From "SoSuave Newbie" 20 yrs Ago to Dating Success - Ask Me Anything

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

Hey all!

It's been a while since I've been on these boards (under a different name). I originally joined SoSuave back in 2005. At the time, I was in college and struggling HARD to find success with women. I new nothing about game, attraction, IOIs or any of the terminology used today, and had just started learning about these things from guys like Doc Love, David DeAngelo, Xuma, and many others who have now retired.

Once I found the SoSuave boards, I was on here almost everyday learning things and posting about the many confusing situations I was going through with women. As I read through the posts on here from guys like Pook, I started to gain a lot of insights into what I was doing wrong, how women could ACTUALLY be vs. just the fantasy of them, and what moves I needed to make to become a more confident person AND be able to get women. It was in that same year that I finally lost my virginity and made more and more strides towards dating the kind of women I want.

After spending many years on these boards and giving some of my own advice to men on here, I ventured off because... well, I had grown man things to do! And I wanted to help men on a more massive level. That said, I've ventured back here from time to time and, since there's always new people coming to this forum, I see many men still struggling with dating, relationships, and understanding women.

Oh, my stats now: had a lot of hook-ups in my 20s and 30s and a couple of long-term relationships throughout my 30s, and am now currently engaged and getting married in 4 months. Have also helped hundreds of men over the years figure out where they were going wrong in dating, and have also helped people find their lifelong mates by way of online dating and in real life.

All that to say: this post is to answer any questions you all may have about any area of dating. So, feel free to ask away!

 

[sevbucmash]

What OLD site/app you'd recommend in 2025? Which once to avoid at all costs?

 

[crowolf]

Is “chasing women” a waste of time in your 20s, as you are not “successful enough in life” yet, and you might instead focus on working on that with all the energy you got?

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

What OLD site/app you'd recommend in 2025? Which once to avoid at all costs?

It's been a few years since I did online dating, but I had a lot of success on Hinge. Their site is set up a bit classier than many of the other ones and I liked their prompts a lot better. That said, I also had success on Tinder.

Ultimately, though, the platform doesn't matter as much as how you set up your profile and communicate.

Most men choose the wrong pictures, the wrong prompts, and the wrong wording in their bio. The reason? They feel as though a woman should swipe right on them for their personality, but realistically the first thing a woman is going to react to is what she sees; if she likes that, she'll then react to what you write. Dudes are trying to write logical things about themselves and what they're looking for, which is the wrong strategy. The goal with your pics and your words is to create the kind of vibe a woman could see herself getting with. You wearing a wrinkled T-shirt and typing about how all women treat you bad and you just want to find a real one isn't sending any woman the right kind of vibes.

This is also true of your communication with women. Dudes get a match and start right away with boring convos like "hey" or "how was your day" or "what are you up to" which instantly makes you boring. Again, you have to create the right vibe. It can be hard to do over text but if you do it, you can get a woman on a date within the span of a few short messages - heck, I've done it after just 2 before.

All this to say, the platform is important, but the technique is even moreso.

 

[Harry Wilmington IDS]

Is “chasing women” a waste of time in your 20s, as you are not “successful enough in life” yet, and you might instead focus on working on that with all the energy you got?

The reality is, chasing women at ANY time is a waste, but not for the reasons you think.

You could easily meet a woman in your 20s and have it work out. My dad was 28 when he married my mom who was 23; and my brother got married at 25 and has been happily married for 15 years now. The difference between him and me, aside from him being more extraverted, was he learned a lesson early that it took me a while to learn: if you chase them, you'll lose them.

Getting women can almost feel like a weird jedi mind trick. You have to want one, but not show you're too desperate to have one, and you have to make them think that liking you is there idea so they'll want to chase after you.

The reality is, women want to chase you. Of the two sexes, women have more options but have a harder time pinning down the one they want. So, if they're highly attracted to a man, they're going to chase after him so they don't risk losing him. And it's amazing how obvious they'll make themselves to you - problem is, most men can't read it well, or have such low self-esteem that they can't tell when it's happening to them and assume it's not real or ignore it.

The best use of your time in your early dating life - i.e. late teens/early 20s - is to (a) read up on how women communicate, (b) study their passive language, and (c) get your money up. If you do (a), you won't have many misunderstandings with women and their communication style will bother you less. If you do (b), you'll discover that many women actually DO find you attractive, but they're not conveying it in direct ways. This makes it easier for you to tell if she's attracted to you and by how much at any given point in your dating journey with her.

And if you do (c), it's not so you can throw money at any woman that comes your way. I've been broke before and dated hot chicks who had money and their own place while I lived on someone's couch. No, the money is for you - if you're making lots of money it means you're achieving goals which means your confidence will be up, and it's the confidence part that women will be able to read off you that they'll find attractive. You don't necessarily need money to be confident, but it will certainly help. It also allows you to be in circles with women of a higher caliber vs. dealing with women who do drugs and have crappy lifestyles (i.e. multiple kids by multiple men, strippers, party girls, etc.).

 

[sevbucmash]

I reckon you had a youtube channel, which I can't find anymore, perhaps it was deleted?

Sexuall
Funny
Innocent ??

When I was a little boy I thought kissing was having sex. I once kissed my cat. I got scared, so I ran to my parents, and screamed, I just had sex with the cat!

 

[characternote]

I reckon you had a youtube channel, which I can't find anymore, perhaps it was deleted?