getting out of the friend zone

[mikeraw]

I've been stuck in the friend zone with this girl for a while... she started going out with this guy like 2 months ago and i got desperate... like sensing that i would lose her forever... damn, desperation sucks... anyways... this girl and i hang out all the time, i sleep over her house in the same bed and she sleeps in my bed all the time... so i was debating whether to make a move on her or just declare my feelings for her and seeing what happened... well stupid me declared my feelings and like a moron got the "i-consider-you-a-good-friend" thing... i was still gonna go for it later on, but whatever, neither of us got drunk...

we still hung out after that... same old situation... now, 4 weeks after i told her how i felt, she broke up with her BF.... ****en A, if i'd only waited, huh?

anyways, what do you guys think? assuming this break up is for good (which i think cuz her friend told me), should i go for it? the girl herself hasnt told me about the break up, but i found out about it thru her friend...

the worst part is that i consider myself pretty good with the ladies, it's just that when i really care about a girl i totally freeze... sucks huh?


should i just go for it one of these days? do i have a chance or not?

 

[insomniac]

If she's broken up with the ex, then likely she has some other guy lined up...and from what it sounds like, it isn't you. You're a "good friend".

Another thing...it isn't the declaring your feelings for her that makes her LJBF you. She's already decided that. It's just that when you tell her, she has to reveal to you what she's thinks.

If you want to find out, just ask her to hang out in a context that isn't just friends. Or next time you're in bed, make a move and see what happens. That'll tell you for certain. Very simple actually, and nothing to lose.

 

[solace]

Originally posted by insomniac
If she's broken up with the ex, then likely she has some other guy lined up...and from what it sounds like, it isn't you. You're a "good friend".

Another thing...it isn't the declaring your feelings for her that makes her LJBF you. She's already decided that. It's just that when you tell her, she has to reveal to you what she's thinks.

If you want to find out, just ask her to hang out in a context that isn't just friends. Or next time you're in bed, make a move and see what happens. That'll tell you for certain. Very simple actually, and nothing to lose.

I am with you on this.

It sounds like you guys are really good friends and won't much else happen. You can try again once you two are in bed but she may be hesitant to jump back in bed with you after you try for the second time.


Personally, if I were in your situation, I would not, at least consciously,make any more advances. She knows where you stand and if she
ever develops different feelings about you which is non-LJBF zone, things will just happen without much effort from you. It would just seem to come out of nowhere as in one minute you two are just laying down talking and the next minute you two are somehow locking lips. It kind of happens like it does in the movies, really.

I used to hate when one of my ex's "friends" used to brush me off by saying "oh you are so cute" whenever I gave her a comment when we were LJBFs. A while after she called off the wedding to her fiance (after banging someone else besides me and her fiance'), we hung out for a movie and when I dropped her off, I just hugged her like I often did when we said goodnight but somehow we started kissing after coming out of the hug.


There was also another time when I had a friend in college who I wanted. She would come over to talk and watch TV after classes but she didn't want me. One time when she laid back on the couch to watch TV as she did many times before, I just laid on top of her with my head laying right between her breasts. She gave me a funny look and asked me "if I weas comfortable?" in a sarcastic voice. I said "yeah" and we continued to watch tv. I eventually eased into some sex over a few months by continuing to pull stunts like this and pushing the envelope. First I could only kiss, then I could only kiss and suck breasts, then I could only kiss, suck breasts, and finger and so on.

In any event, I never confessed feelings. I just went with a flow that just seem to happen. I am sure many guys who had somehow escaped the LJBF zone will find these scenarios familiar.

 

[mikeraw]

Oh well... i'm hoping to develop this into your situation, solace, it;s happened to me before, but damn, like i mentioned before, when there are feelings involved, everything just gets much more complicated...

it's actually embarrasing to write about this, but **** it, we all go thru this whether we admit it or not... anyways, after i posted my original post, she called to tell me about the breakup, but i was on my way to watch the heat game, so i guess we'll hang out tomorrow... and of course i'll sleep over, the thing is making the move...

the most frustrating thing is that i've been described by some girls as the perfect husband and all that ****... i'm an engineer, a pianist, cultured, good-looking, i guess, to a certain extent, but when i put effort into getting a chick, it seems that all those things work against me...

oh well...

