FWB with girl... how to make her want more?

kmc3

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Ok, so I am aware of the pros and cons of this type of relationship, but you can't always help how you feel.

Basically, I want to make her want to be exclusive. We have feelings for each other but they are obviously not strong enough at the moment.

I need some tips on how to behave etc. to make her want to be exclusive.

When we are together, it's fantastic, but there are issues when we aren't together obviously because of jealousy.

Is it as simple as make her orgasm and then act distant?

I know... Why be exclusive etc. but you want what you want

Thanks!
 

kmc3

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I'm sure you're right, but like I said, you want what you want.

Hope this doesn't sound rude, but I'm aware of the bad ideas involved in all this and aware of the fact it could be considered a great situation, but I'm not looking to discuss that. I'd simply appreciate some advice on how to make her want more. I'm sleeping with a girl, there are feelings there and when together we get along really, really well... What can I do encourage her to feel more?
 

JBB84

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You don't know that she hasn't developed feelings for you either. Maybe that is HER plan, to grow on you and play it cool! You never know! I think you should make it known to her in some way that you are starting to have feelings for her and see how she responds. If you don't get the answer you want, then start becoming unavailable and give her a chance to miss you.
 

JohnChops

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No more keyboard jockeying . Action is the place.
I know you say "you want what you want" but we are simply guiding you towards not getting hurt. This girl is a first class wh0re and if she is cool with having sex with you with no attachment then she: 1. Will have no emotional attachment to you. 2. Think its fine to cheat. 3. Will lead you on in the "relationship". or 4. Will tell you to go f yourself when you say you want to be exclusive thus breaking your FWB. If you have a good thing with her, why not stick to it? Why ruin a good thing?
 

Renegade357

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Ask her out on a real date and cut down on the amount of time you see her. If she doesn't like it NEXT or continue FWB which I don't recommend because you've fallen for her.
 

kmc3

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So is nobody really able to provide some advice on how to do what I asked?

I appreciate what most people are trying to say, and I get it, but it's a little complicated and I don't want to get into it. I just want to know how I should behave to encourage her feelings to develop.

I know it's most likely going to end badly for me, but I want to try win her over.
 

sighsigh

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So is nobody really able to provide some advice on how to do what I asked?
This is because there aren't a set series of actions to accomplish what you want. You can't 'make' her want to have a relationship with you. As others have said, a girl who tolerates FWB with you isn't interested in you. If she can't develop feelings for you despite having sex with you, which is as intimate a situation as you can get, then things are not looking good.

The most you can do is show her you don't want to be FWB anymore by asking her out on a date.
 

Gangster Of Love

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JohnChops said:
You want a relationship with a girl who is cool with fwb.... she isn't relationship material
Yes and NO.

She isn't relationship material for you (the OP), and only if it was her idea. If you are the one who originally didn't want a comitment, providing you haven't gonne all needy on her a$s, you should be in a good position. It doesn't seem like that is the case. So, JC is correct, you are not in a position.

Every girl is or has been cool with and had a FWB situation. So let's not be judgental and say that being ok with FWB is a flaw that should desqualify them. Get used to it, that girl you put on a pedestal, has often svck another guy's c0ck right after you took her to dinner.

I deal with plenty of them, very often, and ususally they are FWB because that is what I decided it was going to be. Remember, women are very adaptable when they are really into a guy. They are willing to have .0000001-99.0000009% of a a guy that they are into, than getting 0% of him.

At this point, please do not tell her what you want. She is most likely already aware you want more, and if she's not, she will be soon. If that is not what she wants, it will be just a matter of time before she all of a sudden "needs her space" and gives you the "It's not you, it's me".

Just get as much of the bennies, while you can, and be prepared to learn your lessons.
 

Harry Wilmington

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First off: don't you hate it when you ask a question and nobody answers it?

Second: most of these guys are right. In 98% of these cases there aren't a series of steps to take. The interest will either be there or it won't. With that said, though, the fact that she's having regular sex with you is a decent enough sign to, at the very least, see if something is there.

Personally, I have had a few FWB situations where I really WAS in it just for the sex, but the girl, over time, ended up wanting more. The thing to do in order to make this happen is, ironically enough, nothing.

Yes, re-read that: DO NOTHING.

See, guys oftentimes have the terrible habit of doing the right things to get the girl to sleep with them, then trying to do the complete opposite when trying to get them in a relationship. My guess is you're trying to think of things you can say, or actions you can take, to turn her on further. This is the LAST thing you need to be doing.

I'll assume for the time being that this girl is not, as one of the other people commenting above said, a slvt. Hey, girls gotta get theirs sometimes too, right? BUT, here's where it gets interesting: if the girl likes you, she will start to feel odd that you're sleeping together regularly but NOT in a relationship.

She will start to play her own mind game with herself, convincing her ego that if you're the ONLY one she's currently sleeping with, she must like you. And, in order for her to convince herself that she's not being a slvt, she will have to eventually tell herself to figure out what your guys' "situation" is.

