Captain said:
Every failure will just make you stronger. Don't ever quit. Just keep on trying. You'll get there one day.
Aye, Captain.
This is one of those pure gold posts that unfortunately will be glossed over by many because it "seems" so obvious. The fact is that it encapsulates the formula for success in any and every endeavor.
I have learned in life that I truly succeed when I think in terms of "failing" my way to the top. For some reason, as we grow up, we get this deeply embedded belief that we should be good at anything we try right off the bat, and if we falter, we are failures. I'm still trying to figure out the mechanism or social dynamic that causes this belief.
It's like the much over-used, but necessary here, story of a baby learning to walk. He falls down again and again as he struggles to stay up on those wobbly legs. Time after time, for months, he falls, and yet there is no emotional upset visible. He takes it completely in stride, with an inner, abstract "knowing" that he will one day walk. It is simply a matter of doing it enough times. He does not read about it and analyze it. He just does it and fails again and again until everything clicks and he is walking.
I'm currently putting this into practice in two arenas: Golf and relationships. When it comes to golf, my short game comes naturally to me and I get better and better as I get closer to the pin. But I haven't been able to drive the ball off the tee if my life depended on it.
For the past 2 and a half years I have been trying to drive the ball, and have been barely able to move it beyond 30 yards. Pathetic! But I have never given up. I've always known that someday it will click, and I will be able to compete. Yesterday it all came together for me and I was able to drive the ball well on several holes, and I made it over a water hazard that had always defeated me before. To see that ball fly up into the air and arc over the lake to the other side was a thrill beyond compare, after 2 1/2 years of failing to make it.
The key? emotional detachment, just like the baby walking. An inner "knowing" that if you fail enough times, you will calibrate and eventually acheive success.
My second challenge is with women. I am sending off some kind of vibe that cause them to not like me, or if they do, to be completely asexual. This has caused me great sadness in my life, because I have never been able to figure out my problem. It has always seemed, and I stress
seemed, to be some kind of cosmic law that all women hate me. I do understand that the problem is me, not them.
Regardless, I am forcing myself to become more social, to talk with both men and women wherever I go, and most importantly, to
care about the other person in my conversations. I will fail again and again as I learn the ropes, but I can now maintain that inner "knowing" that I will one day start to get it right. Am I letting my age stop me? Nope. Am I letting the fact that for decades I have felt completely and utterly incapable of being attractive to women to stop me? No. I am emotionally detaching and getting out there and doing. I have read enough theory; I have enough knowledge. Now I need to do and to calibrate as I fail my way to success.
The danger of speaking in these terms is that some folks with less life experience will frown on the term, "failing". It is used strictly to convey that a man of success is not afraid to act, and not afraid to experience some failure in his endeavor as he learns and calibrates in order to attain mastery. It is not at all about thinking of oneself as a failure, rather, it is about being as success-oriented as that little baby who will one day walk with absolute certainty.
Detach emotionally from the outcome and ACT. The amount of time it takes simply doesn't matter. You are on the path to success, and that's all that matters. Being on the path should be the source of your pride and a source of fulfillment and contentment, not the outcome.
And remember, when you fall away from the path, you are always only one decision away from getting back on track, where you should be. If you are trying to lose weight and you find that you just gobbled up half a box of cookies, all is not lost. You are simply one decision away from being a success, when success is defined as being on the correct path for you.
My pathway to success in golf is not to struggle to excel at the sport. It is, rather, to be out there playing and enjoying the process. In so doing I will find myself excelling. My pathway to success with women is not to attain "PUA" status. It is simply to talk with women, relate to them, and calibrate with each interaction. The outcome takes care of itself when one applies himself to the process and enjoys it while avoiding being outcome-oriented.
Anyway, I got a little loing winded here, but +1 rep for the Captain for his understated formula for success.
