I'm decent looking in a decent shape (yeah not 5% but I have other points to balance that out), with a great job and a cool side career, traveling quite a lot and I'm an interesting person. No I'm not 6" and I shave my head but there's nothing I can do about my height or my hair loss.
This tells me that you're not in the 85th-90th percentile + of men. Mating has gotten more competitive.
You're probably a slightly above average guy in general, possibly near the top end of the middle of the bell curve.
It's good that you are an interesting person. You likely have average or better social skills. Many men lack that and you should be proud of what you have there. However, personality matters less than looks and money in the earliest stages of an interaction. Women might be flaking before they get to know your personality. Looks, money, status, and personality are all important in both initial attraction and in retaining relationships. I tend to think that looks and money matter the most at all phases of the interaction. When women flake on you, the flaking is happening more because your looks and money aren't perceived as good enough for her.
It's good that you are in decent shape. It's good that your BMI likely doesn't put you in the overweight range. Do you go to a gym? Is your physique better than 85-90% of the other men in your gym? In interactions with strangers, women tend to seek out that top 10-15% of men.
A solid net income alone isn't enough to impress a lot of bougie White Millennial women. In 2023-2024, we had thread about men making above average provider incomes having difficulties with attraction/seduction (see below). The salary range discussed here in that thread was $75,000 - $125,000, but I think it could be extended up to $149,999.
Men in this category, $75k-$125k salary, relatively in shape, drive a good car, has a few hobbies, women do not want. Why? Because this man has standards. Women do not want to work for their men. Women of today want a simp or a millionaire. Simple as that. This is what society aka social media...
www.sosuave.net
There are plenty of provider type single guys in their 30s/early 40s making $90,000 - $149,999 in larger USA cities that are struggling to date conventionally.
In the USA market, let's think about who is typically a 30s-40s guy making $90,000 - $149,999. It's typically a White male with a bachelor's degree + who is most interested in dating White females with a bachelor's degree +.
These White females in his age range with bachelor's degrees + and who are childless hare often making good enough salaries to support themselves and the guy with the $110,000 annual salary isn't anything special. Because an above average but not exceptional male salary isn't that important to the bougie, childless White woman, she can focus on chasing the 85th-90th percentile guy in looks who also gives her "all the feels". White women under 30 also aren't going to be impressed with the $90,000 - $149,999 earning guy to go chase a bigger age difference (7-15 years).
Your best bet going forward will likely be meeting people through your existing connections. You are 39 and I hope you've been in the same city for a while and know a good number of people in that city. A social circle can help you get access to women that wouldn't have given you a chance as a random stranger approaching, swiping, or DMing them. What you offer is likely good enough based on the recommendations of common acquaintances/friends.
Social circle interactions are better options in the shorter to medium to for finding a girlfriend. If you're looking for an extended relationship (1-5 years or more), your best bet for getting that with the least amount of grief and frustration is through a social circle. You won't have to do as many approaches in either non-bar venues or nightlife venues or take as many rejections. You won't have a miserable time on swipe apps.
