year I became a people person in a way I probably never would have otherwise.

Often, people just want to talk; listening is a simple solution... Dont try to find things to talk about, find something to listen to.

 

[Jim88]

Update:

I'm really bummed out now cuz I feel like I pussied out a few times today. Today I was walking down the street and some random hot college girl yelled "hi" at me out the window of her apartment like 20 feet off the ground and I was so caught off guard I just said hi back and waved and walked away but I could overhear her talking about "wanting people to come up there" or something like that. I assume she was drunk...I guess it may have been best to avoid that idk but I still felt bad about just walking away. I said "hi" to a few more girls after that but I pussied out and just walked away--granted some of them were in big loud groups of girls (as I mentioned once before I live near a party school lol). Then there were these two girls (definitely 10s) dressed VERY provocatively and walking really fast and I was gonna say something but I thought too much about it and then it was pretty much too late. I guess my biggest problem is just thinking too much without acting but it's a hard pattern of behavior to break.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I usually have at least an encounter a day in public where im getting serious sex vibes but cant resolve the situation, it happens, just move on, abundance mentality.

 

[Jim88]

I usually have at least an encounter a day in public where im getting serious sex vibes but cant resolve the situation, it happens, just move on, abundance mentality.

Yeah, I guess. I really need to just change my mentality to just start talking before thinking I guess.

 

[corrector]

Hope you succeed. I have lost my youthful energy to do these baby step approaches and it can be incredibly time consuming as you might pace around and stalk a girl before working up a nerve to say something and oftentimes hi is very weak. It feels like you are begging for friends. The other thing is what do you do if a girl takes you on a bit. You feel you lost an opportunity because you limited yourself to that baby step. There are videos were a guy just says nothing and hand his smartphone and the lady takes it and puts her contact info on it. So it feels these baby steps are too limiting.

 

[Jim88]

Anyone ever tried phenibut to decrease social anxiety? I've read it makes you lose your inhibitions like alcohol without losing any coordination or cognitive function. is it worth buying?

 

[Serenity]

Yeah I'm sure the mom stuff plays a role lol. My mom has always had serious out-of-control anger issues yet refuses to get help. I dont live with her but I live in the same town. I s'pose subconsciously (not consciously) I worry that girls are gonna flip out like my mom lmao. So it's definitely something I've got to get over.

Just to say a little bit about my mom. She's extremely manipulative and if her usual ways of making people feel like sh!t doesn't work, then she will get very emotionally abusive and threatening. It was rough as fvck to detach from that, but learning to handle that b!tch made it a walk in the park to handle whatever harmless sh!t other women try.

If you can stand strong up against your mother then you'll have solved the rest of the issue. There's probably a snowballs chance in hell that she'll ever respect your boundaries, but the point is that you learn to be unaffected by it.

I find it kinda hilarious when my mother rages at me, she can't do sh!t and yet she's trying so hard. I have exactly zero dependence on her and she has no actual leverage whatsoever. My favorite move is to refuse discussion, walk out or hang up. She has nothing if I don't react emotionally and by use of action show her that nothing she says can control me.

The most extreme it has gotten is threats of suicide, that was hard to overcome. Took a lot of mental fortification to withstand being manipulated by that, she even tried to twist it by arguing it would be my fault (for not complying with her ridiculous demands). Told her I would bear no responsibility for her actions against herself, it's not my fvcking problem or choice and I sure as fvck won't do anything I don't want to do. Some times I just said "fvck you" and hung up. If she had a spine she would be dead a million times over by her own hands, but she doesn't and it was always an empty last resort threat.

I sure hope your mother isn't that crazy, but if she is then she'll be excellent to practice growing your balls. If you come out the other end you'll be emotionally invincible towards 99.9% of women out there.

Anyone ever tried phenibut to decrease social anxiety? I've read it makes you lose your inhibitions like alcohol without losing any coordination or cognitive function. is it worth buying?

I would only ever recommend a substance if a great deal of effort into more natural alternatives don't work out, especially regarding anxiety. Who are you without your chemical aid?

