Game is hard + advice

[Fruitbat]

My favourite plate (highest ioi and best prospect for ltr) obviously wants to text me all day.

I had some very bad experiences with this, built connection, but girls just lost interest.

For this one, I promised myself: I will not get into long text or phone calls. I will not get needy. I will play this ULTRA cool. I will act indifferent in general but turn on my conversation and intelligence and banter when with her (my best qualities to a woman).

I've had a couple **** tests, she acted offended over a joke which I just joked my way out of. She's playing hard to get OR seeing other dudes as she is suggesting dates with distance between them I.e over a week and suggesting week nights. She's asking ME out before I can - I am doing indifferent so leaving time but she's asking me out before I get a chance.

The last few dates were her suggestion. I'm wondering if it happens again to just refuse even if I can make it. I feel like she is leading. There's a chance she's insecure and is closing as my indifference is making her hamster spin. Oddly, this is making my own hamster spin! I'm used to doing All the work, or most of it. She's even paying!

She seems high ioi, wants to get sexual but is doing above.

Advice - how can I find out if she's dating others. She's deactivated her OLD ACCOUNT and asks me indirectly if I have. I don't answer....I am still online until we are exclusive. Good move I think. She also probes about the 'other girls' jokingly....again, I say nothing

Also, I just want to say how annoyingly hard game is. I want to text her to tell her about my day. I like her. I want to flirt. I am genuinely busy but I have the time to text her. Instead, I have to hold back, as this behaviour has not worked for me in the past.

Then I think the other guys might be building more connection with her and wonder if my past failures weren't about the regular contact. Was it something else?

Whatever, this time I'm sticking to playing cool, not investing too much but by god it's not natural.

Any advice or perspective appreciated!!

 

[Die Hard]

You're too invested into this one, she's sucking you into her mindfvcking emotional vortex.

Get out...

Wondering about her being with other dudes and how to deal with that etc. That's you driving yourself crazy over her.... You need to let go and say "fvck it", stop worrying, stop caring so much.

You're having thoughts about being in an LTR with her etc. Not good, she's the one who should be wondering about that.

You said it yourself, she's making YOUR hamster spin... AND SHE IS!!

The above is all about YOU and how you're slowly wandering off into betahood, into the no-fly zone where no DJ should go. YOU are not displaying healthy symptoms here, Fruitbat...

But then there's also HER! And SHE is not displaying healthy signs either! She sounds like a game player, a femme fatale, a woman who knows how to get inside a man's head and turn sh!t upside down in there... Dare I say Cluster B/BPD?

Summarized:

1. You are not handling this situation well.
2. This girl is not the type to get seriously involved with.

One of those two problems is enough to get a man in trouble, but both of them add up to a trainwreck :nono:

Think long and hard about the situation you're currently in. I think you're in over your head and need to consider making a drastic decision here...

Pulling out of a fight which you can't win isn't something to be ashamed of or to consider as weakness. It's actually a smart move which brings you a lot more benefits than staying inside that fight... Just sayin'.

 

[Fruitbat]

That's an over reaction to my post. She is far from cluster b, I've dated many.

You are right on not letting my hamster spin but it's my own over active imagination I think. Genuinely not in total agreement though, that seems well over the top.

2nd opinion anyone?

 

[MOTU]

First let me say that I agree.... game is hard. It doesn't come naturally to me, but the more I do it, the more comfortable I become.

Shut off your hamster. Play this out on the cool side. Remember, there are plenty of bishes out there if this one flakes.

If you want to strengthen the connection, do something un predictable and spontaneous and awesome. Like take her to the beach (lake, mountains, whatever) on short notice and fvck her silly. Then go back to being cool.

Judge by her actions, not your thoughts. Take things at face value. Relax and bang her already.

 

[Die Hard]

So because she's not a BPD, she's not a game player AT ALL?

I see what you did there... applying some binary thinking, dismissing the suggestion that she's BPD and conveniently dismissing the suggestion that she's playing games right along with it. Coz yeah, only BPD's play games, and all the other women don't huh?

You come across as someone who's in denial...

You suspect that your own imagination is overactive. That's a good thing, being aware of the workings of your own mind and how your own mind can lead you into trouble.

But trust me, most of the times when a man's mind is showing tendencies of spinning out of control, the cause of it lies not just within himself but lies equally with some woman who is good at making a man's mind spin out of control...

What happens inside of you is not just determined by your own inner make up, it's just as much determined by outside factors that influence you. I take it you don't get an overactive imagination and feel like your hamster is spinning with every girl that you meet, right? So why is it the case with this girl?

Is it because somehow YOU are a different man at the moment and would this be happening to you regardless of the girl you're dealing with? Does your mind behave this way because that's just the way it ALWAYS behaves? If that's not the case and if you're somehow responding differently to this girl compared to other girls, then you should at least admit that SHE plays a role in what's happening inside your head too.

But whatever man, maybe I'm totally wrong and you simply met that perfect unicorn girl we're all looking for. If I met such a special girl, I'd not want to fvck it up with her and that would send my mind into overdrive too.

I just hope you keep an eye out for the possibility that she's NOT as great as she seems, and keep my opinion in the back of your mind.
You should expect the best, nothing wrong with that! But at the same time, you should be prepared for the worst, is what I'm saying....

 

[Fireballs]

A simple answer - care less.

 

[Lozboss]

OP - You're developing Oneitis.

I suggest you say NO (be polite and have a reason) to here next date offer and go cold for a few days.

Then you RING her and ask her out on a specific date.

Be a man and lead, stop worrying about other men.

Part of being a DJ is that you back yourself- you aren't worried about the others as they are all doing the BETA things you want to do.

Women don't forget about men they like quickly- as much as they like to act like it.

 

[lifeislearning]

Simple advice for every guy in this situation:

1. Relax
2. Stop trying to game so hard
3. Get busy

I love how most guys who aren't busy are so concerned with game and being perceived as cool, when busy guys think, "Is it even worth it for me to date anymore?" Busy guys are popular not because they take an hour to respond to a text, but because they have things going on in their lives. One of my plates does the same thing yours is doing.
Know why?
Because she has a D@mn life.
I'm not concerned.
Know why?
Because I do too.

You won't see her for a week. Ok. When you see her are you gonna tell her all about how you pined constantly for her, or how you were busy getting things done?

 

[rugby11]

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