TRUST me, I've had this happen at least 3 times, and the situation is always the same: we hook up, we agree to be FWBs, I keep acting aloof, she starts getting more and more attached, and then one day... "so, what exactly ARE we?" pops up.

Until this happens - and it can take anywhere from 2 to 6 months, so if you're really trying to do this you need to have some patience - here's how you should act:

1. Don't be clingy
2. Don't be announcing your feelings all over the place
3. If you're texting her constantly, STOP IT, and only use the phone to make dates or hook-up meetings
4. Stop acting jealous or verbalizing jealousy - you want her to ponder WHY you're not so jealous, which will make her think you possibly have other options (and NEVER verbalize to her if you have other options or not)
5. Make sure when you two have sex you're making her orgasm or come close to it. If you can't, there are plenty of places online where you can read up on how to do it
6. Lastly, and most importantly, DO NOT ASK HER FOR A RELATIONSHIP. Again, if a woman likes you, she can only wait so long before wanting to ask you herself. And when she brings it up, make sure you negotiate the terms you want BEFORE saying you want to be her exclusively (i.e. "are you still talking to exes?" "Will you treat me on every 3rd date?" "How often a week will we have sex?" This last part may sound silly, but TRUST - anything that's going to annoy you in the relationship if it's not happening needs to be addressed BEFORE you're in it.)


Hope this helps!
 

Trump

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kmc3 said:
Ok, so I am aware of the pros and cons of this type of relationship, but you can't always help how you feel.

Basically, I want to make her want to be exclusive. We have feelings for each other but they are obviously not strong enough at the moment.

I need some tips on how to behave etc. to make her want to be exclusive.

When we are together, it's fantastic, but there are issues when we aren't together obviously because of jealousy.

Is it as simple as make her orgasm and then act distant?

I know... Why be exclusive etc. but you want what you want

Thanks!

As said before, not a great idea, but if you want to be exclusive with a girl who is FWB, ask her subtely to take it to next level. Problem is you are emotionally involved with her and she is not, she will make your head spin so fast in a relationship it will make you cry. She will lose respect for you for even asking.

"This guy knows I am 100% OK with him to kissing, touching, and having sex with other girls, but he wants to be in a relationship with me? OK, lets see how fast I can make his head spin and make fool out of him."

Stay away bro, let her say she wants to be exclusive.
 

Down Low

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Find a worthwhile woman and throw the FWB out on her azz.

Nuff said.
 

kmc3

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Thanks for the responses.

I guess a problem I have is we are basically boyfriend and girlfriend but it's open. I don't treat her like a fwb and I guess she doesn't treat me like that either. We text all day, we go out on dates for drinks, dinner and movies etc. Not too sure how to withdraw and do what's suggested without causing damage.
 

Harry Wilmington

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kmc3 said:
Thanks for the responses.

I guess a problem I have is we are basically boyfriend and girlfriend but it's open. I don't treat her like a fwb and I guess she doesn't treat me like that either. We text all day, we go out on dates for drinks, dinner and movies etc. Not too sure how to withdraw and do what's suggested without causing damage.
If it's "open," then you two aren't boyfriend and girlfriend yet - you're just dating. Which is fine - that phase needs to happen before becoming exclusive. However, like I've said, the best way to know if she's ready to be "exclusive" is to let her bring it up.

I'd still cut back on the texting, though, or at the very least scale it down to where you allow her to initiate the text. I know, I know, it doesn't seem like it's doing any damage, but appearing to be that available all the time has a high probability of coming to bite you in the butt later on.

Other than that, just keep going with the flow. How long have you two been "dating" anyway? Like I said before, if you've been sleeping with her for anywhere between 2 to 6 months she should, at some point, ask you the "what are we?" (i.e. "Am I your girlfriend yet?") question...
 

kmc3

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That's the thing, we met, were in an exclusive relationship (as far as I know) for 5-6 months, broke up for a month or two and are now in this fwb/open relationship.

She broke NC and came back to me but "doesn't want a relationship" at the moment.

I have a feeling she is just waiting for something better to come along and will hang on to me until it does, but would like to try play it so that if stronger feelings can develop, they do.

It's also a possibility that she doesn't want to be with me but knows unless I'm getting more than friends, i won't be in her life.
 

VladPatton

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If you are open, how do you know she isn't banging guys just as she is banging you? And saying "because she told me so" is the wrong answer. Open, is open. Use Harry's advice and just chill, let her express she wants more. If she doesn't, then she doesn't, and she is most likely c0ck hopping without you knowing it. In other words, she's doing YOUR job. She's spinning plates, banging left and right, while you are moping around developing feelings for a pseudo BF/GF relationship.

Imagine you tell her how you feel and she goes "Pfft! LOL Stop being a pansy, we're just phucking, dude!"

Bet you'll feel like shyt, and you'd be screwing up the FWB thing bigtime.

Do yourself a favor and begin your protection sequence now. All these guys speak from experience when they give you this advice. Ultimately it's your call, but you've been warned.

Good luck.
 

kmc3

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I have a been speaking to a couple of girls and should be meeting each next week for dates, but I have very little motivation... I only want her.
 
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