This applies to new guys, shy guys, and guys who still have 'approach anxiety' (they feel anxious when approaching women, often avoiding women all together).
I've met a lot of guys who have been actively working on attracting women for a while and are still very anxious when approaching women.
This usually stems from a FEAR of REJECTION (letting a rejection affect you personally) or PERFECTIONISM (feeling the need to always have the 'right thing to say' or and over-thinking while out)...
(It's OK to sometimes just kick back and chill when you're out having fun, and not approach women, BUT if you see a woman you like and feel 'approach anxiety' then there's a problem. Also, sometimes depending on your mood you may still feel some approach anxiety every now and then)
So to get good you need to get out of your head...
Stop fearing rejection and stop seeking perfect approaches...
GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!
When you're in field thinking too much ruins your game...
You ultimately want things to just VIBE and FLOW.
A guy who naturally attracts women doesn't think so much when he's out hitting on women.
He may have a few stories or lines he regularly uses, but most of the interaction becomes improvisational.
The only thing he thinks about is getting the woman into bed, or getting a kiss...in a positive, fun way, not in a catastrophic way like shy guys do.
That's how to truly be natural.
It's OK to brain storm, plot, plan or whatever when you're at home. You can even have a few lines to use if it helps you not think so much.
But when you're in field you should try to merely 1) get in a good mood and 2) think about how to have more fun.
If you're shy or have approach anxiety it's most likely that you have Automatic Negative Thoughts (or ANTs).
ANTs are untrue thoughts that occur quickly and are so deeply ingrained in our beliefs. They can form into an emotional or behavioral response (ie: blushing, stuttering, assuming that a girl will give you a 'bad reaction' or 'not having anything to say')
For guys who are shy, in a social situation one's mind works uncontrollably and usually negatively.
Ultimately we try to AVOID situations because of these 'faulty', negative thoughts.
You have to combat any negative thinking like ANTs by asking yourself is this really rational thinking or am I just catastrophizing a normal situation.
For instance when you're at a bar and see a girl you like and have a thought pop up like:
"If I talk to her she will give me a bad reaction. She probably wants to be left alone. I don't have enough to offer her... I'm worthless" etc
You have to quickly counter that with a rational statement like:
"People go to bars to interact socially and have fun. If she has a problem with me then who the **** gives a ****. If she has a bad attitude, that's her problem There are plenty of women out there" [smiling
]
Do this with ANTs thoughts throughout the day and especially when you're actively approaching women.
The goal is to think more rationally and say stuff to yourself like, "Women like meeting me. I'm interesting and fun, if they do have a problem I won't let it get me down. I'm here to have a good time."
Remember not everyone is going to like you... The more you approach women the more you will realize this. It's completely OK to get bad reactions and you will definitely get them if you take attracting women seriously.
There are a million reasons why women react poorly, often it doesn't involve YOU, but is HER problem. ie. She could just be in a bad mood, she could have low self esteem, she could have just broken up with an ******* boyfriend, she only likes guys with 5 tattoos or more and a bunch of piercings, she could have just been rejected so feels ****ty, she could even have anxiety herself!....
I still get some bad reactions from women. Sometimes it affects me emotionally a little, but I will counter it immediately by reminding myself that I already have plenty of women in my life and think of all my success.
Even the other night I met a girl who first reacted to me negatively. I tried to talk to her and she just turned around with a scowl on her face. Later I opened her friend and she started talking to me and getting my number... I even reminded her that she 'rejected' me earlier and she completely denied it!!
After countering your negative thoughts, you want to shift your perspective to be more positive.
Thinking positively makes you 'dumb down' your mind and not think incessantly and negatively.
Some of the BEST guys with women I've seen have the most positive outlook towards life and don't think much about picking up a girl...
To them NOTHING can change their positive attitude... let alone a bad reaction from a woman
If they get bad reactions from a woman they merely are unaffected, then either move on to another woman or just keep talking until they win that girl over.
They just go for the girl...
They don't fear failure at all.
They don't over-think about what could go wrong.
They're like the pick up energizer bunny...They keep going and going...
So in the end you want to apply a positive mindset towards life and women and it will ultimately lead to success.