 

[Johnnie5]

its a hard one when you have a strong feeling for someone

heres my thoughts

you need to back off and start making a life for yourself , dating other people and making yourself 'unavailable' for her at times

the other thing , sleeping in the same bed , well unless there is action going on then she can go sleep on the fvcking couch or go home ,

This would be my game plan next time you stay at her place , when in the bed lots of rubbing and stroking back , shoulders , face , legs , thighs etc , take a lot of time so that she gets really hot , if in the end she wont play the game then get up and go sleep on the couch or GO HOME , when she asks why explain well i dont go to bed with women just to sleep , and if she is at your place then even better send her home call a cab if need be , and explain look i told you how i feel , if you dont want a part of me then we shouldnt be sleeping in the same bed together

 

[biker_gixxer]

O.k., here we go...

I've been stuck in the friend zone with this girl for a while...

Chances are, you will stay there. Girls will group you into one of two categories. A 'friend' or a guy they would 'fuk'. Guess which one is very difficult, damn near impossible to get away from.

i got desperate... like sensing that i would lose her forever... damn, desperation sucks

This will keep you in the friend zone for sure. Desperation is the quickest way to turn a girl off. Girls want a strong and confident man.

well stupid me declared my feelings and like a moron got the "i-consider-you-a-good-friend" thing...

Well, this shouldn't of been to much of a shocker.


4 weeks after i told her how i felt, she broke up with her BF.... ****en A, if i'd only waited, huh?

No, waiting wouldn't of changed anything.


what do you guys think? assuming this break up is for good (which i think cuz her friend told me), should i go for it?

Go for what, more dissapointment? She didn't give you the time of day before, don't think it will happen now.


the girl herself hasnt told me about the break up, but i found out about it thru her friend...

Learn to 'take a hint' or 'read between the lines'. There is a reason she didn't tell you, I promise. If she WAS interested in you in that way, you would of been the FIRST one to know about the break up...HINT HINT!!


should i just go for it one of these days? do i have a chance or not?

You know the answer to this one...

 

[WestCoaster]

Don't buy the "friends" B.S.

Take it from a guy who has been in that zone too many times. Once you get in there, it's near-impossible to get out.

Most women compartmentalize things. They cannot think abstractly in that a friend could eventually be a lover. They think in black and white. I have had women as just friends and after a few months I think, "Hmm, she'd be a fun roll in the hay." Women don't think like that, they think, "He's just a friend" and then gravitate to the nearest guy who will treat them like absolute sh-t, marry that guy, b-tch about that guy, divorce that guy and repeat that cycle two or three more times, all the while wishing they had "married their best friend."

Couple things: Hollywood continues to tell men and women lies. They have movies where women marry their best friends and so forth. Rarely, if ever happens.

Second commericalization B.S.: Dating service ads like E-take your money. They have these couples who have known each other six months saying they married their best friend. No you didn't. One or both of you got marriageitis or oneitis, were desparate, clicked on E-take your money harmony, and rushed to the alter. Friendships take years to build.

When women say "I just want to be friends" don't buy it because they don't. My guy friends are going to come over and watch some college football this weekend, we'll pound some brews, eat some pizza, talk about sports, music, and women (in that order) and have fun. How many women do that?!

The "let's just be friends" is a tired, old term that says "I'm not interested in you romantically." Women need to get a new line ... I prefer the blunt approach as opposed to the "guess what I'm telling you" one.

* There's only one sure-fire way to get out of the friend zone: Be seen with another (preferably) hot woman by the "friend" woman. That sets them off in two seconds and they go scrambling to get you back. Has happened to me twice ... it's like clockwork, you can set your watch to it.

