I read a lot of posts on these boards about “turning on confidence/DJ mode”, guys using music to pump them up and generally getting fired up to go into the field. The way some of you talk, it’s like you are preparing for a fight!
You don’t need to fire yourself up before a nice meal, before a holiday, before watching a good movie or any other enjoyable experience. And the point is, talking to women should be just that: an enjoyable experience.
Firstly, let’s get it clear - you can’t turn on confidence or DJ mode like a switch. Secondly, you should not be fired up when you talk to women; you should be calm and relaxed, able to act naturally and put them at ease. You're going to freak people out if you go approaching them pumped full of adrenalin, not to mention how rushed, shaky and awkward you must feel when you start talking. If you approach a woman in this state she’s going to know you’re intimidated by her and before you can finish your sentence she's on a pedestal!
You shouldn't force yourself to approach women; you should do it because you want to and for the enjoyment of meeting them. Talking to guys or unattractive women is easy enough for most of us because we don’t crave anything from them and they have no power over us. Why is a hot woman any different? It’s because of the importance you place on approaching her and getting results. All this pressure to approach, get results and conquer your fears is like the sword of Damocles hanging over your head, preventing you from relaxing and enjoying the moment. There’s something positive to be said of confronting your fears, but rushing in all fired up and unprepared is sure to lead to bad experiences that will actually increase your sense of failure and your fear. Either that or you’re going to get so intense you’ll just psyche yourself out. Stop focusing on results and get that "I MUST approach" idea out of your head. People can always tell when you're trying too hard.
There's no pressure for you to do anything so chill out and enjoy yourself. When you feel calm and comfortable in your environment with no pressure to perform or get results, conversation with strangers is easy and natural. Learn to chat without motives and plan to walk away without closing, and start to realise there is no pressure on you at all!
If a woman is interested, you will know it, she will make it easy for you and you will feel comfortable making the most of it. It doesn't need to be as hard as many of you make it.
You don’t need to fire yourself up before a nice meal, before a holiday, before watching a good movie or any other enjoyable experience. And the point is, talking to women should be just that: an enjoyable experience.
Firstly, let’s get it clear - you can’t turn on confidence or DJ mode like a switch. Secondly, you should not be fired up when you talk to women; you should be calm and relaxed, able to act naturally and put them at ease. You're going to freak people out if you go approaching them pumped full of adrenalin, not to mention how rushed, shaky and awkward you must feel when you start talking. If you approach a woman in this state she’s going to know you’re intimidated by her and before you can finish your sentence she's on a pedestal!
You shouldn't force yourself to approach women; you should do it because you want to and for the enjoyment of meeting them. Talking to guys or unattractive women is easy enough for most of us because we don’t crave anything from them and they have no power over us. Why is a hot woman any different? It’s because of the importance you place on approaching her and getting results. All this pressure to approach, get results and conquer your fears is like the sword of Damocles hanging over your head, preventing you from relaxing and enjoying the moment. There’s something positive to be said of confronting your fears, but rushing in all fired up and unprepared is sure to lead to bad experiences that will actually increase your sense of failure and your fear. Either that or you’re going to get so intense you’ll just psyche yourself out. Stop focusing on results and get that "I MUST approach" idea out of your head. People can always tell when you're trying too hard.
There's no pressure for you to do anything so chill out and enjoy yourself. When you feel calm and comfortable in your environment with no pressure to perform or get results, conversation with strangers is easy and natural. Learn to chat without motives and plan to walk away without closing, and start to realise there is no pressure on you at all!
If a woman is interested, you will know it, she will make it easy for you and you will feel comfortable making the most of it. It doesn't need to be as hard as many of you make it.