It will also make you shut off your mind and any automatic negative thoughts
I've met a lot of guys who have been actively working on attracting women for a while and are still very anxious when approaching women.
This usually stems from a FEAR of REJECTION (letting a rejection affect you personally) or PERFECTIONISM (feeling the need to always have the 'right thing to say' or and over-thinking while out)...
(It's OK to sometimes just kick back and chill when you're out having fun, and not approach women, BUT if you see a woman you like and feel 'approach anxiety' then there's a problem. Also, sometimes depending on your mood you may still feel some approach anxiety every now and then)
So to get good you need to get out of your head...
Stop fearing rejection and stop seeking perfect approaches...
GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD!
When you're in field thinking too much ruins your game...
You ultimately want things to just VIBE and FLOW.
A guy who naturally attracts women doesn't think so much when he's out hitting on women.
He may have a few stories or lines he regularly uses, but most of the interaction becomes improvisational.
The only thing he thinks about is getting the woman into bed, or getting a kiss...in a positive, fun way, not in a catastrophic way like shy guys do.
That's how to truly be natural.
It's OK to brain storm, plot, plan or whatever when you're at home. You can even have a few lines to use if it helps you not think so much.
But when you're in field you should try to merely 1) get in a good mood and 2) think about how to have more fun.
If you're shy or have approach anxiety it's most likely that you have Automatic Negative Thoughts (or ANTs).
ANTs are untrue thoughts that occur quickly and are so deeply ingrained in our beliefs. They can form into an emotional or behavioral response (ie: blushing, stuttering, assuming that a girl will give you a 'bad reaction' or 'not having anything to say')
For guys who are shy, in a social situation one's mind works uncontrollably and usually negatively.
Ultimately we try to AVOID situations because of these 'faulty', negative thoughts.
You have to combat any negative thinking like ANTs by asking yourself is this really rational thinking or am I just catastrophizing a normal situation.
For instance when you're at a bar and see a girl you like and have a thought pop up like:
"If I talk to her she will give me a bad reaction. She probably wants to be left alone. I don't have enough to offer her... I'm worthless" etc
You have to quickly counter that with a rational statement like:
"People go to bars to interact socially and have fun. If she has a problem with me then who the **** gives a ****. If she has a bad attitude, that's her problem There are plenty of women out there" [smiling
]Do this with ANTs thoughts throughout the day and especially when you're actively approaching women.
The goal is to think more rationally and say stuff to yourself like, "Women like meeting me. I'm interesting and fun, if they do have a problem I won't let it get me down. I'm here to have a good time."
Remember not everyone is going to like you... The more you approach women the more you will realize this. It's completely OK to get bad reactions and you will definitely get them if you take attracting women seriously.
There are a million reasons why women react poorly, often it doesn't involve YOU, but is HER problem. ie. She could just be in a bad mood, she could have low self esteem, she could have just broken up with an ******* boyfriend, she only likes guys with 5 tattoos or more and a bunch of piercings, she could have just been rejected so feels ****ty, she could even have anxiety herself!....
I still get some bad reactions from women. Sometimes it affects me emotionally a little, but I will counter it immediately by reminding myself that I already have plenty of women in my life and think of all my success.
Even the other night I met a girl who first reacted to me negatively. I tried to talk to her and she just turned around with a scowl on her face. Later I opened her friend and she started talking to me and getting my number... I even reminded her that she 'rejected' me earlier and she completely denied it!!
After countering your negative thoughts, you want to shift your perspective to be more positive.
Thinking positively makes you 'dumb down' your mind and not think incessantly and negatively.
Some of the BEST guys with women I've seen have the most positive outlook towards life and don't think much about picking up a girl...
To them NOTHING can change their positive attitude... let alone a bad reaction from a woman
If they get bad reactions from a woman they merely are unaffected, then either move on to another woman or just keep talking until they win that girl over.
They just go for the girl...
They don't fear failure at all.
They don't over-think about what could go wrong.
They're like the pick up energizer bunny...They keep going and going...
So in the end you want to apply a positive mindset towards life and women and it will ultimately lead to success.
It will also make you shut off your mind and any automatic negative thoughts
