Gathering on Saturday night.

[jimjam]

Gentlemen,

I'm supposed to meet a group of people from meetup in a bar on Saturday night. It's a group of single people and the idea is to mingle amongst one another and possibly other patrons in the bar. My concern is that
I haven't been to a bar in a social/single setting in about twelve years. I haven't had a drink in nine years. Twelve years ago is when my alcoholism really began to get severe enough to the point where all I did was sit home alone and drink. Anyway, I'm not concerned about being in the bar. just giving you some background. Fact, I've been in bars on several occasions these past few years but mostly for business reasons, a few times meeting a friend. I'm not concerned about picking up again. That was a hell I never want to experience again.

The last time I went to a bar to in a single/social setting, I was 30 and looked for all intents and purposes like an alkie hippie. I suppose this look worked for me at the time.

My intention for Saturday is to just go and see what happens. Take it as it comes and have a good time. My question: How should I dress? I don't want to overdo it or look like I'm trying too hard. I'm thinking somewhat dressy jeans (if there is such a thing) and a dress shirt.

Forgive my naiveté but it's been a lonnnngggg time for me

Opinions?

Thanks

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Jim-Jam,
Age?....location?...Can't you see why Rollo wants you to put these factors in...Amazingly there is a World outside your Great Nation...I guess you are about 42-45 in the States....So it is Summer for you...You might overdress for Men,but not for Women...Should you Wear a Tuxedo and Bow Tie many Women will find that attractive in a Man of your Age...As you will want to get a feel for the group it is best initially just to be smart,dress Jeans,body shirt if you are slim and most important smart Boots or shoes,leather soled if there is Dancing

 

[jimjam]

Right! 42. USA.

I was always told that it's better to be overdressed for any occasion. That way it looks like you either came from someplace more interesting or you're on our way there. But like I said, I don't want to overdo it.
i'm used to wearing suits but I think this is too much.

Thanks, Scaramouche

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

Honestly, if anything for these types of things, I like to under dress. Don't get me wrong, if it's a wedding or a work social function or some $hit like that, then yeah, I'll pull a James Bond.

However, if you're meeting people you don't know, just for dating purposes, then I'd say under dress, be stylish, your type of style, and wear clean non-wrinkly $hit of course, and keep it simple. The thing is, if you under dress, and pull it off like you don't give a fvck, then that's how you come across, like you don't give a fvck. Which will be attractive. On the contrary, If you overdress it will make you look desperate.

I like to show up for first dates, in just jeans a white t-shirt (nice fitted one), and sandals. Works for me.

 

[Malcontent]

Yeah, I vote for under dress on this occasion too. I've found people approach me more when I'm wearing a T-shirt vs. a collared one. Or it could be I just feel more relaxed that way. Jeans, T-shirt, shoes, all in like new condition and a good fit.

 

[VladPatton]

Don't over think it. Black T, good looking jeans, and decent footwear. Go during the day to the mall to get something so it'll be nice and new (plus you get to instantly wear it). And that's that.

 

[apprenticedj]

For me it would depend heavily on the venue. You said it's a bar, is it a dive bar, sports bar, upscale lounge type etc?

For a man of 42 you can't really go wrong with some nice jeans, casual type button up shirt and a pair of dressier boots (not cowboy). Just look clean, pressed, groom yourself and wear some cologne.

 

[jimjam]

Gentlemen,

wanted to report back as to how things went. I had a BLAST and I owe it in part to this discussion forum, the bible, etc.

I thought I looked good and I felt great. I couldn't wait to get there and just have a great time. And that's all I wanted to do, no matter what, enjoy myself. So once I get to the bar I immediately start flirting with the organizer of the group. She was fun to flirt with. There was a bunch of us there and I wound up sitting next to her at an outdoor table. She had mentioned to us something about dancing (I can't dance.) and as she spoke she kept accidentally bumping my leg with her gesticulations. I told her that I knew she wanted to get me out on the dance floor but she'd need to have patience. Anyway....

We all wound up going to a club. I kept flirting with that one but I began dancing and talking to all of the women. Most of them couldn't have been more than 25. I'm 42. I didn't care. Most of them were polite, some danced with me, some were flirty, some ignored me and some were just downright rude. I didn't care. I had fun and enjoyed myself, to hell with anyone else. At one point the organizer whom I was flirting with asked me to hold her purse. What do I get out of this, I asked. What do you want, she said. I said that I'd let her kiss me but it was a bit too crowded in the club for my taste.

Anyway, I wound up walking her to her car, got her #, kissed her, and there are tentative plans to do something later in the week.

Two things I learned, actually three. One, act fast. If you see a woman you're interested in, don't wait. Just go up and start talking, say anything. The longer you wait, the more the window of opportunity closes. Two, definitely let go of the outcome and just live in the moment. And three, no matter what, enjoy yourself.

 

[Slickster]

One of the best posts I've read here in a long time. Great work!

 

[jimjam]

One other thing that I forgot to mention is that you're all correct. Kino is the Midas touch in these interactions. What began as a tap here and there with the one who's # I got, escalated into her holding on to me and me with my arm around her waist, etc. You're right. If she seems receptive to minor kino, you should escalate it as far as she's comfortable. I believe this helped me with the other women I was dancing with, etc. I would try to playfully tap hem on the arm or shoulder w/in the first fifteen seconds of saying hello. Some didn't care for it, some didn't mind.

Anyway......Great night all the same