 

[Lesterchester]

its not to late

Well, I'm in a similar sitiuation right now. Me and this girl have been hanging out in the friend zone but there is a lot of chemistry between us. I'm like you in that when it's someone I really care about I freeze up and become not so smooth. She is very reserved and shy on her own which makes getting things started really difficult.
Your pretty lucky, my guess is this girl does like you, or else she would'nt share the same bed with you. That was your only mistake, there is only one reason a girl would ever wana share a bed with a guy and thats intimacy!!! I'm just a little concerned that she was laying around with you while dating another guy. Better watch out for this one. But if you want her you can have her and I think you know this. Your desperate because you know this and you will hate yourself for letting this one slip by. Good luck

 

[Metro3pilot]

I agree I had a lady try and put me in LBFZ I just said hey thats cool
as luck would have it we went to the store and some chick was staring at me ..... she changed her tune within a day she was calling and wanting to move ahead ....when she does come back you cant go soft on her

 

[mikeraw]

I agree with all you... biker gixxer dude has it right deconstructing my thoughts like that, and ****en a, dont i know them... but still, i think i'm gonna have to fall on my face a few more times til i get the message... heheheh

anyways, guys always try to justify things, so i was thinking that the reason she didnt tell me first about her breakup is cuz i'm not one of the girls... to tell you the truth i would've been pissed if i'd been the first one she told about it... i wouldnt want that level of comfort on me...

oh, well, gonna go take a nap to recharge my batteries for tonite... 2 hrs shoud do it, and then it's to The Bar. that bar is walking distance from her house and in a nice neighborhood... like, pretty buildings and stuff... that's where i'll make my move... any comments?

 

[Metro3pilot]

mike go to the bar and pick up women then she wont be stuck in your head

 

[WestCoaster]

Learn the art of "parading"

I coined the term "parading" after using this method on a gal. What it means is "parading" another gal past one to either get back at her, show her what she's missing, trigger her back to you, or just plain revenge. I think my purposes were all of those.

I saw this gal I had a short fling with in a bar ... I was still (stupidly) interested in her. I came up to her as she was talking to this loser and she blew me off.

P-ssed off, I asked this gorgeous European gal I barely knew (who was dating a friend of mine) if she'd be the "parader." She said, "Great fun!" and knew exactly what this was about.

Sure enough, after work I knew where the other broad would be hanging out. Went for a drink with the European gal, paraded her right by the other gal. The other gal must have got up to go to the bathroom like five times looking at me each time in wonderment. First thing next morning she calls my office ... I let my co-worker pick it up and tell her I'm not there. Her IL increased significantly.

It works el perfecto with friendship zone chicks because they have this stupid assumption that the man "friend" can't get any women. As soon as they see the man "friend" with another hottie ... watch the sparks fly.

It has about a 99.9 percent success rate.

Even if you don't get the FZ chick, you've gotten some sweet revenge.

 

[Metro3pilot]

believe what west coaster says ...

I had a chick flake on me saturday ....called her tonight and asked " what should I do about this girl " < laughing > she said bring her a single rose when you go ask her out that would be so sweet " yeah and the last time I talked to her < laughing > and then told me you should come over and you're welcome to come over anytime


I will use this on the one I really want now
< laughing >

 

[VinnyPants]

look man i have a lot of friends that are girls and they are all hot im not tryin to say im a pimp or playa or anything like that. wut i would do if i were u is since u have a friend relationship with this girl its easy for you to take her out. so wut u have to do is plan a date to impress never go in without a plan. go out and do something that just is so out of charecter like a play, opera, something where you two are very dressed up. try not to drink too much and at the end of the the night dont talk just kiss her. dont discuss anything just kiss her. somewhere along the line she figured out that you were not the alpha and thats bad. u need to take control of this relationship she needs to see that ur no chump. i hope everything works out

 

[WestCoaster]

One armed is correct

Great line: If it's not fun, why do it?

Plus, there's some serious "oneitis" going on here. This gal is probably no better than others, you just have to meet others.

But if you absolutely must try to get out of the FZ, find another hottie and make sure you're seen by the "friend" gal.

There are only two ways to get out of the FZ:

1. Pull back and ignore the friend for awhile and get a life of your own.

2. Be seen with other hotties ... and make sure you're dating other hotties.

No other ways, sorry.

Often it's not worth the effort.