Getting back with an Ex - What I know and need some 3rd perspective

[William Vass]

I broke up with my ex about 3 years ago, we went out for 1 year and had a great LTR but she became clingy near the end and I broke it off to focus on my business...
We continued to go back out, break up, go back out etc.... but now that I've dated other women I've really found that I don't have that deep of a connetion with anyone else compared to what I had with her. (yea yea one-itis)

The problem now is that she's with another guy.. but constantly tells me they aren't "really" going out and that she still has feelings for me but she loves him... (we've kept in close touch ever since we broke up)

For the last couple months I've been going out to dinner with her, giving her advice on a business she's trying to run... but I obviously want to be with her but she's content with being with this other guy while she's able to have me around and not lose me, constantly saying she can see us being together in the future and messed up stuff like that to keep me on a string.

I'm not a girlfriend stealer.. but I believe that if things are meant to be she will pick who she's happiest with.
She's been bothering me to hang out again for dinner and to chill.. but I finally put my foot down and just said "I don't think it's a good idea we hang out one on one for a while, but hopefully we can stay friends in the future"

she got upset and said she was expecting it though...

so what should I do now? I am pretty much going to just try and keep looking for the next new girl (already have another plate spinning but haven't really given her that much of a chance because I am still into my ex) and not even reply to any future text this ex sends me to show her it's not just a bluff...

We have a large group event coming up that she'll be at, I am going to go to that and just show up, be fun, not ignore her but not show her too much attention... and basically wait to see if she makes changes in her life or with that guy... while still trying to let other women in my life...

suggestions? advice?

I want the "possibility" of us getting together in the future to still be there..she says she still has feelings for me.. but if a better girl comes along while she's still with this other guy I won't pass that up...

should I go out to dinner with her in the future (like a month), or invite her out to really fun events with my group, but totally show no interest in her beyond a friend (to show that I don't accept the fact she has a bf ) is this the time to lay back and let her make a decision because she knows I'm interested.. but not when she's with another dude... and just demonstrate my higher value and fun self.. basically what she's missing out on .

 

[horaholic]

I think you should tell her to call you when she's single, and MAYBE, you'll still be available. Dont let her tease you with possibilities. Right now, she gets to have her cake, and eat it too. Why would she change that? Give her some fear of loss, and take yourself away.

I dont quite understand the "we're not really going out, but she loves him." Hopefully, if you get back with her, she wont be going out to dinner with her ex's. Think about that one.

 

[Dannyrt34]

so what should I do now? I am pretty much going to just try and keep looking for the next new girl (already have another plate spinning but haven't really given her that much of a chance because I am still into my ex) and not even reply to any future text this ex sends me to show her it's not just a bluff...

Maybe this is why you say you can't find the same connection you had with any of these new girls you're dating. You really need to move on and give yourself a chance to make that connection again.

I never like staying friends with an ex. Because this is what happens, you never move on, and meanwhile your wasting opportunities to be with somebody else.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

Im actually in the exact same situation, except the fact that my ex doesnt have a new bf... We broke up but kept in touch, and started hangin/messin around a bit, and ill admit too im still into her. Anyway, same situation happened and it was mutually agreed to stop messin/hanging for a while....she said she has feelings for me n sh*t, always loves me yada yada, but doesnt like that we mess around but arent together....yet she never stopped me when escalating and actually escalated herself quite a bit lol....interesting.


So anyway we both kno were still interested in one another but again it was said we shouldnt chill together for a while and maybe we can be friends for later, not lookin for anything serious. She said she needed to "figure sh*t out" and i was like thats too bad. basically wat ive done is gone gangi wit her, and im workin on myself playin the field while she does this.

Thats my situation...seems to be f*ckin wit her, shes upset by my non contact, saying that "she feels somethings missing" (me ) - which her bisexual guy friend keeps telling me, fillin me in for no reason lol.....hes even hit on me before too lol

weird huh...anyway maybe we can learn from each other.

~WA

 

[vitor]

Give her the gift of missing you is a famous here. You have burned no bridges and if she wants you back she knows you will be there. That is a good thing and a problem. The problem is she knows if she says come back to me I will you will, no challange nothing, you are just too damn easy. Now what you should do is let her contact you and do not go out with her. Meet other girls try to forget about her, and if something good happens great if not, move on..

 

[WC2]

Maybe this is why you say you can't find the same connection you had with any of these new girls you're dating. You really need to move on and give yourself a chance to make that connection again.

I never like staying friends with an ex. Because this is what happens, you never move on, and meanwhile your wasting opportunities to be with somebody else.

^^^^

In my experience (and yes I've had experiences almost EXACTLY like this one) this kind of situation always leaves the man feeling empty in the end. Especially if you're admitting you still have feelings invested in this girl.

Why? Because I can just tell that you were just like me a few years ago when I broke up with my ex. I was in search for something new, but as soon as she found something new I was all up on it again.

Another thing to note is that women are good at 'using' us for different things. She may be using her current man for sex and you for emotional support or vice versa. As long as they are occupied in both categories, they see no reason to leave their current situation.

In this case it seems to me like she's using you for emotional support, in which the other dude is getting the sex.

Even if you do play 'ganji games' or whatever it is you kids call it, it won't make a bit of difference in the long run. She knows that she can obtain you whenever she likes now. Even if you were to ignore her for a year and let her back in, she'll still realize that you LET her back in. And the cycle will just start again.

It's tough, but you need to cut her off and start a new successful relationship up. It's well worth it.

 

[Walking Anomaly]

point taken...like i said yea im still interested, doesnt mean ill act on it. I want to go out n play the field more, im 23 and want to get out there lol. Was simply sympathizing with the guy lettin him kno hes not alone.

And i wouldnt say the girl "knows" she can obtain Vass or I whenever. When that opportunity comes if he plays the "move on" card showing he doesnt need her, and she comes back into his life - its a choice he'll have to make whether or not hes willing to go down that road again. And if he does let her back in, thats just it, he LET her in, it was his choice and she'll be glad he did im sure, unless shes an evil kniving manipulate lady lol.

Some think its worth it, others dont.

I think it stems from the idea that people think they wont find anyone else or anything better, but you will. Obviously if he does find a better girl in the meantime im sure he'll choose not to go the romantic road with his ex.

But i think not staying friends wit ex's jus because theyre ur ex is extreme. Ex's as friends can be a good social tool - meet her friends, get to kno them and have them aid you further in even more social circles, or even to boost your career or something along those lines. Theres no reason not to stay in touch jus because you were once intimate and arent anymore.

thats me... WA

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Move on... Forget about the ex.

 

[Julian]

She sounds like a trick ass ho thinks she can have her cake an eat it too. fukk this **** brah. you moved on 3 yrs ago why you even speaking to this girl??

You should have new girls by now...better ones.