Frustrating time- Looking for a boost

[Doppler4000]

Alright folks, this is getting old. I'm not one of those guys who meets a ton of women all the time- I usually just go about my business and when something presents itself I know how to take advantage of the situation and close, etc. when I can. I wish I could be one of those getting 2-3 numbers a week (or even 1 every week), but it just doesn't happen that way. The even more frustrating thing is that these numbers hardly ever (and lately never) even pan out to anything. Sometimes I never reach them, but much more often something weird happens. You'll be talking and laughing and everything's going well. They're agreeing to go out and even suggesting ideas! This makes me think I'm doing well, you know?? And then the next thing you know they're on the phone telling some stupid story about how their life is actually kind of messed up and they shouldn't go out after all. Why are these chicks giving out their numbers and going through this whole stupid charade in the first place??? I was supposed to go out twice before the end of this week and neither are actually going to happen. Anyone else running into this all the time and figure out how to avoid it? ...or got any words for for keeping the faith through this frustrating time?

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Ok... you are doing somethings that, some guys would never have the nads to do... get numbers.... you are conversing with them, and that's cool too... I think it's probably in the conversation you have after you call them, is what it sounds like to me.... I mean, you meet them, get number, and it's not a bogus number so that's good, then you call them, and then they bail.... I'd look at how the conversation went, and how you can improve on it. Also, keep it short and simple. A trick that always worked for me is.. don't think of them as a possible f*ck.... think of them as a possible buddy.... a friend you can do things with.... takes some of the stress of meeting new peeps..... in any case dude, keep yo chin up... these things take time to fine tune.

 

[georgie24]

you wanna improve thats a good start, if i wasnt in my current relationship i would exaust every possible resource i could find, weather its making new freinds or meeting girls

 

[vdk]

omg...dont start a conversation about how their day went on the phone. Use the phone to set dates and be the first to say "Well, its nice talking to you, goodbye". Then use the DJ tricks to close her eg. kino, eye contact.

My rule is never talk to a girl longer than 5minutes. usually it lasts for 2minutes which I use to negotiate the date place and time. If she was really interested in me she'll try to keep me on the phone and ask questions about me. I say Im busy and hang up before 5minutes is up (actually I dont count how long, but as soon as she's rambling I get bored by then anyway).

As Doc Lov say's chicks who are not even interested in you give out their number. my guess is that women hold you in 'reserve' but decide you dont make the cut and date someone else or have someone else in mind. by the time you call, its over.

"They're agreeing to go out and even suggesting ideas!"

Hmm...YOU should be making up all the ideas.!! YOU MUST CONTROL THE CONVERSATION. You set the questions...she talks. She asks you a question, you dwell on it briefly and shift the spotlight on her. CONTROL IS EVERYTHING! You are a man. And a man is always in control, just sometimes give the women the perception that she is in control.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Dude, you're doing good - you just need to refine a couple of things.

Start trying to get more numbers (the rejection boot camp does wonders for this).

Don't give the girls opportunity to cancel on you - sharpen up your phone call game (there's plenty of posts here/in the bible on this, particularly the Pimps posts).

Be confident and take more control - you are in control of the situation. This relates to the calls, and life in general.

Don't worry that you're late to the game, this is the present, no point in dwelling on the past. I wish I had some of this info 8 years ago when I was 15/16, but I didn't, and that's life.

(Ah, and I see vdk has just replied - he's given some good advice there.)

Good luck, and keep us informed.

Osc.

 

[Doppler4000]

Thanks for the advice. Yes, I'm getting into the game late. I've had dates and girlfriends over the years- just not nearly as many as I'd like- and I really need to learn to do this on my own now, and to do it well, or I'm gonna be alone because it's too late to think something's just gonna drop into my lap.

There's definitely some positives- I used to have no problem starting conversations, but I'd always freeze up and hardly ever close. Well, the conversations are much better and I close whenever it seems appropriate. I'm working on the phone stuff. I used to talk forever, but that's been cut down a lot. It could probably be cut down even more. I generally go into it with a plan and have solid suggestions of what to do. In the original post, the plan I suggested was something outdoors and she pointed out the weather forecast wasn't very good and suggested the alternate if necessary. I wasn't leaving the decision up to her.

The thing that continuously frustrates me to no end is these girls with messed up lives or guys that they know they're not ready to get rid of that go out and talk and act like they're single- just like this one did. It seems to happen a lot, and not limited to just the older ones or just the younger ones. OK, I'm not stupid- I realize that it can be a good and easy excuse to get rid of you- But there's been cases where for one reason or another I can assure you that the girl was telling the truth and her life really was sad and messed up. What is the deal with that? Are you guys having this problem or is it my bad luck? It is a hard truth that getting numbers (as hard as that may be) really means nothing.

I guess another key is to just try to find a way to have more conversations and get more numbers. The ironic part of this whole thing is that historically if I can actually get to a first good date, things almost always go very well after that... It's just that meeting people and getting to the first date seems impossible sometimes... especially lately!

 

[ApocalypseCow]

Hey Doppler,

Congrats on having the stones to get numbers!

I'm curious about something. At what stage do the women bail on you? Do you set up a date, and then they cancel later? If so, what kind of dates are you setting up? I've had good luck with bowling and pool. That gets them excited. Telling them you're going to dinner and a movie usually bores them.

 

[Doppler4000]

Usually it's in the setting up stage, as I don't think I've ever had a date actually made for a specific time and then cancelled. It ranges anywhere from getting a fake number (very rare) or not ever getting ahold of them (a bit more common) to having things break down when setting up the date and stuff like that. This most recent case is even worse because I'm working not too far from where she does so I actually chatted with her in person briefly about 3 times looking for a time when we both weren't busy, and then agreed to go out. She showed decent IL so I didn't worry. When I called to confirm the time, then the crazy story and me wondering why she bothered in the first place. So it varies.

Ususally the actual date ideas depend on the person and whatever I can think of that week... but no, I'd never do the standard dinner / movie / etc. as a first night out. This is a good time for outdoor stuff.

Well, I guess it's time to get up and go play the numbers game a little more....