If you can do it when taking a substance, be it alcohol or some medication, then why can't you do it without? It's still you doing the same things and being subjected to the same situations. The fear isn't any less with a drug, it's just chemically blocked. So if you can pop a pill and do things you'd otherwise fear then at a rational level you know the fear was false to begin with. The pill is just to dampen the negative emotion, but that will subside eventually anyways. If you take medication or alcohol you will grow a dependence on it to be the person you desire to be, but you'll be back to square one without it.

I recommend you do it the hard way to build permanent unaided confidence within yourself, you'll be a lot more proud of yourself if you do.

 

[Jim88]

Just to say a little bit about my mom. She's extremely manipulative and if her usual ways of making people feel like sh!t doesn't work, then she will get very emotionally abusive and threatening. It was rough as fvck to detach from that, but learning to handle that b!tch made it a walk in the park to handle whatever harmless sh!t other women try.

If you can stand strong up against your mother then you'll have solved the rest of the issue. There's probably a snowballs chance in hell that she'll ever respect your boundaries, but the point is that you learn to be unaffected by it.

I find it kinda hilarious when my mother rages at me, she can't do sh!t and yet she's trying so hard. I have exactly zero dependence on her and she has no actual leverage whatsoever. My favorite move is to refuse discussion, walk out or hang up. She has nothing if I don't react emotionally and by use of action show her that nothing she says can control me.

The most extreme it has gotten is threats of suicide, that was hard to overcome. Took a lot of mental fortification to withstand being manipulated by that, she even tried to twist it by arguing it would be my fault (for not complying with her ridiculous demands). Told her I would bear no responsibility for her actions against herself, it's not my fvcking problem or choice and I sure as fvck won't do anything I don't want to do. Some times I just said "fvck you" and hung up. If she had a spine she would be dead a million times over by her own hands, but she doesn't and it was always an empty last resort threat.

I sure hope your mother isn't that crazy, but if she is then she'll be excellent to practice growing your balls. If you come out the other end you'll be emotionally invincible towards 99.9% of women out there.


I would only ever recommend a substance if a great deal of effort into more natural alternatives don't work out, especially regarding anxiety. Who are you without your chemical aid?

If you can do it when taking a substance, be it alcohol or some medication, then why can't you do it without? It's still you doing the same things and being subjected to the same situations. The fear isn't any less with a drug, it's just chemically blocked. So if you can pop a pill and do things you'd otherwise fear then at a rational level you know the fear was false to begin with. The pill is just to dampen the negative emotion, but that will subside eventually anyways. If you take medication or alcohol you will grow a dependence on it to be the person you desire to be, but you'll be back to square one without it.

I recommend you do it the hard way to build permanent unaided confidence within yourself, you'll be a lot more proud of yourself if you do.

Hey I really appreciate that advice. Thanks for the encouragement buddy. I don't know if my mom is quite as crazy as yours or not but she's damn close. She is also extremely manipulative and emotionally abusive and tries to intentionally say things to hurt feelings. She's also kicked/kneed my dad in the balls really hard which I witnessed as a kid and says stuff like "God damn u 2 hell" and stuff like that. My dad is like the stereotype of the ultimate beta male simp who does like 8 hours of chores a day for her, it'd be laughable if it wasn't so sad. So ya I know what ur talking about. I have told her to fvck off before and that I have no respect for her. At the same time I recognize she has an illness and can't help alot of that stuff so I don't hate her.

Anyway yeah I just need to stop giving a fvck and start talking to more girls without even thinking. I know I'll eventually overcome the overthinking. Everything I've ever set my mind to I've done well at but sometimes it takes me forever to get stuff going well. I'm just tryna take life less seriously and develop the right attitude.

And I agree that drugs/alcohol aren't a good solution. It was more an idea about just getting into the right mindset

 

[Serenity]

@Jim88 you sound very much like me a few years ago. Don't allow yourself excuses and don't give up on what you're trying to achieve, I think you'll get this sorted out just fine.

My mother is clearly also mentally ill, not much I can do about it (I have tried a lot). That's no excuse though, but I don't go harder on her than I have to for self-preservation.